Sometimes we know in our bones what we really need to do, but we’re afraid to do it.
Taking a chance, and stepping beyond the safety of the world we’ve always known is the only way to grow, though, and without risk there is no reward.
Thoughts like this have weighed heavily on me for the last year or so, as I look around and reassess my life.
This past year has involved more self-discovery and more change than any so far in my life. It’s been tumultuous, scary, exhilarating, depressing, thrilling, joyful.
I’ve realized recently that I have changed dramatically since I started this website. When it began just over a year ago, I was very adrift, terrified that the Internet would tear me apart.
Well, it did, and it turns out that was a great thing. The Internet kicked my ass, and it forced me to find strength within myself, and to not derive my sense of self-worth from the opinions of others.
This website has introduced me to amazing people, weird people, scary people. This website, and many people who read it, has also helped me figure out what is important to me in my life, what makes me happy.
I guess the feeling has been building for a long time, and I knew it was there, but I wasn’t willing to acknowledge it. It was –is– scary. It’s a major change in my life, but I can’t ignore it, and to ignore it is to ignore myself, and cheat myself out of what I think my real potential is.
Back in the middle of May, I was asked to do this commercial. Well, not just a commercial, more of an infomercial, really. My first reaction was, “No way. Infomercials are death to an actor’s career.”
But then I thought about the last few years of my life as an actor. The daily frustrations. Losing jobs for stupid, capricious, unfair reasons.
I looked back and saw that it really started when my friend Roger promised me a role in Rules of Attraction, then yanked it away from me without so much as a phonecall or email or anything. Then there was the roller coaster of Win Ben Stein’s Money, and missing family vacations so I could stay home and go on auditions that all ended up being a huge waste of my time.
Throughout this time, this painful, frustrating Trial, I began to write more and more. It’s all here on WWDN. I can see my writing style change, as I find my voice, and figure out what I want to say, and how I want to say it.
The emails changed, too. People stopped asking me to do interviews for them about Star Trek, and started asking me if I’d conrtibute to their magazines, or weblogs, or books.
When this phonecall came for the infomercial, I took a long walk, and assessed my life.
The bottom line was: They were offering to pay me enough to support my family for the rest of this year. I wouldn’t have to worry about bills anymore. I wouldn’t have to view each audition as This One Big Chance That I Can’t Screw Up.
Accepting it would mean some security for me and my family. It was also a really cool computer-oriented product (which I’ll get to later, don’t worry). It’s not like I would be hawking “The Ab-Master 5000” or “Miracle Stain Transmogrifier X!”
It would also mean, to me at least, the end of any chance I had of ever being a really major actor again. That elusive chance to do a film as good as, or better than Stand By Me or a TV series as widely-watched as TNG would finally fall away.
I thought of all these things, walking Ferris through my neighborhood.
It was a long walk.
I thought of Donald Crowhurst.
I thought about why actors –and by actors I mean working, struggling actors like myself, not Big Time Celebrities like I was 15 years ago– suffer the indignities of auditions and the whims of Hollywood.
I remembered something I said to a group of Drama students just before their graduation: “If you want to be a professional actor, you have to love the acting, the performing, the thrill of creating a character and giving it life. You have to love all of that more than you hate how unfair the industry is, more than the constant rejection –and it is constant– hurts. You must have a passion within you that makes it worthwhile to struggle for years while pretty boys and pretty girls take your parts away from you again and again and again.”
I listened to my words, echoing off the linoleum floor of that High School auditorium, and realized that those words, spoken long ago were as much for me as they were for them.
I listened to my words and I realized: I don’t have that passion any more. I simply isn’t there.
I am no longer willing to miss a family vacation, or a birthday, or a recital, for an audition.
I am no longer willing to humiliate myself for some casting director who refuses to accept the fact that I’m pretty good with comedy.
I am no longer willing to ignore what I’m best at, and what I love the most, because I’ve spent the bulk of my life trying to succeed at something else.
So I walked back to my house, picked up the phone, and accepted the offer.
It was tumultuous, scary, exhilarating, depressing, thrilling, joyful.
I would spend the next three weeks wondering if I’d made the right decision. I would question and doubt it over and over again.
Was it the right decision? I don’t know.
Things have certainly changed for me, though. I have had 3 auditions since May. A year ago that would have killed me, but I’m really not bothered by it now.
I’ve made my family my top priority, and decided to focus on what I love: downloading porn.
Just kidding.
I’ve decided to focus on what I really love, what is fulfilling, maybe even what I am meant to do, in the great cosmic sense: I am writing.
I write every day, and I see the faint outlines of something really cool. I occasionally catch glimpses of an ability, unrefined, long-ignored, coming to life.
Sometimes we know in our bones what we really need to do, but we’re afraid to do it.
Taking a chance, and stepping beyond the safety of the world we’ve always known is the only way to grow, though, and without risk there is no reward.
Risk was always one of my favorite games.
Tomorrow: Why Creation Cut Me From The 15th Anniversary of TNG Convention, and Why It’s a Good Thing.
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Sounds like a good choice. You get the money you need and the freedom to do what you want!
Wow! That was inspiring. Go for it!
WELL SAID, WIL!! I wish I was as brave as you to take that leap and “risk everything” (seeing here in NY there’s NOTHING, but I’m just a coward) — I’d really like to hear some of your “hobo” stories — I read on your site you rode the rails for a while?
What the world needs is a really twisted set of changes… where’s Q when you need him š
Wil,
Wow. Excellent thoughts. Thank you for sharing them.
You aren’t the only one going through a reassessment and resettling of priorities right now. Thanks for putting into words some thoughts that have been sitting on MY mental back burner for some time now!
Wil, I’ve been reading this weblog for a couple of months now, and I’ve got to tell you that I have tremendous respect for you. The internet is an amazing thing – thanks for writing.
–sd
Wow, you’ve got me hooked. I need to see that informercial! How come you get all the cool, free stuff!
Argh…sounds like you have been doing a lot of self reflection. Can be depressing, but good.
Seems like life sometimes takes you in many directions. You just have to go with it & make the best decisions for you & your family.
I know this sounds extremely cliche but it does all work out in the end & I believe things happen for a reason.
Hope you find a lot of cool, super freaky porn. I think besides web journals that’s the second most interesting thing.
wow, big stuff Wil. Stay centered. keep working on the spiritual Wil. He see you through it all. ALoha
Damn, I need an offer like that! Good luck, Wil!
Good luck to you Wil. I hated Wesley when you were on TNG, but you, Wil, are a beautiful person. Godspeed.
Being able to play someone else is called acting; being able to be yourself is an art.
PS – I, for one, am very interested in reading what you’re going to write. Let ‘er rip.
–sd
Wil,
It seems like you’ve found what is truly important. As we all grow older, our lives change as do our perspectives.
Remember, you’ll always have your talents. The door is never closed. It is never disgraceful to find work to support yourself and your family.
The key word is integrity. It defines the measure of a man. You have it.
That was a very inspiring piece.I just let my cigarette burn that whole time I was reading it!(I know bad for my health)When will I see a Novel that you will write? Yes I know you are an wonderful actor but when will I see your beautiful words come out in an inspiring book! Most people form there books on other books EVERYONE has seen before…but you have that ability to do MORE from that! You are inspiring! I am not saying to write a book from your life(which is quite interesting) I am saying to write a BOOK period about anything! Good luck to you!
Holy crap! Wil’s life is beginning to parallel the life of the writer at the end of Stand by Me.
Will, whenever your first published work comes out, I am buying ten copies. Guaranteed.
Your web site is a great testament to your talent, and a welcome read to me everyday. My wife thinks I am weird, but poopy on her.
Peace and love from the Philadelphia Contigent,
Leo Romero
I’ve been reading your site since you were on Weakest Link. I think I’ve seen your writing change as well, and I like it very much recently. More than once I’ve told friends and family members to read your latest entry.
I lauged out loud at the downloading porn joke, and the last line is perfect. Good luck.
Wil, sounds like you are on your way. As for never having a big acting job again, I say Bull. As an example look at John Travolta.
And I am dying to know why Creation turfed you. I was quite excited for you when I saw you listed.
I am going through exactly what you have gone through with regards to career choices. The only difference is I don’t have a dog. But I have a family and they are the number one priority too, but before I do anything rash I want to make sure they are taken care of.
So, best of luck Wil. Success is what you want it to be.
well, good luck wil. Hope it all works out well.
You can still do comedy (downloading porn! lol, i really thought you meant it!)
i take it there is some more news to come (hence the counting down in the forum).
good luck wil.
J
I like the post.
Business is like dating, if you go for it with the feeling that ‘this is that Big One that my life hangs on’ it has that smell of deperation that turns people off.
I’ve had worse problems, than not getting work – getting it and getting scewed because I was too deperate and I only got work with people who were looking to for someone they could mess with..
At times, I’ve been forced to find work outside my chosen profession so I could be more objective and less suseptable to those sorts.
You seem to be finding your strength, which means the future will always be wide open.
I still say, I hope to see someday:
Wil Wheaton’s Politics Zone (or some other name for a PI knock off)
Your pilot show could have Michael Moore, Tom Tomorrow, a Buckley and Ann Coulter and the audience would be stacked with your posse.
Hour long is a must – PI was way too short to follow a thread!
š
Honey, it hurts to hear you say you are no longer interested in acting since you are so fucking GOOD at it. I’ve always maintained that you were one of the best actors I’d ever seen, and I haven’t even SEEN “Stand By Me.”
But I’m at a similar place in my life where I’m really wondering why I continue to do things that are hard. Okay, that’s not the right way to put it, but it’s complicated.
When you are reading and doing math at the high school level in first grade, you sort of are expected to do science. I’ve got an MS in Physics that I wish I didn’t have. Oh, it’s fun, but I would have been a lot happier in archaeology or something “softer” like that.
But when you’re Smart
Good for you! I have been visiting you website for the past year. I have enjoyed not only you stories and insight, buy I have enjoyed watching you grow as a writer. You have evolved from a “today I will do…” type of entry, to an insightful glimpse into you soul. Very brave. And making any carreer change takes alot of guts too. I am currently an an art director, but am in the process of starting my own business. Check out my website and let me know if you would like me to illustrate anything for you.
I wish you nothing but the best of luck!
Amazing piece today. Your take is that an infommercial is the death of your acting career; most of us are sitting here thinking “Yay! We get to see Wil on TV!”
Transitions are wonderful things; scary as hell, but wonderful. Priorities shift. Important things come into focus. Family, life, love… So maybe you won’t be That Actor again. Maybe you will, at some point. But there’s all those possibilities out there – your comedy, your growing tech skills, and dammit, if you don’t write a book, you’re depriving the world of a truly wonderful writing voice.
Who knows, buy the time you write it maybe I’ll have my publishing company up and running. I’ll give ya top royalties. Honest I will š
Ayo,
first time commenter, long time reader here. yes, I am my father’s son. Just wanted to say that, while I have spent the last 26 years valiantly fighting watching infomercials which didn’t feature cheezy romantic music and bountiful, beautiful, bikini-clad, buxom babes, I will be on the lookout for your infomercial. Sadly they don’t get listed in the telly guide…
More power to ya, buddy.
Welcome to thirty, Wheaton!
That glorious age of life reassessment, questions and the search for answers.
It’s called growing up. =o)
It sounds to me like you’ve gone through what about 95% of artists of any kind go through, the big “realization” that you’ve peaked.
(Now, I say this sincerely hoping that you HAVEN’T and that Wesley Crusher, Borg Queen will one day be a major motion picture for you)
It’s that realization that ballplayers have that they’re never gonna be Derek Jeter or Terry Bradshaw or Larry Bird or Wayne Gretzsky.
Or the artist who realizes that they are never gonna be Andy Warhol, or the writer who will never be Poe or even Stephen King, the musician who will never be Bob Dylan or Public Enemy.
Or the actor who realizes he will never be Tom Cruise.
Then it all boils down to one thing. How much do you love it?
And in most cases, I think you’ll find people making the same decisions you did.
Family matters more. Friends.
So you look to be able to make money, ANY amount of money doing something you love. Just to justify it.
Ball players go to the minors, or coach.
Artists teach art. Writers freelance articles, or maybe write just for themselves and their friends.
Or, perhaps, like a friend of ours, they become a playwright.
Me, I’m a musician. I gave up on the dream of “making it” about three years ago.
But, now I play almost every weekend in a mostly cover band. I make pretty decent money doing this. It is helping to support my family while my wife is interning this year.
You (quite rightly) took an acting gig to help support your family. You’re making money doing something you love.
Now, some people (mostly, those who haven’t gotten to 30 yet, I assume) might say, “Hey Wheaton, you sold out, you bitch!”
Hell, I’ve had people say that to me about being in a cover band.
But you know what?
Fuck’em.
If they don’t want you to sell out, tell THEM to paying your frikkin’ bills.
You’re doing something you enjoy and you’re getting PAID to do it. This is a dream to most people! Anyone with a problem with you doing so, is probably jealous.
And real quick, I’ve noticed something about the big “realization…”
It has an odd way of making things happen.
In the last two years, my band has recorded two cds (one covers and one all original), gotten gigs in Hoboken (the hottest town for bands to play in in Jersey), AND been played on the radio.
I decided to “grow up” and stop chasing the brass ring, and oddly enough, in a small way, it instead rolled right on up to me.
I may never be a big rock star, but I am already further along than I ever dreamed.
Maybe, in making the same decision, the same will happen to you, Wil.
Anyway you slice it, you got a pretty loyal bunch of us who will come on out and see whatever you DO appear in.
Peace, dude!
Whatever happens, YOU finally made a choice. You grabbed life by the balls and that takes courage. It’s not about letting yourself float with the whims of anyone else’s expectations. Your writing voice has been maturating more and more with each post you make. It’s as if you are growing up. You “Get It”. You Fucking “GET IT”!! Man that is worth so much. Some people NEVER “GET IT”. You are a wonderful writer with a voice that is intelligent, reasonable and funny. I can’t wait to see what you continue to create.
The path that is before you is being decided everyday by these choices you make. I’m glad to see you are ready to handle it.
I’m glad you “get it”.
Don’t lose it, YOU OWN IT!!
FUCKING RAWK ON WIL!!!!!!!!
You should watch Cher: Behind the Music. She did that one infomercial and people made fun of her for awhile but now she is back and cool again or something! So it may not necessarily be the Kiss of Death ™.
However, it sounds like even if it is, you have found something awesome to do instead so who cares about Cher.
Oh but if you watched the Suzanne Sommers biography, you should learn from her that even if people will make fun of you, if you get the infomercial people to make you a partial owner of the product like she did with ThighMaster, you can get all rich if it gets huge like she did.
I watch too much TV.
Way to go, Wil!
With age comes wisdom, someone once wrote. And everyone eventually must be forced to review their life; where they’ve been and where are they going. I’ve been reading this site on and off for the last few months, though I’ve only recently added my voice to this site. And Wil you appear to have discovered that the key to life is not money and parties. Life is, and always, has been family. Do WHAT you want to do, but never give up your soul to get it. Hollywood has a history of using people, and the only ones who’ve stayed on top, are the ones who know how to say yes (which explains Brannon Braga’s career as a writer for Trek. Yes, master Viacom). Wil, you have proven to us -your fans and friends -that you have more humanity and compassion than most who entertain us. Please continue to shine. Please continue to love your family. Please continue to write and above all, please continue to act when you want too. But don’t ever do something that will take your soul away. The 30’s will be better for you than the 20’s.
Peace,
EM
WIL!!! You don’t have to change your entire life direction because you are doing an infomercial. look at some of the schtick travolta has done and he made a huge comeback. you can’t keep walking on eggshells afraid to destroy your career at every turn. i think writing is great, but what makes your writing so interesting is your pop-culture-icon status and your ability to twist that into something so real and honest people are compelled to listen to you. i hope you continue to audition and pursue acting because you have so much invested in it, and it’s such a big part of who you are. nothing that comes easy is ever worth having (and other trite-yet-true cliches). and, i saw you on tech tv and you were really funny. by the way that picture of you on the walk a thon page, is that supposed to be a joke? it’s kind of a wil-wheaton-caricature-photo. you looked way WAY better on tech tv with your hair kinda spikey.
take care!
–redbirdfan
Wil becomes the next Cher: The New Wil Wheaton Grill! It is great that you took the job; just dont give up on your comedy or Arena; if its not seducing Faye Dunaway, fine.
Is it the George Foreman Grill? Do tell…
Wil,
Congrats on getting a gig that will not only support your family, but your healty writing habit. I suspect your best stuff is gonna come out of you this year.
Change is difficult, yet necessary.
Without change, there is no growth, nor fulfillment.
To take the first steps toward the new, and away from the old requires significant courage and sometimes, no little discomfort, but is, in the fullness of time, rewarded.
Good to see you’ve found Wil Wheaton 3.0. I’ll bet it’s a significant improvement over 1.5 and even 2.0.
š
Wil,
“It’s all here on WWDN. I can see my writing style change, as I find my voice, and figure out what I want to say, and how I want to say it. The emails changed, too.”
Yeah. But back when you started WWDN, you actually responded to them.
Oh, don’t get me wrong; I understand that you do get so much email that you literally don’t have the time to answer even a fraction of the ones you receive. At least not if you want to have a life away from the computer.
But if someone offers you something, and you take the time to go look at it on their Web site, would it kill you just to write back a “No thanks” if you weren’t interested? Instead of leaving the person hanging there, KNOWING (thanks to referrer logs) that you read the email and looked at what was being offered, but getting no reply? Wondering if perhaps you thought you were too good to send a measly two-word answer?
What Would Darin Say?
Upon reflection, I don’t see why an infomercial means the end of the Big Time. Infomercials have helped re-ignite a lot of once-great careers. What about Suzanne Somm.. err, Chuck Nor… no wait… Christie Brink… umm, there’s gotta be somebody. Victoria Principle? No, that’s not it… Victoria Jackson! That’s the one.
What was the question again?
Oh, shit.
I better start sending out stories, huh?
Damn, Wil, you should get some gigs as an inspirational speaker.
Do you think you can get some of that honesty in there?
Hmm can’t wait to see the infomertial:
“Hi! I’m Wil Wheaton and I’m here to tell you about this great new product because they pay me well!”
“When I tried the product I thought: Hey this is great! Now it’s gathering dust in the closet. Only used it once!”
Just kidding! What even balences the checkbook.
Don’t forget to smile! (the cheesiest simle you can muster up! š )
I’m one of those quiet ones who comes and reads and goes about the day without commenting on much around here, but I have to add something to this.
The first thing that came to me when I read this was Why be an actor, forced to play someone else’s creation with someone else’s words when you have so much to say on your own. I don’t know if that makes sense or not, but it’s what I thought. You have experienced things that most people will never have the oportunity to do, and dealt with the good and bad as a result. It’s those combined actions and reactions that have made you who you are now. Personally, I would rather read about what you did on your time off because I know the words and the feelings behind them are yours, and they mean alot more in the long run.
You have a great gift in your writing, and yes I’ve been around long enough to see it change. The beauty of it is that it is yours totally. You have created something that no one else could have, and captured a unique view that is all your own.
Go with it, enjoy family time and doing what you love, because it is the most important part of life.
When I first started reading this entry, I thought that perhaps the Big Decision was going to be to take down the website. I was a little worried there for a few.
Not only was I glad to see you’re *not* taking down your site, but you’re following your true passion for your family. Thirty-ish is that Saturn Return time and we all go through that period of reassessment. Change is scary but good.
Best of luck to you.
Congratulations Wil on the way you came to your choice.
When I was young,a very old and wise lady gave a very precious piece of wisdom,which I have held onto to this day.
The wisdom is this…
“NEVER MAKE A LIFE CHANGING [ALTERING] DECISION
IN THE FIT’S OF RAGE,NOR IN THE HEAT OF PASSIONS”
Im glad to see you take a season of time to decide whats best for your family and you.
Fine piece o’ writing today.
WFS has got that autographed mutant frog give away thing going on over at SCIFI. Do the same with whatever fine product you may be introducing the world to.
Remember, there is no such thing as bad publicity ((fatal car crashes, OD’s, STD’s (sheep related), and emergency room visits involving cucumbers are always excluded)).
Do what makes you happy. You harm no one, and help the ones who mean the world to you.
There can be no fault in that.
(If DTG ever gets back to me, we wouldn’t be discussing auditions, we could be discussing working around your schedule)
Whatever you do, you’ll do it with your whole heart, and that is always it’s own reward.
Enjoy it.
“Until one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back, always ineffectiveness, concerning all acts of initiative (and creation). There is one elementary truth the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans: that the moment one definitely commits oneself, then Providence moves too, all sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occured. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one’s favour all manner of unforeseen incidents and meetings and material assistance which no man could have dreamed would have come his way. Whatever you can do or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it. Begin it now.”
~ Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe
IN OTHER WORDS – The right decision is the one you make. That is my mantra. Let it be yours.
avoiding doing this infomercial out of actors pride would benifit no one…especially you…you having a comics mind have no doubt lampooned…at least in your mind, informercials…(set it and forget it!)…but somebody’s gotta do it…and it may as well be you…and alot of the major stars outh there now have done commercials…who knows what might happen if you deliver results with your informercial!…but if you wanna be a writer…write on!…today’s as good a day as any to really commit yourself to this course.
Like many others who have commented today, I have been reading your site for quite a while now – arrived at it by one of those internet coincidences and decided to stay.
It has been interesting to see the changes in Wil Wheaton, at least those reflected in his writing, but it seems that today’s post reflects the feelings that many people refuse to acknowledge – we are not here forever and need to make the most of what we’ve got, without wondering whether the grass really is greener. I spent many of my formative years [dim and distant memory now] thinking ‘Next time I’ll …’; but had a sudden realisation that this is it – ‘Life is not a rehearsal’ as they say. I haven’t needed to make any major changes to my life [tedious but steady employment] simply a change of attitude. So what if I didn’t do it right – at least I did it.
Keep smiling Wil – you’ve just reached the Undiscovered Country.
So you’ve finally figured out that you’re a damn good writer eh? It is not possible to write as well as you do without loving it. We’ve known it for quite awhile – good luck with your future endeavors.
-Rook
I don’t know why exactly (of course I do, but I can’t find the words), but I’ve been reduced to tears with this one.
Good luck, Wil.
Christy
Hello
I live in Italy. Here such stars as Harrison Ford and Robert De Niro usually do commercials as long as they are not broadcast outside good old Europe.
At least you are brave enought to act openly.
Keep up the good work.
It’s a risk you will have to take. You do need to support you and your family, and that is the main thing. So what if it stalls your career. You have other skills besides acting (downloading porn). Hell Cher did those hair spray comercials, and she came back. You will to. SAG President M Gilbert has done them, why cant you. Maybe you will become king of the movies of the week.
I trust you – do what you have to do for your family and the rest will take care of itself.
Donald Crowhurst!!! Yess!!! Voyage for Madmen was a great book and the reference actually applies. Good Luck, I think you are more a Bernard Moitessier type guy myself.