UPDATE: Avast! I be a day early! Some scurvy bilgerat scutterd off w’me sextant! Tomorrow be t’day, but t’entry be in port a day early, ya dawgs. YARR!
Ahoy there, me WWdN mateys! Today be talk like a pirate day! In honoro’this grand occasion, I be writin’ today in PIRATE! Yarr!
Since I was 14, I’ve had an annual passt’Disneyland. me best bucko Darin and I got our passes t’at t’same time, as Xmas gifts from his mom.
Throughout our teenage years, we wentt’Disneyland (or “t’kin’dom” as we called it in a desperate attemptt’sound cool) hundredso’times. In winter, we’d head downt’Anaheim late on Sunday afternoons, and stay until t’park closed at midnight. There’s somethin’ wonderful about Disneyland late at night when it’s mostly empty. For me, that’s when Disneyland feels t’most “magical.” Shiver me timbers!
When I was about 18 or 19, I let me pass lapse, and didn’t renew it until a coupleo’years ago. These days, Anne and I sneak down thar once or twice a month — usually while t’sprogs be in school — and I still get down thar with Darin from timet’time.
T’last time I was thar, while I was walkin’ under what usedt’be t’People Mover, I looked at t’abandoned Submarine Lagoon, and noticed for t’first time that t’waterfalls were turned off . . . and realized that Tomorrowland sucks. Yarrr!
As I pondered t’change in Tomorrowland, and lamented t’losso’T’People Mover, Misisont’Mars, t’huge Arcade, and t’movin’o’t’rocket ships downt’t’ground, I felt sad . . . because Disneyland should be a place where time stands still, aye.
It should be a place that’s more or less timeless, where an adult can reconnect to his childhood in a tactile way. I’m not suggestin’ that Disneyland shouldn’t take advantageo’new technologies and let t’park evolve in certain ways . . . look at how great t’Indiana Jones ride be . . . but by takin’ just about everythin’ I loved about Tomorrowland, and replacin’ it with t’likeso’t’Rocket Rods and Innoventions, Disney has effectively removed a childhood touchstone from me life! Yaaarr!!
T’one areao’t’park that’s almost exactly t’same way it was when I was a kid be New Orleans Square, so it’s no surprise that me favorite rideso’all time be thar: T’Pirateso’t’Caribbean, and T’Haunted Mansion.
I love Pirates so much, I be willin’t’overlook Disney’s stupid political-correct-izin’o’t’ride a few years ago. And I’m such a Nightmare before Christmas geek, t’Haunted Holiday just makes t’mansion that much better for me, ya swabbies.
I think it’s importantt’have some childhood touchstones, even if they be at amusement parks . . . when grown-up life gets me down, I can escape for a few hours down at T’Kin’dom. I can ride t’Mansion and recall t’three or four times I got t’couraget’ask a lasst’ride t'”make out” ride with me, even though I was always too nerdy and shyt’actually make out. I can ride Pirates and remember all t’times Darin and I rode it in a row, when we were tryin’t’learn all t’dialogue. (“Shift your cargo,Ahoy!ie. Show ’em your larboard side . . . “)
I think that Disney could do somethin’ really coolt’Tomorrowland, if they closed it down and revamped it, t’way they did with Fantasyland aft in t’80s. Can you imagine how cool it would be if they rebuilt itt’more-or-less resemble t’Tomorrowlando’t’60s? A Tomorrowland that was flush with optimism and excitement? When t’Adventure into Innerspace terrified me, because I was certain that it wouldn’t be ablet’restore met’me original size? When t’Missiont’Mars was so hokey . . . but that just made it more fun?
Hey, let me have me dreams, ya scurvy bilgerats!
There’s a great big beautiful tomorrow, shinin’ at t’endo’every day . . . a pirate’s life for meeeee!”