XTC came out of Fred on XM as I took Ryan to school this morning.
“Dear God, sorry to disturb you, but… I feel that I should be heard loud and clear. We all need a big reduction in amount of tears and all the people that you made in your image, see them fighting in the street ’cause they can’t make opinions meet about God, I can’t believe in you”
“This song is from one of my favorite bands of all time,” I told him.
“What’s it called?”
“The band or the song?”
“The band.”
“XTC,” I said, “and this song always reminds me of my first day in regular high school.”
Ryan looked surprised. “You went to regular high school?”
“Yeah,” I said, “for one semester when I was your age, just before I got Star Trek.”
The light ahead of us turned yellow, then red. We waited.
“Did you like it?” He said.
“No. I hated it.”
“Why?”
“Because I was really shy, and awkward, and nerdy. I had never been in regular public school before, and I felt like I was in a foreign country,” I said, “it was even worse, because I was famous from Stand By Me, so the kids at the school thought my shyness was arrogance.”
The light changed.
“Anyway,” I continued, “it was already hard for me to make friends anyway, and when nobody would give me a chance . . . ”
I trailed off, and joined Andy Partridge, “I won’t believe in heaven and hell. No saints, no sinners, no devil as well. No pearly gates, no thorny crown. You’re always letting us humans down.”
“Would you change it, if you could?” Ryan asked.
“I don’t think so,” I said. “I missed out on homecoming, and prom, and football games, and all that stuff you’re going to get to do, but I had a good time being on Star Trek. I don’t know if I ever would have made friends in high school.”
We pulled up in front of his school.
“You only get four years here, Ryan. Don’t waste them.”
“Okay,” he said, “I love you. I’ll see you after school.”
“Love you too,” I said, “have a great day.”
I watched him walk across the lawn, and didn’t drive away until he was out of sight.
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Great story, Wil. Thanks for sharing.
I know what you mean about the idea of missing a ‘regular’ high school education. I went to a school ‘For the Creative and Performing Arts.’ Instead of a football team, we had touring choirs. Insteaf of a massive gym facility and fields, we had 3 theaters.
While yes, this is closer to a regular school than an on-set tutor, I still wonder occasionally how different my life would have been if I went to a ‘Traditional’ high school.
Every time I stop to think, it makes me prouder of my choice. Its what made me who I am today. Its what helped lead me to my choice in colleges and by proxy my current significant other and a good bulk of my current life.
So many roads we could have taken in life, but its interesting to think of what might have happened if we chose differently. If you had gone to a regular high school, you might have missed the opportunity to meet Anne (however that happened) and be a part of her and her two wonderful Kid’s lives.
Heres hoping to many more great life choices that we might never want to take back.
~Katrina
Great story. Thanks for sharing. Ryan is lucky to have you in his life & you are lucky to have him in yours and even more lucky for both of you – you seem to already know that.
Kudos to you for telling him the truth about your experiences in high school, in real terms. It’s not easy communicating what we really want to to our kids, and usually the best way is to just be as honest as possible.
I am SO happy to see comments back!
I have to agree about being honest with your kids. I try to do that with my son about everything from sex to drugs to simply apologizing to him when I make a mistake.
If you love your kids and are honest with your kids (I think) it keeps the communication lines open for those tougher talks that need to happen.
I was never on Star Trek and I went to a “regular school”. But I do have two stepsons. We have our differences, but we relate where it counts. Whenever we part, it is always “Love you,see you later”…
and when I drop them off at school, I watch them until they get to the building. Then they turn and wave, and my day just got a whole lot better.
Great story, Wil. You’re the best dad ever. Really, you are. Ryan and Nolan are totally lucky to have you. Go you. 🙂
It’s so great to hear about step-families loving each other.
I had a rough time (still do at times) with my step family as a child, and now I am in the parental role in a step-family.
My fiance loves my son dearly and it’s great to know that so many others do the same for their kids, especially father figures.
The world needs more good dads, step or otherwise. You all have my admiration!
–Jessie–
I know this post wasn’t about step-families, so I will avoid that.
This was adorble though.
I have just started Uni and I can see all of the wee awkward faces in the crowd.
all about me
Being loud and obnoxious, I am not one of them.
*squints*
Wtf is that all about me line doing in there?
Anyway…
Good story, Wil. And what you told Ryan was absolutely right. Enjoy the four years he has at high school and make the most of them.
Like you, I was the outsider in high school (minus Stand By Me and Star Trek, or any sort of fame for that matter), and for the most part, hated my time there. It was the kind of place where, if you didn’t play sports or dress trendy, you weren’t anybody. I was an easy target because I kept to myself and didn’t talk much. Looking back on it all, in a weird way, I kinda miss it.
The one thing I learned from it all, though, was to appreciate and cherish my individuality. Being who you are, despite what everyone else thinks of you, is the most important thing no matter how old you are.
Pass that along to Ryan for me if you could. These are the most important years as far as figuring out who he is as a human being. Tell him that, no matter what anyone else says, being himself is the most important thing he can do. Don’t let anyone else define that for him. No matter how much (if any, let’s hope none at all) ridicule he might go through because of it, he’ll be a better person in the long run if he sticks to his guns.
Judging by this story, Wil, you turned out to be a great dad. Kudos ^-^
Eric
Great story, Wil.
I’m far from being in the father part, but it’s cool to tell your kids how real high school can be. Believe me, it’s not the best place in the world. Yes, i’ve went to the prom and football games, it’s no big deal to me but it may be different to someone else.
Anyways, cool story and good luck with Anne and your kids.
~Brandon~
A quick second thought…
Do you think Ryan asked you for the band name so he could log on to Kazaa/iMesh/LimeWire and do some RIAA-profit cutting? Just a whimsical thought…
Great article, and I’d like to mention that Sarah McLachlan did a great cover of “Dear God.” I’ve never cared for any of her other songs, but this cover had that bubbling pent-up anger / frustration that was in the XTC version, especially during the “I won’t believe in…” part. Phenomenal.
Woo! comments comments comments comments.
Wow, high school already. Dang.
Dangetty dang dang.
Gonna go be old now. See everybody in the “old” forum on the monkeybox.
Wow, I always knew that we had a lot in common, but reading this entry just enforces that belief! I was awkward and shy (but I masked my shyness with an outrageously outgoing “funny” persona) growing up, and due to that, I HATED high school. I considered myself to be an Invisible Girl. I had friends but never felt like I belonged there.
I was a super-huge Wil Wheaton fan-geek back then (some things never change) and I even hand-painted a T-shirt for you for your birthday one year.
I am glad that you are encouraging your kids to make the most out of their high-school years. I certainly wish that I had.
Just this week I was lamenting to my college-aged friend about how I missed “The College Experience” – dorm life, etc. I got my B.A. in English at a community college and University, but I never really felt like I was IN college. It was just High School Part II. At least I enjoyed THAT.
It’s good to know that the actors that I respect and admire have similar feelings and experiences as I do. I hope I am as good with my children when they become teenagers as you are with your boys! Thanks for the post!
Wow Wil, great story. Whenever I read something on your site I almost start crying, no joke. Coming to your site really brightens up my day, because I can seriously see bits of myself in you, and you simply say what’s on your mind. It comes from the heart, and that’s really refreshing in this day and age.
Keep up the good work.
Scott
This story, and the comments that followed, are bringing back many memories. These tales closely mimic my high school experience as well.
It’s amazing, actually, that so many people had similar experiences as I did. High school was a cold place for me. I was shy, but also somewhat intimidating to others. I’m sure that many students felt I was judging them, when all I was doing was avoiding their rejection.
Joining the Sci-Fi club during my junior year really didn’t help, and I found that I was an even bigger outsider to that clique. My lack of expression was my biggest mistake. I left it others’ imaginations to guess what I was thinking, and of course their guess was worse than my actual thoughts.
Missed the prom, numerous dances, and the freedom that comes with being a teenager in high school. If I had a chance to do it again, my god, I would do so many things differently. The ironic fact is, the fights and confrontations I came across, are the most memorable moments that I have.
We’re all dealt a different hand of cards in life. Let’s play it wisely. The good news is, I’m still in the game. 🙂
Thanks for all the wonderful stories,
Eric B
You’re a great Dad Wil. Those boys are very lucky to have someone like you in their lives. Thanks for sharing yet another intimate moment – I’m sure I’m not the only one who can relate to your experiences in high school. Now get back to work on JAG! ;o)
wow, Ryan is in high school. man memories. when you hit hs it’s liek “oh my god” and you think youre just the top of cool or something.
That was the best thing I’ve read all week. Whoa. I have a 16 month old girl. Someday I’ll have to that. I don’t know how I’ll do. I hope it’s half has good as that. Great site. Keep it up!
Thanks for turning comments back on. I enjoy reading others comments to your posts almost as much as reading your posts themselves. Not quite as much, but almost.
So, might I say, DEATH TO TROLLS!
You know, I went to a regular public highschool. However, I always regretted not taking the opportunity I had to go to an arts school instead, and pursue my musical interests. At that age, I always dreamed of becoming a concert pianist, or a conductor. Two things that would have been in my reach, had I concentrated solely on my music.
Instead, I chickened out, and stayed in a regular highschool because I was too afraid of the change. Too afraid to make such a life altering decision at the age of 12. I guess it’s really quite understandable when I think about it now, but that’s the one path I regret not taking to this day.
I know the discussion is revolving around paths we might NOT want to change…but I thought I’d interject with a path I’d change in a New York minute if I had the chance.
Oh…that, and here’s a few obligatory remarks:…*ahem* “great website”, “first time commentor, long time reader”, “you’re a great guy/step dad/geek/webmaster/husband/etc”, “enjoy your stay”, “where’s my tip”…err…yeah. nevermind about that last one. I got a bit carried away.
This past summer, I was talking to my 15 year old brother, who was about to start 10th grade. I asked him what he was taking, etc., and then I said, “I hated high school.” He was surprised to hear me say that & asked, “Why?” I said, “Because, for four years, basically all anyone said to me was, ‘You’re so quiet. You’re so quiet.” or the sarcastic version of the same thing, ‘God! We can never shut you up! Why don’t you stop talking.'” He asked if college was different, and I told him that, for some reason, it was because I was able to find people I related to and I realized that I’m not really shy when I’m around people I have something in common with. I wasn’t shy in chorus class (well, at first) or drama class.
My brother is terribly shy. He’s been shy since birth. I wanted him to know that he can go through a terrible time in high school & still turn out to be a relatively normal & happy person even if he feels like a “loser” because he doesn’t know what to say to people.
Thanks for sharing the story about your stepson. Very nice.
And, by the way, his favorite movie when he was a little kid was “Stand By Back.” (We have no idea why he called it that.)
-madeleine
Great story Wil. One semester at public school? I guess that must have been after your escape from the other place. 🙂
I always appreciate your willingness to be honest and yourself with your blog. And Ryan must be cool too, to have given you permission to share the story.
Heh. Get back to JAG! You can do it and we can’t wait.
“Death to Trolls” as said above by Chuck.
Yay, comments 🙂
I know where you are coming from (of course not in that I was the famous kid kinda way). I was always quiet in high school and thus mistakenly identified as a *shock, horror* snob.
When I was told this it really surprised me because I never viewed myself in that respect more to the contrary- I always felt inferior for some reason. Keeping quiet always seemed a good way to cover up my insecurities.
Nat.
Great song and a touching story. I have a little brother who skipped high school entirely and I have always had mixed emotions about the decision. I suppose ultimately skipping out on the “normal” high school experience is not much of a loss for someone unlikely to have a good run of things in the expected way.
While he missed out on prom and football games and all those formative events, it’s probably unlikely that he’d have had rewarding experiences with those activities had he been there. It’s hardly a given that high school will be all that it can be.
My old high school has been turned into elderly housing and an aunt is living in a room that used to be the principal’s office.
Do you know that Sarah MacLachlan did a cover of “Dear God”? It is on her “Rarities, B-Sides & Other Stuff” album. I haven’t heard the Partridge version but now I am curious. I really love Sarah’s rendition of it though. really powerful.
BTW Step fathers are the best. My real father was/is a let down but my step father helped me out just by being a stable honorable father figure.
Awww, this is exactly why WWDN is so awesome. Thanks for sharing, Wil.
Wonderful story, Wil. Thanks for sharing it. My little boy is just a toddler, but I intend to be as honest and straightforward in my conversations with him as you were with Ryan. Well done.
Thanks for turning the comments back on for this. I love your family stories. They’re always your best work.
If there’s one thing I would change about my time in high school, it would be not to study so much and to get out and make friends. I was such a geeky bookworm, I missed the opportunity to make some life long friends. The few kids I knew were the kids who didn’t belong in other groups, mostly kids who transferred from other schools. We were the not student gov, not sports, not band, not journalism, not any club kids who frantically seached for a club, any club, their senior year so there wouldn’t be that big blank spot under their yearbook photo. If I was that kid today, I would have started my own club. If I was that kid today, I would have kept in touch with those other kids.
And some of us who did go to public school still missed out on homecoming, and prom, and football games. Ah, well, if I only knew back then what I know now.
So, I say, study, but balance that with other things. Because, as an adult, it won’t be all work, you have to balance that with other things. You should start learning that balancing act now.
Great entry Wil. I felt like I was a fly in the backseat listening to the two of you. You have a knack for writing about those types of moments.
Great Jeaoaoaoaorb.
That didn’t make me just internet cry. That brought a real tear to my eye. *wipes it* Very cool.
Wil,
I am a stepdad to a 13 year old boy who runs the gamet from acting and conversing like a little kid to a wise old man at any given moment.
I live for that look back… it’s like all is well with the world at that moment in time.
-D
I like the part when you say, “right before I got Star Trek”. That makes Star Trek sound like a disease.
Wow. Well you can just rock me to sleep tonight for all the memories that were just dredged up.
I hear ya loud and clear. Love XTC. Hated high school for the most part. I had just moved from a neighborhood where I was well known and comfortable to a neighborhood where I was a nobody. I was not what you would call outgoing, so I was dubbed the “too-good-to-talk-to-anyone-new-kid”, and life sucked for quite a while. Between “Dear God”, the Cure, and various thrash metal bands, frustrations were taken out in a much healthier way than kids do now (show up at school, point gun, pick off enemies).
Damn finally someone else who knows and loves XTC!! They are, without a doubt, my favorite band! I only wish Andy Partridge did not have such paralyzing stage fright…I’d kill to see them live.
You rock Wil!
Wow, did anyone else notice that Wil is a “Natalie”- magnet?
Natalie H.
Hi Wil, I’ve been reading your log for some months now, and this is my first comment. I enjoy your writing and can’t wait for your next book to come out.
High school was the 9th level of hell for me. My stepfamily situation and a severe case of bookworm didn’t help (although I am now in the book business so that worked out great). My point in writing is that if my stepdad was as understanding and intuitive as you obviously are, those years may have gone more smoothly for me. As a stepfather you may always feel awkward in certain situations, but your straightforwardness with your stepkids means more to them than you know, and probably more than they know.
And if you ever need another book business ear, feel free to drop me a line.
Wil, so glad for the comments again. Its brave of you.
Sounds like the step relationship is going well/getting better? You are a great roll model for the boys, (and Feris I imagine) 😉
Keep up the good work on the book, I’m dying to read it. Be fearless.
Awwww! I LOVE shmoopy Wil!
You know, Wil- I’m starting to be afraid that the set of our musical tastes are equal; every time you mention music you’re interested in, it’s always something I have a huge amount of on my hard drive. 😉
Anyway, XTC has been one of my favorite bands since high school (1988 grad) and ‘Dear God’ one of my favorite songs by them.
I can only hope I do half as well with my son when he’s a bit older as you seem to be doing with your sons- it’s never easy, but I have no idea how I’d handle a 16 year old when I can barely handle a three-year old. 🙂
Hang in there,
Cyclometh
Great story Wil. Brings a tear to my eye. I hope someday I can share an experience like that with my children.
Im with you , Wil- XTC are one of the most talented bands ever. I had a remix of “Down in the Cockpit” that I played until the vinyl was smooth.
Their new stuff is pretty tasty too.
Also, do you remember the offshoot band Shreikback?
Thanks for the great site. Trogdor rules.
george
Awwww, that’s so cute. It reminds me of one of those dramatic movies about parents whose lives sucked and they watch their kids have better ones, but they really end up being tortured and get hung on the inside of lockers, and get wedgies.
Sometimes I feel like you’re reading my mind…
Did you know that Sarah McLachlan does an amazing cover of that song?
You’re a great dad Wil.
I’m glad you’re so honest with your step-kids.
And hey.. I don’t think anyone thinks they fit in in HS.. as long as you had someone, somewhere, then that’s all that matters.
A.
Quite simply, that was beautiful Wil.
“Dear God” reminds me of my freshman year of high school too. Coinky-dink.
wil, i’m vaklempt… talk amongst yourselves… duran duran is neither duran, nor duran, discuss!
You know, I had a really bad time in high school until I hit grade 11 or so. And I never had someone to wave goodbye to. And saying I love you was a very rare event in my house.
I am always so happy when I find that my experience is the odd rather than business as usual. I love it when I hear of people enjoying their teenagerhood and their families.
Considering your background and the background of other people that got involved with “show business” at a young age, it could have gone the other way so easily and I am very glad to see that you are so supportive with Ryan.