grinding halt

Several people have written in with the news of Jonathan Brandis’s apparent suicide at age 27.
I guess many TV watchers put us in a category together, because we both played “The Kid” on a SF show. I’ve heard him called “The Wesley of SeaQuest” more than once, and not in a kind way. Jesus, I bet that sucked for him.
I didn’t know him, though I did see him from time to time when we were kids, mostly at Big Bopper Teen Cheese-O-Rama parties at whatever 50s diner was currently trendy.
Anyway, I think it’s terribly sad. I know how hard it is to make the transition from child to adult actor. I know how merciless Hollywood is. I know the pain, frustration, and depression that he must have felt. I know it intimately.
The thing is, if I’d turned right instead of left, if I’d taken the elevator instead of the stairs, if I’d chosen differently when faced with one of those 1 or 0 decisions . . . that could be me you’re reading about today.
Afterthought: Several comments suggest that it’s jumping the gun to assume that his death had anything to do with the struggles I associate with the child to adult actor thing, and that it’s a pretty big assumption. I have to agree with that. I just wrote what came to my mind when I heard about his death. Whatever the reason, it’s just awful whenever someone takes their own life. A very good friend of mine killed himself when he was just 23, and it haunts me to this day.

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175 thoughts on “grinding halt”

  1. Being a former “employee” of the industry, I know how mean and cut throat it can be. All industries have egos but the Entertainment Industry seems to attract more of them and they are worse. I know it is harder on the “above-the-line” people because perception plays a big part in it. (You haven’t worked in three years=you’re career is washed up) Since Jonathan Brandis started as a child actor, it was probably harder for him to adjust since “the industry” was his life and reality. A lot depends on the company that you keep. Are your friends and family grounded and keep you in reality? I’ve seen the alternative and it isn’t pretty and the results can be potentially devastating. That’s not to say that this is why Jonathan Brandis died. I’m talking about the industry in general.
    Rest in Peace, Jonathan Brandis. We’ll miss you!

  2. Being a former “employee” of the industry, I know how mean and cut throat it can be. All industries have egos but the Entertainment Industry seems to attract more of them and they are worse. I know it is harder on the “above-the-line” people because perception plays a big part in it. (You haven’t worked in three years=you’re career is washed up) Since Jonathan Brandis started as a child actor, it was probably harder for him to adjust since “the industry” was his life and reality. A lot depends on the company that you keep. Are your friends and family grounded and keep you in reality? I’ve seen the alternative and it isn’t pretty and the results can be potentially devastating. That’s not to say that this is why Jonathan Brandis died. I’m talking about the industry in general.
    Rest in Peace, Jonathan Brandis. We’ll miss you!

  3. Being a former “employee” of the industry, I know how mean and cut throat it can be. All industries have egos but the Entertainment Industry seems to attract more of them and they are worse. I know it is harder on the “above-the-line” people because perception plays a big part in it. (You haven’t worked in three years=you’re career is washed up) Since Jonathan Brandis started as a child actor, it was probably harder for him to adjust since “the industry” was his life and reality. A lot depends on the company that you keep. Are your friends and family grounded and keep you in reality? I’ve seen the alternative and it isn’t pretty and the results can be potentially devastating. That’s not to say that this is why Jonathan Brandis died. I’m talking about the industry in general.
    Rest in Peace, Jonathan Brandis. We’ll miss you!

  8. I’ve said this before, and i’ll say this again, I am shocked that this could happen and it wasn’t reported for nearly a week. I found out on the 14th, but I could barely find any info on it, it’s not even hit the british consiousness. I have had to search all the US websites.
    He was a talented guy, and to think how his life has been summed up is horrifying. On one website there was two lines, his name, when he died and “The kid from SeaQuest”.
    I actually cried for him the other day. He was the one celebity I have ever written two, and I always hoped he’d come to the UK so I could meet. Unfortuantly he never did manage to create a name for himeself over here. You’d only know him if you were big SeaQuest fans.
    Jonathan Brandis, Rest in Peace, and may the place you be now be better than the place you were when here in the living world!
    Jonathan Brandis 13th April 1976 – 12th November 2003

  9. Oh my God… I read thru that link and I totally forgot that he played Good King Wenceslas once… that was such a good film, and he was so terrific in it. They shot it in the Czech Republic, from what I remember, and I remember him saying how much he liked it down there…
    My heart has been heavy for days… he will be missed. Peace to you Jon.

  10. With me, I usually don’t follow too closely behind television and movie actors. I’m totally into music. But I’m not totally “brain dead” when it comes to who’s who. When I heard the news I said to myself, “Hey! I know that name.” Then I read further and found out what movies and/or series he was in. My mind was still foggy but an image did pop into my head. I then said to myself, “Oh, he was that cute kid that I tried so hard to convince myself that I wasn’t falling for him because I’m too old for that.” Then I went in search for pictures and low and behold, yes he was that very same kid.
    Whenever someone is lost, especially in the manner that Jonathan Brandis was lost to us, I don’t know whether or not to cry. I didn’t know him but I knew of him. I didn’t follow his career but still I knew of some of his work. I’m still at a lost. I still can’t voice how I really feel right now.

  11. It seems every one on the internet is talking about the loss of Jonathan Brandis but nothing has been on t.v about him. I think it is mostly due the thing with Michael Jackson. Its a shame to lose someone like him but have it go unnoticed because if a messed up freak like Michael Jackson(yeah i admit i was a fan of his,still am of his early stuff.)Most people are talking about how close in age bye a few years they were to him and how they lost some one as well. I have never really lost any one close to me due to suicide. But what bothers me the most was his age.We were close in age,and i don’t mean by years,i mean by days. He was only 2 weeks younger than myself. Thats what hit home for me. The differences between my life and his are vast but the same feelings would be there if something happened to me.

  12. Reading this blog is always a bright spot for me and I was shocked to see the news of Jon’s death. Like many other young women I had his posters on my wall, but I also loved the charcters he played. Especially, Lucas, who was a really intelligent young person who got to hold his own with adults and explore new places. He even had a dolphin!
    As someone who is now his age, I am deeply saddned he is no longer with us. I send the warmest sympathies to his family during this time. What an awful tragedy to endure for them. He was young, talented and would have had much ahead of him.
    I had the awesome fortune of meeting him when I was a teenager, when I was a clown in the Thanksgiving Day parade and he was on a float. I spoke to him (Inwardly jumping up and down in pure excitement) and he was absolutly one of the nicest people when we talked. I’ll always remember that.
    And thank you Wil, for allowing your fans who are also fans of his, to speak here.

  13. My heart goes out to the family of Jonathan Brandis. I’ve personally been affected by suicide twice in my life: my grandfather and a good friend. I’ll never forget talking to my friend the day before she shot herself. It still confuses me how “normal” she seemed that day. Its been over five years (I’m 28) and I still wonder if there is something I could of said or done. For a long time I was just angry at her, for putting her mother through that much grief. As for my grandfather, he was sick. And apparently he was tired of being sick…
    My heartfelt condolences go out to his family and friends.

  14. My condolences to the friends and family of Jonathan. Saw his work, and I thought he had a real passion for it. Nobody can really know why, or what was the reason for it. I hope we all learn a lesson on loss, hope, and what it means to be human, not an actor, not a movie-star, heck not even a child-star (or former child star, which is a funny phrase in itself, because if you grow up AT ALL, then you are a F.C.S.) but human, and alive. Jonathan’s death has hurt us all, for we have lost not only his talent, but also his life… his soul… and his ATM number.

  15. *What is it about 27*
    There’s nothing about 27. A handful of actors, musicians, and artists have died at age 27. Since 27 is a multiple of nine, and nine is seen by ‘numerologists’ as significant, people have catalogued those famous individuals who died at that age. Jonathan Brandis can now be added to that list if the cataloguers feel he’s worthy of joining Jim Morrison, Jimi Hendrix, and the others on the list.
    If someone went around and catalogued the list for every possible age, I believe you would discover 27 is nothing special. For suicides there might be more representation for the late teens and twenties — just because they’re a more emotional time of life, generally.

  16. “In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends. ”
    – Martin Luther King Jr.
    Some people you just like, even though they are a perfect stranger. It’s a chemistry thing somehow. Yeah, we all know actors play a role, and are totally different people from their on-screen persona.
    But in certain people, their inner light shines through, cause its hard to hide, and you get a glimpse of them as a real person. Its a subtle thing to read, but it’s definitely there. The little lines on their face from smiling a lot, the twinkle in their eyes. Small stuff that adds up to what someone is really like behind the mask they hold up to the world.
    I don’t know Wil Wheaton from Adam’s housecat, nor did I even have a blog like this one, to read every day from Jonathan Brandis. But I am pretty sure that Jonathan, like Wil is, was a really nice guy. He was someone I just liked instinctively.
    It happens.
    I think maybe it was John Steinbeck who once wrote that you should live your life so that no one is happy that you are dead. Yeah, I’m down with that. We all take different paths in life, but no matter where we go, we take a little of each other with us.
    Its pretty natural for Wil to sympathise with Jonathan, and try to understand what drove someone to do such a thing. And what Wil suggested couldnt help but have been one of the straws on the Camels Back. Perhaps not the last one, but a factor. We will never know, cause he didnt leave us a note. But it’s pretty safe to assume he had some inner daemons to contend with.
    I’m very sorry that someone I liked is gone. And wish he had taken a different turn in the path. The world is a little darker today, because some of it’s light is missing.
    Greg

  17. I just read about Jonathan’s death on another site, and for some reason I did immediately think of Wil, and how greatful I am that for whatever reason it was not him. Then I was on this site, and Wil wrote almost exactly the thoughts I had just posted elsewhere. Personally I will mourn the loss of another human being, another young actor, another soul who lost their way. But I will also celebrate the fact that at least one (still young) actor has found his way, and continues to share his life and his work with those of us who call themselves fans. Thank you.

  20. yeah.. how great and lucky we are all to have wil.. sorry but man.. you dont gotta apply every downfall to yourself…
    now you got people worrying about you and not J Brandis and his family.
    yeah i read your Afterthought… but still..
    now dont get me wrong.. im not an active WWDN reader in the sense i never ever comment, with the exception of now, but ive been coming here for about a year. so dont think im trying to flame wil here. i just have a thing when people talk about what others are going through and use it to apply to themselves… though wil does have relavence in what he said in his after thought.. but wil could have applied his analogy to everyone rather then a simularity he and Brandis had..

  21. It’s only human to make assumptions about what possibly inspired Jonathan to take his own life.
    I’ve noticed a pattern in modern thought that creates great potential for suicidal tendencies within many young individuals.
    That pattern revolves around idealistic goals that can only be met if the individual makes minimal mistakes in their career, relationships, and life choices.
    Unfortunately, what I have witnessed so frequently, and continue to witness, is that this pursuit for an ideal existence can often leave one lost, especially if potentially irreversible mistakes are made.
    Hollywood is ruled by idealism. If an actor fails to maintain this goal, they ultimately fail in the eyes of their harshest critic, themselves. This often is devastating enough to inspire them to throw in the towel.
    It’s ok to make irreversible mistakes. It’s ok to be human. I feel that the most realistic goal in life is the goal to accept mistakes.
    E B

  22. Well, depression is a disease, and it’s to be taken more seriously than it’s taken today. Every single one of us can wake up tomorrow morning with a depression, no matter how old one is or what one does for a living. And every 6th person that suffers from depressions statistically ends up killing him-/herself, because that’s the only solution he/she sees. Once again, I think we should just let Jonathan rest in peace. And leave Wil alone, there’s nothing wrong with pointing out parallels to certain parts in Jonathan’s life… on the other hand I don’t necessarily think that Jonathan took wrong paths or was a weaker character than Wil. Like I said, depression is a disease, and every one can get it.

  23. I read about Jonathan Brandis’ death through this site actually, and was deeply shocked. In fact i cried. I do not cry very often, but something about finding out that he had died hit me. I grew up watching Sea Quest. My older sister and i would sit and watch it every week, without fail. For an hour every week, I would be there on the ship with him, going through whatever he happened to be going through. Now, i am finding it so hard to believe that he is gone. I would like to think that he is a much better place, where he’ll be happier. My deepest sympathy and thoughts go out to his friends and family.
    Rest In Peace.
    In much the same way Wil, for 45 minutes every week, when my sister and I would Star Trek:TNG, we would be there with you, and the rest of the crew, and now of course we have your site. I have never met you, but yet, i feel i know you. its strange, i know, but in an odd kind of a way, you are a friend. I visit your website everyday, just to see if you have posted anything new, and i feel i can write whatever i am feeling at the time in this bit! thanks dude!!

  24. When I heard that Jonathan had commited suicide, a piece of me felt disconnected. When I was younger and even to this day I am either mistaken or told I look just like Jonathan. It’s just wierd. I am only a month older than him. I had thought that someday he and I would be in a Twins movie or something. Such a tragedy.

  25. WHAT?!?! Until I read your blog I didn’t even know this had happened!!!!! I can’t believe it, I loved that guy!! This is a real shock 🙁

  26. I can’t help thinking that a major mid 90’s icon is dead. I live in China at the moment, so talking to people who actually know who Jonathan Brandis is are few in number. there’s an American who lives in the next town over from me and last night I told him about JB.
    “nah, I never watched SeaQuest.”
    “what about Neverending Story II?”
    “oh yeah! he was in Ladybugs, right?”
    “yep”
    “and he was in that cool teenie-bopper movie with Chuck Norris, right? man, I loved that movie. the Martial Arts geek always comes out in me when I watch that movie. not that JB was all that good, but there was this one scene with this asian dude using nunchucks….it rocks! JB was a pretty good actor too. wow….he’s dead….”
    And then we talked about the 27 club and couldn’t remember if Jimi Hendrix and Jim Morrison were 27 when they died, but agreed about River Phoenix, Kurt Cobain and James Dean. There’s a lot of greats out there who left us too soon.
    I’m glad that Wil isn’t a part of them, but among the greater ones who chose life, love and geeks like us who read his weblog everyday. I thought it was so cool watching the New Mickey Mouse Club in the late 80’s/early 90’s and seeing Wil Wheaton on there, watching some lucky guy spend a day with him on the set of Star Trek. Most grown-ups weren’t fond of Wesley, but you know Wil that most people your age and a little bit younger totally respected you at that time and still do.
    Peace.

  27. If it’s any consolation, I had crushed on you both, so when I thought of him as “the Wesley” of Seaquest, it was in a good way. *g* I’m really sorry to hear about this, though. My first guess was also that he might have done it because of the frustrations associated with growing up famous. I was very sad to hear the news. He’s only a year older than I am. I feel so bad for his parents.

  29. I barely heard about it yesterday. He was my entire world when I was a teenager. I was so in love with him and I NEVER missed ANYTHING he did and now hes gone. I am sooo heartbroken over this and I cried all day yesterday. Im also 27. I’ll never forget him and I will miss him very much.
    R.I.P Jonathan Brandis. Youre in my heart forever

  30. I never thought he would do anything like that. I guess I saw knew his character though not the real Jonathan. Maybe he made the right choice, and maybe he didn’t. He will be the only one to ever know. Sorry to all of his family. I know how it feels. I’ve had a very close family member commit sucide when he was only 18.

  31. “Maybe he made the right choice, and maybe he didn’t.”-Jennifer Manning
    Suicide is NEVER the right choice!! How can you even think that?!? i don’t mean to attack you, but there were so many better options for him!
    Why couldn’t he have gone to his parents or friends if he was depressed? Why not go to a doctor or therapist? I mean, there are resources. He was only 27, for crying out loud. He never had a chance to get married or have kids. There was so much he could have lived for. He was no longer a teen idol, but he was still working. It’s especially weird because I always saw him as a vivacious, happy, clean-cut guy.
    This really is sad to me. I have been thinking about him on and off since I found out. I wish I knew him. This sounds arrogant, I know, but for all my flaws I’m a good friend. If I knew him I might have been able to help him.
    Bottom line, I feel really bad about this.

  32. Hi,
    I didn’t know that this had happened until early this morning, when I read it on your site, Wil. I don’t get to read the news as often as I would like to, and this came as quite a surprise… and I will tell you why…
    Last week, my fiancee and myself were driving home from town, and we got onto the topics of 1980’s shows that we used to watch in our childhood that really “stood out”, anyway I said “SeaQuest DSV” and my fiancee said “hmmmm… was that the show about the submarine thing?”, and I replied “yes that’s the one!” She went on to say “Oh yeah, I remember that but I never watched it much, but I do remember Wil Wheaton being in it as the kid who made the device to allow the dolphin to talk!” Well, I continued to tell her that it wasn’t infact Wil Wheaton, but that I myself had on occasion got the 2 of them mixed up. I don’t know why I used to get the 2 of you mixed up in my youth, or why my fiancee had done the same exact thing, but as you say yourself Wil, you both could be considered rather similar to one another, 2 peas in a pod.
    What makes this rather strange for me is that up until that point, I hadn’t thought of that kid for many, many years! Yet, on a day that was very close to his death, we began reminiscing about him, and you!
    It is a real shame that this young guy has left us all, as he will surely be missed, and certainly remembered by my fiancee and I, as “that kid that was a lot like Wil Wheaton!”
    Oh, and PS Mr. Wheaton! During that conversation my fiancee did let me know that she used to have a crush on you when she was in High School, and that she had a poster of you on her locker door! HeHe…
    Well, just thought I would let you know about that. Take care, good health to you and your family Wil, and above all… be happy! For there are many out there who are, at this moment in time, not experiencing it.

  33. I don’t know, Wil.
    Your struggles are truly unique to you — for sure.
    But some of us out here suffer daily in ways you could never afford to imagine.
    If I’d turned left or right or picked the 1 over the 0, yup – me too, Wil. All too true.
    Life is a bitch and life is a blessing for each of us in differing ways and at differing times respectively — yes?
    However, and I hope you accept this as encouragement, I see a WEB site here on a regular basis that has people [more times than NOT], showering you with perfect and inexplicable attention. You are loved by so many and give so many [clearly] so much to look forward to.
    You’re a rich man, Mr. Wil. Me thinks far more richer than Jonathan Brandis would ever have known.
    ‘Tis sad for him and the ones he left behind — for sure.
    But I hope you [at least] find joy in all these many gestures of love and support finding you here on a daily/hourly basis and spend less time this holiday season feeling bad — about yourself. I hope this for us all. Your life is far from perfect I’m sure. That’s what we all dig about you, Wil; your life, as extraordinary as it is, you are ever so, ordinary. And this is a comforting thought.
    Goodnight, Jonathan.
    Peace has found you, now.
    May peace find us all, tonight.
    Blessings, Wil.
    -s

  34. I came home from my brothers birthday, read this piece of news on my friends blog and was so shocked. His initials and mine are still carved in the bamboo in a nearby park. They’ve been there for 10 years. I also had my walls plastered floor to ceiling with those tacky pictures, and wrote him fan mail (all the way from Australia!). I don’t understand. I really really dont understand…I told my Mum and she was so upset because everyone in my family remembers him – he was the only tv star I had a crush on.
    But it was my first thought to come to Wils site because I knew he would have a good perspective. Argh this is pants.

  35. i couldn’t read all the comments cause some of them p*ssed me off so much, but i will say this.
    Jonathan was not just some washed up actor or ex teen idol or what have you.
    Jonathan was a person, and as Laura said, we have no idea what demons he had haunting him.
    and you don’t know if he had a choice in the matter or not! when you’re so depressed, you can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel, then maybe you start to dig your way out in the middle of your journey…
    right now i’m feeling that my tunnel turned pitchblack with him. 🙁

  36. I thank God that you were stronger than that. Maybe it was your family support, maybe it was just your own determination to rise above the Hollywood bullshit. But I am thankful that you are here and that you can share things with us like you do. I, for one, would be very sad to hear of any harm coming to Uncle Willie. ♥

  37. YOU’RE TOO OLD TO STOP ME! YOU’RE ALL TOO OLD.
    I’m every nightmare you’ve ever had. I’m your worst dream come true. I’m everything you ever were afraid of.Want a balloon?::glares at wil::: BEEP BEEP Richie! They ALL float down here. When you’re down here with us, you’ll float toO!
    :::points to graves::: Take your pick, B-b-b-Billy boy. Oh, except for the one on the end, that’s already taken. Sorry.

  42. Hey, for some reason I was thinking of you the other day…This thing with Jonathan Brandis doesn’t really affect/effect me, but I am saddened to hear of someone getting so low.
    I just wanted to say hello and to tell you that any time you e-mailed me, I wasn’t able to respond without your spam killer returning my mail. I don’t quite have that encryption thing figured out.
    Belinda

  44. Why was Jon’s passing not reported for 8 days? was he active in anti-war activism? after playing casey pedersen in the year that trembled wouldn’t surprise me. no report for 4-6 weeks? if he hanged himself? many sites of his were listed as “suspended”, not this site is no longer available, or exceeding bandwidth. something is fishy here. rest in peace JB, see you again at the marineland public dolphin tank on the other side

  45. I started skipping over comments after about the tenth one. I don’t think Wil is right, or wrong about commenting on how life can be for a child star.
    Jonathan is gone. That’s all I care about. I thought he was incredible. It’s time to mourn, not argue motivations.
    🙁

  46. I tried to commit suicide when I was 15- as did my mother and her father before her. I sometimes wonder if there is a genetic predisposition towards attempting suicide- that maybe if a person with that predisposition has a particularly awful life they are more likely to attempt it than someone without it.
    In any case, I’m so glad I didn’t succeed.

  48. I’m saddened that anyone has to do this and go through this…. i used to love DSV, almost as much as TNG… I had a major crush on him too… he was a good actor!
    my thoughts about this are simple!
    There are many obstacles in life and the only obstacle you cannot overcome is Death!
    i’ve been there, we all have or will be, its a sad fact of life, i was crying listening to a song before i read about this and i’m crying now..
    good charlotte are just about to relese this!
    Hold On
    this world
    this world is gone
    and you don

  49. My deepest sympathies to all who were touched by his death. Suicide is one of the most painful things for those close to the victim. My brother attempted suicide (and thank all things holy, he lived and is now physically and spiritually well), and even that was soul-quaking and painful beyond description. I can only imagine what his family must feel.
    I waxed terribly existential when I read of his death, because after “Ladybugs,” I had such a huge crush on him that I covered my walls with Jonathan vision torn from every Tiger Beat I could afford to die. I was always fond of his work and always excited when I heard he was doing new projects. I had in fact just recently looked him up on the Internet Movie Database to see what he was working on…
    Jesus, it’s a shame.
    And even if his suicide was in no way related to his career, it does bring to mind the sick and disturbing practice of Hollywood to chew up and spit out new and young talent without any regard to the damage it does.

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