Okay, I promise this is not just an excuse for me to use another obscure 80s lyric as a title.
I’ve been working on the Just A Geek rewrite for the past few hours, and I thought it may be interesting to WWdN readers to see some of the progress I’ve made.
I think I mentioned a few weeks ago that I’m doing major rewrites, and it’s taking a lot longer than I expected. I mean, I thought I’d have galleys out to reviewers by now, and I’m on page 101 instead. I think it’s okay, though, because I get happier and happier with each rewrite, and that pleases my inner perfectionist.
I’m taking my time, because I don’t know when I’ll have this luxury again (that was some great advice someone else gave me — I can’t recall who, though.)
The biggest note I got from one of my friends (who is an award-winning author, so he knows what he’s talking about) on my first draft was, “Expand the story! There’s all this interesting stuff in here, and you totally gloss over it. If this is a confessional autobiography, be confessional!! Put us there. Let us feel what you felt!”
When I read Amarillo Slim’s autobiography a few months ago, I grokked what he (my friend) was talking about. There’s this legendary story of Slim playing dominoes with Willie Nelson, and kicking Willie Nelson’s ass for something like a hundred thousand dollars. (It may be more than that, but my book is in the other room, and that sounds like walking which sounds like work.) The point is, Slim spent pages and pages building up to the game, and then spent less than a paragraph on the actual event! I felt so let down, I almost threw the book across the room. It was only my lazy aversion to walking that stopped me.
As I’ve worked on this rewrite, I’ve heeded my friend’s advice, and dug deeper than I did in the draft he read. I think I’ve developed quite a bit as a writer since that draft, too, and I am grateful for the chance to call “do over” on most of that stuff. If only I could do that with some of my really poor movie choices . . .
So here is an example of some of the changes I’ve made. The original is first, and the rewrite follows.
When I worked on Star Trek, I always struggled to fit in with the adults around me. It was tough, because I could relate to them professionally, but on a personal level, no matter how hard I tried, I was still a kid and they were still adults. In November of 2001, I got to share the stage with Jonathan, Brent and Patrick, the so-called Big Three of Star Trek:The Next Generation. Though I had been performing in a very well-reviewed sketch comedy show for almost a year, and shared the stage with huge movie stars every week on the J. Keith vanStraaten Show, I felt incredibly nervous and uncertain as the da. I worried that with The Big Three present nobody would want to talk with The Kid.
Boy was I wrong.
I took more questions than the rest of the guys combined — and most of them were about my website!
I felt sort of bad that I was getting so much attention, but I was also pleased. I felt like I’d finally grown up, and the reaction of the guys when we were backstage validated that.
That was the introduction to this weblog entry. In the rewrite, I’ve folded the entry into the body of the narrative, and added some new stuff:
When I worked on Star Trek, I always struggled to fit in with the adults around me. It was easy to relate to them professionally, but on a personal level, no matter how hard I tried, I was still a kid and they were still adults. I often thought that Wesley Crusher could have been a much richer and more interesting character if the writers had taken advantage of that very real turmoil that existed within me, and used it to add some humanity to Wesley in between the Nanite making and polarity reversing . . . but I guess it was more fun (and easier) to write for the robot. I can’t say that I blame them.
For whatever reason, I was never been able to entirely lose that teenage angst, and whenever I attended a Star Trek event, or saw one of the cast members, I immediately felt like I was 16 again. Because of that feeling — and, if I was willing to be truly, fearlessly honest with myself, the fact that I hadn’t done very much with my career since leaving the show — I avoided Star Trek events (and that inevitable feeling of shame and angst that accompanied them) for years. Of course there were exceptions, but they were few and far between.
In November of 2001, I was presented with an opportunity to share the stage with the Big Three of The Next Generation: Brent Spiner, Patrick Stewart and Jonathan Frakes, at an event called The Galaxy Ball. Robert Beltran, an actor who played Chakotay on Voyager, hosts it each year to benefit the Down Syndrome Association of Los Angeles, Doctors Without Borders, the Pediatric AIDS Foundation, and some other worthwhile charities. When I received the invitation, that familiar angst and apprehension sprung up immediately.
“What will I talk about? What have I done? How can I face them?” The doubts were relentless.
“Easy, I answered, “You’ve got your website. You’ve got the shows you do at ACME. You’ve got a wife and stepkids. You’re not a kid anymore. You kicked ass in Vegas, and you can kick ass again. Besides, when will you have a chance to be on stage with these guys again?”
“You’re right,” I told myself, “but if you keep talking to yourself like this, they’re going to throw you out of Starbucks.”
I looked up, and offered a smile to the girl scouts who were staring at me. I bought several hundred dollars worth of Thin Mints to solidify my reputation as an eccentric millionaire playboy who hangs out at Starbucks in his Bermuda shorts.
When the day came to go to the ball, I dressed in my finest gown, and bid my wicked stepsisters goodbye as I got into my carri —
Wait. Sorry. That’s not my story. That’s Todd Bridges’ story. I often get us confused.
On the morning of the ball, I had a major fashion crisis that reflected the nervousness and turmoil I felt. I was going to wear a suit, but I felt like I was playing dress up. I put on an ironic hipster T-shirt and black jeans, but then I felt like a child. I settled on this cool black cowboy shirt with eagles on the front and jeans. I looked at myself in the mirror that hangs on the back of my bedroom door, and thought I looked kind of cool. I ignored the explosion of discarded clothes that littered the rest of my room, and left the drawers open when I left.
The whole drive to the ball, I went over material in my head. I prepared jokes and did improv warm up exercises. By the time I got there, I felt like I’d been on stage for three hours.
I parked my car in the self-park garage. I convinced myself that it was stupid to cough up seven bucks for a valet to drive it forty feet, but the truth was all the other guys have luxury cars, and my VW seemed a little . . . unimpressive.
I made my way to the green room, and discovered Jonathan Frakes, who had arrived ahead of me.
“Hi, Johnny,” I said. I felt my face get warm.
I huge smile spread across his face as he stood up.
“W!” he said, “You look great, man!”
He closed the distance between us in two strides, and wrapped his arms around me in a big bearhug.
“You too,” I said, and waked over to a table where some food was set out. As I munched on a carrot, he said, “How have you been?”
It was the question that I always dreaded. I would always smile bravely, ignore the knot in my chest, and say something like,”Oh, you know . . . Things are slow, but I have an audition next week.”
I just finished this bit of the rewrite in the last hour, so I haven’t gone over it yet with my critical eye, so I’m sure I’ll make some more rewrites to this before it’s finally sent off to the printer.
There’s more, (like what happened when Patrick and Brent arrived, and what happened while we were on stage, but I don’t want to give it all away. 🙂
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nice rewrite. conjures quite a bit more imagery
yes yes. i agree. much better than the first.
grr i need to get away from the site and back to my real life doing nothing at home!! curse your website and all the interestingness of it all!!! anyways, i’m now actually excited about this upcoming book.
You will post the next instalment won’t you? it reads great.
Way to go! You really are able to make the reader feel what you’re going through and understand your angst and your triumph. Go you!
Awesome rewrite! I’m desperate to read more!! 🙂
This is great man. I also look forward to reading more, or buying the book 🙂 Keep up the good work. You are a good writer.
I think you accomplished exactly what you wanted on the re-write, wil… it makes the reader really connect with the story. But I’m confused about the Todd Bridges’ allusion… ?
Nice re-write, I can’t wait to buy the book to see where the story goes. Keep up the good work, I’m looking forward to Just a Geek!
more…MORE!!
🙂
No, man, The Last Prostitute was a significantly worse choice than The Curse.
I hope I’m not the only one who laughed a little to hard at the whole “they’re going to throw you out of Starbucks.” thing. I almost lost a lung. All alone in this room, laughing insanely…
I suppose what I’m trying to say is very nice, I can’t wait to read this in it’s entirety!
Nice re-write Will! But must you toy us with your teasing – I want to read the rest 😉
Okay, your first book just ended up on my Christmas list, and I am so looking forward to being able to read the second book 🙂
Wil…the rewrite is definitely better…it creates great imagery, especially for us trek geeks 🙂 I agree with the person above who was confused by the Todd Bridges comment though. But please please please post the rest?
And PLEASE reprint dancing barefoot…some of us haven’t had disposable income recently!
this is fantastic. take your time, we’ll wait for the book.
Thank you, everyone. To be honest, I was very nervous about posting this, since it hasn’t been through my usual filters: friends, editors, and stuff . . . but I felt good when I finished it, so I went with my gut.
And that wasn’t Todd Bridges’ story. It was Cinderella’s. My bad.
Wil,
As I was reading through the bit where you say,
“When I worked on Star Trek, I always struggled to fit in with the adults around me. It was easy to relate to them professionally, but on a personal level, no matter how hard I tried, I was still a kid and they were still adults.”
the following thought popped into my head: Wil typecast himself into this “kid” among the adults and he hasn’t let go of that self-typecasting yet!
And maybe there are a few other self-typecasting things that you struggle(d) with along the way — but it occurred to me that once you leave that behind completely you’ll have made another step. And it won’t matter so much what you’ve done or haven’t done with your career.
I mean, I took a job a few years ago doing things that were not exactly what I trained to do — and I struggled with that for a long time — longer, in fact, than I held that job. Somewhere something clicked for me and I shed that “typecasting” I’d done to myself and it was a step.
Okay, maybe I’m (as you say it) hella wrong, but that was my honest reaction as I read that bit. Then, as you go into the rest of the story, you DO step out a little, but the process is continuing…
Good, very good!
Your author friend was very right. You lived the stories and the details are neatly packaged in your own brain, available to you at any time. The rest of the world needs those minute and often seemingly obscure tidbits to get the richer picture. It’s the little obscure things (like the open drawers) that I tend to remember about of a story – the humanity that we can all relate to.
and, FYI, you did it… I was very engaged in the read of your rewrite, and not so much in the original (sorry, it’s true).
May the words flow freely, and may my copy of Dancing Barefoot come soon!
Hi Wil!!! Wow it was so much fun getting a sneak peek at the book!! It sounds really good. I cant wait until I can read the rest. It was also good to see you writing more on the website too. I always enjoy reading your entries. Thanks!
Just to add a couple of other thoughts — your rewrite shows that ‘stepping out’ I was talking about in my earlier comment. Not sure if I made that clear…
Re-write kicks ass. Can’t wait for the book!
Hi Wil,
If the rest of JAG is like this rewrite… and I’m sure it is… it’s going to be another one of those books that we wont be able to put down.
Thanks for the brief taste… you’ve seasoned the story very well.
Hey Wil! Much better, much more connection with your reader. I really like the bit about what outfit to wear and the imagery you gave us when you were looking in the mirror. You could just feel yourself in the room watching you in the mirror with the whole room torn apart looking for just the “right” thing. I like that a lot. You conveyed a deeper feeling to the audience than with the first write. More of the angst came out and the torn between that child and adult when you get around these men. Great rewrite Wil! Can’t wait to see more!!!! Here’s hoping right!!!
Wow. Ive been reading your blog for a while now, I started reading it because you played wesley crusher. Since then, I dont even remember that most of the time. You’re just a great guy who has interesting things to write about. Anyway, I havent gotten Dancing Barefoot yet because I cant afford it. But, from this little peek into your “book writing” as compared to your “blog writing”… wow. I can see what everyone is raving about. You’ve got alot of talent.
Thanks for sharing. 🙂
-Shannon
Actually I found it funnier thinking it was Todd Bridges. It might explain a few things…
But I enjoyed it. You’ve got me wanting more. That’s the mark of a good writer.
I LOVE it! I love the details and the imagery. I could so totally see you in a green room somewhere trying to keep your cool. I can’t wait to read more.
I love the re-write. I am a 4th and 5th grade teacher and this would be an excellent example for them to see what fleshing out your writing is all about. Thanks for sharing!!
In the words of Chumbawumba
“I want more”
I missed the first edition of Dancing Barefoot, but I’m fetermined to get a copy of this one (although I WILL get your first book)
Fantastic reright. I’ve got withdrawals already.
Great rewrite, Wil. Certain parts of it make you seem so “human”, know what I mean? (Of course your human, I KNOW that! You know what I mean!) I think we all can relate to trying on outfit after outfit not knowing what would be best and how to fit in best. Not having as nice a car as the rest of the crowd that you’ll be hanging with. When it comes to that kind of stuff, oh yeah, we’re with you.
Dude, nice re-write! Expand more works well. But you gotta be careful…
“I huge smile spread across his face as he stood up.”
You mean “A huge smile spread…..”, right? Sorry to nitpick but after having fights with my editor I’ve become rather anal about checking over everyone’s work (including mine). Blast those English Lit majors! 🙂
Honest-not-just-sucking-up-to-the-famous-guy-feedback… I honestly forgot I was sitting in front of my computer reading your blog when I read the re-write. And I was dissapointed when I got to the end.
Continue!
Dude, BTW, any luck with securing digital distribution with like PalmDigitalMedia.com for a secure .doc version of your book… so people overseas (like me!) can buy your book online and d/l?
They did the same for Masters of Doom – the story of Carmack and Romero – great read! Ah, the good old days of pan-dimensional monsters, clausterphobic hallways and all the ammo you need! I’m sure we are all part of the Quake generation! Or worse, Duke Nuke ‘Em.
Hey, at least you got to work with Terry Farrell…you lucky dog you!!!
The internal dialogue is crafted well. This sort of story needs it to offset the “external” dialogue with Jon Frakes, etc. I can’t wait to get the book, either. Going to Powell’s to see if I can snag a copy… and then figure out how I can get it to Wil for an autograph…
Anyway — these are the kinds of things I like to read when someone is writing about their lives and experiences — and Wil’s reality does just leap out at ya…
awesome rewrite! this sings, whereas the other simply sort of sits there. don’t get me wrong, the other is good fir the time-and-place frame, but this has personality, lets us in on the angst (how it tastes at the back of your throat), and the detail about the litter of clothes and open drawers is wonderful.
if you ever want to get an MA in writing, contact Hollins University. not only would they likely accept you in a heartbeat (and they only accept on the merit of your writing), they are internationally acclaimed. most graduates go on to have meaningful, productive and lucrative careers as writers (not something most programs can say).
i’ve been in their classes and think you have the grit that it takes as well as the talent.
keep rocking and writing, wil.
Brave man to put links to movies that he wasn’t (presumably) particularly proud of making.
In high school, I never really got writing; English or writing really wasn’t my bag. They kept bugging me about “showing” writing, rather than “telling” writing. I think that Wil’s piece is a reasonable illustration of that concept.
If that’s a sample of what JAG is going to be like, then I’ll definitely get it right away, before it sells out. *** This time for sure! ***
what a clifhanger!! i also cannot wait (though i will have to) for the finished product.
and now for my anal comment: “Robert Beltran, an actor who played Chakotay on Voyager,” … “Robert Beltran, the actor who played…”? makes more sense to me as there was only one actor who played him, right? ok.. sorry!
i lurve your writing! keep up the good work.
I’m no professor of Wheatonology or anything, but…
I’ll be buying this book.
wow. when can i buy it?
your re-write kicks ass! i can’t wait for JAG!
p.s. if i had a dollar for everytime that i am laughing at the screen of my ibook and my husband has looked over at me and said wryly, “what did wil say today?’ i wouldn’t need to work two jobs! i love your site!
I do not think that “Python” was a poor choice. We are all given opportunities to make chicken salad out of chicken shit. I feel I had the exact opposite experience with working on that film. OK, so I didn’t have to work on it as long as you did, and it’s no fun to die on screen, but come on! Years from now I’m sure that you will look back on the film, your work in it, and laugh… which was the whole point of doing that film. Now, as far as “The Curse” goes, well, fine, that was a bad film… but you were young, so I forgive you.
Keith? Really? Keith Coogan? You read my lame website?
Prove it. What would they call all this sand if it was made of diamonds?
Keep doing this, I really am getting interested. More.
You, sir, rock my small self centered universe! That was great. Keep up the good work!
Wil, I don’t know how to say it without repeating that which I’ve said before, whether here or on the ‘box. I’ll try though. Frankly, you never cease to amaze me.
Just when I think ah, there’s old Wil again wit some MoBlog pics of himself and that hottie he calls Anne. There’s old Wil again dropping some post on Paracosm about he should be working on JAG. There’s old Wil again telling bits of some story he’d already told in a blog entry of I can’t remember exactly when…
Just when I think all that you go and share some details about something that hell …I’d never experience…. that most of us would never experience and somehow you draw me into it. Your ability to express more than just an I was here and did this and saw that …to make me actually be able to feel it, experience it …albeit vicariously, is a truly wonderful wonderful thing. Thank you.
Mad writin’ skillz U gots yo! I want that book. Now plzkthx? Okay. Well, soon then? Plzkthxagain?
I can’t tell you, because that’s a secret. But I can tell you that we came up with our secret code on a trip, to Palm Springs. Yes, it’s me. Love the site. Read it every day. You are a big fat geek. (just like me!)
Hey Wil – Your IMDB filmography says you were in the recent movie “Brother Bear”. Wattup wit dat?
Sweetness. I love it Wil.
Wil, go with your instincts and keep up the great writing. You’re an inspiration to aspiring writers everywhere, especially this one. Can’t wait to read the finished product.
Okay. I think you need some negative (constructive) feedback too.
Cinderella – sounds like something one would say in conversation, and people would laugh at once, just because they weren’t expecting it, not because it’s funny. It doesn’t flow with the rest of the story. If you’re attached to it, maybe it would work if it were just the first half-sentence or so:
“On the day of the ball, I dressed in my finest gown- Wait. Sorry. Wrong story.
“On the morning of the ball, I had a major fashion crisis …”
“W!” – Maybe I’m just … a newbie…, but how do you pronounce that? “Wuh!”? “Double-you!”? It’s hard to read “W!” aloud, and so I got stuck there for at least six seconds trying to imagine Johnathan Frakes uttering a single consonant emphatically.
It is better.