breath of life

Posted on By Wil

If everything goes according to plan, Ryan, Nolan and I will embark on a new and wonderful phase of our lives together this evening. We will grab some root beers, sit at our dining room table, and I will take them on their very first dungeon crawl.
We have spent the last week or so creating characters, discussing the rules, and building excitement for tonight’s adventure. I have been staying up an extra hour or two each night after the kids go to bed, pouring over websites and my core rule books, simulating combats and creating NPCs. I’m pretty nervous, because I’m DMing an adventure for the first time since The Isle of Dread in 6th grade. And back then, I managed to kill everyone in the party pretty quickly, and never got to sit behind the screen again.
(For those of you keeping score at home, that would be about 19 years ago — Holy crap. Ninteen years ago? I’ve really been feeling older lately, and writing that number really put a crick in my neck. When did 31 become old? I know it’s not, but . . . damn.)
Anyhow, last night, Nolan and Anne were in the kitchen cutting his hair. I was at the dining room table reviewing Cleric spells, while I listened to The Two Towers soundtrack. Ryan came out of his room, and sat down across from me.
“Watcha doing?” he said.
“Just refreshing my memory. It’s been –” I paused. “Well, it’s been a really long time since I played ran a campaign, and I want . . . ”
(I want you to think I’m cool. I want to do something special for you. I want to share something with you guys that isn’t sports-related, so your dad can’t take it over and force me out of it.)
“I want to make sure you guys have a good time,” I said. “It’s important to me.”
“I’m so excited!” he said.
“Me too.”
He absentmindedly rolled some d20s I’d scattered across the table.
“Can I roll up an extra character, just for fun?” he said.
“Is your homework finished?”
“Yeah. Everything’s done, and I worked ahead in Biology.”
“Really?”
He nodded.
“Dude. That’s super-responsible. I’m proud of you.”
He smiled. “So can I?
“Sure,” I said. “The dice bags are on my desk.”
He got up, and walked over to my office. My desk, normally buried under computer books and writing journals, is currently coverd with gaming books: GURPS, Mutants and Masterminds, Car Wars, too many Cheapass games to count, and — of course — a stack of D&D books ten feet tall.
“It’s 4d6, right?” he called out.
“Yep, 4d6. And you –”
” — throw away the lowest roll.” we said in unison.
“Ryan, I . . . ”
(I love it when that happens.)
“I have an extra character sheet here that you can use.” I said.
“Okay.”
I went back to my books. A moment later, Ryan returned. Four six-sided dice dropped from his hand and rolled across the table.
“Since you’re the DM, will you watch my rolls?”
“You bet! This is . . . ”
(This is something I’ll remember for the rest of my life.)
“This is really fun.”
He picked up the dice, and threw them: 2 – 4 – 5 – 1
“Eleven?! Oh man!” he said.
“Hey, eleven isn’t a bad roll at all.” I noticed something familiar about the dice. Two of them were black, with red numbers. There was a skull where the one would have been.
“Hey, I have dice just like those in –” my heart stopped. I jumped up, and ran into my office.
There it was, in the cool blue glow of my monitor, atop my Freedom City sourcebook: an open bag of dice. My bag of dice. The black one, with the red pyramid from the Bavarian Illuminati on it. A clear d10, and two brilliant blue d12s sat near its open top. Its drawstring was cast carelessly across the side of the book, dangerously close to my Zen fountain.
Ryan slowly walked into the room.
“Is something wrong?” He said.
“You . . . you touched my dice!” I said. I felt a little woozy.
“Well . . . yeah.” he said.
“No. Ryan, you . . . ”
(You are about to see your stepdad as the old gamer geek he really is. The gamer geek I hope you’ll be one day . . . heh. This is actually kind of cool.)
“You can’t ever touch my dice.” I said, patiently.
“Uhh . . . aren’t they all ‘your dice’?”
“Technically, yes, but these here, in this bag, they’re the ones I’ve played with since I was in high school.”
He furrowed his brow and looked at me for a moment, while I put my dice back into my bag. A white d8 with worn off blue numbers, the clear d10 with white numbers, a green d6 that’s really a poker dice . . .
“When I was younger, these dice . . . ”
(These dice were some of the most important things in my life. Well. I have some perspective now.)
“These dice were a big part of my life.” I said.
I held the bag in my hand and looked at him. For the first time in eight years, I saw some of myself reflected back.
“You know what? It’s not that big a deal. I’d just rather you use some other dice.” I said.
“So do I get to re-roll that eleven since I used . . .” he lowered his head, and spoke in a grave voice: “The Forbidden Dice?” He smiled.
We laughed together.
“Eleven is a good roll, Ryan.” I said.
“I know, but twelve gets me plus one.”
“Okay. You can re-roll. But if you get a lower roll, you have to keep it.”
I tossed him my green bag, and he dug out 4d6.
“Deal.” He said.
We walked back into the dining room and sat back down at the table. Ryan threw 4d6: 2 – 5 – 2 – 1
“Nine?! Oh man!”
“I bet that eleven is looking pretty good now, isn’t it?” I said.
“Shut up.” he laughed.
He collected the dice, held them thoughtfully for a second, and said, “Wil, I’m sorry I used your dice. I just thought that bag was really cool.”
“It’s okay Ryan. Someday . . . ”
(Someday, I’ll give that bag, and all the dice in it, to you.)
“Someday, you’ll have your own dice, and your own dice bag, and you’ll understand.”
He threw 4d6: 6 – 6 – 4 – 4
“Sixteen! Rock!” he threw the goat.
On a 3×5 card, he wrote a one and a six beneath his nine.
“Ryan, I . . .”
(I love you more than you’ll ever know. Thank you for sharing these moments with me.)
“I can’t wait to play with you guys tomorrow night.”

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Comments (181)

  1. I don’t know if you listen to country music at all..but if not, there is at least one song that you HAVE to listen to. It’s called “He Didn’t Have To Be” by Brad Paisley. It’s about a boy and his step-father. It’s really great. I think that you would appreciate the meaning behind it. 🙂 Have a great day. 🙂

  2. Check out satellite photos of George W’s ranches:
    W’s Ranch in Texas
    and mansion
    W’s Mansion
    Now we know what money can buy – aka the american presidency.

  3. Wil, and anybody else reading this “later” 🙂
    Wow 🙂 Gosh 🙂 Super and then some 🙂 You guys and gals sure do know how to pull the heart strings. Thank you 🙂
    In words I learned from the movie “Little Big Man”: “You make my heart sing” Hope and love abound 🙂 In words of ST. Exupery “If you want to build a ship, don’t dream up people to collect wood and don’t assign them jobs, but rather teach them to long for the endless immensity of the sea.” We do want to build a “ship”, each of us. The ship is different for each of us, maybe, but seeing the RPG torch being passed sure does reward us when and as it happens. My sons grew up with RPG and because my path was different I couldn’t join him–hell, I was almost 41 when he was born so “it ain’t my fault”–but maybe now I can, maybe now I can 🙂
    Hummer Pleshe, 67 🙂 So?! 🙂

  5. I wish my dad had taken an interest in some of the things I was interested in when I was younger. Way to go Will!
    Oh, and PLEASE keep us updated on the campaign! It sounds like it could be a lot of fun!

  6. hi! tthis entry really touched me. ryan and nolan are the luckiest kids i the world. i really needed (still do) someone like you while i was growing up … 😉 thanks. great blog.

  7. There’s something completely special about one’s very first bag of dice. I didn’t own my own til I was 32 (they’re the malachite dwarven stones), but I don’t love them any less.
    This story reminded me of that, of how my husband used to carry his dice bag with him EVERYWHERE when we first met, and of how I eased into a friendship with my own stepfather.
    Thanks for sharing, and for making me smile.

  9. Sounds like a fun night! Let us know how it comes out! I may not know exactly what you’re talking about, but your kids are really lucky!!
    Ilya

  12. Remeber these great times with the kids. When they have done something wrong, it will keep you from getting really mad. I think it is great that you have something the “DAD” cant take over and isn’t sports. Not that my 2 cents is worth a lot, but I am proud for you as a dad. I also am proud that you are helping a friend in need, and brightening her day.

  13. Have you ever played Rifts? I’ve never played any role-playing games like D&D, but I once read a guidebook for Rifts and thought it looked awesome.

  15. Those are the memories that last a lifetime. And there’s nothing more heartwarming than recalling them years later.
    Hope y’all aren’t getting the flash floods that we’ve got here, down at Camp Pendleton.

  17. Come on people, relax. It’s possible that the gaming session didn’t go so well, or went badly, and Wil doesn’t want to spill to a bunch of strangers. Sometimes kids find that the rule mechanics are boring or annoying, and they just don’t get into it. It’s also possible that kids who have grown up playing (video) games which are (at least in principle) objective, get frustrated when they perceive that the DM (a close family member in this case) is playing favorites.
    I’m sure that we’ll get the story In The Fullness Of Time(TM).

  18. God above Wil. I absolutely want to cry. I have a step bitch instead of a stepdad and if I had had a step dad, I would have loved for him to be someone like you who looks at his step children as his own and loves them as his own in stead of being jealous of them as my step bitch was of me and my sister.
    You’re an awesome dad and a wonderful example to those out there with step children or those who are getting ready to inherit some step children.

  19. This is so great, Wil. My dh has declared one night a week D&D night in March. I played a long time ago with him, our ds10 has never played. My dh has *his* dice as well. They are safely protected in a small purple Crown Royal bag.

  20. 29 yr. old male gamer, professional, married.
    Just suckered a bunch of my fellow married professionals (doctors, web designers, managers, etc.) into getting back into D&D (or trying it for the 1st time) with me.
    Playing v3.0, switching to 3.5 one of these months.
    Got lots of extra dice sets in purple Crown Royal bags that I am happy to share, but I get to keep the pretties for myself.
    MY PRECIOUS!
    Great post Wil, keep carrying the torch. We luv ya!

  22. I just wanted to say that this entry made me tear up a bit . You see, my husband is also a proud , self proclaimed geek ..and I absolutley love him for it . I saw alot of him , and the way he will be with our children someday in this entry .
    Last year we spent a month in Flordia with my family , and my fondest memory of the experience? Sitting around the table with my younger brother , my husband , and all of us helping my mother roll up her very first character, an Elven Archer . Good Times.
    And the Geek goes on ..
    ~Erin

  23. Gods bless people who understand dice privelege. (And make sure Ryan knows that a nine isn’t as bad as it gets…just be careful where you put it! *grin*)

  24. I sincerely hope the Ryan comes through with a set of appropriately sarcastic in-charcter comments during the game, or he’ll have his teenager permit revoked.

  31. I saw this column in Dungeon and my inner math geek feels compelled to point out that Ryan’s choice to re-roll the 11 was correct since the expected value of 4d6 throwing away the lowest roll is about 12.2.

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