intastella burst

I was out late last night, recording a commentary track for the upcoming DVD release of The Good Things, so I slept in until almost 8:45 this morning, when Riley exploded into my bedroom and onto my bed. Bad dog, but so cute and friendly. Or something.
The kids had already gone to school. I made oatmeal, and ate it at the dining room table. Anne sat across from me and sipped a cup of coffee.
“The kids are gone for three days,” I said. “Can I have you all to myself until they get back?”
“Of course,” she said.
“I’d like to start out the weekend by having a date tonight with my wife. Will you go on a date with me?”
“Sure,” she said. “What did you have in mind?”
“I dunno . . . maybe we can go out to dinner and see a movie?”
“Good job, Romeo. Way to bring out the ‘A’ material. Bravo.” Clap. Clap. Ah, the inner critic. I love him.
“I have a better idea,” she said.
“Oh yeah? What?”
“How about . . . we stay home . . .”
In the distance, I heard music: wakka wakka wakka chikka bow wow wakka wakka chikka wakka
She smiled. “How about we order some food . . .”
” . . . that sounds good . . .” I said. wakka chikka wakka
She took a surprisingly sexy drink of her coffee. ” . . . and we can make a fire in the fireplace . . . ”
” . . . getting better . . . ” chikka bow chikka chikka bow wow
She put her cup down, and leaned on her elbows. ” . . . and we can stay up late . . .”
” . . . go on . . .” I said. chikka chikka chikka bow wow wow wow
She leaned across the table, close to me. ” . . . and watch Family Guy on DVD . . . All. Night. Long.”
“You are so fuckin’ rad, baby. You rip.” I said.
She smiled, and kissed the tip of my nose.
wakka wakka wakka chikka bow wow wakka wakka chikka wakka bow wow wakka wakka chikka bow chikka bow chikka bow

100 thoughts on “intastella burst”

  2. Nice build up,Wil. I thought I’d finally read some actual naughty dialogue between you and the missus. Spending a whole night watching the Family Guy on DVD. Man,you are one lucky bastard.

  4. “what about when god told abraham to kill isaac?”
    (probably one of two times i’ve dropped and rolled about the floor laughing)
    may it be as good for you 😀
    ~A

  8. You crack me up. 🙂
    (Longtime lurker; first time commenter. Not sure why this post is the one that made me finally pipe up and say something…)

  11. Dude
    Your wife rocks. And I’m not talking about “oh cool sombebody ordered pizza” rocks. Oh no..
    I’m talking about “HOLY SHIT! PETER JACKSON MAILED ME AN ADVANCE COPY OF THE EXTENDED CUT OF RETURN OF THE KING TODAY” rocks.
    And man…that rocks.
    Sean

  13. This was too funny. I would probably have the same internal Bow chicka bow wows in my head. You and your wife rock! Hehe “Family Guy”… what would Peter do in this situation?

  14. wil! be warned! I think this family guy thing is just a ruse. she’s just playing it cool so she can get you in the sack.

  15. The hubby and I have not had a weekend without the kids since *ahem* last JUNE… ya, the meetup..
    I so envy you right now. I hope you two have a blast just being together doing things you love to do and perhaps some of that chikka bow wow chikka. 😉
    Neph

  17. Okay, if there was a definition in the dictionary for Unsucky Life, it would say Wil Wheaton and have a picture of you next to it.
    Rock on!

  21. She had you going didn’t she uncle wilie? You two are soo funny. If I was in your position I would be singin wakka wakka chikka wakka bow wow wow yippie yo yippie yay. Take care Wil.

  22. I’m shocked, shocked and outraged, that such a theme would emerge from a family oriented venue such as an Internet blog. I’m going to sue because this has hurt me emotionally. Check thesmokinggun next week and you’ll see. Meg in Family Guy is hot, despite her nasally voice and incredibly bad choice of a husband. I can see how a DVD of F.G. would get you two kids all riled up and randy, but please don’t shock us anymore with these disgusting peeks into your personal life unless you are prepared to hand out big bucks in compensation for our mental anguish. (I’m assuming everyone will want to join me in this and we’ll make it a class action suit.) Tell you what, Wil, you naughty, naughty man/boy. Just order up another printing of your book – enough copies to cover anybody who’s offended – and make them freely available to us – and we’ll drop the lawsuit. Gawd, I am SO funny. Being a victim is COOL!

  24. Wow, what a stud. You know, you just keep doing things right, Wil. Maybe it’s because you never blog about the totally dumb, male driven, selfish shit all us guys do, or maybe you are truly an Uberman. I don’t know. It really seems like you have all of your shit together, and are now totally ready for the “Next Big Thing”. Maybe it’s because you aren’t so fully focused on stardom (like us other Former Child Stars). Life is what happens while we are busy making other plans. You seem to have learned a bit about this whole life, family, home, relationship thing. I admire you, Wil. Not only have you been a good friend to me, but you seem to hold that same standard up for all of the other carbon based life units around you. Kudos.
    -K

  25. Whaddaya mean, surprisingly sexy? Your wife’d be sexy scrubbing the toilet… and that’s coming from a woman.
    Anyways, that story has the definite Awwwwww factor. You guys are too sweet for words. Thanks for bringing my Friday to such a sweet end. 🙂
    Family guy rocks. I am totally addicted to it.

  26. Wil, it’s so great to know that you and Anne still have romance in your relationship. :^) The stay-at-home dates are usually the best (no one has to drive!). Best of all is that you can snuggle and get all kissy without offending anyone — and you can replay the part of the movie that you missed because you got distracted. ;^)
    Have a nice weekend everyone!
    P.S.
    YEAH! Family Guy rocks!

  28. I would love to know what Kind of dog Riley is. My dog Riley is a maltese, and he is the cutest ever. Sounds like you are going to have a great weekend. You go tiger

  29. Uncle Willie, you’re my Hero!!!! There is nothing I enjoy seeing more then two people in love.
    I laughed so loud, I snorted my milk through my nose. You and Ann, could put Nick and Jessica outta business. That’s it, what a great Idea, “Uncle Willie, and family” the new reality show for Tech TV.

  30. OK, I’m totally outed as an idiot now. I meant LOIS not MEG. And I can’t even name all the voice talent actors’ names!
    I have no brain.
    And yes, I’m still suffering the trauma of reading about Wil’s sordid weekend plans. The horror, the outrage of it all….

  36. Ok I say watch some Family Guy, and then get a little nookie, then watch some more family guy, haha. I just had a rockin day with my man at the Portland car show! I never thought spending so much time with so many vehicles and my man would actually turn out to be a cool day. It rocked! I hope your night turns out as good as my day went! Have fun A & W!!

  40. Which Family Guy volume? I or II? Ahh, decisions, decisions…
    My favorite scene is where Peter tries to breastfeed Stewie. *Shudder*

  41. ROFL,
    The build up to that was perfect. And actually when you started with the porn music, I was actually already thinking of Stewie doing his porn music impression. Mmmmm… can’t wait for more family guy.

  43. I don’t know Wil. I think you’re mistaking The Family Guy for some old porn flick you saw on the internet. I know I would.
    Oh, and enjoy the [wink] peaceful interlude [/wink] while it lasts.
    One last thing, if I may steal (and corrupt) a line from Bill Murray during his SNL days: Wil, you horny slut.

  44. You know Wil, you often post that you wonder what she ever saw in you. I think we all just figured it out…
    She just saw her own inner geek reflected in you – she may deny it, but it’s there…and that’s a great thing to know. That makes you one hell of a lucky guy. Enjoy the shows!

  46. Dear Wily,
    I have loved you ever since you got blown to pieces in Toy Soldiers, and when you were a vulcan, or whatever it is you were, well GOD, how much hotter could you get? Not very! Please run away with, we can make Wil Wheaton Jr. babies under the Tahitian moon.
    Yours Eternally,

  47. hahaha
    I was actually thinking “no way would he write about Anne being all kinky and stuff…” then as i read further i thought ..”well…uh..”
    I laughed. Thanks Wil 🙂

  48. Oh man… that was fuckin’ great, Wil. 😀
    Bravo. I can almost see this; it’d make for a great scene in a movie, a nice burst of giddy laughter before the main event: destroying the evil Berman Empire with a can of Whoop-Ass, a starship-sized stash of photon torpedoes… and a smile.

  49. ” I said. chikka chikka chikka bow wow wow wow”
    Sounds like you been hangin’ around the dogs too much lately. You’re picking up their lingo! Probably why you ended up watching Family guy all night, instead of doing the chikka chikka bow wow!
    Just kidding.
    What a miserable life you have. I feel soooo bad for you. 😉
    I gotta say, I am really impressed with the fact you turned out to be such a down to earth guy.
    Being on a hit series hasn’t ruined you. I really admire that.
    Keep up the good work. You write very well.

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