Note: readers who are unfamiliar with hold-em rules can find them at ultimate bet dot com. Readers who are unfamiliar with poker terminology may want to read This glossary from CNN first. Or don’t. I’m not the boss of you.
Part one of this story is here.
Part two of this story is here.
Part three of this story is here.
During the shuffle, Mrs. Beautiful turns to me and says, “Hey, where the hell is Shane?”
“He’s . . . babysitting.”
“Babysitting?! Who?”
I tell her that I’m not sure. Mr. Director offers the name of a fairly prominent studio executive, well-known for his tantrums.
“I really don’t know.” I’m sort of glad I don’t.
For the next several hands I get nothing but a bunch of small off-suit junk. The only pair I get is crabs, so I let Mr. director and Mrs. Beautiful beat up on each other while I lose enough in blinds to drop back to third. When the blinds go up to 500-1000, my short stack looks a lot shorter. I have just enough to cover one or two more blind bets, and I’m hoping for a miracle.
Mrs. Beautiful is on the button, Mr. Director is the small blind, and I’m the big blind. She calls. Mr. Director folds, and I look at my cards. There’s my miracle: A-10 hearts. My heart thumps hard in my chest. If I remember what I’ve learned from Doyle Brunson correctly, these are good cards to play 3 handed. It’s time to make my move.
I wrap my left hand around my small stacks of chips, and push them toward the center of the table.
“I’m all in.” I know the words come out of my mouth, but they sound distant.
Mrs. Beautiful studies her pocket cards. “Call.”
Visions of doubling up and making a strong run at second, or even first, begin to dance in my head.
I stand up, and turn over my cards. Mrs. Beautiful bites her lip, and turns over Siegfried and Roy.
Two. Fucking. Queens.
With a gentle smile, she says, “I’m sorry.”
Oh fuck me.
The dealer knocks the table, slides the top card under the the muck, and deals out three cards. He spreads them out with a flourish, just like on TV. He flips them over and the flop is revealed: 9 hearts – 10 diamonds – 5 clubs. I make a pair, but her queens still beat me.
I’m not good enough at math to know what my odds are, but I know that I’m looking at twelve outs — twelve cards out of forty-something that can make my hand: eight hearts put me one off a flush, (One of Mrs. Beautiful’s queens is a heart, but my ace beats her if we make it) one of the two tens makes trips, and either ace would give me two pair. I’m not out . . . yet.
The dealer burns and turns . . . a red deuce . . . is it hearts of diamonds? It’s a heart! The lowly two of hearts. It’s the most beautiful card I’ve seen tonight. Eleven cards left now in this deck that can keep me in this game.
The busted out players who have stuck around to drink surround us like railbirds. A wave of excitement ripples through them.
“Come on, Wil!” Yells Mr. Drunk Guy.
Ever since I played my first game of Hold’em in high school, and learned about the World Series of Poker sometime during my junior year, I’ve entertained notions of playing in the big one. But every time I go to Vegas, I look into those poker rooms, and lose my nerve. Before tonight, I’ve never had the balls to play in anything bigger than a home game with friends . . . I doubt I’ll ever play in the WSOP, but the way I feel right now, I could be at the final table, staring across the felt at Johnny Chan.
I take a deep breath, and grab the back of my chair tightly, I don’t have to look at my knuckles to know that they’re white. Here comes fifth street, and the whole thing is in slow motion: the dealer knocks three times with one knuckle, grabs the red-backed corner of the top card, his thumb covering the little Bicycle cherub, and burns it away. Was that one of my outs? I’ll never know. His hand rests atop the deck, and it feels like an eternity before the river is revealed . . .
. . and it’s the queen of clubs. I go out in third place.
Mrs. Beautiful stands up and hugs me. She smells good. Mr. Director shakes my hand, and tells me that I played well. Mr. Drunk Guy tells me how much he loves me.
I am slow to pick up my jacket. I’m conflicted: in the haze of elimination, I wonder if I made a mistake moving all-in, but I’ve just finished third in my first-ever real money tournament! Before I can walk away from the table, the next hand is dealt. Mr. Director, who has an almost 2-1 chip lead on Mrs. Beautiful even after she wiped me out, says, “Let’s finish this,” and puts her all-in.
She calls. He’s got a pair of jacks, she’s got K-Q.
“What are the odds? If I wasn’t here, I wouldn’t believe it.”
The flop is A spades – Q spades – 4 clubs. Mrs. Beautiful leans forward, and looks intensely at the board. Mr. Director stands up, his hands thrust deep into his pockets.
A king (clubs) comes on fourth street, and Mrs. Beautiful takes the lead in the hand with two pair. The excitement level from the fourteen or so people who are in the club rivals the poker room at Binion’s.
Mr. Director and Mrs. Beautiful look at each other. She is chewing furiously on her bottom lip, and it’s incredibly sexy. I wish I was in this hand.
The dealer knocks the table, burns the top card, and the jack of hearts — one of my outs, one hand too late — comes down the river. Mr. Director makes three of a kind, and wins it all on a suck out.
I can’t tell who’s more stunned between them. Mrs. Beautiful reaches across the table and shakes his hand. I look down at the green felt table: nine cards turned up, the rest of the pack spread out next to the dealer. A mountain of chips. I wish I had a camera. This would make a great book cover.
When I look up, they’re both cashing out. The railbirds have wandered away, and music starts to fill the room. The dealer scoops the chips into a bag, and the felt top is carried away under one very large Samoan arm.
I look at my watch: it’s after midnight. Since Sean and I worked together on Toy Soldiers, our careers have taken wildly different paths, and each time I look at this innocent timepiece, I feel a twinge of sadness and regret. Occasionally jealousy. I wear it because it was a generous gift. It’s also a reminder. I watch the second hand sweep slowly around past the 8, and for the first time in ages, I don’t feel like a loser. I feel good. Maybe I’ll finally get up the nerve to call Sean. Maybe I’ll ask him over to play cards. I pick up my coat, and go collect my money.
The girl at the bar counts out a stack of bills. Blue eyes. Pale skin. Jet black hair down her back. Goddamn.
“You’ve never played here before.” She says.
“Nope. I didn’t even know this place existed until two weeks ago.”
“You should come in on a weekend night. It gets crazy in here.”
“Plato’s Retreat crazy?” I ask.
She gives me a blank look. I realize that she can’t be older than 22.
“It was a 70s sex club in New York,” I say. “Not that I went there when I was eight, or anything.”
“Oh.” She smiles. “Well, it gets crazy in here.” She hands me my money. “Your finish gets you a free seat at the next game in two weeks.” There’s a very subtle flirtation. I wonder for the briefest second if it’s me or the cash I am stuffing into my pocket.
“Oh? Cool. I’ll be back then.”
“And don’t forget the weekend.” She takes out a shiny black business card with “Odessa” stamped on the back in red ink, and writes “Jessie” on it. “This will get you in.” She smiles, puts it in my hand, and holds on a little too long.
I’m enjoying this entirely too much. “I usually spend the weekends with my wife and stepkids,” I say, “but I’ll hold onto this.”
“You do that.” She says. “You want anything for the road?”
Do I.
“A bottle of water would be great,” I say.
She turns around and reaches down into a box against the back of the bar. Her shirt lifts up, and reveals a tattoo of ribbon, tied into a bow, just above the top of her black and red —
I really need to get out of here.
“Here you go.” She says.
“Thanks. Bye.” I take the bottle, and walk to the door. Mr. Webmaster is waiting for me.
“Hey, you played really well.” He says.
“Thanks. Too bad I got clobbered by those fucking queens.”
“It happens. Can I ask you a question?”
Oh good. He wants me to introduce him to the agent I don’t have.
“Sure.”
“Why didn’t you play on Celebrity Poker Showdown?”
“Because I’m not a celebrity,” I say. “At least, not in the way it matters to Bravo.”
“Aw, fuck them. You can play here whenever you want.”
“Thanks, man. I appreciate that.”
“Just bring Shane and his money next time.”
I laugh and shake his hand.
“Will do.”
I walk out the door, and discover a long line of hipsters down the alley, behind a velvet rope. They have no idea about the game. The Odessa keeps a good poker face.
Great ending, Wil. Yeah, you lost, but you did way better than Shane apparently does, and at least you got to get in a final rib on Mr. Lawyer. I think they’ll all have a better measure of respect for you next time you play. And you got a free seat for the next game, can’t beat that…
You know what? Heck with the Oscar insanity. Call Sean. Sean Astin is known throughout the industry as a decent caliber guy. Just dial him up and shoot the breeze. I’ll bet you guys will have plenty to talk about. Don’t give in to jealousy, just call him…
Hey. Tell that coat check girl at the Odessa that you know this rock star wannabe from Central Pennsylvania… Nevermind. I’ll just be hiding over here…
I was sitting here listening to some jazz and as I read this post I realised I was sucked right into the mood and the story.
It’s the kind of writing that makes you look up when you finished and you realise it’s light outside and you’ve read through the night and into the next day without noticing.
That’s the kind of writing thats the hardest to do.
Good work Wil!
From what you’ve told us, Wil, you played pretty well. Short-stacked with ATh with the button calling, I probably would’ve done the same as you. Probably your best chance before you got blinded out, anyway.
Sounds to me like on the flop you had five outs, though (the three aces and the two tens) — any single heart doesn’t give you jack, so you shouldn’t count those as outs if you’re attempting to do the math. That is, if you get a single heart on the last two cards, you still lose the hand. Once you got the heart on the turn, you can count the remaining eight hearts as outs. But of course none of this matters since you were already all-in 🙂
Great story, though. Thanks for such a riveting read!
Man! That was great! It felt like I was right there watching the whole thing! I hope you go to the next one and tell us all about it!
Wil,
If you’re ever on the east coast, moreso in the tri-state area, I’ve got some games out here. You name the limit, I can find you a game.
Will
I’ve been reading the journal of your journies for a while now and was too shy to send you a reply before.
Thank you for sharing it and your life…if I wasn’t a fan before (and I was), then I’m a big fan now (and I am.)
Great story. You should get O’Reilly to sponsor you in the WSOP so you can write a book about the experience. I’d buy it.
Oh, and don’t think another second about pushing all -in with ATs, as short stacked as you seemed to be, that’s an automatic play. Well done.
Well played… well written… well done.
Awesome story Wil! I’ve been riveted since part one! Congrats on placing third. Not bad for your first time out!!!
And, not that advice from someone like me matters, but I’d give Sean a call. You might be surprised. Rekindling old friendships are one of the greatest things in life.
I like Adam’s idea. Hell, I’d read a book about poker if you wrote it!
1)Great job Will!
2)Call Sean!
3)Are you going to post the results from your first D&D session soon?
Awesome story, Wil! Can’t wait to hear about the next game.
“Since Sean and I worked together on Toy Soldiers, our careers have taken wildly different paths, and each time I look at this innocent timepiece, I feel a twinge of sadness and regret. Occasionally jealousy.”
That made me feel a little sad to read that, but it’s those human touches that make your stories so great.
You get better all the time. Actor, writer, now poker playing stud. I can’t wait to read your books.
That is so incredibly cool!
I would be proud finishing 3rd if I were you.. that is pretty darn good for a first game like that.
I can definately see you in the big tournament in vegas someday.
You must try.. it is a moral imperative.
What can I say, that hasn’t already been said many times over, Wil? Awesome story, kept me on the edge of my seat until the end, very funny, quite imformative (if you understand poker, which I do NOT)and making me look forward to your new book.
Call Sean and re-connect. It’s a good thing.
Take care,
Mark
Wil, I know zip about poker, but I really enjoyed the entire four part story and the style in which you wrote it.
Thanks for the entertainment.
Well, Wil… I was certainly rooting for you. If the blinds were eating you up that much it’s possible you were playing a little too conservatively with just three players left.
ATs is certainly the kind of hand you push all-in on when short-stacked and just three left. The odds of one of the other two players having a stronger starting hand are slim. You made the right play.
And as far as your outs go… after the flop, your only true outs were the other 10’s and other A’s (5 outs), plus, you can add about 2 outs any time you have a runner going (i.e. two cards to a flush or two cards to a straight).
Finally, Mr. Director didn’t quite suckout on Mrs. Beautiful… when the money made it into the pot, he was actually the favorite.
Another brilliant chapter… can’t wait to try and get you in our next online tourney! 🙂
Great read Wil, looks like you got your mojo back.
Btw.. if you do call Sean, make sure you have a dictionary handy. I’m still snickering at his use of the phrase “internecine strife” at the SAG awards. And if you think that’s crazy, listen to the cast commentary on either of the first two LotR movies. My wife and I were rolling our eyes throughout. Don’t get me wrong, I thought Sean was fantastic in the movies, he’s just very earnest, which I find amusing for some reason.
Tim
We want to you finish JAG first. But after that you should seriously consider poker tournaments. You really might get a great book out of it. The popularity of poker is a splode right now and there is surely room for another good book about it. Plus the exposure might be good for JAG, if you get to the final table or something.
Wil,
Totally awesome! I actually skipped an episode of
Star Trek in order to read your post. “… not a
celebrity”? I’ll bet 99% of your readers are
Trekkies–how else would we know you? You are a
CELEBRITY !!!
Your friend, Freeman.
Wil,
You’re the man!
I would never have the balls to do what you did, even if I did live in LA.
This has to be one for JAG 2!
For what it’s worth, I’d pay to see you on CPS, they need some real poker players!
Wil,
Absolutely fantastic writing. I know it’s been said before here, and many times at that, but you are truly a talented writer. You inspire me.
This was the best series of stories I have ever seen from you.
Well written and entertaining.
Thanks!
Very well done, Wil. Nicely structured and atmospheric – I felt like I was looking over your shoulder watching it all happen.
I would say that finishing third in your first real tournament *should* make you feel on top of the world. Hell, I finished first in a play-money on-line tournament last night, and I felt like I had just won the lottery!
I’m looking forward to reading your next poker story. Try not to make us wait too long, ‘k?
Awesome story there Wil! Sounds like a great time was had. Hey, can I get Jessie’s number off that card she gave you? Sounds like just my type of woman!
Sex, alcohol, and gambling….sounds like a winning movie to me! 😉
Great. Now I want to play poker. I don’t even know how.
Congrats on the game. Nice little flirtation action too.
OK. So I read a lot, and I consider myself quite a connoisseur of the short story. (In particular, I think Stephen King can tell a story like no other. The guy’s just amazing.) Anyway, the point is – that was one of the best short stories I’ve ever read. Fact, fiction, installment, whatever, that was just great fun. Wil, IMHO, your best work thusfar. Thanks for a good read.
Very nicely done!
A game of Hearts is about the limit of my gaming skills, but the crisp writing really held my attention.
John
Amazingly well rendered story. I don’t agree with most of your positions politically, but I have to say that I think your writing (at least at your site for now) is some of the most articulate work I’ve read from any of your contemporaries. I will immediately buy anything I see with your name on it, just please don’t start producing bobble-heads. Good luck in your life.
I must beg to differ with you, Wil. You’re more of a celebrity than 9/10 of the people I saw on CPS on Bravo. Maybe it’s because I’m terminally average, maybe it’s because I don’t spend a lot of time watching TV or going to the movies, but if they hadn’t told me, I wouldn’t have known most of their players from Adam or Eve. You, on the other hand, would have been a recognizable (and welcome) face.
Way to go! Awesome story!
I know jack about poker, but I read these entries with great interest. You are *such* a compelling story-teller, it’s ridiculous.
I have to say that as usual, your writing is gripping, always leaving us wanting more. I know alot of people have already said this but, call Sean, I’m pretty sure that you’ll feel better in the end. And, forget that scummy agent,(it’s so hard to find someone loyal.) Find another, you never know what happen in the future. Seriously.
Hi Wil!
Although I think it was kind of mean to make us wait for each installment, I absolutely could not wait to read them as you posted them. Hell, I even got myself an RSS reader so I would know when it posted! LOL This entire site is a great case study for community building – YOU are a great story. What a great example you are to so many that only *think* they know how to incorporate their talents into a career. Would you mind being the subject of a business article? Thanks for sharing. 🙂
~Ginger aka ‘the WebWench’
Wil
I have always loved you as an actor, I accidently came across this site and I must say it’s great. This is the second night I’ve stood up and read your stories. I think you are incredibly gifted. Please don’t stop being you, I think its great and so do so many others. You shouldn’t be so hard on yourself, just look at how many lives you’ve touched and how they still care.
great story wil. sincerely! only one question though…did lardass have to pay to get in the game??
yeah, im a tool its true.
but it really was a great piece of writing, i enjoyed it a lot. reminded me of oceans 11 or something like that.
Whew! Thanks goodness the story’s done! You really left us hanging there, Wil. Great work, and I didn’t even understand the poker-talk. But I understood the tension.
And, yay!, I was right. You did name drop Sean in the first part for a reason. Call the guy, already. Do we monkeys always have to push you? First Isaac Hayes, now Sean Astin. Call to congratulate him, if nothing else. His character showed real heart in LOTR and from what I’ve read and seen of him, the man is like that himself.
No wonder you’re a writer now. Acting is a waste of your talents. Hot damn. And go call Sean. HE played a guy with big feet, he didn’t dump you or anything. 🙂
Hmph. Ya know, maybe acting was the wrong line fo work for you, you should have spent those formative years writing hardboiled fiction. You would have raked in the bucks….
Wil, good job. Third in your first tournament – that’s quite the accomplishment! I’m envious.
Speaking of envious, tell Jessie to give me a call if she’s ever in Boston!
… as if.
Great story Wil…I was dying to know how it ended and it was driving me nuts that you were doing it one WEEKDAY at a time. Damnit, why can’t you post over the weekend. I don’t know the rules (and I didn’t bother to read them) and I still felt the tension of what was going on. Just all around great story telling.
http://journals.aol.com/jeffcomedy/Whatthehell
This is the “Contact Us” link for Bravo TV. I suggest that anyone wanting to see Wil on the next Celebrity Poker Showdown hit that link and tell them so.
I just sent them a glowing recommendation, emphasizing not only Wil’s celebrity credentials but his poker skill, pointing them to the four parts of this story as a shining example.
Do it today.
…and turns over Siegfried and Roy.
Two. Fucking. Queens.
That comment was classic, Wil.
Way to go on the tournament.
Bravo, by the way, would have you.
/me wishes he had the money for poker tournaments.
Great story.
\m/Breakin’ the law\m/
Great one Wil. Good on ya!
Fucking great. That’s the best story ive ever read here. It actually wouldn’t have been as fun if you won. Nobody likes a winner.
Great story! I’d love to know what the return on your investment was too. Percentages is cool… no need to talk cash numbers. 😉
Hey Wil,
I’ve been reading your blog for quite sometime now. Your site is one of the places I go to get away from everything else. Anyway, “lying in odessa” is by far one of the best reads on the web. I found myself looking forward to reading the next part. Now that it’s over I wish there was more to the story.
Charlie
I never leave comments here–but I’m just checking in to say that I read your site regularly and enjoy it!
Regarding Craig Steffen’s comment: “Ok; I don’t know how to play poker, but I’ve read through the rules links. Why do you (Wil) know what Mrs. Beautiful’s cards are before the flop? The rules page for that game said that the players turn over their private cards at the end of the game, after the last card is put on the table.”
Craig, in head to head play (only 2 players left), once one of the players is called all-in, no further betting is done. The cards are simply turned over, and the game is in the hands of fickle fate. The dealer serves up the remaining community cards and then you find out who won. If Wil and the other player had not been all-in, there would have been the potential for more betting, so the pocket cards would be kept hidden, as the links said.
I went to Bravo’s site and put in my recommendation for Wil!