lying in odessa – part three

Note: readers who are unfamiliar with hold-em rules can find them at ultimate bet dot com. Readers who are unfamiliar with poker terminology may want to read This glossary from CNN first. Or don’t. I’m not the boss of you.
Part one of this story is here.
Part two of this story is here.

***

I get up, take a piss, and grab a Coke. My cell phone rings while I’m at the bar. It’s my stepson, and he wants to know how I’m doing. I tell him about the 7-4, and he says, “Don’t tilt, Wil.”
“Too late,” I say.
“Oh. That sucks. Well, don’t worry about it. I’ll see you when you get home. I love you.”
“I love you, too.” I say. We hang up.
For some reason, the conversation settles me down, and I return with new focus. I decide that I am the only person at this table who can beat me, even if the cards aren’t helping me win.
I keep getting junk, so I throw away the next several hands. Mr. Lawyer busts out Mr. Magician and Mr. Webmaster. Mrs. Beautiful takes care of Mr. Agent’s Assistant, and there are just five of us left at the table: Mr. Lawyer, Mrs. Funnypants, me, Mrs. Beautiful, and Mr. I’m In The Music Industry.
Finally, my cards start to come. I stick to my plan, and double through Mrs. Funnypants, the well-known comedienne. On the next hand, Mr. I’m In The Music Industry goes all-in against me with pocket tens. I’ve got a good chip lead on him, so I loosen up and call him with K-9. There’s a king on the flop, it holds up, and I bust him out. It’s the first time I’ve ever busted anyone out, and I feel like Howard Fucking Lederer. I sneak a look at Mr. Lawyer as I rake in the pot. He’s busy shuffling his chips.
When the blinds are up to 50-100, I’m briefly the chip leader, and I tighten up again. Maybe it’s not the best strategy, but . . . I’m the chip leader for the first time in my life, in my first real tournament. Where the hell is Shane?
Mr. Lawyer comes over the top of Mrs. Beautiful, all-in pre-flop. Mrs. Beautiful calls him before he’s done pushing his chips in. It goes something like this:
Mr. Laywer: “I’m all i–”
Mrs. Beautiful: “Call.”
Mr. Lawyer blanches, and turns over 8-9 clubs. Mrs. Beautiful flashes him a smile, and turns over KK.
“You do not have two kings!” Mr. Lawyer says. I wonder if that’s his “I object!” voice.
“I’m pretty sure I do,” she says. Overruled.
Mr. Lawyer stands up, and a vein throbs in his forehead. I could kiss Mrs. Beautiful right now.
He pairs his 8 on the flop, but that’s it. Mrs. Beautiful sends Mr. Lawyer home.
He looks at me, and says, “I had to take my shot.”
“Tough break,” I say, “Guy.”
Now it’s his turn to shrug. “Next time. Next time.”
I feel like a fucking rockstar for outlasting him.
When there are seven of us left, we take a break before we move to one table. The other players go to the bar, the bathroom, or just meander around the mostly-empty club. I walk outside and call Shane. He picks up on the first ring.
“Hey, Wil. What’s up?”
“I’m at the Odessa. Where the hell are you?”
“Have you seen the news recently? I’ve been babysitting executives all week.” He says.
“At ten o’clock on a Wednesday?”
“Yes. It’s that bad. So how are you doing?”
“Better than I thought,” I say. “I made it to the final table. The regulars wish your money was here.”
He laughs.
“Maybe I’ll play next time.” I hear a voice in the background. He puts his hand over the mouthpiece, and says something back. “Look, I gotta go. Good luck.”
“Thanks. Bye.”
The door opens behind me, and one of the big Samoan guys raises his fist at me. I wince, until I realize that he’s holding up his thumb, directing me back into the club.
“They’re ready for you,” he says, and walks back inside. I catch the door inches before it closes. It’s incredibly heavy.
We sit down, and the cards come out. On the first hand, I bust out Mr. Circus Clown. A few hands later, I bust out Mr. Drunk Guy. Goddammit, this feels great! I work hard to keep my focus, and hope my hands don’t tremble as I separate my chips into hundred dollar stacks.
The blinds go up to 100-200, and that takes care of Mrs. Funnypants, who was down to the felt when we moved. I try not to get too excited, but I’m currently one off the money. That’s pretty damn cool, but there’s a sobering reality: if I go out next, I have as much to show for my efforts as Mr. Lawyer, and I really fucking hate that guy.
Shortly after the blinds go up to 300-600, Mr. Director busts out Mr. I Won An Emmy, and I find myself in the money! I can’t believe it!
I look at my stack: I have about 2200, I guess. Mrs. Beautiful is stacked . . . and is also the chip leader with over 4000. Mr. Director has about 1000 less than she does. He reaches into his jacket, and takes out a Camel cigarette.
“You can’t smoke in here, sir,” the dealer says.
“What?” Mr. Director says.
“It’s against the law.” The dealer says.
“We’re in an illegal cardroom, and you’re worried about me smoking?”
“Sorry.” The dealer says. “House rules.”
For a moment, I think Mr. Director is going to punch him, but he laughs.
“Fucking California,” he says. We all laugh as he puts the cigarette behind his ear.
The laughter fades quickly. We all know that there is a substantial money difference between 2nd and 3rd place, so play is pretty tight. A raise before the flop is usually enough to steal the blinds. I take some chances, and grab one or two with marginal hands: 10-10, and K-7. I almost wish I would see 10-2 — the Doyle Brunson — so I could play it. What the hell is wrong with me?
This goes on for a while, until I look at my pocket cards and find AJ on the button. Mrs. Beautiful calls, Mr. Director checks, and I call. The flop comes J-4-7. The bet is checked to me, and I move all-in. Mrs. Beautiful looks at her cards, then to me. I take a deep breath, and look down at the board. I’m pretty sure I want at least one call, but it’s still nerve-wracking. If I blow this, I go home with nothing.
She calls. It’s about half her stack. Well, I got my wish . . . I think.
Mr. Director calls; it hardly makes a dent. Oh shit. Two callers? They’ve both got jacks. Please not a pair. Please not a pair.
Mrs beautiful turns over KJ diamonds. My hand involuntarily flies up to my chin, and pulls at the corners of my mouth.
Mr. Director turns over J9. I breathe for the first time in over a minute, stand up, and show my Ajax.
Here we go: the dealer turns a 6, and then a 3.
I won? I won! Wait . . . did I? Yes! Holy shit! I won!
I can’t help it. I shout, “YES!” as I double (triple?) through, and drop Mrs. Beautiful to third. I hope I can hold on.

105 thoughts on “lying in odessa – part three”

  3. Good thing Mr. Director had J9, not J8…can’t wait to see the next installment! (And how much of your winnings are you pledging for the TNT???)
    Oh, and congrats on Mr. Lawyer getting knocked out; I know you would’ve liked the honor, but very sweeeet nonetheless. 🙂

  4. Wil, looks like you hit the Trifecta for excellence in poker playing, parenting, and, er…tongue in cheek self-deprecation (see “Used to be an actor” comments in Part one). You rock!

  6. Damn, that was exciting. My heart was actually racing while reading that. Damn, that was cool. WAY TO GO WIL! For the card playing, and the great way you wrote the story.

  7. Yes, the poker lingo is coming fast and furious, but it fits in well with the tale…not so much of it at the start, but it’s progressing as Wil is slowly turning into Mike McD from “Rounders”. I’m enjoying the hell out of it. Is anyone eating Oreos? 🙂

  9. You can’t just stop like that, I’ve been killing myself wait for the 3rd update, and now I have to wait for the forth. Great story so far. It inspired me to watch the World Poker Tournament this weekend.
    You’re Pro.

  10. Oh man! Two callers on an all in. Love it. This is torturous waiting for the next installment. On the edge of my seat. I’m waiting for the 7-2 off suit all in on the final hand. (oh gosh, I think I’m learning the lingo.)
    I find myself wondering if this is fiction or not.
    My wife says I’m not allowed to play. So I can only live vicariously through you installments and televised matches. …. waiting …. 🙂

  11. reading this entry harks my mind back to that one ep where frakes and spiner are teaching you poker.
    only sounds like you’re playing much much better these days.
    best of luck!

  12. I understand absolutly nothing about poker, but this story is amazing! I cant wait for the next episode! Go wil, you rock!!

  14. This is why I hate reading serials…I always have to wait for the next installment. Thanks for messing with me Wil!

  15. That is some damn fine writing, Wil. You had me laughing out loud and my heart racing. I couldn’t wait to get to the end of that last paragraph to find out if you had won that hand. Absolutely awesome!

  18. hey wil,
    way to go! i don’t really understand what was going on, but it sounded good…so YEY!!
    and just as a by-note, i’m not too sure this is the place to say this, but can you please pass on my congratulations to Sean Astin for the Oscars last night. LOTR swept up…it was great…and yeah, he’s still lookin mighty fine!! teehee….cheers wil,
    rach

  20. Wil,
    I really love seeing the emails that inform me when you update your blog. Some days I’m too busy to look right away, but today I saw that the next installment was in and I dropped what I was doing (good thing I’m not a heart surgeon) and checked your site. I love the story but I am dying to see how this turns out. Congrats on making it as far as you have and, though I know it doesn’t help now, I’m sending all kinds of mojo your way!

  21. Okay, I don’t get most of that jargon, but I think it’s going well for you, so yay!! But you must finish the story!!!

  22. Ah, come on. Tell us what happens. This is worse than to be continued…. shows. I want to know what happens.

  23. Will our hero be able to beat Stephen Spielberg and Catherine Zeta Jones at poker? Will he be able to save the day while still getting the girl? Can he fight off the alien menace while serving on the school board? Tune in next week–same blog time, same blog channel! (Check local listings for showtimes.)
    I, too, am wondering how much is fictional. A bunch of readers were moderately embarassed by voicing concern about Wil’s life when he wrote a story about a guy drowning his sorrows in a bar, which was in the “creative writing” department and thus fiction. So does the “poker” department map to “blog” department, “creative writing” department, or perhaps “real, but spiced up to make a better story as any good storyteller would do” department?
    Great reading, as usual. Keep it up!

  24. Wil, you kick ass! But I’ll warn you, if you end your next post with “and then I woke up,” you’re in big trouble, guy. 🙂

  25. I was gonna say the same thing, I have no idea what you are saying but it sounds really cool. I guess I am going to have to learn to play poker so I can keep up 🙂

  27. Wil,
    Question about that all-in. Why didn’t Mrs. Beautiful and Mr. Director have a side pot with each other if they both had chips after calling you on the flop?

  28. WOOOOOOOOT!!
    Way to go Head Monkey!
    I played with family on Sunday guess its catching….i broke even though!
    hugs
    Andrea x

  30. Wil, I’ve just seen your movie Stand By Me (1986) and I want to say it’s amazing. You’re an amazing actor – 🙂

  31. *reads with eyes wide open*
    “I hope I can hold on.”
    *eyes shift back and forth quickly as a confused frown forms*
    What? That’s it? For the love of SANITY Wil! Finish it!!!

  32. God dammit Wil, you’re clearly killing us here! I never thought I would be on the edge of my seat, with my heart up in my throat, over a story about POKER, of all things…

  33. Mother Jesus Balls! Rock on, Wil! Can’t wait to see how this one ends. What started out as bleak has turned into a good streak of luck. Hopefully even if you have to bow out you do so with style…

  34. Wil,
    don’t even think about pulling a SpongeBob on us now. I mean it. No “if you keep reading, it [the final part] will come.”
    Just show us the money. Please?
    Oh. And….
    GO WIL!

  35. Excellent writing — you’ve really put all of your readers at the table with you. Even if it’s fictional(ized), even if you (gasp, wheeze) wind up losing, you’ve created real, palpable tension with just a few words.
    Now if only we can get to work on some of your tells… 🙂

  37. If you’re wondering why your hit count is going up so much, that’s me hitting the *reload* button every few seconds.
    The suspense is killing me.

  38. THIS is what happened to me with Celebrity Poker Showdown — I was so hooked that I’d watch the previous episodes over and over, even though what I really wanted to see was the next episode.
    You’re doing a great job telling the story. Please finish it soon.

  39. Hey Wil,
    You’re giving your loyal readers a nasty case of blue balls. Finish up, will ya? 😉
    -A.

  40. Yep, my heart was speeding up a little too as I read that. Well played, sir! Surviving your all-in with that ace kicker against not one but two other paired jacks… well, that was just a beautiful thing.
    So, please give us the next installment post-haste, King Cliffhanger… The suspense is already making me twitchy.

  41. Nice Leslie Nielsen-style “stacked” joke. It would have hurt my brain if you had glossed over and not taken advantage of that opportunity.
    All in all, an enjoyable read. Looking forward to the next installment.

  43. This is why I come to your site, Wil. I have been waiting for this installment, checking the site often (to dumb to subscibe to updates). This is much better than when you go all “Sean Penn WMD speach” on us.

  45. When are you going to convene the awsome-authors-who-used-to-be-actors guild? At this point the only other would-be member I can think of is Carrie Fisher.

  46. ack! i dont care if this is fiction, or ends as a dream or anythign else anyone said. this is great writing, and i am looking quite forward to the end. and i mean that in a good way.
    i was in a really intense game of uno once.

  48. It’s killing me to know what’s coming up next! Oh, and it’s a double Suicide Jack to not know who you are playing against that we would obviously know.
    Congrats for gettin’ in the money! Geez. New side-career?

  49. Wil said…
    “I can’t help it.I shout,”YES!” as I double…”
    Surely you shouted “YES!” AND threw the double “GOAT” \m/ \m/ no? lol
    By the way,how did the table go from 5 to 7?

  50. Wiillll! Come on the suspense is making me feel like I wanna re-watch tonight’s episode of University Challenge. Happy St. David’s Day everyoneeee!

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