mister worf, you have a tell. please don’t kill me.

Poker Blogger Grubette (inventor the The Hammer Challenge) sent me this informative and hilarious breakdown of poker players as Star Trek aliens:

Alien race #1: The Klingons. Even people who don’t like Star Trek have heard of the Klingons, those ferocious warriors whose foreheads grew considerably lumpier in the interim between the original Star Trek show and Next Generation.
The Klingons represent the ultimate in aggression and courage, two traits that grow more and more important to success the higher you go up the poker ladder (that is, as the opposition grows tougher or the stakes get higher). The Klingon saying, “Today is a good day to die,” doesn’t mean they have a death wish. It means that they aren’t going to let the fear of death interfere with their best efforts as a warrior.
As a poker player, you’re constantly faced with situations that generate fear: surprises, famous opponents, the huge payoffs that get close as you advance far into a big tournament, and more. How you face that fear will have a lot to say about how successful you become. You can’t play poker scared. You can’t be worried that your opponent always has the best possible hand, or that a Famous Player is so much better than you that you have no chance.

He also covers Betazoids, Romulans, Vulcans . . . even the Borg make an appearance.

28 thoughts on “mister worf, you have a tell. please don’t kill me.”

  1. It seems everything can be explained using star trek analogies. maybe i can use this knowledge to help me pass history by assigning the participants in WWI various ST races.. hm..

  2. I am so addicted to poker. If only I could find some aliens to play with. It seems I can only rustle up a game with the virtual people who live in my computer.

  5. I suppose I’d be a combination of Klingon and Betazoid (odd, I know) when it comes to poker. I take traits from both. I’m aggressive, and while I’m not a mind reader, I have learned to read faces pretty well.
    Here’s a tip, Wil, and it doesn’t apply to just poker, but life in general. Always pay attention to your opponent’s eyes. They speak volumes about the person. For example, if they start to dart around or blink alot, the person is usually nervous, and thus attempting a bluff.
    Don’t take it as gospel, though. Just something to try.
    Speaking of try, have you called Astin yet?

  6. But how do Andorians play?
    And — from the B5 end of things — just don’t play like a Centauri, unless everyone at the table is over 18 and into that sort of thing.
    BTW, Wil, I finally picked up POSITIVELY FIFTH STREET on your recommendation — hope to get to it soon!

  7. Yah, I agree with Eric. It’s all in the eyes. But then you’ve been an actor for many years, so you know all about that.
    It’s just when it’s some beautiful brunette’s eyes that you’re looking into – and that long hair – well – then you’re lost. You can forget about poker.

  9. Hmm, I think Klingons are wimps compared to Gurkhas:
    http://www.canada.com/national/nationalpost/news/story.html?id=d29bf2ca-6d88-437e-ae0e-e20140d76258
    Note the part about having to cut yourself if you take your blade out and it doesn’t tasted your enemy’s blood. I’ve often thought some of the Star Trek alien characterizations were toned down for TV: if it reflected the extremes in human behaviour, like I think they were intended, it would have been more interesting.

  10. Wil,
    You know, I thought this post was about you watching TNG on TNN and seeing a poker scene and recognizing the Character’s tells. I know you were alot younger then, but did those poker scenes ever translate into REAL games between the cast later on, and if so, did you ever get to play?
    Kal

  12. I guess what he means, Wil is that it’s technically Poker Grub’s website, and Grubette is his sister (wife? can’t remember) who sometimes posts. It was Grub who invented the Hammer, and I curse him every day since I find myself playing 7-2 off way too often!
    And Chad… Positiviely Fifth Street is an amazing book that I couldn’t put down once I picked it up!

  13. You know once you’ve done or been or worked or watched or associated with Star Trek, you can’t escape it.
    Now I must see how the Ferengis would fare.

  14. grubby, grubette… it’s all the same in the clan of grublets. 🙂 Thanks for the mention, Wil. But what kind of poker players are The Tribbles?

  15. >> You know once you’ve done or been or worked or
    >> watched or associated with Star Trek, you
    >> can’t escape it
    I’ve escaped it. Well almost… I no longer use the transporter anymore and stick to a shuttle when going planetside.

  17. I don’t know jack about poker but I did learn this from watching CSI: if the person you’re interacting with darts his/her eyes to the right they are recalling a memory. If their eyes dart to the left they are fabricating one.
    Fascinating, Captain…

  20. I remember someone commenting about Riker’s choice of poker buddies: An android who can perform a quadrillion computations a second, a guy who can see through the cards and can tell when you’re lying by measuring your blush response, and a Betazoid who can sense your emotional state.
    Damn, he was good.

  21. Sort of off-topic, but when Star Trek did that episode where Data plays poker, did Wil get to meet Stephen Hawkings?

  22. A couple things. First, Wil, great post, teh article was sweet! i just wish i was good enough at poker to apply it! And, p.s. i just finished Dancing Barefoot and i adored it. I laughed outloud several times (and also AWW!ed outloud as well. My sorority sisters probably think I’m nuts)
    Secondly to Jon and others, you’d be surprised how often you can apply sci fi, especially Star Trek, to American sociology or history. I am taking a course at college right now where we compare episodes of original trek with Cold War hsitory, and it is FASCINATING! So many similarities. If you are intrigued, check out the original trek episode “Balance of Terror” and then watch the old WWII movie “The Enemy Below.” The similarities will shock you!

  23. As a long running poker player and ST geek, I would have to take issue with one point in the article, the whole Ferengi section. I think they got it all wrong. Any player knows, the house always wins. So, while being a player at the table is nice, that’s not the real way to profit. The Ferengi would have set up the gambling room, charged tons for the ticket sales, even more for drink sales, sold the TV rights to Bravo and sat back in his penthouse hottub getting his ears massaged while all the action was taking place.
    Granted, taking that thinking into account, you’d really only get the Klingon and Vulcan to show up to the game. The Betazoid would blow it off, cause why would they want to play poker with a stinky Kilngon, the Romulan would show up 30 minutes late so that the contact poison had time to take effect killing off the Klingon and Vulcan and then sweep up all of the cash from the table, and the Borg would just be assaulting the slug people of Glagnax VIII ’cause poker is futile. And thus, this would create great ratings for Bravo, and spin into a movie deal, thus earning more profit for the Ferengi.
    Moral of the Story: It’s always better to be a freaky eared Ferengi than a Glagnaxian slugman.

  24. I was going to ask if that’s how you spell his name, until I realized that you of all people should know. ^_^;
    (Well, Michael Dorn of all people, but then you. =P)

  26. What’s Crackin! – Just need to go Play Bingo – for my Online Bingo Habit! But I cannot Find a Good Bingo Online website to cover my bingo addiction!

  27. I did notice that stars poker is the best online poker there is. Indeed, poker stars do a great job, but nothing can compete with the great online stars poker, I think.

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