Anne worked late tonight, and I was too lazy to cook dinner, so I took the kids to a local hole-in-the-wall Mexican joint where we all love to eat. Especially when it means an opportunity to get away from “all that stupid healthfood” I like to cook (according to Nolan).
Ryan told me about a debate he had in school about media, and how media influences people, especially children. I realize that I’m not the most impartial observer here, but I was very impressed with the clarity of his arguments, and his responses to my challenges. In the end, we decided that media is a big influence in kid’s lives, but so are their parents (or at least, they should be.)
Nolan tuned us out most of dinner, and watched the NCAA tournament on a TV that hangs in the back of the restaurant, but he did add, “I think that kids want to be cool, and they see these people on MTV, like Outkast and Britney Spears, and the kids see how much attention they are getting, so they want to be like them. So the kids can think they’re cool.”
Like I said, I’m not the most impartial observer here, but I was impressed again by the depth of his thinking.
On the way to the car after dinner, Ryan said, “Hey, Wil, can we go . . . somewhere?”
“Somewhere? What do you mean?”
“I mean, anywhere that’s not home. I just want to hang out.”
“Yeah,” Nolan said, “I want to just hang out, too.”
I thought for a second about where we could go to just hang out. Before I could answer, Ryan said, “Hey! Why don’t we go home and play D&D?!”
I winced. “Oh man, I would love to do that, but I have been working so much, I haven’t had time to finish the adventure. I’ll work on it over the weekend, I promise.”
“Are you working a lot, now?” Nolan asked.
“Yeah, I guess I am.” The answer surprised me. “I’m on a deadline for Just A Geek, and I’m doing publicity for Dancing Barefoot . Plus, I got a job writing a monthly column for a magazine, and a bi-monthly column for another one.”
“Wow. That’s a lot of work,” he said.
I smiled. “Yeah, it is, isn’t it?! I didn’t realize that. Plus, this animation thing seems to be picking up.”
“That’s cool,” Nolan said, as we all piled into my car. “Does that mean we get to put air conditioning in our house?”
We’ve suffered through five brutal summers without A/C, and every time we think we’re going to get it, something unexpected comes up, and we buy a 15 dollar fan instead.
“Yeah. I think it does. We’ll have to see what the royalties are next quarter.” I pulled away from the curb.
“So . . . can we go do something? Ryan said.
“Yes. Yes we can.” I said.
“Oh! What?!” He said.
“Yeah! What?!” Nolan said.
“We can . . .” I paused dramatically, “Go to,” another pause, “the carwash!”
In unison, they said, “Oh man!”
I laughed. “C’mon! It’ll be an event. I haven’t washed my car in two months.”
Before they could say anything, I dug up the most saccharine voice I could muster and said, “I really want you guys to be part of this.”
We all laughed, and turned up XM. It was Rush played “Limelight” on Top Tracks.
“What the hel– er, heck is this?” Ryan said.
I affected a gasp. “Ryan, it’s RUSH! Your mom hates Rush, so whenever she’s not in the car, I crank it up.”
And I did. I cranked it up, and sang:
“Living in the limelight
The universal dream
For those who wish to seem
Those who wish to be
Must put aside the alienation,
Get on with the fascination,
The real relation,
The underlying theme.”
Then there was much air guitar, and drumming on my dashboard.
In a dry voice, Ryan said, “Yeah, you see, this sort of undermines your whole, ‘your parents influence you’ thing that you said at dinner.”
I held up a finger, finished a drum solo, and turned the radio down.
“What do you mean?” I said.
“I mean . . .” he paused. I looked over at him and saw his brow furrow. “I mean, kids at school tell me I’m funny, and my teachers tell me I’m a good writer. I obviously get that from you.”
He said it with total nonchalance, like it was just an accepted fact.
It took every ounce of self-control I have in my body and soul to not burst into tears. Ryan’s never told me that he gets anything from me. For most of our life together, there’s been an unspoken distance, a gap that I didn’t open, but could only be closed by him. In that moment, Ryan built a bridge. I don’t know how long it will stay there, but I intend to cross it every chance I get.
“Wil?”
“What?”
“Did you hear me?”
Of course, I was off in the magic land of Stepparentia, and I did not.
“Sorry, I was . . . thinking about something,” I said. “Tell me again.”
“I said that I obviously get my musical tastes from my mom. Except for the emo stuff that you like, and Cake.” He frowned. “Okay, so maybe I just get my 80s musical tastes from my mom.” He frowned again. “Okay, what I mean is, I have gotten a lot of influences from both of you.”
From both of you.
I nodded my head, and swallowed around the lump in my throat. “I think I get it.”
“Hey, when this song is over, can I put in a CD?” He said.
“Yeah! Put in a CD!” Nolan said.
I looked back at him in the rearview mirror. “Sorry, Wil,” he said, “but Rush sucks.”
I chuckled. “You are totally your mother’s son.”
The song ended, and Ryan put Comfort Eagle into the CD player. He skipped ahead to the title track, and the three of us sang along together.
“He is in the music business
He is calling you DUDE!”
We pulled into the Chevron station where the carwash is located.
“I’ll be right back, you guys.” I hopped out of the car, and ran in to buy my ticket.
I wish I could hear the attendant tell the story of the guy who came in tonight and wiped tears from his eyes while he ordered “The Works.”
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You know, now that I think about it…
While we’re on the subject of power rock, why not hip them to some power metal. Iron Maiden, Judas Priest, maybe even some Megadeth. Let them now what it truely feels like to just let go and rock hard.
I thank Canada for many things daily. For Mario Lemieux, who saved my beloved Penguins, and for hockey itself. For good beer, and for it’s many, many tundra hotties. But above all things, O’ Canada, I thank you for the ultimate awesomeness that is RUSH. Rockin’, eh!
The Hero
The times we have are few, and they should be valued. Never forsake those whom you love in your life, for they are the ones who will carry you in your time of greatest need. Like those who have come before, lets us hold onto the hope that one day we will all see each other again. Let us hope that we have the knowledge to repair that, which is broken, and forever forge on into stories of legends.
Heroes come in all forms, and it is sometimes the smallest that prevail, and shine through the darkest times. I shall walk with you into death, and accompany you into the halls of heroes. And they shall call your name from the highest mountain, and it will be heard from one end of the world to the other. They will call you friend
Wil writes, “Ryan’s never told me that he gets anything from me.”
A car wash epiphany…
Now, if THAT isn’t an example of life being something that suddenly happens when you’re doing something else.
And, of course, you tell it so well.
Wil,
Your entries to do with your step-kids always have a special resonance with me. I ended up with a step-dad when I was 13 who’s had a huge positive influence on me, although I didn’t realise it until recently. It’s always fun when we’re sat around the dinner table together or talking around the fire on a winter evening and he’ll smile and say “You get that from my side of the family” jokingly.
He never tried to replace my Dad and he never will but as I grew into a man he helped me become the kind of man I wanted to be.
When I read about you and your relationship with Ryan and Nolan I can see that you’re having that kind of an influence in their lives and it makes me smile and get a little misty-eyed at the same time. Whether or not you’re their biological parent, you’re an excellent father Wil an I’m sure that as Ryan and Nolan get older they’ll begin to realise (as I have) what an amazing thing that is.
I only hope that if I’m lucky enough to have a family one day I can be half the parent you are.
Amazing story. If you want some good references for the popular culture argument, I teach classes i n the subject . . .
It wasn’t until i was an adult that it dawned on me how many hurtful things i said to my parents as a child. I hope that I unwittingly said a lot of really amazing things too. Although I’ll never know – neither of my parents have a weblog 😉
Kids sure have the ability to say powerful things! I realized when I was halfway through college that I’d lost my childhood and become an adult. I was babysitting 3 kids one summer and they would say the most shocking things, whether funny, clean, dirty, nice or mean! I don’t remember saying half the stuff they did (or even hearing it) but perhaps that’s b/c I prefer to think that I was some kind of “innocent” (despite the fact that I know quite for certain that I was a monster).
About the media influence debate, you’ve got some sharp stepsons! I remember listening to Britney Spears “Oops I did it Again” in a McDonald’s when it had recently come out and I was disgusted (I was in college at the time, so I’m not *that* old, yet…). I’ve never been into watching MTV or VH1 very much, so I don’t pay attention to videos. But a coupla weeks ago I went to a dance club and they were playing on a huge screen a video collection of Britney Spears stuff (ssshhh! don’t tell anyone, I’d never be able to live that down). For the first time ever, I saw her video for that song and my jaw dropped to the floor. One should never see children saying (or singing) the words, “I’m not that innocent.” My heart cried.
fin.
Good for you, Wil. I’m very glad for you and your family!And as always, a great relation of the story!
May things only get better. And WooooHoooo on the “lots of work” !!
Fantastic! Blood alone does not make a parent. Guidence, patience, love and understanding, that is a parent, step or not.
Rush Rules!!!!! My favorite band, going on tour THIS SUMMER near you, I already have my tickets for Indy and Wil they will be in California from July 5th through the 12th, I am sure you can win the boys over with taking them to this 30th Annivesary show!!!
I took my boy (11) to his first Rush concert in 2002. Now I still buy 2 tickets to their shows but the wife doesn’t have to come. Just me and my boy!!!!
What you own is your own kingdom
What you do is your own glory
What you love is your own power
What you live is your own story
In your head is the answer
Let it guide you along
Let your heart be the anchor
And the beat of your song!
Sweet kids.
Deffinately in need of music education, though it can be argued that Rush is geared towards the techy crowd, like Voivod.
Ah the memories of music at that age. My older brother playing Dead Kennedy’s and Suicidal Tendencies at top volume, but turning it down at the sweary parts so his kid sister wouldn’t be corrupted.
Wil,
It’s heartwarming to see a man that really “get’s it”. My ex has not seen our 13 year old son since Dec 27th. He can’t “handle it”. Not the first time he has pulled this, and each time is that much more devastating than the last, to my son.
So you see, fathering a child doesn’t qualify you as a ‘Dad’. But you, you are a Dad. A very special awesome Dad. You really “get it”.
Great story. Just try remember this moment when he’s 15 and you want to throttle him! Kids can lift you up so high with a word or a hug, they can also make you ask yourself “What the hell was I thinking?!”
Cheers
Sharfa
Rush sucks?! *sigh* Kids today! I guess you can’t win all the time…
My wife’s not a Rush fan either, so I take every opportunity to crank it up myself.
speaking as both a stepdaughter and as a wicked stepmother (a role i cherish), you ROCK!!!!!!
Kids. They can make you feel like Solomon…
sometimes. Those are the moments we live for.
You are a good Dad.
What an awesome story! As I wipe tears from my eyes. I have a 2 1/2 year old son. I’ll count myself very lucky indeed if we have a conversation like this when he’s Ryan or Nolan’s age.
wow! I have to say it always amazes me how moving your dialogues with the boys are.
That was a moment in time that you have now preserved forever in story form and I can’t help but wonder if Nolan and Ryan will read this some time in the future and THEY will get tears in their eyes. 🙂
Sorry, but I gotta get behind the kids on this one, Rushs sucks. I can’t deny their musical talent, but when you use that talent to make crappy music, you suck. =)
Hehe, I wouldn’t *really* say they suck, it’s just the fact that I can’t stand to hear it.
As a new stepfather, I am moved by that narrative. I’ve had a few little moments like that and it’s great hearing from someone else in similar circumstances. Great piece.
waaaahhhh…you totally made me cry, Wil! Thanks for sharing your wonderful experience with your boys…you’re not just a cool stepdad, but a great father……
Great…now I have that song “At The Car Wash” going through my head.
Inquiring minds also want to know what magazines Wil is going to be writing for!
Nice! I give it 3 erections. Was the Mexican place El Coyote? That place rocks! You know what’s good is that Molly Hatchet.
I LOVE Comfort Eagle – my wife and I sing that song together in the car.
You can dress up like a sultan in your onion-head-hat.
I echo many of the above sentiments (and, when it comes to Rush, they TOTALLY rule.)
But I seem to have missed something about the writing: monthly columns *where*? Bi-monthly columns *where*? I don’t think you told us those stories, dude!
You’ve influenced your readers with this website. For example, speaking of Symphony in C, I picked up Comfort Eagle based on your recommendation over a year ago.
And now, I can, indeed, dress up like a sultan in my onion-head hat.
I think for some, the mention of Rush is the most important part of Wil’s post. The others have children.
As a cool Canadian, Geddy Lee sang the theme for The Great White North on Bob & Doug McKenzie’s album. Ten bucks is ten bucks, eh!
Take off, to the Great White North
Take off, it’s a beauty way to go
And yes, I own that album ::head hangs with shame:: He did pretty for a guy who could only figure out a guitar with four strings.
my husband and i have been talking about adopting kids when we’re ready for them. a lot of people don’t really understand how you could value raising children who aren’t biologically yours as much as you would value raising ones who are. well, reading your posts about your stepsons just reaffirms that love is the most important thing, not genes! thanks =)
Wil, you join the ranks of one of the luckiest men on the planet.
I’m starting to think that perhaps we shouldn’t be so surprised when children exhibit signs of deep thinking. It seems they’re perfectly capable of it when they put their minds to it.
Last night I went to a local garage to get my oil changed. I like this place because it’s family owned and they seem to be the most honest garage I’ve been to in this city.
As I waited in the reception area, one of the family members argued with her nine-year-old daughter about doing her homework in a combination of Arabic and English. I didn’t catch every word, but the argument for homework is ageless and beyond the boundaries of language or culture.
I ended up having a conversation with the mother while the girl completed her homework. When she finished, she gave her mother her binder and went upstairs. The mother allowed me to read the girl’s homework.
I wish I had copied down what the girl had written. It somehow encapsulated what goes through just about every child’s head as they progress from wanting to please their parents to wanting to be an individual. It was simple, yet in few words captured so much.
Kids only surprise us because we expect so little from them.
Oh Geez, I had to break out the kleenex. Thanks for telling it from the heart. What a gift you’ve been given. Even though I am older than you, you could be my stepfather any time you want.
1) First Time Commenter / Long Time Reader
2) Rush RAWKS!!!!11!1
3) I am a 37 year-old stepdad of two kids, an 8 year-old girl and a 12 year-old boy. I’m also a stay-at-home dad, (or as I like to label myself, a housewife). My life is dedicated to my kids and my wife and to their happiness. While I have a great relationship with my kids, there is a gap. They already have a dad, who is by-and-large a good dad. I purposefuly promote their dad as cheif cook and bottlewasher, even though in reality I fulfil these duties. I never want the kids to think that I am trying to replace their father. But boy, does that suck. I want to be their dad in the worst way, but I’m stuck in Stepparentia. To all the non-step-dads and -moms out there, Wil tells it like it is. To Wil, let me just say thanks for putting a face to unselfish, unconditional loving parenting.
Aww Wil, that’s so great.
You have me wiping tears from my eyes at work.
This is why I come here everyday. Moving and yet funny stories. What makes them so powerful is not just what happened, but how you felt about it and how clearly you can make us feel it too.
That’s the gift of a true writer.
And I have to say, I remember from being a kid, there was nothing more fun than when you could talk your parents into doing something (like skipping out on cooking a healthy meal or staying out a little later) that they wouldn’t normally agree to. Sort of offers a glimpse of them as real people, instead of just Mom and Dad, something I didn’t manage to understand until I was much older!
And I’m with everyone else…where are these monthly columns going to be?
You must be doing something right. Whatever it is, keep up the good work!
} {
^_~
Anne and the boys don’t like RUSH??? And I thought they were such nice people…
Some of Neil Peart’s lyrics are even more relevant today:
“Those who know what’s best for us
Must fight to save us from ourselves.”
–Witch Hunt
The spouse just suggested we go to the 30th Anniversary tour concert up in Concord on Saturday 7/10, maybe stay overnight up there. Damn, now I remember why I love the numbskull…
Great connection with the kids though — it reminds me of the line, “Any idiot can be a father, but it takes a real man to be a dad.” You’re doing one helluva job, Wil…now get off your ass and finish planning the D&D adventure! *grin*
Hey Wil, very good post. I wish you the best of luck getting A/C installed before the summer! When I had my house in Henderson, it came pre-installed…it’s just NOT an option for the Vegas area. Of course, it does drive up your electricity costs some, but what can ya do? My current residence, in Wisconsin, has a wall A/C unit installed. It does fine cooling down the main living area, but it does very little for the bedrooms…and believe it or not, it does get kind of hot and humid here in the summertime. Anyway, I’m glad you’re getting along well with your family…your stories about them are some of my favorites, so thanks for sharing.
Thanks for bringing tears (again). A couple days ago, my 4 year old son, mostly a momma’s boy until recently, started peeing standing up. We asked him why and he said in his sweet little voice, “cause I want to be like Daddy”. That was it for me. When he was in the womb, we would rock out to Tom Sawyer and he would kick (or maybe he was throwing the goat). Now we rock out to RUSH and he does a cool “spaz dance”. Kids rule, RUSH rocks !!
Wil,
Thank you so much for writing that story. Thank you for having this weblog. It’s my absolute favorite and I look forward to it everyday and when you write stories like this I like it even more. Rock on!
You’ve probably answered this before but do teh boys know about your blog and how to access it?
Wonderful story. Just.. wonderful.
And finish the adventure, dang it :O I want to hear about your first ‘behind the screen’ experience. 🙂
I think one of the things that makes you a good stepdad is the conversations you have with the boys and the fact that you really listen to what they have to say.
Now then, what’s the deal with the magazine columns? Details, por favor!
Wil,
Not sure of your boys’ age, but don’t worry, Rush’ll kick in about 14, 15-ish.
No way they’ll be able to resist The Red Barchetta while they’re working on their drivers permit! 🙂
Or The Trees, especially if they’ve seen the LOTR trilogy…
Or, they’ll just Rock Out to YYZ !!!
Kick. Ass.
Wil,
I love reading about you as a dad. I have a 15 year old stepson. I adopted him last year, so now I get to delete the “step” part. I haven’t gotten him into my favorite band, Rush…yet. But, he is totally hooked on one of my other faves, Iron Maiden, and we rock out to the “Powerslave” album on a daily basis.
I can tell that you aren’t just a “step-dad,” but a parent. That is about as cool as you can get in my book. Rock on, Crusher!
Wil that is awesome. I have two stepchildren as well and I can remember the first time the called me dad. Recently one of them asked me why I don’t adopt them as I’m more of a dad then their real dad has ever been.
I know how you feel. Don’t let the bridge fall away. It will sway in the wind and twist and turn, but the bridge will always be there for you to walk across.
That’s awesome. Congratulations, Wil. I sometimes wonder if my stepdad thinks about that stuff. And i know i get a little lump in my throat when my parents are going out and John ruffles up my hair and tells me to be good while they’re gone. It’s nice. Actually, it’s really nice.
PS. I also cry when ordering The Works at the carwash. It’s a beautiful moment. Give in to it.
A
That reminded me of some stories from “Chicken Soup for the Father’s Soul”! Aren’t kids just Amazing?!
Wil would you hurry up and finish that adventure? I REALLY want to hear all about your first session… oh, and don`t worry about not getting it all done.. in my experience D&D adventures always take way longer to complete then you think they will… especially when you have new players! Just jump in and giv`er!
Wow, my wife hates Rush too. As well as the Grateful Dead, Phish, and just about every other CD I choose to play in the car. Except the Beatles. I can get away with the Beatles just fine.
Told you they see you as a parent.
🙂
Thanks for sharing. Great story.
Ok I had to come and read this again because I liked it so much. I love how you do dialog, and you know Anne’s heart has got to be just melting everytime she reads the things you write about the boys. You should write for some of the blended family sites, they need upbeat stuff more often 🙂