adjectives on the typewriter

First, the bad news: I chipped the evrlivingfuck out of my tooth a few nights ago. How did I do it, you ask? Something cool, like a bar fight, or a hockey fight, or jumping in front of a runaway shopping cart to save a GT40 from getting a dent?
Oh no. No, my friends, it’s much better than that. I chipped my front tooth so badly I don’t even want to open my mouth, by . . . . eating pizza. Pear and Gorgonzola pizza from Trader Joe’s, to be exact. (Which is frakin’ good pizza, man.) My jaw is all screwed up, and I’ve needed braces to fix my bite for years, but I always felt it was vain to worry about having perfectly straight teeth . . . and as a result, I’ve gotten this really nasty underbite. So I hit my bottom teeth on my top front teeth all the time, and it has resulted in three bondings in less than a year. I get to go back today to get yet another bonding, and this afternoon I’m meeting with the orthodontist so I can finally get the process of fixing my screwed up teeth started.
Now the good news: I got the unbound galleys of Just A Geek yesterday! It looks like a real book. Oh my god. I also got to see the cover art, which is amazing. I’m so excited! I have until the 24th to give them my edits and corrections, and then I won’t see it again until it’s printed and bound. I don’t have a street date, yet, but I think it will be June or July.
And holy crap, when you find out who is writing the foreword, you will shit. It’s just about the coolest thing ever.
I’ve also been talking with O’Reilly about a book tour, and right now it looks like we’re going to do something up the West Coast — probably San Diego to Seattle — in August. I don’t know if they’ll send me out to the rest of the country, but I’m sure if there’s enough interest, we can put something together. *wink*
Voice Over Excitement: Yesterday, I had the coolest VO audition of my life . . . for Family Guy! They are looking for “utility players,” and I got to go read about 12 different characters for them. If I book it, it will be a bigger deal to me than when I booked Next Generation. I did a pretty good job, I think. I didn’t “hear myself” in several of the characters I did, and I think my obsessive watching of the show on Adult Swim and on DVD helped me out, because I know what types of characters they have — I was able to go “bigger” than I normally would if I didn’t know the show so well.
Today, I have a major callback for this animation project over at Disney. I read three characters for this show about two weeks ago, and I felt like I completely blew it with one, barely made it with another, but totally nailed it with the last one — and they’ve bringing me back for the last one (a character whom I love, by the way) today!
Other stuff: A few weeks ago, I did an epic, three-hour long interview with Sequential Tart, the first part of which is up now. I read it last night, and discovered that I am a fucking LONG WINDED guy. I need to learn how to just get to the point and shut up.
There are two good reviews of Dancing Barefoot, too. This one is from MacCompanion, and This one is from The Southend, at Wayne University.
Okay, that’s it from me for today. I have to go work on Geek now. Anne’s got an update about Kris that she’s working on in the other room. It should be in a little bit.

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112 thoughts on “adjectives on the typewriter”

  1. Wow…first post. Anyway, had some trouble getting to the site. Looks like it’s fixed now. How it wasn’t some retarded script-kiddie messing with you again. Congrats on the book and the auditions. Keep making us laugh!

  2. Man, how cool would that be to do a voice on Family Guy!!!!11! Good luck with that! I hope it works out for you! Btw, this is my first attempt at a comment! Yeah, me!

  3. Okay I got officially excited about the book. I mean I have been excited but now??? I can’t wait to read it!!! And I will be one of the dorks first in line when/if you come to Seattle.

  4. I think you would like the Fez pizza at, well, at Fez in NY. Apples and Bleu Cheese on a kind of flat bread pizza. I think I would prefer the Pear and Gorgonzola too, though.
    Sorry about the teeth; I have a nightmare about once a year where mine are falling out.

  6. Way cool on the VO gig! And…drum roll…I finally got my FIRST PAYING JOB as an actor. I was an extra in a commercial, no words… but it was a for-real paying gig. Your perserverance, Wil, has kept MY hopes up. Now… if I can only get a 2nd, 3d… gig. Regards, Gary

  7. YAY….”Seattle Monkey-Geeks For Dr. Wheaton”….
    I’ll be there when he comes up to Coffeeland….
    Cool about the book and vo thingy….Boooo about the tooths….

  8. Family guy!!!! How cool is that??? I am totally excited for ya, and I really can’t wait for JAG… make my bookseller grin by bouncing around the shop again. 😉
    And your teeth… I always thought you have a lovely smile, so there.
    *nag* to Anne to hurry with that Kris update!! 😀

  10. Chicago…please come to Chicago…congrats on all that, and thanks as always for keeping us commoners posted on your goings-on.
    Sorry ’bout the teeth…personally, I never noticed your teeth needed fixing, but oh well.

  11. Hey, I want to be the first geek in line if you come to South Texas. Still waiting on getting my hands on your book(s).
    Hope you get the VO’s. Good luck!!!

  13. Congratulations on all the VO auditions. Sounds like you’re in for a busy year coming up.
    And I’m with you, the TJs pear and gorgonzola rocks.
    Scott

  15. OMG! You auditioned for Family Guy? Sweet lordy lord I hope you get it because that would rock like nobody’s business. My fingers are crossed for you dude! Party On!

  16. yay voice over for Family Guy!
    yay being long winded!
    yay pretty books all put together and clean and… um… pretty. ya. yay!!
    boo teeth-chippin’ pizza. boooooo
    hey, thought i’d tell ya that they played Stand By Me on TV here in Toronto the other day… i flicked it on just in time to see you pulling a leech out of your underwear… that was always my favourite part… uh, ya. um. maybe i shouldn’t’ve told you that.

  17. Friggin’ Sweet! Family Guy rocks!
    I understand the tooth thing, I got hit in the mouth with a rock during a dust devil, and it did a number on my front teeth. Good luck with it.

  18. Congrats on all of the auditions and good to hear that Kris is doing better.
    As for the book tour, Vancouver (BC not WA) is calling your name!

  19. North Carolina loves Mr. Wheaton… the Tar Heel state is calling yooooouuuu… bring the book tour east….

  21. Ugh.
    It was once suggested that I have surgery to fix my slight underbite but I opted not to do that. I thought it was a little vain as well and my underbite never bothered me.
    However, my top teeth DO rub up against my bottom teeth and that has caused a little wear on the tips of the top teeth. Chipping my tooth is such a fear of mine. I’m scared now!
    So, I’m curious. Are you planning on going through surgery to fix your jaw or something less scary?

  22. Braces! Yay! Wow it would be great to see ol’ uncle Wil with braces! I went through two painstakingly ugly years as a metal mouth, but it is worth it!(I say that now, but if you’d have asked me then…)
    I’m so glad all is going well. I’m seriously sending out the good luck vibes for the Family Guy thing and Disney, i hope the vibes reach you from this far corner of the world they call Scotland! I am a huge fan and can’t wait for just a geek – keep up the good work!

  25. hey wil,
    wow! i’m soo excited about JAG! i really can’t wait to find out who is writing the foreword!! also, i hope your audition went well today and good luck for the family guy one…that would be wicked cool if you got that! i too love the family guy! it was banned from tv over here in the UK! haha…how funny is that?!?! tee hee
    anyway…
    good luck, take care
    rach

  29. Umm, the MacCompanion reviewer seems to be confused, saying “Dancing Barefoot is a continuation of Wil Wheaton’s first book, Just A Geek, (of which I hope to review soon!) it features five stories that he didn’t have room for in his previous book”.
    And what about memes and clever brand naming? The South End review says “It’s a sweet story that segway into the funny ‘Inferno,’ ”
    Segway is a noun and a silly scooter. segue is a verb.
    But, I’m just nitpicking. You rawk. Always.

  30. I have to thank you again for doing the interview with me. I got so much great material and I didn’t mind that you were long-winded because you had a lot to say. Coincidentally, I just finished transcribing the second half today and once I get some names and phrases fact-checked (you did get my email, right?) it’ll be sent off to *my* editor. And I’m currently coordinating with the nice, nice people at O’Reilly so I can be able to post one of the first reviews of “Just a Geek” on June 1.
    Congrats on the Family Guy audition and the callback for the Disney audition. I hope you get to work on those jobs; then maybe you can write books on the voice acting industry?

  31. Kewl Beans. Congrats on everything from Kris to your callbacks for the voiceovers. So what tooth did you chip? I chipped my front tooth, but i have it capped. Without the cap it looks like Jim Carreys tooth in “Dumb and Dumber”. And im glad that you just finally discovered that you are just a little long winded.
    So inclosing i give you tons and tons of MOJO and all my prayers for Felix and Kris.

  33. Whoo! That’s great!
    Ok, who’s going to put up a site with a betting pool as to who the writer of his foreward is?
    My guesses:
    Neil Gaiman
    Patrick Stewart
    Ralph Nader
    Stan Lee
    Stephen King
    Brent Spiner (that’s probably too obvious)
    Steve Jackson

  34. After about twenty years of being teased and the subject of hundreds of cruel jokes meant to hurt me, I got braces at 25. Let me tell you, THEY SUCK ASS!!!! Bread is a thing of the past. Biting into it hurts like hell and it gets stuck in between the brackets, which also hurts. You eat things you don’t have to chew, no chips, no carmel. Candy is a HUGE no no because the sugar bonds with the glue used to keep the brackets on and when they take them off, you have huge holes because of cavities. I weighed MAYBE a hundred and twenty pounds. I lost that twenty in the first month. It’s a great diet program.
    The good news, I’ve only had them on for almost two months and I can already see my teeth getting straighter. End result. Think end result. You will have a beautiful smile and won’t be self consious (sp?) about laughing and won’t have to cringe when people look down at your mouth when you talk and it will be one less thing you get teased about and you can tell all those horrible guys to fuck off with confidence….
    I’m sorry, what were we talking about?

  37. Wil,
    I hear you on the tooth pain. I’ve needed to get a cap on my chipped front tooth for years now, and have been putting it off, but worse yet, I’m a dentist’s daughter, so I can’t help but be oversensitive to these things. Your entry made me laugh because I just watched Jane White Is Sick & Twisted last week (and LOVED it, btw), and one of my first thoughts was, “Oh, Wil’s teeth are so overcrowded. He actually NEEDS braces.” But don’t feel too bad – I think braces on adults are so distinguished. *grin*
    And YAY! Book tour! I haven’t been in SoCal long enough to see you at any conventions or anything prior to this, so I just can’t wait for this one! Good on ya, mate!

  38. Neil Gaiman would be my guess, too. That woud rock.
    Sorry about the tooth. At least now they have those clear braces that fit over your teeth – anything would be better than the metal crap they shoved in my mouth. Ugh.
    Family Guy AND a Disney project? As long as the Disney one doesn’t blow chunks like Atlantis, either would be awesome. I can so see you as Stewie’s new playmate. Heh.
    Keep us posted.

  39. (Erbo begins chanting subliminal message for Wil)
    “Tattered Cover Bookstore, Denver, Colorado…Tattered Cover Bookstore, Denver, Colorado…Tattered Cover Bookstore, Denver, Colorado…”
    Oh, and sorry about your tooth. And, while you’re slaving away over those hot galleys, give Felix a scratch behind the ears for us…

  40. Voice-overs for Disney, you lucky bastard…reminds me of one of Moe’s quotes from the Simpsons; “So, is it true that if I kill you, I become you?”
    Not that I’d ever think about doing harm to you, cuz a.) you live several thousand miles away, b.) I’d have to be a major league prick to do that to Anne and the boys, and c.) you rock, and like Hannibal Lecter, I try to only take out the rude.
    Congrats, Wil! Keep on rockin’ the sound booth! \m/

  41. And holy crap, when you find out who is writing the foreword, you will shit. It’s just about the coolest thing ever.
    Oh, I bet I know! Three words … William Fucking Shatner. 😉

  43. “I cast mine eye about this place and I doth find none other but me here, so again, I say to thee, ‘Sir! Art thou talking to me?'”
    LMAO man, I’ve gotta see that sometime. When’s the next one out, a month?

  45. Congrats, Wil! That’s so awesome — not only about the VO’s (FAMILY GUY! \m/), but Just A Geek! I can’t wait to read it .. I’ve read DB about 5 times cover to cover, and it just gets better every time. Dammit, Wil, come to the East coast on your book tour, too!
    *is deprived of Uncle Willie*

  47. I just read your book, I loved it,One of my favorite parts is where Michael Dorn asked if you wanted him to kick WFS ass. I am excited about Just a Geek, I can’t wait. So any chance you’ll be in Central BC? That would be cool. I wish you luck on your VO’s. Sorry to hear about your tooth, I hope your tooth feels better.
    Jenn

  48. Sorry ’bout the tooth. I chipped mine as a kid in a more conventional fashion. – Climbing up a slide, after swimming…. slip, faceplant, ouch.
    Oh, btw, thanks for nothing for pointing out FARK to me. Now I’ve got another time-wasting tool.

  49. There was supposed to be a ‘grin’ after the fark comment. Apparently your parser doesn’t recognize the old compuserve ‘grin’ character set, and understandably assumes it’s a stale html tag. 😉

  50. Hey, that’s too bad about your tooth. But good to hear about Family guy! I hope you get the job, probably fun as hell. You know what would be even cooler? Appearance on ATHF! Me and my hubby love that show. Family guy is ok, but if you doing a voice in it in a near future – Ill definitely watch that one. 🙂

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