“The secret source of Humor itself is not joy but sorrow.”
— Mark Twain
Earlier today, I took Ryan with me to the party store to buy some wrapping paper for my brother’s birthday present. At the checkout, there was one of those kiosks that plays selections from fifteen or so CDs of “party music.”
After about two minutes of hearing little kids sing “Party All The Time,” the theme to SpongeBob Squarepants, and the chorus of “Electric Slide” over and over again, I gave serious consideration to committing harakiri with the roll of wrapping paper I was holding.
When we stepped up to the cashier, I said, “Do they pay you extra for having to suffer through that music all day?”
She sighed and said, “No. They should, though.”
“I think it’s actually cruel and unusual,” I said, “and a violation of UN treaties.”
She looked back at me, blankly, and said, “Can I have your ZIP code, please?”
“No,” I said. (You see, it starts with the phone number at Radio Shack, then it’s the ZIP code everywhere else, and before you know it, we’re giving them DNA slides and submitting to retina scans. We’ve got to draw the line somewhere, people.)
“Whatever,” she said, and typed in the local ZIP code. We completed our transaction, and I walked out of the store.
Before the doors had even closed, Ryan said, “Wil, that was really lame.”
“What was?” I said.
“I don’t want to hurt your feelings . . . but I don’t think that girl knew what UN treaties were, and you sounded sort of stupid.”
“So should I have said ‘Geneva Conventions’?”
“Uhm. No.” He said.
“What about —”
He put his hand on my shoulder. “You just . . . shouldn’t have said anything.”
For the first time in my life, I felt completely lame and out of touch. I haven’t felt that uncomforatble in my own skin since . . . well, since I was Ryan’s age, and my dad embarrassed me in front of some girl.
We got to the car. As I unlocked the doors, I said, “I’m really sorry if I embarrassed you, Ryan. It was funny in my head.”
“It’s okay,” he said, gently. “It’s just that your sense of humor is like coffee . . . it’s an acquired taste.”
“So this is what it feels like on this side of the generation gap,” I thought.
As we drove home, I thought about all those times I was so mortified by my dad, when he was just being who he is, and I understood that Mark Twain quote about growing older and understanding who our fathers really are. I think I need to call my dad . . . I owe him an apology about ten years ago.
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“The secret source of Humor itself is not joy but sorrow.”
— Mark Twain
Here’s something I was told (haven’t tracked down a source, though):
“When it happens to you, it’s drama. When it happens to someone else, it’s comedy.”
That’s the one I use as a mantra during visits to my family!
I grew up in a family of 5 kids, and as early as high school I realized that I probably owed my parents a million apologies for being such a douche. My parents did their best to relate to us and be funny, and I saw their efforts deflated all too often by my younger siblings. I know I must have done the same, but I only felt sorry for it as a 18 yr old. My parents have always been rad. Nolan will probably see that about you in a few years. 🙂
Hmm… how old was said girl? Either she wasn’t paying any attention in school or she was too young to be working there… or she’s just really really stupid… could be any…
Ok, so it wasn’t the BEST joke ever, it still should have gotten a half grunt/half ‘ha’ instead of a blank look…
Wil,
NEVER be uncomfortable being yourself. You are a four-dimensional being, and we all need to be cool with ourselves at 10, 20, 30, 40, 50, and however long our lifetime spans.
I am the uncoolest dude at 40 that I’ve ever been, but I’ve never had more fun. And my yonger friends harass me endlessly about, well, all my tastes, but hey–it all rebounds to our greater enjoyment on planet Earth.
I believe a Dutch court ruled last year that employees cannot be forced to work with the same 10 seasonal tracks played over and over again for the winter holidays… that it was in fact cruel and unusual… and as I recall, ruled that establishments which play such music had to expand their playlist significantly or stop it altogether….
too sleepy to do the web research to back this up….
Hey, I thought it was funny… but then, I’m even older than you, Wil (34) – and I’ve done the exact same thing so many times….
I had always thought that was cool…. Oh no, my wife was right!
P.S. I love all of your work I’ve ever seen (inc. Wesley), great writing all around, and you singlehandedly do a lot to counter my inherent Australian “all Americans are stupid” attitude! (well, you should see what we see – mostly politicians, actors (no offence), and ‘daytime TV’… 🙂 )
I hear ya. Ever since Gattaca (and other movies) illustrated ‘that’ possible future for humans…i’ve had issues ever since about giving out my zip code when purchasing anything. I know, I know…paranoia will destroya…but damn… where’s the freedom? And as for music- utter repetition should be outlawed or more rotation available. I still wouldn’t be surprised if they had subliminal words in the tunes to keep all the happy little sheep consuming… lol
p.s. I rather enjoy coffee…even when others simply don’t ‘get it’… 😉
Much more fun being outcasted than assimilated. Although being aware of one’s own progression in maturity is all too exciting.
🙂
Ha!
On a trip home a few years ago, I picked up my diaries from when I was around 16 years old. After reading through them I DID actually call and apologise to my mother for how completely self-involved I must have been!
She laughed and said “You were just being a teenager. We’ve all done it!”
Now I have a kid of my own…
You’re on the other side of the generation gap already??? My daughter isn’t old enough yet for me to be in your shoes. I’m really not looking forward to it. Here’s a little something that might help you feel a little better, though.
A Vintage “Born to Rock” Tee
Welcome to the flipside of 30 for real, m’man. The first time a kid rolls his or her eyes at you it’s like the years suddenly streeeeeeeetch. I for one made apologies like that to my own folks years ago, but just recently had the chance to apologize to a wonderful old teacher as well, one of my mentors. You really should do it-it means more than I realized to the recipient.
Wil, you definitely have my sympathy. I’m about your age and used to hang out with a friend’s younger brother before he went to high school. He thought I was a great role model (what an ego boost) and talked with me a lot and laughed at almost all my jokes.
Well, now that he’s 15 and entering his teen angst stage (“no one understands me/this world sux”) he treats me like all those other adults out there. When I make a joke I can almost see him mentally rolling his eyes. Sometimes he outright ignores what I say; man, indifference hurts.
On a lighter note, I really liked both the UN and coffee lines. I can see where Ryan gets his sense of humor. Tell him that he inspired to me to make up this off-tangent comment: “My sense of humor is like instant coffee. Use it enough, and you’ll be too numb to care how bad it really is.”
Btw, nice to have you back.
It was funny! But, having worked as a cashier myself there is that moment of zone in which we concentrate only on our job and the time left before its time to go home (some days it starts half an hour before home time, some days well 10 minutes into a shift) So don’t feel bad… she also probably isn’t very geeky
One benefit of being on *this* side of the generation gap is that we can stop kicking ourselves for overestimating the intelligence of Lil Miz ShopGurl, and just feel sorry for her.
She might have gotten the joke if she hadn’t been on duty. Something about jobs like that anesthetizes brain cells, I think. The summer I worked at Dairy Queen in high school, a customer once said something to me as he picked up his order. I honestly couldn’t understand what this jumble of syllables meant (it didn’t sound like anything I’d heard all day) and asked him what he had said. He replied, “I said, thank you and have a good afternoon.” I think I stood there blinking at his back for a couple of seconds as he walked away.
She might have gotten the joke if she hadn’t been on duty. Something about jobs like that anesthetizes brain cells, I think. The summer I worked at Dairy Queen in high school, a customer once said something to me as he picked up his order. I honestly couldn’t understand what this jumble of syllables meant (it didn’t sound like anything I’d heard all day) and asked him what he had said. He replied, “I said, thank you and have a good afternoon.” I think I stood there blinking at his back for a couple of seconds as he walked away.
Oops – sorry for the double comment. I swear, it said it couldn’t connect. Teach me to trust a computer. 🙂
Damn…don’t let it get to you…I’ve found that there are A LOT of uneducated people out there…and in reality most people should know what a U.N. Treaty is..or at least know what the words are.
Bryan
Some day, when that clerk has enough life experience to be annoyed by people who seem like complete twits compared to her, she may realize what a twit she once was. The same goes for your boy, although it sounds as though he may be smart enough to realize it before the clerk.
Ryan,
The next time Wil embarrasses you in front of someone, just say, “Hey, this is my stepdad; he used to be an actor.”
Freeman 🙂
Hey Mr. Wheaton,
As a teenage girl, I can promise you that I eventually end up laughing at every embarrassing comment that my dad says. He’s a complete nut, but that’s why I love him. ^_^
There really IS NOTHING NEW. The fathers of a thousand years ago likely felt the same thing and their kids thought they were just as lame and big doofasas, (dofasi?).
lol, I think what you di at the store was funny 🙂 and not lame. I think she should’ve understood that you were kidding hehehe!
I thought it was funny but I haven’t been a teenager for awhile lol.
I have a sarcastic sense of humour, and many people (strangers usually) simply do not get what I am saying at all lol. I often finish sentences with “I’m just kidding!”
I find it amusing when I have to qualify my comments with a disclaimer at the end 🙂
Chris
Don’t worry – he’ll acquire the taste one day
} {
^_~
As good as this post was, all I’ve been thinking about was the ZIP code part. I have no problem giving this out whem I’m just paying cash. Who cares? With a credit card, it’s different, I’ll say no or make one up. When they ask for phone numbers, it really irks me so I’ll always make one up.
Now, I find it pretty hypocritcal that this site gets my IP address, without my knowledge. This is way more informational than a ZIP code, and I have no choice to give it to you since you collect it behind the scenes. Not really fair. The IP address is for security reasons? The ZIP code is for demographics and marketing, which is far less invasive.
You could also just not patronize stores that require this info, and write them a letter or email saying so. “I won’t shop there anymore” is much more effective than “No, and here’s my money.”
Wil,
Do you really read all these comments? Anyways, I met you today at the Mysterious Galaxy reading and book signing. It was a relatively small turnout, only about 40 people, which may be disappointing to some, but I thought it was cool — more intimate.
Anyways, I wanted to say how much I relate to you. You’re introspective, sincere, and thoughtful. I too am a stepfather. One of my stepkids, does not see his biological father anymore, by his own choice. Let’s just say his biological father is not the best.
In your relaying of this humorous incident in the store, it made me realize how blessed I am to be “chosen” by my son to be his dad. When reading your entries about your children, it reminds me to treasure those special moments that seem to occur less and less as they get older. Our relationship is a special one, spanning the last seven years. It’s very different now, compared to when he was younger and it’s taken some time to get used to. Tony’s practically a grown man now, but we are still very close.
My son is 19 years old now and just finished his freshman year in college at UCLA, my alma mater. I remember crying all the way home in the car to San Diego after dropping him off in his dorm room last fall.
I know you’ll treasure that moment with your son Ryan. Thank you for reminding me to stop and cherish the memories that occur with my own son. We went together today to the book signing at MG. We’re both Star Trek fans and Stand By Me is one of my all-time favorite movies.
You didn’t suck.
That’s hilarious. I’m gonna have to remember that for when my daughter gets old enough. I know I’ll be embarassing in one way or another. It’s a given.
That is really cute. It seems that Ryan tried to break it to you as gently as he could. You’ll both look back fondly on these incidents some day.
My twelve year old has done her fair share of eye rolling and sighing over my apparently inept stabs at humer in front of her friends.
The first time she did it I felt queasy….am I getting old? Corny? I’m not used to being looked at in that way, and I have to admit it hurt.
My sister says I’ll become cool again when she gets older, but I’m not so sure. lol
“So this is what it feels like on this side of the generation gap”
Is that going to be your title for your next book? Sounds good….
I thought it was funny. Of course my 8 year old daughter looks at me like I’m nuts everytime I try to tell a joke so there you have it.
It isn’t the generation gap. I get that response from the vast majority of people.