“The secret source of Humor itself is not joy but sorrow.”
— Mark Twain
Earlier today, I took Ryan with me to the party store to buy some wrapping paper for my brother’s birthday present. At the checkout, there was one of those kiosks that plays selections from fifteen or so CDs of “party music.”
After about two minutes of hearing little kids sing “Party All The Time,” the theme to SpongeBob Squarepants, and the chorus of “Electric Slide” over and over again, I gave serious consideration to committing harakiri with the roll of wrapping paper I was holding.
When we stepped up to the cashier, I said, “Do they pay you extra for having to suffer through that music all day?”
She sighed and said, “No. They should, though.”
“I think it’s actually cruel and unusual,” I said, “and a violation of UN treaties.”
She looked back at me, blankly, and said, “Can I have your ZIP code, please?”
“No,” I said. (You see, it starts with the phone number at Radio Shack, then it’s the ZIP code everywhere else, and before you know it, we’re giving them DNA slides and submitting to retina scans. We’ve got to draw the line somewhere, people.)
“Whatever,” she said, and typed in the local ZIP code. We completed our transaction, and I walked out of the store.
Before the doors had even closed, Ryan said, “Wil, that was really lame.”
“What was?” I said.
“I don’t want to hurt your feelings . . . but I don’t think that girl knew what UN treaties were, and you sounded sort of stupid.”
“So should I have said ‘Geneva Conventions’?”
“Uhm. No.” He said.
“What about —”
He put his hand on my shoulder. “You just . . . shouldn’t have said anything.”
For the first time in my life, I felt completely lame and out of touch. I haven’t felt that uncomforatble in my own skin since . . . well, since I was Ryan’s age, and my dad embarrassed me in front of some girl.
We got to the car. As I unlocked the doors, I said, “I’m really sorry if I embarrassed you, Ryan. It was funny in my head.”
“It’s okay,” he said, gently. “It’s just that your sense of humor is like coffee . . . it’s an acquired taste.”
“So this is what it feels like on this side of the generation gap,” I thought.
As we drove home, I thought about all those times I was so mortified by my dad, when he was just being who he is, and I understood that Mark Twain quote about growing older and understanding who our fathers really are. I think I need to call my dad . . . I owe him an apology about ten years ago.
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I think your humor is funny. But people don’t always get me either. 😀
Ahhh, the sweet purity of youth….
WOW – wonderfully written, touching, and something I can totally relate too!
When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around.
I must be getting old, I thought it was funny too! I felt the same way the first time my neice rolled her eyes at one of my jokes – I think it’s a teenage thing.
(and if she’s old enough to work, she should know what a U.N. treaty is anyway)
Perhaps you should have said “No, that’s also a violation of UN treaties.” At least the joke would have been consistent then.
I thought your response was great. I’m sorry she didn’t get it!
LOL @ Randal. I’ll be sure to run that past Ryan. (Thanks for the link to the pictures from Powells, too. Anne loved them!)
Hey Wil!
Sorry I dont wanna be “that guy” since I always enjoy reading your site…but a little correction is in order (since I want you to be the best writer you can be!)
The word is “harakiri”.
“hara” means stomach or belly and “kiri” comes from “kiru” to cut. So basically it means to cut the stomach. The more accpted word is “seppuku” which literally translated means “self-disembowelment”. Little trivia..”Kill Bill”‘s title in Japanese is translated as “Kiru Biru”..get it? to cut Bill! There is a specific kanji for kiru that means to cut with a katana sword.
Again sorry to be “that guy” but I hope this helps! Keep up the good work!
Be Seeing You
I think she knew exactly what they were, but how sharp or attentive (or inclined to laugh at anything) would you be after being subjected to THAT music everyday? It’s like being stuck in a Musak testing lab or something… scary.
Shane: Fixed. That’ll teach me to trust the stupid dictionary!
Welcome to the wonderful world of parenting a teenager. I’m a fifteen year old and my dad embarasses me a lot! Tell Ryan the coffee comment was really smart.
Most of the time my kids enjoy my sense of humor. But, once in awhile, I embarrass them like that too. Not too often. I hope. For whatever it’s worth, I thought it was humerous. =^..^=
i’m a year younger than you and i have two girls of my own.They always take great pleasure reminding me that i am lame.I love your sense of humour and since i am new to your site i have spent the last couple of days reading what you have wrote in the passed.I laughed so hard at the hooters bar story,after that i read more and decided i will keep on reading.
Just rememeber you just got back from a long car trip and nerves could still be frayed. By the way I bought the books and couldnt put them down!! Way to go.
Oh, just to clarify: there was nothing cruel or nasty in Ryan’s comments, at all. He was speaking to me from a very kind and (from his pov) helpful place.
I would have gotten the joke but then again I’m “old” 😉
Ryan sounds lovely with a great sense of humour and one to be proud of.I forgot to ask but when will you come to england? Us brits love you to and would love to meet you.
Wow Wil, I am speachless. That was a phenomenal piece you wrote.
Lame is part of being a parent I think.
I look forward to the day I can be 🙂
It means they are paying attention at least a little.
I think your humor is great.
It brightened my day 🙂
Sounds kind of like today’s Foxtrot.
Just to play Devil’s Advocate:
I’ll bet you a million dollars that she knew exactly what you were talking about, she just didn’t care. She’s probably heard the comment “Do they pay you extra to listen to that?” as often as she’s heard the songs on the CD. I can speak from experience. At my day job I have to say “Good morning” or “Good afternoon” and since I work different shifts I often say them at the incorrect times and I get ‘funny’ customers insisting it’s cute for them to correct me. It pisses me off. I’m completely not amused. I have a sense of humor, I own an improv comedy company. Don’t say to me “Well, little lady (because I’m a Yankee in Texas so I hear ‘little lady’ a lot), you must be in India if you think it’s afternoon. Heh heh.” because more than likely I’m awake 5 hours earlier than usual after performing late the night before.
(/program “Devil’s Advocate”)
Ah jeez, I thought it was funny and I’m only 19…I don’t think it’s a generational thing as much as it depends on how much you pay attention to world events. I mean…not knowing what UN treaties are? Guh!
Well, I found it funny, for what it’s worth. But sometimes my boyfriend puts me in Ryan’s position, where I just end up feeling sorry for the cashier and embarassed for myself. He doesn’t listen to me though, 31 years old and still does it – perhaps we should have a child 😀
PS Living here in Australia I’ve just ordered Just A Geek from the States, can’t wait to read it, I love your work 🙂
Keep up the good parenting! You’re there for the kids and you throw in laughs. It’s great!
Sounds like the cashier would be a person who would purchase an American flag doormat anyway! And I know how you feel about that!
Whenever they asked for my phone number, I used to give 832-1776. In my area (home of Southwestern Bell), 832 was/is a magic number that if you dial it, a computer reads back to you the number you called from. I picked it up from a tech who used it to test the new lines. So if they ever decided to dial, they’d get a computer giving them a new number. If they were so lame as to dial that one, well… I’m a busy guy — what can I say?
I believe the term for what happened is growing up. Happens to all of us at some point in time.
And do not feel too bad about daddy and the apology. To my dying day I will always be amazed about how much my father learned while I was in college. All it took was to put a few letters after my name for my father, (and mother) to get an education.
I thought it was funny… Of course, I told my doctor once that denying a pregnant woman Christmas pies, cookies, etc was against the Geneva Convention and he looked at me the same way.
Maybe we’re just smarter than they are… or maybe we’re warped….
Nah, we’re warped.
Wil, aren’t those moments the best though? We should start a step dad society to help other step dads, because being a step parent and getting to the point where our kids are embarassed by us like real parents is a moment to treasure forever.
I’m tearing up right now brother.
I know my kids hate it when I talk on the phone, they say I start a conversation with everyone. They’re like just order the darn pizza! Kids, gotta love em!
All I know is that being a teacher of middle school students made me realize the need to profusely apologize to my parents and former teachers for all what I put them through when I was that age…
Wil,
You have to be carefull with humor. Sometimes you get the bull and sometimes the bull gets you.
FG
Actually, and I say this the nicest, kindest way possible, my eyebrows rose a bit with that UN comment also. It was sort of a “there’s that geek side he’s always talking about” raise. I find myself making really dumb comments at the worst time. I’m learning to listen to the voice in my head that says “Shut up Veronica. You’re going to sound stupid otherwise.” He’s served me well in a few situations.
He was absent the other night at the video store though.
I’m right with you on the zip codes issue, I always just say no. The worst though is that gas stations have started requesting my zip code when I use a credit card at the pump. I tried pressing “NO”, but it didn’t work. Sigh.
[update: Ok, I just tried to post this and got the friendly message, “Name and email address are required.” Do I sense a bit of an inconsistent message here Wil? ;)]
And here I thought this post was going to be about Mark Hamill.
Were you paying with a credit card? A lot of the services are cross-referencing the ZIP code of the billing address with the card to cut down on stolen card usage.
I think the most important lesson here for both you and Ryan is that people who are funny tell jokes, people who are really funny tell a lot of jokes, and people who tell a lot of jokes tell bad ones every now and then. Now….if Ryan had looked up at you in line and said, “Don’t worry about it Wil, she looks French”, ah, then we’re talking Martin and Lewis, or Rowan and Martin, or Fry and Laurie. And you guys would’ve had an inside joke on the world for a long time. But the coffee line was great….I think he’s gonna be a fine young cannibal…er, comedian before too long.
I’m 19 and I thought it was funny. I get similar comments because at the store where I’m a cashier, they’ve had singing animatronic Halloween and Christmas decorations since July. Many people take pity on me for having to listen to a rip off of ‘Yo Ho Ho, A Pirate’s Life For Me’ competing with ‘Joy To The World, The Lord Has Come’.
Of course, when I try to respond with a joke of my own, I sometimes get The Blank Stare.
who was it that said… living is easy, comedy is difficult. They were right!
that’s awesome on so many levels. hah.
Ryan sounds like a great kid. At his age I would have been rolling my eyes and sighing so much I should have had detached retinas and collapsed lungs.
Wil, that was one hell of a post – funny and touching and a little sad at the same time. I lost my father when I was Ryan’s age and my mother didn’t remarry until I was out of high school and off to college, so it’s not even like I have a stepfather, but that my mother has a husband. I look back now at the times I rolled my eyes at dad, and 13 years later, I finally “get” what he was saying. It’s a good sign, however, that Ryan can identify your sense of humor as an acquired taste – that’s the kind of comment people who have acquired a certain taste make.
You know, you can’t be funny all the time – to other people that is.
Kids are supposed to find stuff you do slightly embarrassing as they get older. It’s part of developing their indepdendence.
What is amazing is how nicely he told you. Honest but aware of your feelings. Very thoughtful.
Your joke /was/ funny. Even if the young woman didn’t completely get it, she would have understood you were sympathising with her.
Now, see, I thought that was funny! If I’d been the cashier, I probably would have thought you were clever. Then I would have wound up trying to flirt with the clever guy who looks just like Wil Wheaton from Star Trek except he’s older and has kids.
I dunno, Wil.
First, it’s a passing reference to violating UN treaties.
Then, it’s a “Luddite” moment with pen and paper.
Hoo-ee, we’re all getting old!
Just so long as we can embarrass the kids along the way, though…that makes it all worthwhile!
Enjoy your own bed.
I can appreciate dry humour Wil, the best zingers are the ones that take a couple of minutes to develop in your mind.
At age 14 a child’s self-awareness kicks into high gear, it’s not so much about what your parents do or say.. it’s how it reflects on YOU!
I know.. my wife teaches grade 8 up here. I was able to relate to half the class with my guitar.. but only if I played AC/DC or anything “retro”.
I had to make that same apologetic phone call to my mother several years ago and when I suddenly realized I was all grown up and going through the same things with my son as I had done to her.
Good answer with the Coffee response, that’s almost classic.
On a side note, “Did you know that you were a clue in one of People magazines crossword puzzles last month?” You must be coming up in the world.
The clerk’s ignorance of the world and poor vocabulary should not cause you any embarassment. It wouldn’t hurt people to pick up a newspaper and attempt to read and understand at least one article a week. I’m probably “preaching to the choir”.
Wil, were you at Riker’s wedding in the opening scene to “Nemesis”? They forgot to cut or CGI you out of the background. I hope you got paid.
I cried when Data died.
Congratulations on being thought “lame” by your kid. It’s a parent’s rite of passage.
What did your father say?
I liked your joke too, but I agree with Lil Ms Drama 🙂 The clerk had probably heard tons of comments about the music and other quips that had she not been working probably would have been funny and then not giving your zip code probably just… lol, I’ve been there before and the “whatever” isn’t meant to be vocalized it just sometimes ends up that way!
In defense of the zip code thing (my turn to play Devil’s Advocate)… I agree with not wanting to give out your information but it’s hard when you’re on the other side of the register. I used to have to ask customers for their e-mail addresses and while I hated doing it, and understood the “No” I mostly got, I still had a quota to meet or else I would have to have a “meeting.” So for the love of whatever, it doesn’t actually have to be *your* zipcode just tell the clerk something cause you never know if your declination will be the one to cause her or him to get stuck being patronized for a half an hour about Not Meeting the Quota=You suck! [/Devils Advocate]
That being said, I really liked this story and Ryan sounds like a cool guy. It speaks volumes about your parenting that he actually did speak up in a respectful and caring way instead of doing that “Psshh” followed by a deep annoyed sigh with no other explanation. You’re a great Dad and I’m glad you shared this with us 🙂
PS Welcome back! I’m glad you enjoyed your time up here in my neck of the woods. 🙂
I always like to give 49931, the zip code of the tiny town where I went to college. I figure if they want to invade my privacy for their data collecting, I’ll try and boost the numbers, maybe poor little Houghton will get a _____(fill in the franchise).
My big gripe on personal data is Sam’s club. They take your personal information when they CHARGE you to shop there. You get a photo ID. They check it when you walk in the store. They check it when you get to the register. Then if you write a check, they have to see your driver’s license! Hello? isn’t that on file already? Associated with the card you JUST scanned? Want a fingerprint and lock of hair too? Then as you leave, better keep that receipt out, because they have to check your cart and make sure you’re not sneaking out with extra bulk goods. Want to frisk me, too? I might have a case of Sam’s choice soda in my shorts.