Felix (my cat) and Riley (my dog) are laying face to face in a shaft of sunlight on my living room floor as I write this. It’s not a very wide beam of light, and I Felix wants to be in the sun more than he wants to be left alone by the puppy. It’s incredibly cute, and I thought I’d share.
On the way to school today, Nolan and I were caught in some annoying traffic on a major street. While we sat and waited for a light to change, he looked out his window, and pointed at an alley that lead away from the traffic jam.
“Why don’t we go down that alley?” He said.
I pointed at a moving truck that was blocking it about halfway down. “Because we won’t make it past that truck,” I said.
“Well, let’s just drive right into it, and hope we respawn on the other side!” He said.
“I don’t think that would work,” I said.
He frowned for a second and looked back at me.
“You’re right,” he sighed, as we started to creep forward. “With our luck, the respawn point is probably behind us.”
I laughed. “We’re kind of geeks,” I said.
“Yeah,” he said, “but that’s okay.”
Parents always hope to see a little bit of themselves in their kids, and as a stepparent, I’ve always wondered if Ryan and Nolan will pick up anything from me. It’s been a challenge, because I don’t want to force myself on them in any way, and their dad has worked pretty consistently to marginalize my influence, and minimize my position in their lives . . . but over the last year or so, Ryan and Nolan have come to me. They’ve made efforts — entirely on their own — to close the gap between us. After almost ten years, I feel like they’re truly accepted me into their lives. They’ve picked up my interests, my humor, my sense of duty to Truth and my fundamental belief that we should always be giving without expecting anything in return.
It’s wonderful when I see Nolan stop to help a kid at school, or see Ryan take the time to do something kind for his brother or mother, just because he loves them. They may not carry my DNA, but they carry my spirit, and that’s far more important.
It was a silly little thing, Nolan geeking out with me about respawning this morning, but there was something unspoken between us, something that I can’t quantify or describe in words. It was something I just felt in my soul, and it was one of those important waypoints on our journey together that I don’t want to ever forget.
I’ve got an audition this morning, and a meeting at lunch, plus I’ve got workers coming to tear out some bushes (heh. I’m working on that this Tuesday, too) and trim up one of my trees, so I don’t know if I’m going to get Dallas up by the end of today. That story has taken on a life of its own, and I don’t want to rush it out. I think I’m going to put some of the Linucon report into that post, too, even though it’s almost as big as Texas already.
Chris The Film Geek has a great recap of the signing at Borders last Sunday, though, that I encourage you all to go read. I’ll fill in my thoughts whenever I finish the Texas oddessey.
This is probably it for this week, so have a great weekend and a safe All Hallow’s Eve, everyone.
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first post!!!!!! HELL YEAH!!!!
Wil, one of my children is not biologically mine.
There’s a joke in my family. If a biological child does something that reminds the rest of the parents of a biological parent, we’ll comment, “Well, ya got that honest.”
But, we do recognize the non-DNA influenced stuff, too. If a child does something a great deal like a non-bio parent, we’ll comment, “Well, ya got that dishonest.”
But yes, there are parental joys even when you don’t share genes. They’re very worth treasuring.
Just a quick, maybe too intrusive question Wil, but do your boys read your blog?
Good luck in your audition.
That’s a really sweet story. I always smile and get that warm family feeling whenever you talk about your kids. I hope one day I’ll be as good of a parent as the stories show you to be. (Loved the “Forbidden Dice” story in Wil Saves. I’ve been witness to the same situation when gaming w/ my friends who have kids. Very funny. 😉 )
Oh, well, I say take your time w/ the Dallas, Linucon, Borders stories. What kind of fans of your writing would we be to make you rush your writing process? 😉
And joking about respawning never gets old. 😉
As biological child in a family also containing adopted siblings, your comments about step-parenting are especially touching. I would never consider my biological twin sister more my sister than my adopted older sister, as the familial bond we all share goes far beyond blood. Family tends to be a work in progress. Thanks for a warm fuzzy thought in the middle of the workday.
Look at the handsome man in this photo –
http://dsrphoto.com/pages/12.html
If you are there for them, they will be there for you. From what you’ve written, you’re an awesome stepdad and role model. From your postings, it sounds like your stepsons talk to you instead of hiding in their rooms. Consider yourself blessed!
Re: Tearing out Bushes
I’ve never been as stressed out about an election as I am about this one. So much is at stake.
I want my privacy back.
I want my civil rights back.
I want my freedom back.
I want the respect of the world back.
I want my country back.
Felix (my cat) and Riley (my dog) are laying face to face in a shaft of sunlight on my living room floor as I write this.
Why is it that I read this first line, and I feel dirty? Before noon, sans coffee, and I’m Beavis and Butthead.
What a wonderful moment. As several people have mentioned already, family is so much more than DNA.
I have two sisters that I am not related to biologically (or legally). About 19 years ago we formed a family to fill in the gaps where it was missing. I can’t even imagine myself without them.
The thing is children, even teenagers, in my experience, never forget who took the time to be there, regardless of biology.
How cute, the whole ‘respawn’ conversation. Must be great to have something in common like that! 🙂
Hi Wil,
I have a quick question. I read once where you and some friends had devised a way to schedule a D&D campaign that worked well with people with busy schedules. Can you elaborate or offer me some advice? I am trying to organize a campaign for some friends but in a way that people don’t always have to be there. Give me some help and I will rent “Stand by Me” enough times to earn $10 whole dollars in royalties.
Thanks, Chris
I was wondering if your kids read the blog, too, and what they thought. No need to answer, of course.
I kind of put myself in the past and wondered how I’d deal with it, or perhaps the ribbing of my friends over something my folks did.
I figured I’d really like the blog myself, but expect to get ribbed at school.
The conversation would probably be, “Read what your daddy said about you yesterday. Does he kiss you goodnight, too?”
“He’s weird like that. You get used to it.”
“Sucks to be you.”
“Could be worse. I could be you.”
“Yeah. True.”
“Yeah. Wanna get some fries?”
Then I’d go read it again and know that I was really important to someone who was important to me.
My niece isn’t biologically related to me in any way, but I feel about her like you do about your boys. There has been lots of trouble in my family, and one thing I have learnt from it is that blood may be thicker than water, but love is thicker than blood. Just to recap (and expand) the old saying, any idiot can make a baby, but it takes a hero to raise a child. You are a terrific stepfather (as far as I can tell), and I love those stories so much. Keep’em coming.
Bless your darling boys and your darling wife and darling you.
xxx Patty 🙂
How did you know I was just hoping for another father-(step)son anecdote?? Awwwww!
That’s so cool. I want geek kids someday! 🙂
Family is a funny thing, as defined by blood and genes as it is not. In a few weeks I’ll be getting married and my mother’s first ex-husband (my dad) and my mother’s third ex-husband and his new wife will be there. I can’t imagine *not* having either of these men with me on that day as they are both very special to me for different reasons.
Re: Tearing out Bushes
Amen Goddyss.
Stepparenting has almost always been a joy to me, but there are times when I wonder whether or not my influence will end up having any impact at all in the “big picture” of the lives of my husband’s 3 kids. I suppose that as long as they know they’re loved, it’s the best I can do, and whatever else happens, will happen.
I’m the only geek in the clan, but they know I’m proud of it. – k
It makes me very happy that people like you exist. I had a stepmother growing up – not the good kind, but the kind that did everything she could to let me know just how much she resented my presence, and how much she hated my mother.
Biology means nothing next to love. A large portion of my family is adopted.
Keep up the excellent parenting. 🙂
That was a very touching entry — it’s the simple things in life, no? I’m happy for you. : )
That’s a great story Wil. I have a step father, and when he came into my mom’s life, I was 10 years old. At the time, I didn’t think we needed Richard in our lives and it was a struggle for us to even become friends.
My younger sister refers to him as ‘Dad’ and I regret that I didn’t allow him into my heart the same way. She has picked up a few of his traits and mannerisms, and while I think it’s funny, I also wish I’d developed the same closeness.
That you’ve managed to break through those barriers that children instinctively put up says a lot about the kind of person, and father, you are.
On a semi-unrelated note: what do you think of the Brazilian legislator who has proposed a ban be put on allowing pets to have ‘human’ names? I ask because of Riley and Felix, two so-called human names.
If you haven’t seen it, here’s the link:
http://edition.cnn.com/2004/WORLD/americas/10/28/dog.names.ap/index.html
Felix (my cat) and Riley (my dog) are laying face to face […]
I hate to get mechanical in the midst of all these good mojo comments, but an aspiring young writer needs to learn this, especially when he doesn’t have an editor to sweep up after him.
Chickens lay; dogs and cats aren’t equipped biologically to pull that off. So they just lie there in a fit of egg envy.
Nice story, btw. KUtGW.
Wil, a lovely post, per usual. I have no children but eight nieces and nephews, all of whom I love. In that number I include my best friend’s 4 year old daughter. She calls me Aunt Carol and whenever I fly out to visit them and have to come back home, she’s as sorry to see me go as I am to leave. Because I love her too and I do what I can to let her know that.
No blood between us at all. Just a lot of love and fun.
Wil,
Thank you for sharing that Nolan is on your vibe. The respawn comment means you all share a twisted sort of ‘realistic’ imagination and experience in modern-day computer games.
For those not in-the-know (the few non-Geeks among us) here is an explanation of what Wil and Nolan were talking about.
Respawn is a term relating to a process in computer games when a character or opponent dies and is automatically brought back to life at full health. It was tactical coded language for a certain gaming situation.
Often in games, there are set places in the environment where non-player characters (NPCs) will reappear after a set time or ‘spawn’. When these NPCs spawn they are aggressive and will automatically attack and try to harm your character.
Killing or disposing of these NPCs gains some game advantage (you gain experience points to advance your character or by killing you get game items for your character, or items to sell, or to trade, or to complete quest activity chains, or you are simply able to move safely past them).
What Wil and Nolan were saying was — we could move down this alley, ram the moving truck and temporarily dispose of it to stop it blocking our path and we could move on down this attractive shortcut. BUT we don’t know how fast or where the truck will re-appear and that could be dangerous if it happens behind us (our path of retreat could be blocked).
If you understood Wil’s conversation, then you have passed the computer-generated role-playing games portion of the culture test and you can proudly wear the Geek label.
I -heart- geeking out.
Wil, where you look fondly at a repawn joke from your son, I worry about one from mine. He’s only 6 though.
The level of animation in movies etc. are at a point where they can make things that are impossible look completely real. That’s all fine for ridiculous things like exploding space ships and stuff. But we were watching a show that was otherwise ‘regular scenes’ sans animation, except for this digitally inserted talking snake. He was taken a back, and said ‘snakes can’t talk!?”. And I said no they can’t, that’s just animation, it’s not real. I find I’m often having to explain which things are real and aren’t. Everything looks real. Now he knew enough about snakes to know it wasn’t real in this case. But there are many things he’s not experience or learned about.
He’s also been quite disappointed to learn that he can’t fly. “me too” I say, “me too!”
I totally agree. Spirit is everything. I am a stepson, or whatever you want to call it. I may have physical characteristics that my bio-dad share, but its my dad-dad that I am more alike. From our sense of humor to some of our passions like golf and cooking.
It is definitely the enviornment that shapes us and if it wasn’t for my dad, I’d probably hate it.
Thanks dad!
My Husband is only biological to our son– my daughter is not his but even after the first few years after we got together she shares his smile and sense of humor as well.
We have been a family for 10 years as well, we don’t have the conflict of her father– he only contributes support due to the fact that his job pulls the money out for him– since he is in the computer for non- payment in the past.
–
-Will Have a Safe&Happy Halloween with your Family.
Ah, that’s so *Hands over mouth* adorable. (step) dad/son moments like that are so…sappily wonderful! I geek out with my friends like that! I’m not close with my (biological) father and I’m a sucker for other people’s happiness. I hope you get the audition!
HAPPY HALLOWEEN!
thats deep
geeking out
My husband, Doug, and I have been together since my kids from my first marraige were 18 months and 4. It’s been 13 years now. We moved to our current residence about 7 years ago, and many who know us have no idea that the kids are not Doug’s biological children, since they both exhibit so much of his mannerisms, personality and humor. At times the child/step-parent relationship has been most difficult (for the kids, me and Doug). But when I overhear one of the kids say something that I know was influenced by Doug, or as another example, when recently my daughter introduced Doug as her Dad, I could have easily melted into a puddle. Times like that prove to me that Doug has played a wonderful, important role in their lives. My kids have said that they are lucky to have him, and your kids will show that to you more and more over the years.
p.s. – I don’t believe in superstitions and I’ve been a huge Pittsburgh Steelers fan since infancy, but….GO PACKERS!!!
“What is TRUTH?” John 18:38
Posted by Goddyss
“So much is at stake.
I want my privacy back.
I want my civil rights back.
I want my freedom back.
I want the respect of the world back.
I want my country back.”
You’re right… much is at stake.
Butwe didn’t have much respect to begin with before Bush/Iraq, lol.
Much of the World tolerated our arrogance beforehand, because we give obscene amounts of money to tons of nations and/or protect their asses with the lives & might of our Honor & Duty bound armed forces.
And last time I checked, unless you’re in prison, or a citizen of a TRULY scary country to live in, you’ve never lost your Freedom, your Civil Rights, nor your Country. [Just hope, perhaps? Next Tuesday might fix that for you.]
America isn’t a scary place to live, we’ve got it so much better than most all of the world. But America IS scary to many of those around the world… for more than a couple reasons.
———-
Ok, Edwood… put the keyboard down and step off the soapbox!
Wil & Everybody else,
I emailed Wil this URL to this video clip just in case he’d not seen it yet. It’s always interesting to watch how political and religious figures act when they think the tape’s not rolling (or are unaware that satellite feeds are always feeding…).
http://static.vidvote.com/movies/bushuncensored.mov
I found it on Moby’s blog yesterday: http://moby.com/
I already voted early in my home state of TX. You might think a Kerry vote in TX is useless, but in case you’re in TX and on that vote-or-not-bother-voting fence yourself, think about voting for the reason that I did: in tribute/honor/memory of the people early last century who wanted to vote, but weren’t allowed to. In that way, even your Kerry-vote-in-TX (or Bush-vote-in-a-Kerry-state) is useful.
Wil — you have a better bond w/ Nolan and Ryan than my “real” dad has w/ any of his kids, including me. You’re lucky to have them, and they’re lucky to have you.
Mojo for the audition!
It seems to me (believing in fate and all) that people often end up with the “right” parents. Sometimes they’re born to the ones they’re meant to be born with but then end up elsewhere.
(Someone’s going to argue about kids who grow up in messed up families and I still don’t know how to answer that.)
An example of ending up in the right family is in my own. My nephew came “prepackaged” when my brother got married. Over the years it became clear that my nephew was meant to be ours. When he was younger he looked a lot like I did when I was a child even though there’s no biological connection. People used to tell me that I looked like my brother, his father (not biologically, but in my family we don’t make such distinctions). The kid is a supernerd in college, just like my brother was. He’s even in the process of legally changing his last name to our family name, which he had to wait until he turned 19 to do. One distinction from other families though, is that he left his birth father when he was 4 and hasn’t seen him since. My brother’s the only father he’s really ever known.
Nolan and Ryan will no doubt always have pieces of you. They were meant to belong partly to you. Hopefully they’ll have the best aspects of you, Anne and Anne’s ex husband all put together.
…”my fundamental belief that we should always be giving without expecting anything in return.”
Well said Wil. I think that may people just forget that we have such a short time on this planet that we should think of others before ourselves. Thus this is why certain people shouldn’t run for presidant….’nuff said.
Something really funny happened at the racetrack where I work, Keeneland (Lexington KY)
There was a horse running in a race named Wheaton Home
now as I work behind the betting window, with a cushy job of selling tickets to the public, I decided I’d play just $6 on a $2 Win-Place-Show bet. $2 across the board on Wheaton Home. A total freak bet, why not? Do it in the spirit of Dr. Hunter S. Thompson and go totally gonzo.
Wouldn’t you know it but Wheaton Home came in FOURTH! Ah well, better luck the next time Wheaton Home races. In the meantime, focus on your job, selling tickets to all the rich old society ladies all wearing purple coats and red hats. Somehow in the cosmic sense of the universe, these old ladies when all put together, have somehow simeltaneously tipped the luck plane away from you.
But tomorrow is another day, and who knows, perhaps Ashley Judd will be enjoying her comfy spot watching the races from one of the nearby corporate boxes. A perfect place for the gonzo warrior Chilly Willy to hang out, right there with Ashley, each tilting the other’s luck plane.
If I do run into Ashley tomorrow, is there a message you would like to deliver?
Ya done it again, Wil. Touched my heart and made with misty eyes of joy.
I don
Hey, Wil. Another great story about your kids! These are some of my favourites to read.
1. Good luck on your audition.
2. Will you ever do a signing at Borders in Providence, RI? 😉 It would be cool.
Wil, may you and your family always have geek-out moments. Those are the things I look forward to when I have kids. Hope you did spiffily(!) at the audition, and a big thank-you for always letting us monkeys in on the fact that famous people are normal (and geeky) just like us. You rock!
Wil,
Are you gonna watch Brent on Enterprise (first of three episodes aired tonight (friday) ).
Bryan
I hear a lot of stories of stepchildren not getting along with their stepparents. I see that Ryan and Nolan are looking up to you. I’m glad to see that they are bonding with you as their father. Just being there for them is a blessing and is an important part for their emotional well being.
That’s awesome, all too many step fathers dont’ care much for the kids. I am an unfortunate product of bad step parenting and I love to see a good relationship between a step family.
It
Wil,
I love hearing about your animals!!! 🙂
My cat tends to lounge around whereever I am. If i am at the computer, he is sitting in front of it. If I am laying on the bed on my back, my 12 lb cat is on my stomach, if I bend over to hug Piper, he climbs up for a back to shoulder ride. If I am laying on my stomach Piper climbs on my back. If I am on my side, let’s just say Piper doesn’t feel too good on my ribs! But you get the point. LOL! 😉
I used to NEVER be close to my dad growing up. I mean b/c I am the only female out of two other boys I was often outcasted and they would go and play football or baseball with him. If I wanted my dad’s attention he’d tell me “after the game”, and my dad is a workaholic…which made it harder to get close to him. Well my dad’s present girlfriend told him, “take your daughter out once a week for dinner” and we “bonded” instantly. Now we’re closer then we have ever been before! I am more like my dad then my mom. I can tolerate being with my mom (as you met at the Dallas con) but our sense of humor and way of doing things are completely different (before her stroke as well)…my dad’s more energetic, always on the go, doing anything to make me laugh. I presently have laryengitis (can’t speak) and he told me “he’s happy I have this!” -as a joke- As I went to Denny’s today for breakfast, I realized how much I needed my voice. 🙁
This truely sucks!
But anyway wait off on the Dallas convention writing and make a book on your convention travels and interesting quotes from your fans you have met from different locations. I’d love to see a small book like that! A book from a sci fi actors perspective of going to these conventions and the type of things they notice, the feeling of being on stage, funniest, weirdest questions, autograph requests, etc…Reminds me of that movie with Tim Allen (Spacequest??) I forgot the name of it! But it mocked Star Wars/Star Trek.
But can’t wait to see what you wrote about them wacky Dallasites! Gotta love em’ :-/ (I’m from Houston its a natural rivalry that I-45 South (Houston) is WAY better then our neighbors to the north I-45 North) 😉
Just remember this for your next convention down in Houston *hint hint* Go hop aboard Vulkons Slayer con even though you weren’t in buffy!
😛
We Houstonians, some San Antonians and Austinans want to see ya down here! 😀
Biological or not it doesn’t matter really, because it’s how you teach them what is right and wrong and how to be compassionate kids. I think you’re doing a great job, you let them take their time to accept you and yes good things can rub off on you to them. I think they are two of the luckiest kids to have you as a step parent Wil. Good luck on the audition. I was wondering about that myself, if the two boys read your blog. LOL
Morgan
I think it’s great that you and your stepsons are finding common ground. It is a very challenging thing being the step dad. My (step) son and me struggle with this all the time. I am the dad in the house, and I no real choice about that. I cannot be Dad to one boy living in my house and step dad to another. I’m not smart enough to remember which role I’m in. The fact the DNA bearing father is a non-issue for parenting make’s me the dad that much more.
Despite the tensions that exist, my (step) son and I do have pretty good relationship. And a lot of it revolves around geeky stuff just as you described. I’ve met the “real” dad, geekiness is not in his DNA for sure. I know things are going well when we can joke about Star Wars or Star Trek and wife just rolls her eyes. At that moment I know the two of us have truly connected.
Wil,
Off topic, but I just watched Stand By Me for the first time, this morning. What an awesome movie.
Your character becomes a writer, River’s character met an untimely death. Now I see why Wesley had to wear a muscle suit–you were a skinny little kid. I grew up in the l950’s–I still sing the tune “Have Gun, Will Travel…”
Again, what an awesome movie. You were fabulous.
Freeman 🙂
A blog entry I can relate to.
My greatest joy was teaching my 3 nieces Gin Rummy – now that is the only card game they will play and they always look to Uncle Craig to play cards each Christmas.
The boys sound like dreams to have as kids. They are equally lucky to have a Dad like you too!
🙂
BTW………..if you do another book signing on the Westside of L.A., I looking for Christmas gifts to give!