Well, I never had time to write up the ApacheCon report . . . because I got a call late last night to audition for Alias at noon today.
Holy shit. Alias!
So I spent all last night, and most of this morning, preparing for the audition. I just got back from a fantastic What’s My Line? performance, and since I need to “unwind” right now, I’ll tell you all about my audition while it’s still in my mind.
In Just A Geek, I wrote about how there are a ton of factors that I can’t control when I go to an audition, and how important it is to work on the few factors that I can control. I love Alias almost as much as I love Jennifer Garner, so I ensured that everything I could control was absolutely perfect. The material was extremely well-written, so learning it was super easy. I made bold and clear character choices, and — most importantly — I decided that I was going to enjoy the opportunity to audition for one of the greatest shows on television.
The character was described as “early 30s, charmingly familiar.” I’d love to say more, but I don’t want to blow it for fans of the show, or piss off the writers . . . so that’s all you get. 🙂
“‘Familiar!’ Hey! That’s me!” I shouted across the living room to Anne, when I took the sides off the FAX machine last night.
“Yeah, you’re totally That Guy,” she said.
I was already excited about the audition, but when I saw the character described as “familiar”, I got +5 excited, because I can actually be That Guy. Until I sort of went into semi-forced-semi-retirement a year or so ago, just about every part I auditioned for was not exactly for my “everyman” type, and it was incredibly frustrating (and documented in Just A Geek) to keep hearing “you’re a great actor, but you’re not [tall, short, sexy, scary, famous] enough for the part.
In retrospect, it wasn’t surprising to hear those comments, because I kept auditioning for parts where no matter how skillful my performance was, I wasn’t going to book the job, because my essences were wrong for the character. See, one of the factors completely beyond my control when I go into an audition are my essences. By that, I mean those certain things that I have so deeply embedded into my soul, I take them with me everywhere I go, no matter what I’m doing. If I’m playing a hero, or a villain, a leading man (quit laughing) or a nerdy neighbor, I’m always going to have this “I can relate to that guy” quality. I’m going to be a little too smart for my own good, and there will always be this faint sense of sadness, too. There’s nothing I can do about that — it’s just part of who I am — so if I have to play a character who is, well, let’s just pick any random word . . . how about . . . edgy, for instance, I’m boned. I yam what I yam, as the wacky sailor used to say.
But while I worked on the scenes for today, I knew that I was already standing on a strong foundation, and that freed me up to develop an interesting character. I also got to do a whole lot of looking at Jennifer Garner on teh Intarweb . . . for, uhm . . . research, you know.
The call was at Disney, and I got there nice and early . . . but still waited almost 25 minutes to park my car. Apparently, today was “Bring your toddler to Disney for something” day, and the place was just swarming with happy families. A few years ago, it would have annoyed the crap out of me that I was delayed getting into my audition, but I instead thought to myself, “I bet this is slowing everyone down, so it won’t actually make me late at all, in a relative sense. Maybe I should just enjoy the infectious happiness of these little kids.” I took my own advice, and when I finally got to the writer’s building (23, if you’re scoring at home) I was in very high spirits. “I can’t believe that I get to audition for fucking Alias!” I kept thinking.
I signed in, and saw that my friend and frequent WWdN commenter Keith Coogan had come in earlier in the day. I always like it when I see people I know on the sign-in sheet, as if I needed another reason to smile.
I read over my scenes while I waited, and when they took in the actor ahead of me (Eddie Kaye Thomas, best known as “Finch” from the American Pie movies), I stepped outside and ran over the scenes. I must have looked like one of those crazy actors who’s outside acting to a tree or a bicycle (it was a folded up pingpong table for me, today) but I didn’t care. I was going to go in there and give a great audition. I timed it perfectly — when it was my turn to go into the room, I had read them over twice, and I was at the peak of readiness.
“I just want to warn you,” the casting assistant told me as we walked down the hallway, “that there are about fifteen people in the room. It’s like a pilot session in there.”
I laughed. “I’ll be sure to play to the back row,” I said.
“This is Wil Wheaton,” she said as we walked into the room.
The room was the same as ever: a huge conference table took up about 80% of the rectangular room, and about fifteen people sat across it, along its long edge They all nodded, or waved, or made some sort of friendly greeting. “Okay, this is totally not like a pilot session,” I thought, “These people are way too nice.”
There was a metal folding chair pushed against the table, presumably for the actors to sit in, but I had no intention of using it.
“Do you mind if I stand up for this?” I said.
“I think that would be appropriate,” the casting director said, not unkindly.
I slated my name, and started the first of two scenes . . . which I won’t describe, so I don’t get sued.
When I was done with the first scene, one of the producers (clearly a Very Important Producer, by the way everyone deferred to him) looked right at me and said, “That was really wonderful!”
The rest of the room nodded in agreement, and though I couldn’t tell if they were agreeing because of who he was, or because they actually agreed with his assessment of my performance, I have done this long enough to know when someone is full of shit or not, and this producer wasn’t full of shit. His compliment was genuine, and that just doesn’t happen very often anymore. It meant a lot to me.
“Thank you,” I said, as I started the second scene.
I was totally off-book for both scenes, and gave a very solid performance. When I was done, I actually wanted to do a lame little dance out in the hallway, because I felt so happy with the work I’d done. I even allowed myself a happy thought: “I think I may have just booked a job!”
When I got to my car, I called Anne before I pulled out of my parking space.
“Did you get it?” She said.
“I won’t know for a few hours . . . but I wouldn’t change a single thing. I am so happy with my audition, Anne. It was awesome.” I told her about the producer’s compliment, and how I went in after Finch.
“That’s so cool! Call me as soon as you know something.” She said.
“Okay. I love you.”
“You too.”
I hung up, and drove home, where I spent the next few hours trying to catch up on e-mail (I got down from 500 unreads to 309 unreads in about two hours. Not too shabby!)
Around 5pm, while I was getting ready to leave for ACME, I got the phone call from my manger.
“They loved you, Wil.” He said. “Everyone in that room responded to you very positively. . .”
We’ve had this conversation too many times. “But . . .” I said.
“But, you’re not physically large enough for the part. They want someone who’s much bigger than Jennifer Garner.”
To be entirely honest, I wasn’t surprised. I’ve had five auditions in the last six weeks, and for each part, I haven’t gotten the job because of the way I look (I was too short for one, they changed another part to female, I wasn’t “tough” enough for one, and I forget the other two, but it was pretty much the same thing.)
“Well,” I said. “I’m not going to try to act like I’m not bummed . . . but goddammit.”
“They’re definitely going to bring you back in the future,” he said.
“Did they say that?”
“No, but trust me.”
“Okay,” I said. I remembered how happy I felt when I walked out of the room. “I had a really good time, Chris.” I told him about the producer who complimented me.
“Was it genuine?” He said.
“Yeah. Yeah, I think it was. That was awesome!”
“Good. You’re doing the show tonight, right?” he said.
“Yeah. I’m actually about to leave right now.”
“Well, break a leg. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”
And that is the story of how I almost got to spend eight days acting like I was smitten with Jennifer Garner.
. . . yeah, “acting.” That’s it.
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Oh man talk about an emotional rollercoaster ride there!
I was willing you to get that gig all the way through. I got a LOT of odd looks from my work colleagues as I kept muttering “Come on…come on..pick Wil!” under my breath.
I am so bummed you did not get the job, but at least you had fun. Right? Right??!
PS. Obligatory
Aw…sorry to hear that. Alias is a very diverse show. I’m sure they loved you so much that they would create a character just for you! 😀 (If not, then you will definitely find something better!)
BIG time congrats, Wil. I got through the first paragraph and spontaneously generated the second in real time without reading it.
And that “you’ll be back” bit from the producer does sound promising, though of course you’ve been there before and know how much weight to put on it.
Meanwhile, some of us are still waiting for the Austin Linucon report. 😀
Best wishes for a continuingly great autumn.
Aww, for a second there I thought I was gonna see you on TV again Wil. Glad to hear the auditon was more pleasant than some you’ve had in the past. As always best of luck in the future.
I’d love to see you on Alias! I hope they do bring you back in for something special.
I’m struck by the graceful way you handled this whole situation, by the positive attitude you seem to be radiating all the way through the process. Go, you!
KICK ASS! Yes that’s meant to be shouted. I know it’s disappointing, not getting the part, but I am so proud of how positive you kept yourself through the whole process. It sounds like the whole thing was just fun for you, kind of like a play date but with friendly judges.
They always tell you that you fall in love when you aren’t expecting it… I guess the same goes for auditions as well. Just when you say “Yes I am a writer now, I’m so glad I finally realized it,” all of this camera stuff pops up!
Either way, you win! 🙂
Great story Wil! I love reading about your auditions. I too was hoping all the way through that the story would end with the fantastic news that you landed a big part. In fact, you know those shows where they turn to the camara and speak directly to the people in the middle of a scene? Well I keep expecting you to be telling one of these stories and then suddenly say “And guess what Alex, you’re going to be seeing me on TV real soon!”. hehehe. I think it’s going to happen! Well, maybe not the telling me directly part, but you know. 😉
Wil… nailing your auditions like that and having such a positive attitude about it, will payoff in the end. So bummed along with you and all us monkeys you didn’t get the chance to have Jennifer Garner meet Uncle Willy in Bootytown!
MOJO for another Alias role
MOJO for another Alias role
MOJO for another Alias role
MOJO for another Alias role
MOJO for another Alias role
Is this the real life ?
Is this just fantasy ?
Caught in a landslide
No escape from reality
Open your eyes
Look up to the skies and see
I’m just a poor boy, I need no sympathy
Because I’m easy come, easy go
A little high, little low
Anyway the wind blows, doesn’t really matter to me, to me
(Bohemian Rhapsody by Queen)
Your post headlines are like a cryptic crossword puzzle 🙂
Nice one, Wil. Very apt.
Damn!
Alias is one of the few shows I actually watch.
Would have been cool to see you on it.
First time poster here. Have been reading your blog for a while, and have read both of your books. Awesome!! I am happy to see you happy and keeping focused on the positive. Hoping you get one of these parts soon, but happier that you are enjoying the process. Like they say… “Happiness is the journey, not the destination.”
M.
daaaaamn… that would have been a killer story to post… Wil and Jennifer f’in Garner. Monkey Monkey Monkey!
Ok Wil, here’s the thing… I don’t watch Alias, but I would have for you man, just cause I think it’d be completely awesome! Ok, right… raving loon I suppose… so let me ask a question, if I may? Have you ever considered developing a pilot of your own? (notice, I’m praying you’re reading this, and pretending there aren’t thousands of people reading this and smirking at me)
I was actually thinking about this while lodged firmly in traffic on the way home yesterday. On the cable networks like TNN, FX, USA and others, they have some original programming, and then they spend a lot of time spewing crap (either rerun crap, or original crap). Then I thought that a guy like you would put together a good performance, and could probably put together a decent show. Maybe something like… you and Dustin Diamond doing an Internet startup, with the actress who played Kate on Drew Carrey as the business head… it could work, couldn’t it? Decent cast… humorous people… fun to watch… and TNN would certainly have to give it a go, being that you ARE one of the stars of a certain show that they’ve based a large chunk of their lineup around.
Ah that totally rules, I have a good feeling about them calling you back in for future roles too.
Next time maybe you will land a role where Jennifer has to be smitten with you. 😮
*evil grin*
I’m sorry that you didn’t get the part Wil. Your writing is just getting better and better. I felt like I went to the audition with you which is just a testimony to your talent. You keep calling yourself a writer who used to be an actor but I think that being a writer makes you a better actor. You understand the beauty and composition of the language better. But I am not an actor at all. It looks like you impressed the producer so they may have you in mind or even create a role just for you in Alias. By the way, I enjoyed the little D&D reference in your post.
Bummer you didn’t get the part.
Hopefully there will be a better part in the future, either on Alias or some other show.
It’s not that you’re too big, Wil. It’s that Miss Garner is just too small. They should have gotten her some lifts or had her stand on a box or something.
Wow, I actually *watch* Alias (which is saying a lot since I don’t really watch TV much and don’t have cable (and hence can’t watch all the STNG reruns or anything).
Too bad you didn’t get the job, but I loved how jazzed you were about the audition! It would have been adorable to see you smitten with Jennifer Garner. Hey, is Keith Coogan taller than Jennifer Garner in heels (which is practically all she wears on the show, despite the constant need for butt-kicking action)?
Great story Wil!
Sorry you didn’t get the part, and I do hope you hear back from them for something else – Alias rocks.
Just an observation here…..you are in such a great place in your life that – knowing you did your best, even though you didn’t get the part, was enough.
You’ve come a long way baby!
Can’t wait for that poker blog?!?!?!
Sharfa
Well, at least you had a good audition. One would hope that producers and casting people remember those sorts of moments, and will bring you back when they have a character that fits you.
Maybe Hollywood is beginning to rediscover you…
This girl in a class I’m taking always looks like Kristen Kreuk/Lana, and last night she was wearing a pink shirt that said WHEATON in big letters across her chest. Maybe that means you’re actually destined for Smallville. 😀
Gee, I was just reading over on Jennifer Garner’s blog about how she came “this close” [holds gorgeous index fingers 2mm apart] to getting to work with the author Wil Wheaton, but — darn her essences — she’s too tall! Poor kid was really bummed out, but took it like a pro. At least she got to check him out on the web. For research, yeah, that’s it.
Personally, I’m voting Wil & Jennifer in 2008. Cheers.
Good job Wil. Keep swinging.
And I’ll join the chorus…
MOJO for another Alias role!
Alias? WOO-HOO!! I have all 3 seasons on DVD already. Don’t be too bummed Wil, I just can’t picture you taking Lena Olin’s place as Irena. It’s neat to know that the producers like you tho’. We will be looking for you on there as potentially…Marshall’s cooler brother? Jack’s biological yet unknown long lost son? Sydney’s sisters boyfriends best friends hairdresser? At any rate it’d be cool to see you on there or LOST in one of the flashback scenes, you know so you don’t actually have to go to the set in Hawaii or anything, yeah that’d suck.
Now if we could only pair up Wesley Crusher with Aeryn Sun.
I’m not gonna lie: I saw “Alias” and just started semi-hyperventilating.
!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!
!!
Okay, I’m done spazzing now. (Erm, externally, anyway.)
I’m really glad you had a great audition — isn’t it just SO satisfying when you know “you done good”? — and I hope (HOPE HOPE HOPE HOPE HOPE *crosses fingers*) that they DO bring you in at some point.
OhmanohmanohmanohmanohMAN!
Damn, Wil, that F-ing sucks. I read your site often and I think I’ve only posted once before, but this one got to me. I’m glad you had a good time at the audition, but I choked up at the phone call you transcribed. Anyway, I still envy your success, with or without Alias. Jennifer Garner man…Jennifer Garner…
I’m confused. Why would they even bring you in for an audition? Don’t they already know how tall you are?
“Hey Wil’s agent, is Wil much bigger than Jen? No? Oh, ok then. Thanks. Bye.”
WTF?
Like you would have had time to work on Alias! I mean, how are you supposed to take your book tour to Canada when you’re on a top-rated show. Sheesh.
In good news though this is really starting to look like its becoming a case of you don’t get work until you’re busy working.
Break a leg.
*wishing I was in Cali to take a trip to ACME*
being an actor always sounds like fun – until I hear a story like this. gaa. how you handle that sort of rejection ill never know ::hugs::
I’m just a small-town community theatre actor but I know that “not the right look” feeling all too well. I have to tell myself it’s not a personal reflection on my skills, though sometimes it’s hard. The best times though are as you say: when you are so happy with your audition that it feels like an accomplishment in itself.
Hope they do bring you back in…either for that or for “Lost”. 🙂
I hope you get that call back Wil. Then I can start trying to get you brought over to the UK for the next Alias convention 🙂
It just occurred to me.
I know what you need.
A T-shirt that you can wear to every audition.
A T-shirt that says,
(wait for it)
“Not X Enough”
You need to go to Cafepress and make one now.
And then, I *dare* you to wear it to every audition.
I double-dog dare you.
That’ll be the key, man. Seriously. Have I ever led you astray?
(Okay, well, that one Wednesday doesn’t count.)
MV
That’s AWESOME Wil. Hope to see you on that show one day Jennifer G. is fantastic!
Wil,
First of all, wow. That was extremely well written. I really felt what you were feeling.
Second, I find it very inspiring how you manage to keep a positive attitude and your sense of humor in the face of disappointment. Hollywood is such a competitive business! Honestly, I don’t understand why you don’t book more work, you have soooo many fans and your sooo talented.
Something will come your way soon. It will. Promise.
Oh, man! Wil, I’m a longtime reader, first-time poster, and I was so rooting for you on this one that the final outcome hit me between the eyes like a cricket bat! But that’s your job, I suppose. Well, one of them. 😉
I really hope they call you back for another role. Alias is an awesome show and, as much as I enjoy your writing, I’d love to see you on TV again.
Oh Man… You lucky dog!
Even though you didn’t get the part, you’ve gotten way closer than I would’ve ever gotten…
Just reading your account made me giddy… that’s awesome!
I bet it’s just around the corner.
Lots of things are. I guess you’d better plan for it, eh?
Dang it! I so thought you had it! I totally would have watched that episode had you been on it. I dont even watch it or know when its on, but I’d totally find out. Maybe they’ll bring you back as one of those tech scientist guys? That’s what the shows about right?
Keep up the great work!
Well, I looked up to the skies an saw Clouds an rain. Anyways,sorry you didn’t get that part.There will be other . Hang in there.
Wil,
That was a most awesome account of your audition. I was on pins and needles when I read the part about you “finding out” in a few hours…it took all I friggin had to keep from glancing down the page when I realized the outcome of your audition would be on that same post! I was totally bummed to say the least. You definitely took it better than I did. I must say though that your attitude about the whole process was amazing. I’ve always wanted to act but I couldn’t even begin to imagine putting myself through that. The amount of sedatives required just to get my ass into the car would be obsene. I really do think and feel that you will be on Alias at one point, hell I don’t even watch that show but like the other monkeys said, I’d watch it simply because you were on it. I’d love to see you on Six Feet Under and definitely Scrubs because with your wit and timing you would SO fit into that show. Talk about your extreme acting gigs huh? Something you are TOTALLY capable of by the way. Ok nuff ass kissing. I won’t say good luck.
I’ll say CONTINUED SUCCESS!
What a depressing line of work you’re in Wil. Why not try something less stressful like perhaps a cashier at an adult book shop.
That is totally awesome Wil! Alias is a really cool show. I own all three seasons on DVD and feel the show is only getting cooler.
Seeing you opposite Jennifer Garner would have been awesome.
MOJO for Wil on Alias.
Dude, I just had an idea. Maybe you’ve had it already, or maybe it’s all this glue I’m sniffing. Anyway.
Maybe the point is that auditioning is the whole performance. So, it’s not that you’re reading for a part in some two hour movie, but you’re *actually* performing in a one person, limited run, micro-act play for a captive audience.
And that’s it. Performance art, baby! Microdrama!
Break a limb next time, Wil. Got my fingers crossed for you!
CU
I am so not sappy… but I found myself SO wanting you to get that part by the end of the entry.
Keep trucking, man… I think things are really about to explode for you.
That was a great account of your experience, Wil. You really do have the knack of making me feel like I was right there with you.
But the best part was how your positive vibe came blazing through. I felt your excitement and confidence throughout the whole thing, and it lifted my own spirits just reading it. Although you didn’t get this job, it seems obvious that the producers were impressed. Whether that will lead to future auditions remains to be seen, of course, but it can only add to your confidence level and smack the Voice of Self-Doubt right in the kisser.
Congrats on doing so well, and break a leg at your next ACME show.
Awesome post. You had me on the edge of my seat. For awhile there I was wondering if you’d get to make out with Jen.
Alias is one of my favourite shows in TV. I hope you get that guest appearance in the future and that it turns into a multi-episode thing.
Wil, you rock.
I saw Alias, and freaked! I haven’t even read the rest of this entry. Please please PLEASE keep us updated! I friggin’ love that show!
You are totally “That Guy” 🙂 I was watching an old episode of “Get The Picture”, and the kid-contestants were trying to guess what celebrity was up on the big screen:
Kid one: “Uhhh…Elvis?”
Kid two: “ELVIS!”
*silence*
Kid one: “Wil Wheaton!”
*DING!*
(I think the jean jacket threw them off)
Maybe I should have read the rest of the posting before getting excited. Sorry to hear you didn’t get it. I’ll be keeping my fingers crossed they liked you enough to cast you in another part.