i have spoke with the tongue of angels

They say that when you have an audition, you have to walk in there like you don’t give a shit. You walk in there like you don’t give a shit, and you walk out with the part, because if you don’t give a shit, that’s when they want you.
But you’ve read the script, and it is good. So good, in fact, you fall in love with it. You fall madly, passionately, crazy in love with the script, and you’ll do anything to be one of the people chosen to bring the script to life.
You think about it all the time. You wake up in the middle of the night, imagining what it would be like to spend ten weeks on location or four seasons on the set. You get lost on your way to the post office, because you’re wondering who your competition is. You can’t eat, you can’t sleep, you can’t focus on anything else . . . you are in love, after all.

In the days before your audition, you do everything you can to be ready. First, you get to know your character. If you’re lucky, he’s a guy you know. Maybe he’s even you. Not the current you, usually, but still You. A younger you, a more passionate you, a more idealistic you; the You who you were before you fell in love with too many scripts and had your heart broken too many times to count . . . the you who was incapable of walking in there like you didn’t give a shit, because it felt so good to be in love. Then you learn your lines. You spend hours in your house or your apartment reading them out loud, scaring your dogs, worrying your neighbors, annoying your roommates who are sick to death of hearing about The Script. They’ve heard it all before, and you’ve made an unspoken pact among you: you don’t tell them how crushed you are when you don’t get the job, and they pretend not to notice how you wear the same clothes and drink heavily for five days after you get The Call.
The day of the audition finally comes. Your first date. Your big date. Your only date. You spend too much time putting yourself together. You carefully choose your clothes and style your hair a minimum of three different times. Maybe you spray on some cologne, because it makes you feel attractive. Maybe.
You drive to the studio, and hope your voice doesn’t break when you tell the guard that you’re going to Bungalow 15. You park, walk across the lot, and your palms sweat when you sign in. You wait for what seems like an eternity, surrounded by actors who are younger, taller, better looking than you. Actors who clearly don’t give a shit because they don’t have to. You know that they don’t love The Script like you do, haven’t put in the time that you have . . . but it doesn’t matter. You’ve been here before and you’ll be here again, long after they’ve left for location.
Your heart throbs in your chest when they call your name. You smile, take a deep breath, and stand up.
And then you walk into the room, and you’re supposed to act like you don’t give a shit.
Yeah. Right.

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108 thoughts on “i have spoke with the tongue of angels”

  3. I just read the blog entry referenced above, and once again I was compelled to write you about it. I don’t know quite what to say, but I am feeling so much right now. I recently was laid off from my job which was devestating, and being that I am single all the financial responcibility falls on me. I am stressed beyond belief right now. (Much like you are I guess) OK, heres the point. I went on an interview two weeks ago and came out of the office LONGING for this job, as this job would fit me so well. (My laid back and professional attitude, and the “beat” of the work enviornment is a perfect fit with me) I was called back to meet with the boss last week for a second interview, which is obviously a good thing. I was so happy! I went to meet with the boss and he was amazing as well. He talked to me in more detail about the job and it is EXACTLY what I have been looking for the last few years.
    Anyway, the interview went very well, and I walked out if there desperatly wanting THIS job, NO OTHER. I have had nothing on my mind since, so I can relate to what you are feeling right now. The people in this office are amazing and I want to be apart of their team, but I guess I have to wait and see.
    I just wanted to let you know that I have been praying for you and the part you are “Wanting” everynight since I heard your voice on your “Wanting” Blog entry. I heard it in your voice, and I want this for you too. 🙂 We both can sit up at night, pace the house, and when you are up thinking, find comfort in the fact that someone else is too., 🙂 Break a leg!
    Your friend,
    Quincey

  4. My friend Andrew e-mailed me last night, and asked if this was a “good” entry, or a “bad” entry.
    I told him that I wasn’t sure . . . but it was an accurate reflection of where I am right now.

  5. You know Wil, It is an AMAZING entry! What I, and other WWDN readers, love the most is your candor and willingness to get close and let us in a bit! You’re the bestest! 🙂

  7. I just listened to your audioblog about this audition and the movie–and more than ever I want you to get this part.
    I just had to post a comment again–to really say again. What an incredible opportunity this would be for you and your fans! I’m sending major good vibes and well wishes your way.

  8. I enjoy reading your blog, and especially liked Monday’s post. I’m eager to hear how you did in the audition, and especially eager to hear more about this fantastic part! Break a leg.

  9. That is simply, truely and exactly how it feels.
    I die a little each time I audition for a project that is actually worthwhile.

  11. Ok, I was going to quit my job, move to LA, and instantly find work …. now I’m too depressed. The therapy business must be killing!

  14. I haven’t been reading long, but I have a feeling that it’s almost “your time”. I’m not completely sure what that means. Maybe this is the part, maybe it isn’t. I pray for you as only an atheist can.

  15. It’s all a matter of knowing when to give a shit, and what to give a shit about. Hell…I’ve even been known to give two shits on occasion, though it’s been pretty rare.
    Whatever you do, don’t let the shit get you down. You’re better than this shit, and you can deal with this shit, ‘cuz you’re the shit….
    Neh?

  16. Arrrggghhhh!!!
    The story was supposed to end with you telling us that you’d just gotten this fantastic part. Now I’m stuck being even more excited for you and still being in limbo. Do tell the producers to let you know quickly, if not for you, then for your thousands of adoring fans.

  17. We need more people like you in this world
    I am really glad that you give shit. It gives me some hope that there is still some good in this world when people actually care about stuff.
    I hope you get that part.

  18. I’ve been lurking for a while, reading and thinking, laughing. 🙂 I had to comment on this. I know the feeling all too well from too many auditions and job interviews.. I hope things went well so we can see ya again 😀
    Also, after reading this.. I really must get to the bookstore.. 😉

  20. passion is a good thing
    I hope soon you write something you love that you can use yourself.
    You have the gift, maybe time to reach out.

  21. Hi there Wil, I just listened to your audioblog of “Wanting” and read your post. I will send an earnest prayer Heavenward on your behalf in hope that you get your hearts desire. I have to believe that you will get the part that will give you the fullfillment as an actor you want so much. A renewed acting career has come to many other actors NOT NEARLY AS GOOD AS YOU ARE(yes I am yelling)so it must come to you.

  22. Ah, now it’s working!
    Let me add my little share to the good mojo flowing your way.
    I dont say “Good Luck” because your getting hte park won’t be some fluke of good fortune. I say, I want you to get it. I want you to be a part of it. And my will is driving you in that direction.
    That and five bucks, of course, will get you a small coffee at Starbuck’s.

  25. When I was looking for a job, I would get ready for each interview exactly as if it were a first date. Get all nervous, go to the interview, totally bomb.
    Then I got unemployment and HAD to apply for jobs, but didn’t really care if I got them or not. I went to one job interview without even brushing my hair, no hose on my legs, not even any makeup. I didn’t give a hot damn if I got the job or not.
    In the interview, she began to describe the absolute perfect job for me. I couldn’t believe it when I heard the pay was the same as my previous position. And they had told me I would never make as much money anywhere else!
    They hired me. Not because I didn’t give a damn, but because I was finally relaxed enough in an interview for them to get to know me instead of my resume. It’s the best job I’ve ever had and I love doing it every day.
    Thanks for sharing that. It definitely brought the whole “actor” thing into a perspective of humanity instead of fantasy.

  26. You’re a writer, Wil! Screw acting. You don’t need it. You’ve got a great family, an awesome group of fans, and a terrific book.
    Sure, you can go on auditions. But they don’t mean much. Either they like you, or they don’t. Either you’re right for the part, or you’re not. Big deal. Acting’s just a hobby now, anyway.
    As a writer, you are yourself. And that’s pretty cool. Much better than any character you could ever play.

  28. Wil
    How do you feel when you go in to an audition and see all these other better looking actors? Does your confidence level suffer? or are you even more pumped?

  29. Wil, you’ve done it again: written what many of us wish we could say but don’t know how to say as eloquently as you do. I hope this episode ends with you getting this role. But if it doesn’t, we all know it won’t be because you didn’t do a damn fine job with the auditions, callbacks, etc.
    Hey, I think I have a few more bags of mojo lying around here, so have another round. ***MOJO***

  30. Ack! *falls out of chair from suspense* Now I’m going to be wondering how this went for the next few days… Well, if misery loves company, suspense should too, so now you’ve got all us sharing in you suspense! Hee hee.
    Good luck, Wil! Hope you get The Role!

  31. Wow! That was a good despriction, I have a school play audition Sunday, I know that’s not as big as yours. But, I feel that way, like everytime I try out, I mean I really want the part and it’s like you hate to see it go to someone else.

  32. Wil, I hope this works because I haven’t commented in quite some time but wanted you to know I’m sending heaps of good mojo your way! I hope hope hope you get the part! You’re an awesome actor, writer, and human being.
    Tracey

  36. God. Auditions. They’re an addiction, don’t you think? Even the ones that really don’t have any part for your type…you still want to go. I work. I go to school. I have a demanding schedule of hockey games I enjoy watching. But still, I audition. I audition and know I have no time for a part, should one actually be offered. There is actually a major audition coming up next weekend that I am trying my hardest to ignore. I’m just sitting here like “OK, Virginia. You work 35 hours a week. You’re taking 15 hours this semester. You CAN’T do a show. CAN’T!” But it’s not working out too well.
    Enough steam of consciousness. Break a leg, Wil! I’m keeping my fingers crossed for you.

  37. Brilliant blog. As a fellow blogger I have to say your writing is entrancing as always Wil. Yes, you truly rawk like the amazing blogger you are!!!Now swallow your heart and pull up your boot straps, the audition is yours if you grab it by the balls. And for god sakes, stop giving a crap.

  44. Good to hear you’re still getting the auditions, at least.
    By the way, it’s pushing 2 months since Slashdot’s “Ask Wil Wheaton Anything” thread – when are we going to see the responses?

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