on borderland we run . . .

The past seven days have been some of the most turbulent days of my life. While I celebrated the first installment of my column “The Games of Our Lives” in the Onion AV Club, and started the second run of What’s My Line? Live On Stage at ACME, I felt excited and happy . . . but through it all, I was constantly worried about my cat Sketch.
The doctors who treated him were wonderful, and encouraged me to call every few hours to check on him, but whenever I started to dial the phone, my hands got cold and my heart raced. Would this be the call where they tell me how sorry they are, but he suddenly took a turn for the worse and they did all they could but . . .
Fortunately, my worries remained just worries, and he continued to steadily improve all week, and he’s finally home. Right now, he’s sleeping in his favorite spot in my bedroom, between the curtain and the window into the backyard.
His doctor wants to recheck him in five to seven days to determine how his kidneys are doing, and take another x-ray to see how his lungs look. With that information, he’ll be able to let us know if Sketch will be on a diuretic, and if so how often. He’s going to be on heart medication for the rest of his life, and there’s a good chance that it will prevent him from getting fluid in his lungs again, so we’ll see.
Right before we left the vet, he told us that we should watch Sketch closely, and if his breathing becomes labored or rapid, we should give him a diuretic right away (easier said than done — Sketch hates taking pills) and give him a call. It’s weird. A week ago, whenever Sketch walked past me in the house, or I saw him on the couch or under the dining room table, I’d just say, “Hi fatguy!” and keep on doing my thing. Most times, I didn’t even stop to pet him. Since he came home this morning, I’ve been checking on him three or four times an hour (it would be more, but I don’t want to stress him out too much) just to make sure he’s still alive. I stand in the doorway and watch his breathing, and I keep checking his dish to see if he’s eaten. I’ve been a basketcase all week, and I thought that getting him home would put everything back into its right place, but now that he’s here, I realize just how much of an old man he is (about 65 in human years) and how fragile his life is.
I haven’t blogged about how much I’ve cried this week, because anyone playing the Joy of Tech drinking game would probably have cirrhosis by now . . . but I’ve had a week of puffy red eyes and shoulder shaking sobs because, honestly, this ordeal is about much more than just Sketch. I told Anne the other day, while we walked Ferris and Riley through the fading light of a magnificent Winter sunset, “I have been such a mess this week, worrying about Sketch, and it’s tearing me up to know that I’m going to have to go through this with Biko, and Ferris, and Riley, and again with Sketch someday. I have always known that I would outlive all our pets, but if I’m such a mess when I face his mortality, what am I going to do when my parents die? Or what about my brother and sister? I don’t want to even think about it, but I can’t help it. What if I outlive you? What if something happens to you like a car wreck or you get cancer or you fall down and hit your head or —”
She took my hand and said, “I don’t know.”
Neither do I. In times like these, when I realize how complicated and precious our lives are, I long for those days when the biggest problem in my life was choosing between watching Scooby Doo and playing Legend of Zelda, or what shirt I was going to wear to school.
I guess I have to find a balance between taking nothing for granted, while not spending each day thinking about the inevitable loss of the people I love. I guess life is as simple, and as complicated, as that.
In the middle of the night on Saturday, when Sketch was in the emergency vet and we didn’t know what was wrong with him, I walked into the back yard, looked up into the stars, and asked The Universe to take care of him. Some people call it a prayer, some people call it focusing energy, other people call it the final refuge of a desperate man, but I asked, and my fat little guy (whose spine is currently as bony as Monty Burns) pulled through.
I’m so grateful that Sketch is home, and relatively healthy. I am so grateful to the doctors and vets who diagnosed him and nursed him back to health. I am equally grateful to all of you WWdN readers who have virtually held my hand this week. It’s given Anne and me a lot of comfort to hear all the success stories, and to have so much kitty love and mojo.
I have big news, which has only added to the emotional roller coaster that I’ve ridden so violently this week, but I’ll announce it on Monday. Right now, I need to go kiss my wife, and then stand in the doorway and watch my kitty sleep.

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70 thoughts on “on borderland we run . . .”

Three months ago, our Wire Fox Terrier ate a plastic ball and had to be operated ASAP. The coldness I felt when I had to pick up the phone and ask whether she was OK… These kind of things really make you think about the mortality of those you love (human or non-human). I never cried so hard than when a cat of mine died, and he was with me just about four months (he came to my family as an adult). *Good* luck to Sketch and to you all.

I’m really glad to hear Sketch is home and feeling somewhat better! I hope you’re feeling somewhat better too. And as for the pill, try wrapping it in a piece of cheese or something…works with my dog. I hope everything gets back to normal soon for you.

Rest easy Wil… it’s things like this that have tought me to appreciate every day we spend with our loved ones. Just be thankful for every day and don’t worry about tomorrow.
Give your wife more than one kiss and tell her you love her every chance you get.
Continued Mojo for Sketch and Mojo to you for your peace of mind.
What’s the big news??!!

it’s a tough thing to know how short a pets life is…when i was a kid i worried about my dog dying for the last 8 years of her life (she lived to be 16)…but take comfort in the shared love between you and your pets…they may only be around for a small part of your life…but the love will last forever…my dog has been gone for many years now…and yeah…i still tear up at times when i think of her…but it’s not always sad when i cry for suzy…because she was a so wonderful while she was with me…giving that unconditional love that seems so hard for humans to grasp.
and as for our own mortality…we must live the days we are given…and not pay too much mind for the time they will end…easy to say…but sometimes hard to do when there is so much love in the balance.
if there is any good that comes from the shortness of our lives it is this…the speed of time reminds us to show the ones we love how much we love them as much as we can.
when you have these dark thoughts a good thing to do is just tell ANNE how much you love her…even though she already knows…it’s very hard to say i love you too much to the one you’re in love with.

I think I just scared my dog Tita with the yelp I let out when I read Sketch is finally home. I’m so glad he’s finally back home. Thank you Wil for sharing this whole roller coaster of emotions and thoughts with us WWdNers.
Still sending mojo your way. 🙂

Great news to hear he’s back at home where he belongs. I bet he’s delighted with himself all the special treatment and attention hes getting. How old are all the other cats by the way?
Life is too short for worying about death but rather to cherish every moment with everyone (animals included) that we meet along the way.
All week I’ve wanted to ask this question but it didnt seem appropriate under the circumstance, it might not be an irish phrase or it might be me being just plain dumb, but what does “mojo” mean exactly? Im kinda guessing it means good luck or something right?
P.S. Any news about the movie you auditioned for? or is that the big announcement! Hope you got it bud! 😛
Laterz
Noel

as is the case with everything you write, this is amazing and has made me think about my own life.

Great news about Sketch! I went through similar things with both of my cats – Lokai had a bladder infection early in his life and Lwaxana had hyperthyroidism and had to go through radioactive iodine treatment – my only contact with her for a week was watching her on a webcam. She’s home and doing well, though she also now has a benign melanoma in one of her eyes. She seems to not even notice it, but I watch it very carefully and I monitor her behavior. You’ll get used to that part.
Enjoy all the love you get – there’s something so special about love from the fuzzy ones.
Dana
PS – Yes, the cats’ names are ST inspired, and Lwaxana is Lokai’s mother. 🙂

“What if…?”
A: Life goes on.
I had an introduction to this lesson in 6th grade when my father died in a plane accident. Life continues. And it continues to have its ups and downs forever.
I think the caring that causes the worrying is certainly better than apathy. Certainly don’t let go of that. But there isn’t much point in worrying about things that you can’t change and that may not happen for a long time anyways. Besides, the only other alternative is to leave them mourning you (well, I suppose there is the whole murder/suicide pact thing, but I assume that option isn’t on the table). Try to channel that worry into joy for every day you have with your loved ones. Actually, I think that would be good advice for me too.
On another bit, Adorabelle, the cat I got in 7th grade died a few years ago. I think she was around 17 years old or so (and still lived with my mother). She was on thyroid medicine for years. The last few years of her life you could tell that she was elderly (but still happy). She was light as a feather and when I picked her up she felt like I should handle her like antique crystal.

Get ready Wil, as this note has alot to digest:
I have been dealing with constant thoughts about my soon to be 93 year old Grandmother’s death lately, so I can relate to trying to find that balance you mentioned in your post. She is all I have in the world and I cannot imagine me getting over her passing. And then there is my little Emily (my mini Dachund) who I affectionately call “my little bitch” because she is so spoiled and so cute. I cannot even write about what a basketcase I will be when she goes someday.
Anyway…this week has been hard for you, I know! I (and everyone here at WWdN) have had you in my thoughts EVERYNIGHT! I am not overly religious but I have prayed about you, your career, and Sketch this last week alot. What I always say to God is that although I do not know you personally, you are a very special man for letting your fans/supporters in your life. All that you share through your Blog makes us feel like we are all “friends” Wil. (At least in my book)
I am sorry if this is too long and sappy but I am TOTALLY feeling your stress right now, as I am overly stressed out myself and a tear came to my eye for you. However, when I write, and do for others, that is when I feel calm and happy. You did something for me and when you expressed the turmoil you are dealing with in your life I have to extend a helping hand to you. Anne, Nolan, and Ryan are there for you too, as you already know, and just try not to think too much about the inevitable so that you do not miss out on the good times. My ear is ALWAYS open Wheaton! I am just the type that wants to touch as many people as I can in a positive way. You know?
Now, I think not enough of us say this to you on here, but THANK YOU FOR DOING THIS AND GIVING A SHIT! You do not have to let us in your life. I (we) appreciate it! Hang in there OK!
-Best
Quincey

Hi Wil,
(I’ve read your blog for a spell now and I wish I woulda sought you out while you were at MWSF.)
Not to underestimate the beauty of anything that brings you to a deeper appreciation of all that life offers, but as one who just had a cherished cat-friend pass away from cancer, I found the most difficult part of that was that I could not *talk* to him as he went through it all. With humans you usually have that comfort.
One friend pointed out that the death or sickness of a pet can be cherished because the grief you feel is so pure. There’s not the complications and mixed feelings of our human relationships.

Wil,
I know what you are going through, although it is my mom in the hospital, not my cat, and I live in Vegas while she lives in Virginia. I hate the feeling of knowing there is nothing I can do right now other than calling her every day. I just wanted to take a minute and tell you thanks so much for sharing all that goes on in your life w/the WWDN monkeys. Sending you and Sketch much mojo, and hoping he only gets better!

*virtual hugs* Good to hear Sketch is doing better! 🙂
I too have thought about the mere mortality of everything. It’s scary. It’s best to try not to think about it, and just love everymoment. Have as much fun as you can, you never know if you’re going to lose someone soon.

Dude,
That was a funny review!
“Kool-Aid became the official drink of Jonestown”
he he…now THAT’S comedy!

I am so glad your cat is at home and is doing better. I will continue to send lots of kitty love that he will continue to get better and better.
I know this is difficult when a loved one becomes ill, whether it is your pet or a family member, it is always hard. So you just gotta cherish every moment you have. Live for today, don’t stress about what might happen tommorrow.
I can’t wait to hear your big news on Monday.
Take care of yourself
*virutal hugs*

mortality sucks. i have now outlived (in my adult life) two pets and a third is not far behind (she’s 18 right now). it’s tough. i have a friend who when her cat died said she’d never get a pet again ’cause she didn’t ever want to be that attached again. different people deal in different ways.
for me, i just remembered that we gave a sweet little kitty a very satisfying life and she gave us lots of love and purring and cuddles in return. she was the best confidant ’cause she always promised not to tell. she always knew when i needed some comfort. all of that stuff is worth the pain of outliving them.
you’re right, you need to find the balance between appreciating them, not taking their presence in your life for granted (this goes for the humans too) and letting them live their life and just enjoying your time with them and not always looking over your shoulder for the worst.

After one of my boss’ cats passed away (the same one that had the fluid in the lungs due to heart problems), I had the same thoughts you did about the frailty of life and how complex and yet simple it is. I think I’m still going through that, since another two of my boss’ cats now have very severe health problems. I am trying to find that same balance you mentioned…hopefully it will come soon to both of us, huh? And while i’m typing this, my own kitty just puked up a hairball on my husband. Ha ha…I think she knew I needed a laugh 🙂 Lots of aloha to Sketch and your family! Welcome home!

Wil
I’m glad things are working out for your cat…The Mojo must be working. Well Wil, you are at the start of that mid life stuff. So, its time to start thinking in those terms. A time to think about..the pain..the tear..the laughter..and most of all the LOVE and Love Ones.
Enjoy
MH

Gee whiz Wil, don’t make me cry.
All of this talk about living, dying and your
poor cat has me all weepy. I am not much of a cat
person but I know how hard it is to see a pet suffer
and worry whether they will make it or not. We worry
for them and ourselves because how will we get through the days without them. We nearly lost our
German Shepard Nick last summer. He became ill during the night with bloat. If we had not acted fast and recognized the signs he would be dead.
Both my husband and I are grateful for the vets
and the fabulous staff that cared for him. To give
back to the karma gods a little of our good fortune we rescued a puppy my husband found starving to death. He is now part of our family
and is loved and cared for.
Good wishes to you and yours.

That did not line up very well.
Sorry

I had a kid in the hospital before – so yea I know what you went thur hmmm how did you kids handle the hold thing?? I hope they got extra hugs this past week(& no I don’t except you to comment on that just give them an extra hug now that things are fine)- I”m glad to hear Sketch is doing great

It is wonderful that Sketch is doing well. Google ‘prevenient grace.’ –Alan

Wil:
If there is one thing I learned from losing one of my cats, it is that you can’t spend all your energy worrying about the future that is uncertain and much of it out of your control (save for what the vets tell you to do). Instead focus on the present and the time that you DO have with your pets. The time you spend now and the memories you create can never be taken away from you later when they are gone.
Scott
Go pet Sketch.

Wil,
I am so glad Sketch got to come home! I work in a vets office, and I see so many sick dogs and cats that come in. In most cases they get better with medication, but also I think lots of love and care helps just as much, maybe sometimes more. Sketch is very lucky to have you. You care about him so much and that means more than anything. There are people who think animals do not understand affection and words, but I know they do. So, give Sketch lots of love because that is the best medication out there. I hope everything goes better for you and Sketch!! You both have earned it!! The very best to you and your family always!!

Wil – I’m so glad that Sketch is on the mend! Like everyone else here I’ve been hitting REFRESH on the old RSS feed app all week waiting for updates and sending all of the mojo I could dig up.
My parents bred show dogs (Samoyeds) for 15 years and had a cat before that, so I’ve seen my share of vet runs and I know something of what you’re going through. Our furry friends look to us for wisdom and care in these situations and they trust us completely. Certainly more than we trust ourselves. They have, for lack of a better word, FAITH that we will make it better and that’s a heavy burden to bear.
By the way – Shelley is right! Wrapping the pill always worked for both our dogs and our cats (although you have to watch the cats carefully to make sure they don’t just walk off to a private place, lick the pill clean and dump it.) Try this with anything mushy that they like. Our dogs would down anything without bothering to examine or even chew it. With the cats it was always bratwurst. For the record there is nothing more disgusting than scooping a blop of bratwurst from the tube, rolling it in your fingers to get it warm and pliable before you stuff the pill into it. However, it DOES beat having to do the old “tackle-the-cat” method HANDS DOWN!
Sending more mojo for Sketch in 5… 4… 3… 2…

Wil,
I am so glad the Sketch is doing ok. As to your other fears of death….I am 30.,,,I lost my father at 12, my brother to suicide at 18 and my mother at 23 and I have learn one important fact. Those we have loved are never gone as long as we love them and remember them. As long as we remember that then those have have left before wil live forever. I have been praying for you and Sketch and I am soo very glad that he got all the Kitty Mojo. Since you let us know about your kitty, my cat Jack has been getting a LOT of attention and loving! remember Wil, you have so many fans that love you and that you bring joy to in your blog.
Your friend,
Mike

*hugs*

I am so glad for you and the family that the “fat guy” got home safe. Glad to hear he is doing better. My son and I will be sending mojo your way for you and your family (including the wonderful pets). Mortality does suck, but unfortunatley it is a part of life. Keep your head up, some people never understand how wonderful love for family and friends and pets can be. You seem to have that in your heart. It is great to see. Give the pets some loving from me, and watch out if you have to give him a pill. My cat hates it too. Man can those teeth bite.
Sending good energy and mojo your way. K

Welcome home Sketch, and continue to get well!
And Wil: Enjoy the time you’re given. That’s what matters most.

Yep, it’s to bad we *All* don’t live forever.. But alas that is not the case…
Wil have you not lost a pet when you were young??..
Just curious, I lost a few…
Keith (Xgaming) Dick

Did the vet staff teach you how to pill Sketch? You come from behind, tilt their head up, put your fingers in their mouth behind their fangs to pry the jaw open, and you drop the pill in the back of their mouth as far as possible on the tongue (just be careful not to drop it down the windpipe). Keep Sketch’s head tilted up as you hold his muzzle shut. It’s not the most pleasant thing for him, but if he won’t do it the easy way (concealed in food) then you may have to do it – but cats are quick learners and after the first try, you have to be quick about it, and have Anne or one of the kids restrain him. Hopefully he’s a gentle, non-spazzy cat.
Best of luck. Great to hear he’s doing okay.

“I guess I have to find a balance between taking nothing for granted, while not spending each day thinking about the inevitable loss of the people I love. I guess life is as simple, and as complicated, as that.”
This is the absolute truth. I’m 34 and I’ve lost both my parents – my mother in 1996 (age 69) and my father on Dec. 30, 2004 (age 81). You feel a bit like a boat without an anchor. But then all the love and all the things they taught you take over and you heal for the moment.
I’m so glad to hear Sketch is home and doing well. I hope that continues. Be grateful to him – he’s teaching you such a wonderful and horrible lesson. It’s one we all have to learn, but one we try to ignore.

Hello Wil!
I’ve been perusing your posts today for the first time, and I’ve really enjoyed it! Your story about Sketch’s condition and treatment really tugged on my heart and I shed some tears, I have to admit. My pets have always been just like family to me and I understand your devestation at the mere thought of Sketch leaving you.
I am very happy that he is home where he belongs and recovering!
I have not read any of your work other than what I’ve seen here, online. However, I intend to because you are a funny, talented guy!
I can’t remember where I found your URL but I am thankful that I did.
Now, be sure and give extra snuggles to your ‘Fat Guy’.. he’s earned them.

Oh Wil I do understand this one so well. I’ve been going through a traumatic loss myself and realsied just how much I should have cherished something I had. I do hope I never make that mistake again. I do suspect it’s human nature to take for granted what we have. Maybe we need these shocks to remind us to take stock and give out some love.
I hope Sketch stays as well as possible for as long as possible.
Congratualtions on the good things that are happening for you too.
Best wishes from Wales
Michael

Hey will I’m glad to see that Sketch is home. I posted the link to your site and a picture of sketch to some of the cat communities I’m in and the response was really good. Everyone who commented in the cat communities on livejournal had positive prayers and lots of mojo going to Sketch. I hope you don’t mind. Livejournal has wonderful cat communities and I’m in quite a few. LOL. I bet he’s happy to be home.
Morgan and Charlie_The_Cat

Wil, thanks for keeping us posted (and making us care enough to want to be kept posted!)
I guess all any of us can do in this world is try to remember from time to time to appreciate what we have, and to show that appreciation to those we love. We know from your writing that you are a thoughtful, sensitive man who enjoys the little things life has to offer as well as the big earth-moving ones. What better way to go through life? Best to you and yours and thanks for sharing.

Hi Wil,
Thanks for keeping us uptodate with the wee fella. I think the worry is part of being a grown up – we can imagine a different future and in the dark hours we try and put ourselves there. We can’t ever imagine what it’s going to be like – it’s almost always both better and worse than we could possibly imagine – but how lucky we are to be in a position to be OPEN to so much pain because it means we’ve been alive and loved.
I wish you and sketch many happy times still to come (and if that means a little spoiling from you, so what – he’ll love it and it’ll make you happy too).

Wil,
When on break at work, got all misty eyes reading that post. Hang in there, man. Your family, both human and otherwise, couldn’t ask for a better person to look out for them.

mucho mojo for the Sketchster…
Joy of tech? I’ll be the drunkard of the industry from this point forward.
Wonky wonky is life.
Take nothing for granted, yet take everything for granted.
OR
Take nothing for granted, yet let life take you for granted.

I know how you feel.
We didn’t grow up with pets, not really–we had birds and fish, and one rabbit. The rabbit died the week I started 6th grade and it messed me up fairly bad, but as bad as it was, I still am orders of magnitude more attached to my kitties. I’ve already warned my husband to have the Prozac ready when the time comes. I can’t handle thinking about it in much detail.
And then I always come to the same conclusion, what in the world am I going to do when my grandparents start to go (I’m 26 and still have all four)? If something happened to my brother, or my mom or my dad? Or the one I try to almost never think about, what if something happens to my husband, while he’s in the Middle East and I can’t get to him?
And the answer is always the same as Anne’s…I just don’t know. I know in my head that my friends and family will always support me, that my faith will keep me going, that I’ll have my furry babies to hold, but the reminder that life is so fragile is both a hopeful and a frightening concept too big and scary to hold onto for long.
So I do what you do…I kiss my husband, when he’s home at least, as much and as long as I can, and I hold my babies and watch them sleep and bathe each other and steal my rubber bands, I make videos of them and take pictures and pour love on them as much as is inhumanly possible because after all, having kitties and husbands and wives and all the rest is an exercise in loving something more than you dreamed possible.
And then realizing that saying “I’ll always love you” doesn’t sound so stupid when you realize that you could, and knowing that they love you back as greatly as their little kitty bodies (or people bodies) will allow, and then some is the greatest thing ever.

There’s the gem — this is the piece that will make it into the next book. Wil, I love your ability to take the emotional content of your life and turn them into introspective universal truths. This is why we read your blog.

Wil,
One thing that helps me get through tough times is my relationship with Jesus. When our dog Ziggy died we all cried about it. We put him in a box and buried him in our yard. As part of the small ceremony our family had, we prayed to God and thanked him for letting us have Ziggy as part of our family and to help us deal with our loss.
One month after that, my father died of cancer. Again, we cried. I’m still not over it. I miss my Dad every day. He died three years ago. The sadness will probably never totally go away, but I know that my Dad lives on in heaven. And, I know that I will see him again one day. I am absolutely certain of this because of what God tells me through the Bible. What a comfort all of this is.
I hope that you can also have the comfort of knowing that you and everyone you love will live forever with God. If you have a Bible, try reading a bit of it. God knows your pain. He loves you and wants to comfort you.
Ken

First of all, you’re a big tease. Secondly, you will face it a day a time… as it comes because that’s life, baby. It’s not easy and it’s not always fun, but it is yours do with as you please. Sketch will adjust to daddy watching him sleep. Heaven knows, PK has learned to deal with me and how protective I am. You will get used to the changes and what comes long the road of life, but you don’t have a choice. ;^) Also because hiding won’t help you and I think you know that.
I’ve still not sure how I’ve gotten through the last couple of years, but I have. We are stronger than we will ever know… all of us, Wil. I think part of the trick is to carry the good with us… to keep alive within us and to make bloody sure that the ones we love know it in their bones. Life and death are the cycle of life. You will face it just fine when the times come because you are a good man and you are never alone… even when it feels like it.

Wil,
Thank you for being you. You are the most kind, sharing, talented person I have ever had the honor of meeting. I love how honest you are with your feelings. I love that you share with the posse. Great gobs of mojo to Sketch, glad he is doing better. I know the feeling of wanting to check on them every 3 1/2 minutes when they are not feeling well…Ping was sick last year, and I even drove home from work every day at lunch to check on her. She is fine now, but it is scary when they are ill. He is a lucky little man to have such a wonderful, caring family. Keep your chin up, you have a lot on your plate, but you have a great family and friends to support you.
Tim in NorCal.