There are a lot of things I enjoy about acting, and there are a lot of things that I absolutely hate about the entertainment industry . . . but the joy of creating and the frustrations of just trying to get there are nothing compared to that feeling of “I’m part of this thing that’s bigger than all of us. I’m helping make something really cool happen.” Long after the brain cells that contain specific details of the day-to-day working are sent off to Guinnessland, that feeling of “belonging” will remain.
I’ve been in a lot of ensemble casts in my life: Stand By Me, Toy Soldiers, and Star Trek are probably the most well known of them all . . . they were all fun and rewarding, but in various ways I always felt like I was on the outside looking in. When I worked on Stand By Me, Rob Reiner always made me feel like I Belonged, like I deserved to be there, even though I was just a kid. But the other guys in the cast picked on me a lot, probably because I was sensitive and insecure. Corey Feldman was a pretty cruel fourteen year-old, so I spent a lot of that summer trying my best not to cry.
When I worked on Toy Soldiers, I was eighteen, and boy was I a know-it-all! I guess you could be kind, and say that I was passionate about my work, and that I cared deeply about the film, and you’d be correct . . . but jesus, someone should have knocked a little sense into me. However, when I look back across almost fifteen years, I can clearly recall how much fun I had hanging out with Sean Astin and Keith Coogan, and how Dan Petrie made me feel like I was a valuable part of his cast . . . but I was in sort of a dating nightmare at the time, so I wasted a lot of time dealing with that drama, and I wasn’t able to completely relax and appreciate the experience.
As I’ve written extensively in my books and on this blog, when I worked on TNG, I was a kid and they were adults. ‘Nuff said.
It wasn’t until my first ACME show, Crouching Tiger, Hidden Sunday Show, that I felt like I was fully part of an ensemble cast, complete with the goofing off before the show and the drinking beers afterward, and the good-natured teasing backstage, and the whole bit. It was awesome.
When we started ACME Love Machine back in December, I knew from our first rehearsal that this was going to be the best ensemble cast ever, and the last few months of shows have been incredible. I am so proud of the show, and I love the cast so much, I start counting down to our Saturday night performance shortly after I get home from the theatre early Sunday morning.
This Saturday is our final performance, and I am extremely sad. There’s an esprit de corps in this cast that is even more pronounced than we had in Crouching Tiger, and I’m really grateful for that. I’ve been told by several people who have seen the show that, as a cast, we have an obvious affection for each other backstage that translates into something intangible — but clearly there — when we’re on stage. I’m really going to miss that.
For the last few weeks, I’ve been rehearsing the next ACME show, ACME: A Day In The Life. Chris, Matt, and I are the only actors who are continuing on from Love Machine, and even though I know and like all the people who will be in the new cast, I’ve wondered: are we going to come together as well as my current cast? Am I going to have as much fun as I did in Love Machine? Will this show be as well-attended and critically praised as Love Machine?
We had an amazing rehearsal this Tuesday for Day in the Life, and for the first time since we started pitching material several months ago, I felt it. I felt the first twinges of that esprit de corps that I love so much about Love Machine. This is going to be a great show, and it’s going to be a LOT of fun to perform. This cast is so talented, and so funny, and composed of such amazing actors (who are insanely great writers), I can’t believe that I ever had any doubts.
On the way home, I thought about all the different ensembles I’ve been in over the years, and how my experience being in them has been more about where I was in my life, and who I was at the time, than about the actual ensemble itself. The fact that I am having so much fun in this current ensemble, and I’m looking forward so much to the next one makes me very happy indeed. Maybe I’m finally at a place in my life where I am comfortable enough with myself to fully enjoy being part of something bigger than me, because I know exactly where I fit in.
When I got home well past midnight, I dropped my bag (NOT A MAN-PURSE!) on the dining room table, and walked into the back of the house. Ferris and Riley snuggled together on Nolan’s bed, Felix was in Ryan’s room, and Biko and Sketch slept together atop my bed right next to Anne.
“This,” I thought, “is why I can relax and enjoy being part of the ACME ensemble. This is the best ensemble of them all.”
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Transitory groups that we connect with have been described by Kurt Vonnegut as a “granfalloon.” His poem went something like “to find out the substance of a granfalloon, just peel the skin off a toy balloon.”
I feel “connected” to the WWdN blogpeople posse, yet I know that my family is where I feel I really belong.
Kroeme
it seems after all these years you have finally found a way to really enjoy being an actor…i mean…deep down enjoy the whole experience…this soul searching you’ve done…putting your life into words and publishing the book seems to have uncovered something that was always elusive for you…a guilt free good time…you’re at a place now in your life…where you feel like you belong at the party…have something real to contribute…and that you’re not just fooling yourself…at least that’s what i sense reading you these days.
Dude,
You’re a weeeeeee bit too sensitive about that bag. Maybe you should switch to a backpack? Isn’t that the verile version of a handbag?
Ignatz
btw…i can’t stop giggling about your “MAN PURSE”…’cause that’s what it is…ya know.
Hey Wil,
I’ve been acting and performing since age 9 so I understand what a good cast does for a production. Glad to hear you had such a positive experience.
OK, I love this entry, and here is why:
You are so honest and candid. (Yes I know I have said that a zillion times) Also, you can tell that you have your shit (oops can I say that?) together by your last comment. 🙂
Wil, it is great you know that your best ensamble (your family) is the only permanent part for life, that you never have to audition for it, and that you love and appreciate it. 🙂
As far as casts and the closeness felt, I hear ya! When I was acting I had a hard time everytime I wrapped a show. The only thing I did was look forward to the next cast (family) that I would be apart of, and keep the memories of the prior “family” in my heart.
Head up young person! You will find another wonderful ensemble to be apart of.
Nicely put, Wil. Family gets us through it all if we’re lucky. It’s nice to hear that things are starting to gel with the new troupe. I bet it won’t be long before you feel as strongly about these folks as you did about the recently disbanded group.
I just got done working with one of the best casts in my life back in November, on a great production of Midsummer Night’s Dream. It is amazing how close you can feel to other members in cast, and amazing too how quickly they can drop out of your life once a show is over. Of course, some of the relationships stick, but most don’t.
I think this is what leads to so many movie stars getting hot and heavy when they’re working together on a movie — only to break up / divorce after it all wears off.
i made a cute girly
We never on the outside looking in, because we’re the only one inside our skin. So just to get rid of any doubt, we’re always on the inside looking out. . . .And that’s logical, captain.
This is why I like reading your stuff, Wil. It gives me hope that despite all the crap I am going through now, I will one day achieve some peace in my life and be able to work with people I connect to.
Wil, I’ve been reading your blog for a while now and I so love the way you write! I couldn’t resist reacting to this entry because I recognized so much of it; the feeling of being part of something bigger than yourself.
Being a singer in an a cappella vocal group, I also know that it’s amazing to be part of a group of people that is working toward the same goal, has the same (high) standard and with whom you can have a lot of fun at the same time!
It’s obvious that the chemistry within the group is visible on stage and when that chemistry is right, that is what makes it so much fun to watch! There’s nothing like seeing people having fun while performing; it is then that you know that they really love what they’re doing.
I just wish I lived on your side of the globe (instead of the tiny Netherlands) to come and watch you perform sometime, oh well.. You can’t always get what you want.
And ‘awwwwwww’ from me too, for your final thought.
Yeah, I second what everyone else is saying. That was a particularly insightful entry. I enjoyed reading it. You are a talented writer, thanks for sharing 🙂
i like the rhyming subjects as of late. very clever. wil, you’re like a pal sitting across from me at the pub. good conversation.
“most amps go up to 10. THIS amp goes to 11.”
“Ferris and Riley snuggled together on Nolan’s bed, Felix was in Ryan’s room, and Biko and Sketch slept together atop my bed right next to Anne.”
I agree, those are the best ensembles ever! I know, we have a very large ensemble here! 🙂
Firstly, congrats on CSI, great show.
Secondly, check on ITC conversions, the audio is not coming down.
http://rdscon.vo.llnwd.net/o1/_downloads/itc/mp3/2004/
Lastly, you can reply via blog since others may be interested. Are your shows for “Arena (2002)” available anywhere?
ps: sorry about my name, I needed one I would remember.
One week ago, I wouldn’t have gotten this at all. Not an actor, can’t act my way out of a paper bag, no acting for me.
Saw ACME Love Machine last Saturday night.
Totally grok the comraderie and come-togetherness of the cast and understand how it applies to just about any job in any career.
And how much I love my family who is hanging with me in a hotel room for eight days.
And finally, I have learned to never, ever buy a man-purse.
you’re so great. love your writing. each and evrey time i visit i’m always pleasantly surprised. thanks.
“Python” was on the SciFi channel tonight.
Wil: How long was your hair purple?
This post illustrates exactly why I love reading your blog.
Thank you!
Until a few posts ago I had no idea that making this comedy troupe was such a big deal for you. That is really great that you made it.
Is there any chance that you guys might produce a series of short movies based on the skits? I’d probably pay $10 for a DVD of all of your skits. Plus it would help insure they didn’t get retired into obsurity (I’m assuming the current skits are retired at the end of the season).
I’ve heard the entertainment industry described as “high school with money.” I can’t understand how anyone could like that.
This is just the kind of thing I needed to read today.
While I am so not an actress, I’ve been feeling kind of sad lately because my current poetry workshop is coming to and end, just when we’re all starting to fall into a wonderful familiarity – which has made me kind of sad. Reading this I feel better about the fact that I will probably find another group with good chemistry. Thanks!
Not to mention that beautiful bit at the end. You are one lucky man, Wil.
Wil,
It works the same way in community theatre. Some of the casts have bonded together and others haven’t. The best casts for me have been the ones where there was a lot of mutual respect and appreciation of each other’s abilities and efforts. When that happened, the performances had more energy because we were excited about doing a good job, and that carried over backstage as well. With that kind of respect, there also tended to be less backstage drama. But I am guessing that there will always be highs and lows. Savor those great cast experiences…
Wil, you really are just the cutest thing ever. So sweet. Reading that isn’t helping with having to deal with leaving my poor little baby in daycare for the first time. Ever.
Hey, Wil, been lurking here a few days now since my wife pointed me at your site. Unlike, it seems, a lot of the Trekkers who post here, I really like your Wesley character!
In any case, your comment on “sending braincells […] off to Guinnessland” leads me to believe you are a man who appreciates good beer, so I thought I would take the opportunity to invite you to participlate in my club’s annual “Big Brew”. You see, not unlike yourself, I am an artisan. I craft my own beer.
Every year in early May, craft brewers across North America and around the world have a “Big Brew” to get together and brew a crazy amount of beer, and advance the craft, and teach it to others. This year our event here in Ottawa, Canada, will be on the May 14 weekend, a week after the rest of the world does theirs.
If you don’t think you can make it to our Big Brew, check out http://www.beertown.org to find one near you.
In the provided URL you can find photos of our club’s previous events.
http://barleyment.wort.ca/gallery/view_album.php?set_albumName=MoB
Ever evangelizing beer,
-Alan McKay
Wil, could you post a picture of this “NOT A MAN-PURSE!” for us, or did I miss that?
Your courier bag, not a man-purse, remains manly if you can keep at least one M:TG playing deck in it. Yes, it may be a bit dated, but then it’s just an ecentric carry-all.
Slim-Jims and Maxim magazines would add to the manliness of the eccentricity.
It seems that some actors feel more comfortable as part of a close ensemble, while others feel the need to shine through the rest of the cast. What matters most is that you try to remain close to your comfort level and that you get recognized for being successful at what you are attempting. When we all said that you were “creepy” or “scary” when YOUR NAME WAS WALTER! – it must have warmed your heart. What if we had said that Walter made us laugh? Or that he looked like a whiney pussy? I think you do your best work when you feel comfortable working with the rest of the cast and crew.
Keep up the good work!
Commented earlier, but now I’m back. You have to, have to, HAVE TO! go to fametracker to read the fame audit for (steady now) William Shatner!
I would have just emailed you about this, but encrypting? digital signature? Please, I can just about handle my contractually-obligated use of ArcGIS…
Caraewell, thanks, that was hilarious. I never liked WFS, and like him even less knowing how he treated our Wil. But that was a good read.
I’m sure it doesn’t matter much now, but you should definitely take stock in the fact that you’re much more well adapted to life(on Earth?) than Corey Feldman is. Not to drag up more Stand By Me memories/trivia, but is it true that Kiefer Sutherland picked on all of the younger ensemble to keep his character more of an antagonist? It’s just something I had read in passing on IMDB.com – just curious.
I do enjoy WWdN, thanks for sharing your experiences 🙂
I dropped my bag (NOT A MAN-PURSE!)
“Officer! That man stole my European carry-all!”
“Your what?”
“It’s a small…black bag…with a handle on it!”
“You mean a purse?”
“…yes, a purse! I carry a purse!”
Seriously though, I thought the sentiment at the end really made the whole post. I know I’ve got quite a cool ensemble, both at work and at home, and I count myself incredibly lucky to have them all.
This is my first time leaving a comment here Wil. I have been a long-time fan and a relatively new blogger. I appreciate the time you pour into this blog, connecting with people.
That’s it! “Not A Man-Purse” = Namp. You carry a namp.
As a veteran improvisor and improv-a-holic, I’ve experience good and bad teams.
When you click with a really good group, you acheive that “hive mind” (not a trek pun)
When that hive mind disbands, it’s like a little piece of you is taken away… and you miss it.
(sigh)
Oh, and dude? That’s a purse.
Fag.
(-;
–AJ @ EggRadio.com
The last line of this post is really wonderful, and adds resonance to the whole thing. Bravo.
When I first started performing with Blood, Love & Rhetoric (we’re an Elizabethan performance group), I was incredibly insecure, even though I’d had lots of vocal training. Five years and one child later (and let me tell you, Elizabethan maternity wear is a challenge), I feel completely comfortable performing, and totally at ease with the rest of the crew.
Every now and again, when I’m helping one of the other folks with vocal technique, they’ll say something about being grateful to have me in the group, and my response is always, “Are you kidding? You guys let me sing!” And more than that, they let me be myself. : )
But, as someone who joined a group already in progress, I wonder if I’ll ever completely get past the idea that it’s “their” group, and I’m “visiting” . . .
You RAWK MY SAWKS, Wil! I am so very happy for you to know what it feels like to truly love and be loved back. How could you ask for more than that?
BTW, Love your werk. You do good.