After breakfast, I came back upstairs to work on Games of our Lives.
I got into the elevator, and held the door open for about a half-dozen people. When they were all in, I was closest to the buttons.
“Where y’all going?” I said. Normally, I don’t say “y’all,” (and in this case, the proper conjugation would have been “all y’alls,”) but I’ve got The Nerves, and sometimes that makes me say weird things.
They all said the same number, which happens to be the same floor as me.
“Oh, I hear all the cool kids are staying on that floor,” I said. (Longtime WWdN readers will understand why I didn’t say, “It’s the floor that’s sweeping the nation.”)
“Yeah, I hear it’s the floor where all the winners are staying,” this businessman with an NAB badge around his neck said.
“You mean it’s where the losers are staying!” This forty-something woman said. In one hand she held one of those plastic footballs, presumably filled with something scandalous like Sex on the Beach.
“Hey! Speak for yourself, lady!” I said with a laugh. I’m normally not this chatty in elevators.
She looked at me, and her eyes focused (eventually) on my WPT badge.
“Oh!” She said, “You’re in the poker tournament?”
“Yeah,” I said.
“How are you doing?”
“Well, I’m still alive,” I said. Somehow, it sounded cooler than, “I start tomorrow, and I’m scared out of my fucking shit right now,” while still technically true.
She extended her left hand toward me. Liver spots, huge gold bracelet, 790 carat diamond ring on her middle finger. No wedding ring. Loud, pinkish-orange polish on otherwise tasteful acrylic nails.
“Give me some of your luck, kid!” She said. I tried, but failed to identify an accent.
Okay, how much do I love that this woman just called me “kid?”
“No way,” I said. “I don’t want to get any of your ‘loser luck’ on me.”
The whole elevator laughed, including The Football Lady.
“I tell you what,” I said, as we arrived at our floor, and the doors opened, “If I’m still in the tournament on Sunday, you can touch me then.”
“It’s a deal!” She said.
I walked out of the elevators and turned to the right. They went to the left. As the distance between us grew, I heard her friend say, “He’s right, Melissa. Keep your loser luck to yourself.”
Their laughter echoed down the hall as I put the key into my door.
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Sweet. Vegas baby. I’m sure you’ll do fine.
Yeah, don’t get any of that “loser luck” on you. It’s hard to get off, even with antibacterial soap.And tomorrow, get out there and give it all you’ve got…and win one for the monkeys.
I wish you the best of luck Wil. I couldn’t even imagine being in the WPT, I would be scared completely shitless. You made me open up PartyPoker (my name is GimpiG, look me up if you wanna play NL Hold’em) while I should be doing homework. hehe.
Sending much mojo your way.
Kick some ass Wil.
Thats right Wil, DO NOT get any looser luck on you! Go ahead and give that lady a hand shake if you are stil there by Sunday though. 🙂 I love how you could tell she had fake nails. *really hard belly laugh* Keep up the good work in the tournament, and keep us posted.
You will do great Wil! Kick a lot of ass! Jess
When Melissa extended her liver spotted, gold-clad hand, I swear I could hear the pr0n music.
*chick-chick-chicka bow bow*
You then slowly take of your wide-as-a-senior-citizen shades and look to the lady to your left: “Mind if I take a hit off your football, honey?”
She extends the oblong elixir with a wry smile.
pr0n music gets louder.
*bow! CHICK. bow. CHICK. bow bow bow. CHICK*
Next thing you know, the only thing everyone’s wearing are their plastic, laminated name badges.
The elevator doors suddenly open. A gorgeous latin chambermaid wears a look of faux-shock.
Wil extends a welcoming arm and says, “I always score on the Turn.”
The chambermaid giggles shyly and whispers down the hall, “Maria! Viene aqui”. An IDENTICAL chambermaid appears.
In unison they say, “Sisters.”
Wil says, “Looks like I scored on the River, too”
The elevator doors close.
*BOW CHICKA BOW BOW*
And you know what?
It STAYS in Vegas.
–AJ @ Egg Radio
Wil darlin’, I grew up in the South, and “where y’all going?” is perfectly fine.
I know you were desperate for that information, so there you go. 😉
Dude, AJ, I can’t believe you posted slash on my blog.
It’s a good thing I’m an Egg(radio)head. 😉
why??? what does that mean ‘sweeping the nation’? Is that some kind of satanic code phrase? We’ll be keepin’ on eye on you wheaton.
Slash? Naw… “fan fiction” (-;
Stoolpigeon, Archive Goodness
http://www.wilwheaton.net/mt/archives/001335.php
yeah– i remember it well. tryin’ to kind of play off the fundie reaction he got. yeah, i’m lame– especially as i bumped it right into the middle of your back and forth. as embarrassed as i am right now it still beats honest work.
That is so cool Wil. Off to Vegas, just like that, and in the WPT !!! You never know what life will bring you from one moment to the next.
I was in Vegas this past January, and the closest I got to the WPT was a picture with the WAX Ben Affleck playing poker at the Wax Museum at the Venetian Hotel.
Now I’m thinking they should change that Ben Affleck wax dude with the real YOU. That would be much cooler!
GOOD LUCK WIL! And have fun for crying out loud!
🙂 Kel
I think ‘y’all’ was the right term. ‘All y’all’ is for a bigger group.
GL in the tourney, wil!I’m a poker dealer accross the street at Harrah’s and plan on coming by tomorrow afternoon to watch the action until I have to leave for work. If your table’s near the rail, I’ll try to cheer you on a little. =]
Yer inner good-ole-boy done right by ya on the first try.
Another lifelong grit-eating, iced tea drinking, Southerner here to mention that “y’all” is plural. It is merely a contraction for “you all”. It even works out grammatically in the specified sentence if you add the extra rrr onto “where’rr”.
I’ll keep happy, good-luck thoughts for both you and the astigmatic granny. But mostly for you in case you end up playing eachother!
Break a poker chip, or whatever you say to not jinx it. Anyway, hope you have fun, and go all out right before you have to leave, just to keep the game interesting.
I see you’re already having a good time! I flew back from Vegas Sunday from attending a poker tournament. So close and yet so far away.
And it would be only slash if the chambermaids were chamberbmen. 🙂
Three words of advice my friend’s mother gave him when he went to Thailand and India: Don’t touch anything!
“If I’m still in the tournament on Sunday, you can touch me then.”
Oh God no! Don’t touch it! It’s evil!
(but that line made me laugh and cringe at the same time. I’m so conflicted!)
😀
The Southerner and the English teacher in me have to agree with Nashville, GeekRev, and Elizabeth. “Y’all” is fine – it’s used for more than one person, never just one person, contrary to what Spongebob’s friend Sandy Cheeks says ALL the time, grating on my nerves way too much considering she’s a cartoon character. But I have to say, “y’all’s” would have been a no-no. That would be the possessive with really ugly punctuation. I know you were really worrying about that one, weren’t you? It’s okay, you can rest easy now.:)
BTW, my classes loved the post about your latest audition. Thanks again for letting me use it.
Good luck in the tournament. Sending hopes for good cards all the way.
I agree with lomara… that line cracked me up – and kinda freaked me out!
Good luck Wil!
Congrats and good luck….
And I saw the word “Slash” (since I am addicted to it) and had to read all the comments! LOL!
Good slice-of-life! I felt like I was there – minus the chicka chicka BOW BOW!
Little vignettes like this make me very excited about your upcoming poker book. Good luck out there!
*grin* damn, I love moments like that. None of the unspoken hostility-because-you’re-a-stranger … I love it when people cast aside their conditioned distrust and just live a little … and connect. Those are epiphanic moments to me.
oh, and muchos mojo on the poker. I won’t say no more, cos I dont want you to get any of my loser luck on you. 😉
I haven’t been here in awhile. I wish I had. Poker.. Lol.. I’m sending good mojo your way. Btw, whatever happened to the soapbox? I can’t seem to find it. Maybe I’m just addled.
Heh heh, poker.
I was actually playing poker yesterday at lunch with my friends. Then suddenly they all got this bright idea that we should be playing strip poker. Have you guessed that they’re all guys yet? (I’m the girl in our group.) Good thing it was in the school library so we couldn’t, because I was losing pretty badly.
Anyways, best luck in the world to you Wil. Set phasers to win! Lol, I love poker.
hi wil, good luck with the tournament and the reading! i can’t wait to read about the rest of your time there!! sooo cool.
How cool is that poker book gonna be? WICKED AMAZING!!!!
take care
Rach
WPT is shown on television on Saturday nights in Australia. I have managed to watch a couple of episodes and have found it rather addictive, strange, considering I have no idea how to play. Hope it all goes to plan.
Good luck Wil! I’ll try to get a peek at the action on the travel channel if I can.
I’m thinking you should touch somebody besides the grandma with tacky acrylic!
How cute and quirky was that elevator ride?
Best of luck, Wil!
Loser Luck? LOL!! That reminds me of the 3rd grade when the boys would give the girls cooties by touching them, and you needed a big can of cootie spray to survive! Great story.
:::passing Wil a big can of Loser Luck spray::::
Good luck!!
Well I was going to ask if what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas but AJ pretty much answered that question for me. 😉 I have SO got to learn to play poker…
ROFL! Teh pr0n keels me ded.
I am a true southerner, North Carolina born and raised, and y’all was acceptable. All y’all would have been good too. All y’alls (with the “s”) would have bordered on hillbilly but I guess it would still be accepted in the south (not so sure about Vegas)! Ha! Good luck! I am SO freaking excited for you! I would be so nervous! Avoid the bad luck! Can’t wait to read all about this trip!
Wishing you much mojo today that the cards fall your way. Your poker entries are great and I’m really looking forward to not only reading about your WPT experience but also your future poker book. (Not that I play or anything, but I have become addicted to watching the WPT….)
And I think “Positively Short Stacked” would be a cute title.
go go go go go!
Wil
First off, congratulations on making it to the Big Show! It’ll be great, no matter what happens. I’m a fan of the WPT and poker in general for a while, and a recent fan of yours (last year or so) – the two of you go well together, looking forward to a poker book. 🙂
Secondly – uh, if you are still in the running when Wednesday rolls around, and don’t stay, you need to go see a counselor. I appreciate you wanting to meet your obligations, etc. – but man, people will understand!! Or they should, if they pretend to know/like/love you as much as they claim. How often are you going to get a chance to be in WPT tournament?! Well, okay, maybe after you get rich from royalties for best- selling novels. 🙂
Updates:
After play today, an update will, I imagine, be posted here with chip counts. Mondays results are already posted.
http://www.pokerplayernewspaper.com/
-Jason
Smoke them like a salmon, Wil.
Nothing like being accosted my an old woman, is there?
See Wil pimp.
Pimp, Wil. Pimp.
Good Luck Wil. Be careful to look at for those opponent’s possible flushes and straights, missing those are ALWAYS my downfall.
I look forward to reading your poker book.
Hmmm…if that elevator ride was not a ‘Twin Peaks’ moment, then I do not love coffee! Good luck Wil – hope to see you live…
Are you supposed to say good luck to someone playing poker? Or is that like saying good luck to an acotr?
I really really hope you do well. I’m looking forward to seeing the show. I take it you can’t blog about the details until the show airs? I’m excited for you! I know you will do well.
Yay Wil for being in the WPT!! (If only I had the Travel Channel so I could watch it *grin*)
How sad is it that I actually know what an NAB badge is and that I am rather stoked that some of them were in your hotel? *laugh*
My nerd-fu is strong today. 🙂
Mari
From Oscilloscope Land
Hey, y’all…at least he put the apostrophe in the right place. :o)
Hey Wil! Congrats on getting into WPT man! Now fet out there and win some major $$$$$, and kick some poker playing ass!
Laney
I wish you all the luck in the world, Wil, not that you particularly need it.
I’m amazed at how many people commented on here to correct your southern grammar. Think how useful it will be to have that knowledge if you should ever have to play a southern character. We will all watch you, and when you say “Y’all,” we will point and say, “We taught him that! We southerners taught valley-boy Wil to say ‘Y’all’ properly!” We will then feel vindicated for all the years that we watched actors on TV and movies refer to one person as “Y’all,” and pursed our lips with disappointment.
It’s a shame that this post is several days old and no one will read it. I considered e-mailing this, but I’ll be damned if I can figure out how to set up encrypted mail. Being a PC gamer pretty much keeps me running Windows.
Anyways, this has nothing at all to do with WPT. It has to do with the most recent issue of Games of Our Lives. Here’s that liberal arts edumacation working overtime. The main character of Ponpoko is a tanuki. It’s a member of the dog family but has a raccoon-like face and is indiginous to Japan. Legend has it that tanuki have magical powers, such as shape-changing (remember Tanuki Mario from Super Mario Bros. 3 and how he could turn into a statue?). The tanuki of legend, however, is more famous for its ability to increase the size of its scrotum and play them like bongoes. Yes, I’m afraid you did indeed read that correctly.
A good article online about tanuki can be found here.