I worked in the yard most of the weekend. All the rain has finally gone away, and now there are a mountain of weeds to remove.
There’s something incredibly satisfying about getting into my overgrown backyard with the garden claw, a shovel, a rake, some pruning shears, a beer, and taming the wild overgrowth.
It was pretty sad that Felix wasn’t there to walk over and talk to me while I tore through the dandelion patch that’s constantly trying to move in under the orange tree. I know he’s not coming back, but I can’t help it — I keep looking for him, and expecting him to show up in all his regular places. I think I’m going to talk with a grief counselor, because my level of sadness seems very disproportional to the loss. I think there’s some other stuff wrapped up in my mourning, maybe about my Aunt Val, and a family friend who we lost in November of last year. I really appreciate all the kind comments and e-mails from so many WWdN readers. Thank you, everyone.
We had a preview show at ACME on Saturday night for the new sketch show Acme: A Day In The Life. I was really nervous and felt like I was totally unprepared to get out there and give up the funny . . . but I think we did really well. There were some sketches that didn’t work and others that I thought wouldn’t work (including one of mine) that killed. I felt like the company is in exactly the same place right now as Love Machine was when we were three weeks from opening, and I’m confident that this show is going to be just as great. We open on April 16th.
The kids are on Spring Break this week, so we stayed up late last night, listened to A Ghost Is Born (The kids are getting as sick of Wilco as they are of The Pixies. I remember feeling so sick to death of The Beatles when I was a kid, and I love them now . . . so we’ll have to check back with Ryan in Nolan in twenty years or so and see how they’re doing.) and played the Radica World Poker Tour game that plugs into your TV. It was a consolation prize when I played in the WPT Invitational, and it’s surprisingly fun.
We played against three computer opponents, all set on Expert. I went out first when my AK got busted when the computer opponent called me with AJ and caught his J on the flop. Ryan went down shortly after that, not realizing that it’s pretty tough to go on a stone bluff against a computer. This left Nolan to defeat the computer menace and prove once and for all (for one game, at least) that humans are superior to computers.
It looked dicey a few times, but Nolan caught cards when he needed to, and ended up winning it all.
Yeah, it was as anti-climactic as it sounds, but it was fun to hang out with them until we could no longer stay awake around midnight.
Three unrelated things that don’t really fit anywhere else:
- I’m an official Spokesman for igrep! It’s incredibly cool, and I’ll get into the details later today. Until then, you can read the press release
Wil,
Good idea about grief council, but I have to say, when my Lady had to be put diwn I was not right for about 6 months. I did get over it, asyou will too.
Enjoy Spring Break with the Boys, and stay well. Take care of you first and foremos,t because we all want a happy and healthy Wil W. 🙂 BEST WISHES ALWAYS, AND THANKS FOR UPDATING TODAY!
Wil,
Good idea about grief council, but I have to say, when my Lady had to be put down I was not right for about 6 months. I did get over it, as you will too.
Enjoy Spring Break with the Boys, and stay well. Take care of you first and foremost, because we all want a happy and healthy Wil W. 🙂 BEST WISHES ALWAYS, AND THANKS FOR UPDATING TODAY!
I think that many people think that it is strange to grieve deeply for lost pets, but I think we can feel almost as deeply for our animals as we can for people. Why should such love be valued less? I would be absolutely inconsolable if one of my cats died (I still tear up when I think about the stray cat I took in when I was eight that my parents forced me to give up at the animal shelter).
At any rate, I don’t think you should feel that your grief in inappropriate. It honors the memory of your pet that you mourne for it. (Although, grief counseling probably wouldn’t hurt…I don’t want to discourage you from that.)
It is me or is the horse racing channel TVG trying to get more viewers by showing Texas Hold’Em in between races?
What’s up with that?
Whenever I play Texas Hold’Em, every hand I ask myself WWJTKD?
(What would James T. Kirk do?)
Hi Wil,
Your feelings are on the write track. Its not so out of the norm to feel the loss of a pet so deeply. Take it day by day, and rejoyce in the fact that he is not hurting any more and he is running, jumping and playing, and most of all making new friends. At least that is how I would think of it. I have lost way to many of my children over the years and that is the only way I can get through it.
Have a great week with the kids. God I wish they had a paid spring break for the working class like us, I miss being in school alot.
Best wishes and bright blessings
Time and talking about it, those are the ingredients for recovering from loss. Hang in there Will.
Hey Wil,
I believe that pets to be part of the family and you do grieve when you lose a family member so why not feel that deeply towards a pet. I know I personally lose it for a long time when I lose my dear pets. Getting help is the best idea if you need to go that route. It’s helpful to get things off your chest.
I wish you all the best.
The hardest thing about death is there is never any way to escape it. That’s what sucks, that it’s something that will happen to all of us eventually and the passing of a loved one, be it human or pet, reminds us of that.
I don’t see your grief as anything wrong or unnatural, Wil. If anything, there’d be more something wrong with you if you didn’t grieve. But it probably will help a lot to talk to the grief counselor, it might give you a chance to get the pain out of you without fear or worry of seeming weak.
Sorry about your cat. Want one? Jack and I are on the outs since he took my eye Kill Bill style the other day.
Re: Trackbacks — I’d go for the first option.
Good idea about seeking help – the combo of all those things would get me down too. Give yourself time to heal. Your cat is the one that you saw everyday so he is harder to get over.
Take the kids someplace fun – I took mine to the zoo but that is something that we love to do – Kids usually get asked if they did anything so it would be cool for them to have something to say besides I hung out with my parents all week
You forgot to list sunscreen as part of the backyard clean up things to need – but then that might be more of my red hair requiring that 😉
but the beer is a great idea for it anyways
Grief counseling is a good idea for anyone but honestly you aren’t doing anything I didn’t do. You’re an actor/writer you feel things deeply, its just what you do. It’s what we love about you. Your cyber friends are here for ya.
just an FYI on the trackback – there’s a plugin for MT available on the MT website called “Conversation Killer” that kills access to comments and trackbacks after X amount of days. Thought you may be interested.
Good to see you back blogging so soon.
Firstly, hold off on the counseling. If this is the first time you’ve lost an animal that was *yours*, give yourself a couple of weeks to adjust.
You’re self-aware and objective. You may not need any couch time yet.
Secondly, if you signed a bunch of books and actually made a little blog-ad for YOURSELF and put it up there saying: “Buy my books. Pay my bills”, you’ll make that cash back in two shakes.
You may want to work on that headline, though.
You’re the writer. You’ll think of something.
–AJ @ Egg Radio
I recently lost our family pet and I know how hard it can be. To top it off…my mother passed away about a month ago, so I can see where you might still have grief pertaining to your lost family member and friend.
I have been reading your site for some time now and have enjoyed what you have shared about your life.
Its very cool!
Wil,
I have lost three cats (and a lot of finches) in the last five years. I have grieved for each one (although the latest kitty loss was the worst for some reason, Chubby was Matt’s cat, but she became my faithful companion during my stays at home after chemo rounds. She still loved Matt more than me, but I grieved her loss more than her mother Panther and my kitty Skinny). Skinny’s brother Little Juan is still with me, though at 15 and with some serious weight loss (although the blood tests are not too out of whack for his age), I am scared of the day when I will lose him (he is my ‘baby’). Anyway, I am not sure how one would quantify grieving, but I know that pets are a part of the family and are to be grieved as such.
All I can offer is hugs to you and your family, take care.
Odile
P.S. Hope to see you in Vegas! 😉
I still think you should go with the Adsense. In fact, I think Google Ads are less annoying and obtrusive than the BlogAds you currently have running. I have no idea how they’d compare in revenue, though.
I’m really sorry about The Bear, Wil.
Re: Adsense, I’ll give it just a little plug. It’s inconspicuous, delivers remarkably relevant ads, and could seriously help you cover costs. (I’m continually surprised by how successful the ads have been on my site, and I’ve received no complaints from readers.)
Also: WordPress 1.5 has amazing spam protection. I ended up ditching MT for WP (took all of about 15 minutes to make the switch), and haven’t received any comment or trackback spam in over a month.
Just my 2 cents.
I just recently lost my dog, Bailey of twelve years…odly enough when I recieved the e-mail(I’m away at school)the song that was playing on my Launch Cast was “Wonderful World” by Louis Armstrong… I’m sorry for your loss…
Wil, I was out of town so I was unable to post til now. So sorry about Felix! You have had a very hard time with these sick cats lately, so don’t be too hard on yourself. You may be pre-grieving Sketch, in part. But get help if you need it.
Your last couple of posts really tore me up — I have a lot of unresolved grief about my own cat Spike, who died of kitty AIDS. Don’t let anyone tell you your grief is inappropriate — pets are family members. The deeper your grief, the deeper your love. Just remember you gave Felix a much happier life all these years than he would have had living in people’s garages. And he knew it, and loved you for it. Try to remember that.
I know when my Frodo died I felt the same way, constantly looking for him in his usual spots, despite the fact that in my head, I knew he wouldn’t be there. I guess the heart operates on a whole different level.
Go with the GoogleAds. They are unobtrusive and you deserve to cash in on your celebrity! Think of it as payback from the ‘net for alt.wesley.crusher.die.die.die!
🙂
My condolences for you loss. You were lucky to have such a good friend for so long.
-adam
I’m a big fan your your weblog and I was very sad to read about your Bear. I suddenly lost my dog several years ago and I remember the feeling of coming home and expecting her to great me for months after her death. My mom really took it hard and for at least a year would cry any time someone said our dog’s name. I now wonder if she should have gone to a counselor for help with her grief. Pets can become a member of the family so it’s no wonder we grieve for them as if they’re people. But just like with people, it gets easier with time and soon the sadness of letting go will be replaced by the happy memories.
Wil
There are grief counselors and support groups specifically for people who are dealing with the loss of a pet.
But honestly, give yourself time. I went to a support group after I had to put my previous cat to sleep. After listening to some of the people there, some who had been attending the sessions for anywhere from six months to a year and more, I realized that what I was feeling was completely normal.
(One woman was looking for a carbon copy of the dog she had lost; another had been grieving for three years over a dog he’d had for only a year and a half; one man was having violent nightmares about his dog because his family had completely stripped the house bare of everything that even remotely had anything to do with the dog while the man was out for the evening.)
You can certainly seek out counseling. But trust me, you’re just going through the normal grieving process. Do what you need to to keep going. Remember Bear and keep him in your heart.
You’ll be okay.
Animals make a place in our lives when that place is suddenly vacated there is a big empty hole inside us. The rational part of you is saying this was just a cat and don’t be so silly…well guess what? It wasn’t just a cat it was a friend you’ve just lost (which always hurts) and you aren’t a rational creature, you’re an author and as such live in a world of emotions which you let sweep over you and through you. Yes you’re going to feel it and it’ll hurt, but remember it and use it when necessary in the future.
As for the books, well stick a few signed copies up on ebay…see what happens. It’s got to be worth a try (I hope you are willing to mail them internationaly).
Phil
As a reader, I’d be willing to give the whole AdSense thing a try for a week or two. I rarely pay attention to ads as it is, but I might even be persuaded to click a few if it helps pay the bills for you and your family. Scratch that, I would DEFINITELY click a few. I’m sure other members of your posse would as well. Not that signed books and other assorted goodies aren’t a good idea too…
To the guy who posted the last comment about clicking ads just to get Wil some money — don’t do that, please. It’s illegal and against the terms of services for google ads. If you want to click on the ad because it genuinely interests you, THEN you should click it. Being swayed by the host of the ad to click on it is not cool beans (and I know that’s not Wil is implying).
BUT… now that that is out of the way… Wil… I recommend trying out the adsense banner on a test basis for a week or two. You won’t know what the statistics are goign to be like for a couple of days at least (as it takes time for google to catch up and do some kind of quality filtering). If you want to be inconspicuous, trying the ad out on your archives pages only will do the trick.
Again, sorry about the loss of the Bear. He’s in kitty heaven now and I’m sure having a great time.
One more recommendation for Conversation Killer here — I’m using it on my site, and it works wonderfully well.
When I loss my dog, I was floored by how upset I was. There was a little voice in my head that said, “you shouldn’t get so upset over an animal.” But I didn’t listen because we grew up together and she has more than earned her right to be mourned as much as any person. It took me at least a month to not expect her little nose through the fence and her little eyes peeking at me as I drove up to the house. I still get a little sad almost a year after her death. Only you can judge what’s “normal” griefing or not. Grief counseling can certainly be useful for both yourself and anybody else around you that has lost someone or something. I’m actually think that everyone can benefit from a little counseling. If nothing else, it makes us better listeners.
Re: AdSense
Considering the incredibly wide readership of WWdN, why not go the route Doug Kaye did with IT Conversations and add a “tip jar”? That way, you don’t have to bother with adds unless you (and your readers) okay them.
The thing about AdSense is that we can sit here and click away, making it pretty easy to contribute…and those ads are fairly inobtrusive (unobtrusive? Sheesh…you’d think I make a living with words or something.)
Sounds like Felix may be the emotional straw breaking the camel’s back. Losing a pet can be as devastating as losing a family member; it sounds like you are very in tune to your emotions right now. It also sounds like you’re on the right track as far as staying busy and enjoying time with the boys. Take care; as always I enjoy your updates.
I have recently discovered your blog, love it by the way…Sorry to hear about your loss. Maybe a new pet will help ease some pain, I know it sounds bad, but for some people it works. Hope the blues lighten a little.
A grief counselor is a good idea. Look for a vet school near you, as they sometimes have grief programs especially geared to pet loss. That said, you are still pretty close to things. My cat Nick has be gone almost three months now. (It’ll be three months this Thursday and he was only two years old.) I still see him out of the corner of my eye sometimes, but when I turn he’s not there. Or I’ll see his brother come around the corner and think its him.
It gets better, and easier, you still feel sad but you begin to be better at dealing with it over time. I thought my grief was disproportional to the loss as well, my Grandmother died last summer and I didn’t feel this sense of loss. I think it was because Nick was the first living thing to die under my care, and his death seemed sudden, and I hadn’t had any time to get ready for it emotionally. My Grandma on the otherhand was given six weeks to live just about three years before her death, she lived a rich, full life, and I had a lot of time to come to grips with her death, I could talk to her and there was plenty of opportunity to say goodbye.
With Nick though it always kept playing in my mind, “what if there was something more I could’ve done”. If I’d just done something different he’d be alive now. I took on a lot of emotional responsibility for things that I shouldn’t have, in the end, there was nothing I could do. He died at home, with his family all around him, his favourite snack of ice cream still fresh in his mind and as happy and comfortable as was possible under the circumstances. In the end I’ve had to accept that, like you, I did everything I could, more than many people would think was reasonable and there was nothing more I could’ve done that would have changed the outcome.
He was your friend, he died, its normal to be sad.
I would love to buy an autographed copy of your latest book to help with your vet bills. It is touching to read about how much you loved your kitty. I have been and always will be an animals lover, and it touches my heart to read your words about Felix. I’m so sorry for your loss.
If you figure out either of those solutions to the trackback spam – let me know! I’d even be willing to go on a hunting spree with ya! It all seems to be coming in on a few specific entries and it’s really fucking annoying!
2 quick comments:
1) I found the intro to this piece (see link below) interesting. We lost 3 people in our immediate family in the past year. Losing someone you’re close to (Human or other species) means rearranging your whole being. Your existence is different now. And I’d be willing to bet you’re on the right track — your feelings now are indicative of something larger.
http://www.thislife.org/pages/descriptions/04/257.html
2) IMHO, you’re better off without Google. Everyone wants to be their friend b/c they’re really popular right now, but they’re just schoolyard bullies dressed up nicely. I haven’t had any problems yet with AdSense, but their AdWords program is severely misleading and can cost you mucho bucks if you’re not extremely careful. I’ve learned to be extremely careful when dealing with them.
Peace
Wil,
It’s not at all unusual to grieve a pet deeply or for months — or even longer — after the loss. I’ve written about grieving the loss of our ferrets — but nothing up on any websites. My husband & I used to publish Modern Ferret magazine & we visited this topic several times. I think it’s especially hard when you’ve been taking care of an ill pet for several months before losing him. You become closer to him as you feed him or give him subq fluids and meds to help improve his quality of life. When the pet dies, all that work is over; there’s suddenly time to fill that used to be filled with caring for a sick animal.
If you feel the need for grief counseling, go — there’s no right or wrong to that. But what you’re feeling is completely normal under the circumstances.
Spend time with your memories.
Take care,
Mary
I love this site for what it is. Totally horrific to look at, design wise, but it’s a personal hobby so it should be horrific, and for that I love it.
The reason I thought I would post is I lost my kitty LizBeth last July – she was my mini me. Thankfully I have 3 other kitties to help make up for the much missed kitty love of LizzyB.
I named my graphics/photography company 4PhatKatz and it was hard for me to use the name after she died (Kidney failure) but now I feel it is a tribute to the kitties that have made my life worth living.
Take care.
Another option to limit trackback spam, which doesn’t require closing topics, is to rename your trackback cgi script. It’s amazing how infrequently the spammers update their search results. I changed my mt-comments script name several months ago and still get several 404 entries in my html logs for the old comments script.
Here’s a description:
http://www.elise.com/mt/archives/000577trackback_spam.php
Wil,
I’ve recently added Ad-sense to my website (http://www.fyreplace.com), If you glance at the site, you’ll see it on the right-hand column under the “Gratuitous Capitalism…” heading.
They allow several choices, and I chose the 120x(whatever, 300, I think) tower, displaying two ads. Customized the colors, and now it’s relatively non-intrusive.
Personally, I feel it’s a great way to make money, with Google’s keyword targeting, it’ll target towards things people who visit your blog may actually be interested in.
I’m hugely anti-ad and have even blocked a vast majority of the ads I see through a firefox plugin.
Try just adding a single tower to your site and see what you think. Maybe the revenue will take off. You can pretty-well control the ads displayed, once you learn the system, and you can always remove them, later-on.
Google also allows turning OFF PSA’s – which are ads you don’t get paid for, that are shown when there are no targeted ads availible for your site at that time. There is a small script you can include() to collapse the tower (if you don’t see any google ads on mine, Google simply didn’t match any ads to keywords on my site at that time) when there aren’t ads availible.
Personally, I think it’s worth it.
(As for trackbacking spammers, I think there’s a plugin availible (for MT) for new TB Auto-disable after a certain time period. Unsure from where, though.)
If you want a hand killing all the spammers, I’m game. Until then, I use the rather nifty “mt-close2.cgi” to close all my posts over a given age to trackbacks. Seems to Just Work, at least so far, though you do need to manually run it once in a while, it’s not automatic.
http://www.arseburgers.co.uk/blog/archives/000977.html has more about it.
ohmigosh that looks SO cool. And I’m at work right now. So I can poke around with it and get paid to play (haaza!!!) You scored the big one with this engine 🙂 it’s the single coolest thing I’ve found on the internet in a while and I just want to stand near it to bask in some of it’s radiating coolness Ok, that was probably nerdier than a girl should be, I confess. But I work 11p-7a, so, like… I don’t see sunlight and stuff.
Hey Wil – Instead of going the “ad-route”… why not just throw up another ‘tip jar’ to help cover the vet costs? Believe it or not – the world DOES still have a few good people and they just might be willing to throw some bones/clams/duckets your way. You’ve done it before. Do it again. I should know all about the tip jar – I control the rivers of Heaven: I’m a bartender.
Nice to hear from you and you are doing a good job of staying in your life. I just got my copies of “Just A Geek” and “Dancing Barefoot”. I am pretty happy about it since I am desperately out of reading material, and old copies of “Asimov”, while lovely, only go so far.
Re: Grief Counselor. I support you doing what you think is best for you at this time. No one else knows you any better than yourself.
Re: Acme – I *really* would love to see this show somehow, but there is no way to travel at the moment. Is there any chance there will be recordings of your shows for sale somewhere at sometime?
Pretty please? With Guiness on top?
Complete Kudos on igrep.com. You and they have chosen well. I wish you many years of happiness and geekliness.
Wil:
Counseling is never a bad thing. What you really need, however, is TIME. The pain isn’t going to go away overnight. You’re going to be a lot better in a month I assure you. You lost a member of the family. That pain won’t disappear just like that. Just take it easy and take it one day at a time.
Scott
Wil:
Counseling is never a bad thing. What you really need, however, is TIME. The pain isn’t going to go away overnight. You’re going to be a lot better in a month I assure you. You lost a member of the family. That pain won’t disappear just like that. Just take it easy and take it one day at a time.
Scott
Hang in there bud, losing a loved one is tough. Just remember that he knew how loved he was when he passed, and that he was ready to go.
As for the ads, they wouldn’t bother me a bit. In fact, why not put in the ads and offer some autographed books as well? I know I’d be interested in one…
J
As far as *AdSense* Banners..
You will have a choice of a *Skyscraper* Vertical ad on the side of your site or a Horizontal one on top or bottom…
Some are Text Ads pertaining to the topic you are currently talking about (and what area of the country your readers are viewing from), some are Banner Picture ads..
Your site shouldn’t be *Infested* with Google Ads everywhere unless you add multiple ad codes..
Like I said they haven’t done nothing for me, but I do not have alot of Traffic like you do…
I miss the *Kitty* also Wil… Had 6 when I was living in Houston and had to give them up when I moved to L.A. many years ago..
Chin Up Ensign Crusher!!!!!…
How you gonna make Captain With a Look Like that On Your Face???
🙂
YEAH! YEAH! Kill all the spammers! Let’s do it!
Hey Wil,
I think that gardening is one of the best forms of therapy. It’s so great to watch the patch go from being horribly overgrown, to just how you like it. I hope you feel better soon Wil, good luck with the show.
take care
rach