So there are these Star Wars fans Übernerds who are lining up in front of Grauman’s for the premiere of “Revenge of the Sith” in a couple of months.
The only problem is, “Return of the Sith” isn’t going to screen at Graumans. For reasons that are best left to the shadowy corners of The Film Distribution World, it will be playing at the Arclight, which is about a half-mile away. (The Arclight, by the way, is the best theater in Los Angeles. Nobody else even comes close.)
When they found out about this unfortunate turn of events, the Star Wars Nerds naturally packed up their stuff, and walked down the block to Arclight.
Except they didn’t.
They’re keeping the line right where it is . . . as a self-described act of protest.
Before I go any further, I’d like to make something crystal clear: Camping out for a couple of months before the opening of a movie is a little weird . . . but essentially cool. That kind of passion is what makes it so much fun to be a Nerd. But camping out at the wrong theater and refusing to move in protest is hilarious, and it’s what makes it embarrassing to be a Nerd.
We’ve been covering this story pretty heavily over at blogging.la. In fact, my friend Sean was the very first person to break this dramatic story, long before the rest of the media got on board:
Since I know everyone is dying to find out what’s going on with the Star Wars line I’ve taken it upon myself to read through the entire thread at liningup.net as well as call them several times now and here’s the facts of the moment:
- The Star Wars line is still outside of Graumans.
- Graumans has confirmed that Star Wars will not be playing at Graumans.
- Arclight has confirmed that Star Wars will be playing at Arclight.
- The Star Wars line is pissed because they think Star Wars should be at Graumans, not at Arclight, so they are not moving the line in protest.
I thought that was so hilarious (see my points, above) that I left a comment on that entry, using the dreaded phrase, “Get A Life.”
Oops. Turns out some of The Star Wars Nerds have no sense of humor about themselves. I got some upset e-mail, and while I composed a reply, the saga continued to unfold:
OK, who would have guessed that in the very small group of people who are willing to line up months in advance of a movie to get tickets, in front of a theater where the movie isn’t going to be playing, there would be room for cliques and infighting between the popular super nerds and the unpopular super nerds? I wouldn’t. And I would have been wrong. A post in this thread by “certified instigator” has just confirmed the existence of said infighting. Read on…
“No one is talking about leaving the line. The popular clique has flat out refused to be open minded about where we see the movie as a group. They insist that no matter what we – as a group – decide they will not see it it at the Arclight.
They make it very clear here on the boards and in line. That splitting up the group is better than seeing the movie at a theater the popular clique doesn’t like.
Many people I’ve spoken to are willing to see it at a theater they don’t prefer in order to keep the group together. But they are less popular and way less vocal.”OMFG.
OK, so some waiters in line want to keep the line together no matter what theater it’s shown at, and other linesters don’t give a crap about the line and only care what theater they see it at – and this is shaking the foundation of the line to it’s core. TO IT’S CORE!
There were cliques in the line? There’s a popular clique, which implies that there are unpopular Nerds who are lining up at the wrong theater?! This new information took an already hilarious story and exploded it into the surreal realm of Terry Gilliam-esque humor. I couldn’t help myself, and I posted that they should have taken my advice (about getting a life, I mean.).
My little quip ended up pouring even more gasoline on what was now a full-blown Nerd War between the Nerds at Blogging.la, and the Star Wars Nerds. The upset e-mail I’d received was followed-up with some honest-to-goodness hate mail, so I tried to smooth things over with an open letter of my own:
Dear Star Wars Line,
I’m really sorry that you’re so offended. I was just playing around. I learned a long time ago that I have to be able to laugh at myself. (I’m the guy who had not one, but *two* newsgroups dedicated to hating him, remember?) I think it’s awesome that you guys are raising money for charity, but I hope you can see the humor in a bunch of people waiting in line at the wrong theatre, refusing to move to the theatre a couple of blocks away that *is* showing the movie. And framing it as an act of protest . . . well, that’s really funny. Movies are not the sort of thing that one generally associates with protests. Civil rights? Sure. Anti-war? Sure. Clean up this toxic waste dump? Sure.
But we’re not moving until you put the movie here? We’re not moving in protest? And look at the drama surrounding the whole thing: There are “cliques” of people, and “cool kids” and “factions” waiting in line at the wrong theatre, refusing to move in protest? And the self-righteous indignation? If you can’t see the humor in this, you’re really missing out.
[. . .]
Again, I am truly sorry that you and other lining-up-ers are so offended . . . but I wish you could see the humor, also. I didn’t intend to put you all down. I’m sure you’re all great people who believe they’re doing the right thing for the children. I was just enjoying the absurdity and humor.
I sincerely hope that you all enjoy your time in line, and I hope that the final movie doesn’t suck as much as Episode One.
May The Force be with you,
Wil
As an olive branch, Sean and I designed some T-Shirts for the Star Wars Nerds, so they’d have something to pass down to their own children, years from now: 
Sadly, our peace offering was viewed as further ridicule, and I got yet another angry e-mail.
Heartbroken that the Star Wars Nerds were more interested in feeling persecuted and righteously indignant, and saddened that they just couldn’t see the humor in the whole thing, I vowed to just let it go.
And I did, until yesterday, when my favorite secret Ninja, Jessica Mae Stover asked me if I wanted to go with her to take pizza to the Star Wars Nerds, who still inexplicably refuse to move to a theatre where they’ll actually be able to see the movie:
Hey WW,
I
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Wil, I totally see this blog entry as part of your next (non-fiction) book. I can’t stop laughing.
I hope that this all turns into one big laugh-fest before it’s over. I’ve half a mind to get in that line and start laughing at myself…you know just to start something.
Oh my. I just took a look at the other posts, pictures, and links at blogging.la. Oh my. I’m a SW fan from way back. I was six when the original came out in ’77, and it became a part of me the minute that door opened and Darth Vader appeared. A hulking, menacing, frightening figure in jet black in stark contrast to the pure, white, pristine environment of the rebel ship (except for all those dead bodies on the floor…not too pristine and pure, but you know what I’m saying). I still get goose bumps when I see it. But…oh my. That’s just…..it’s just…..DANG!
I think that group is awesome! Who cares if they don’t see the movie at that theater. I hung out in line for a few hours to see Episode 1 at the big theater in San Fran (not on opening night). It was so much fun interacting with the people in line. I bet they are having a blast. If I lived in LA I’d be tempted to go hang out with them for a weekend.
Someone on /. posted the phone number to the pay phone next to them. I’m tempted to call it just to geek out for a little while.
Hi Wil,
I just called the nerdline. Talked to a guy named Larry that told me you waited tables at his wedding between Stand By Me and ST:TNG. He said you were really cool and signed things for him, including a “real vinyl” copy of the soundtrack. Wil, this guy’s a big fan of yours and he says that at least 90% of the line are too.
And they confirmed that about half the group is going to the Arclight and the rest will probably go somewhere else. He said they’re kinda bummed tonight.
(Classic NerdChick: I’m playing FinalFantasyXI with my husband on the regular ‘puter, and reading about the nerds on the laptop and petting the cat…a nice quiet Friday night to recover from work-on the computer.)
Someone should go live with these folks and do a documentary, sort of an updated Gorillas in the Mist (only more funny)
You can almost smell the neuroticism (actual word?) vibing off of these folks through the wifi – as young nerds, many of us can recall not being part of the mainstream groups in our age/grade/gender/whatever population, so now the one “clique” is all “STFU! I’ve finally got a group and I’ll be damned if I’m voluntarily walking away, no matter how dumb, strange, and creepy the group is!”
They all need to lighten up though…remember kids, if you can’t laugh at yourselves, the rest of us will just laugh harder at you
Oh. My. God. Wil. That was the funniest thing you have EVER written!
Every time I read “in line at the wrong theater and refusing to move in protest” I just starting laughing all over again! I’m laughing right now reading this after I pasted in the sentence!
We need to get a freakin’ webcam on those guys.
Your take was one of the best I’d seen about this. I have been following this on Fandom_Wank
http://www.journalfen.net/community/fandom_wank/672275.html
Asshattery at it’s finest!
Hey Wil,
I tried to tell you that the cool SW fans were in Orange County but you didn’t believe me 🙂
TM
BTW, In the name of objective reporting the reason they are refusing to move is that supposedly they said the movie wouldn’t play at that theater before (i.e. Episode I and II) but it did. You somehow left that detail out.
My abdomen hurts from laughing so hard. That has to be one of the best things I’ve ever read! Well, except for certain books… but oh whatever. I love hearing about this Star Wars line, it’s just so funny and yet so stupid. The fans are truly stubborn.
But I really hope that someone has taped this whole ordeal from the beginning. I’m in a whole other part of the country, so I can’t really have a front row seat to this show, unlike other people. It would be an amusing as a documentary, though. Or at least I think it would be.
You know, if it had been me, I would have taken them pizza. I have found that there are a lot of folks who are really shy in person but have no problems being totally abusive asshats online or in email. Often just meeting them face to face disarms them. A real in-person conversation means a lot more than a posted open letter. They can have armor a mile thick in the virtual world, and be totally accessible in real life.
That, and nerds find it hard to stay mad at anyone offering them pizza.
Hi Wil, This is my first time posting here. I just dropped in because so many people I know at LiveJournal read your blog and love it.
You are a funny guy!
Now I just wanted to suggest one thing for the Star Wars nerds…. http://www.fandango.com/
Personally, I enjoyed waiting in line at Graumann’s for Episode I a heckuvalot more than actually watching the movie.
Does this mean nobody’s waiting at the RIGHT theater? What would happen, say, if someone started a new line?
If I were waiting there in the line I’d say ‘fuck this’ and go over to the REAL place, and thus, get a better place in line… sheesh…
o_O
I am so confused.
Protest?
For Star Wars?
Hey, I’m a fan and all (of the ORIGINALS) but I won’t protest for them.
Unless it’s at Lucas’ house telling him to leave the movies the heck alone.
Then I am ALL OVER IT!
*hands Wil a lightsaber*
I found this panoramic view of the line:
–**–
http://www.panoramas.dk/fullscreen5/f15b_star-wars.html
–**–
Which one is Elliot, which one is the girl who hasn’t left the line even to bath, and what’s up with the ‘Revolution around the corner’ marquee across the street?
Wil, I always like reading your blog entries. Thanks for sharing your experiences with us…especially THAT one!
That sounded to me like a real life group of “Freaks and Geeks.”
I wanna take the Nerds pizza, too! 🙂
I’m surprized people even still care about the movies. The KOTOR games are where Star Warz iz at. Even KOTOR 2 which is unfinished and buggy as hell is incredible.
This is the funniest thing I’ve read in a long time. A catharsis and ab workout in one. Beautiful.
That entry should come with a bladder warning before you start reading. Had I not gone to the bathroom a couple of minutes before I would be sitting in a puddle of urine as I type.
Thanks for the laughs W.
i have to say Wil, i kinda side with the Nerds. I think it’s hard when you’re a nerd to be made fun of my other nerds. then you know, you’re a REAL nerd. Nerds are supposed to stick together, support each other in thier nerdiness, even if it’s different nerdiness; whether you’re a computer geek or a Trekkie or a Star Wars fan. Don’t you think they know they’re nerds? Don’t you think that they get made fun of for that every day of thier lives, especially when they are lining up weeks ahead of time for a movie? and then another Nerd comes along and says, wow, you guys need to get a life??? i dunno, but i’m a huge Wars fan and if it werent for school and work, i’d be out there with them. And you, my friend, are a NerdSnob. Similar to IndieSnob, but in the nerd scene.
On the other hand, i love the Arclight. Me and my friends, knowing that we couldnt see it at Graumens, had decided weeks ago to see it at the Arclight. We’ll be there, at the midnight showing. I try to see all the good movies there, despite the rediculous cost. I saw Eternal Sunshine there.
Dude, i would line up with them to protest YOU. If i see you in Borders, i will give you a scornful look. and you don’t want to go there. believe me.
wil-
i tried calling the Star Wars Hotline, and actually got through on my first try. i had a nice conversation with the guy who answered the phone, and then i got off to give other people a chance to call.
i did ask him, and he does not hate you. just thought i’d let you know.
thanks for making me laugh again!
-indy
p>**smacks self on the forehead**
**very loud groan** Oh man, things like this “protest” are painful to me – as one of the founders of the Phoenix Fan Force (yeah, the Phoenix, AZ chapter of the “general” SW fanclub – as opposed to the “bad guys” and the “good guys” that Jenni mentioned).
I love Star Wars. I love doing Star Wars events in costume (yay Padm
Hilarious 🙂
I’ve not read any of your printed work – just your blog for the last 6 months or so, originally via the LJ feed and now directly via my aggregator…
Just in the last few weeks you’ve had me in tears at work in your eulogy to The Bear, and now rolling in laughter at your description of the antics of the Great Wrong Theater Debacle…
Not only do you seem to be a great guy, you’re a fantastic writer – I do believe I’ll be looking for your books in the near future..
Oh boy, I heard about this one at work. 10 out of 10 for determination, and I made a comment that if they were that determined to watch Revenge Of The Sith at Graummans then perhaps they’d better get the movie in for them XD
Granted though it is kind of sad when the line issue really gets taken seriously, and my god, cliques amongst nerds? Hideous!!! 😯 It’s bad enough having to witness it among the Chavs and the Popular Guys at school, I kinda hoped that Nerdkind was above such immaturity but then I guess what do I know, I’m just a dumb Goth.
I like living in Weston-Super-Mare. It has one cinema, but it also has about 60 percent of it’s population being the elderly, so when a lot of the more recent movies (even the big ones) have come to that one cinema then there’s always been a chance to go on the opening night, get a ticket and watch without seeing the dreaded ‘Theatre Full’ sign 😀 In the four years I’ve lived in the birthplace of the Silly Walk I’ve only pre-booked tickets about 3 times and thankful that I did only once – last year when Return Of The King was in town. This May will make that four times (and probably two) but I do like living in a town where you can go to the opening night of a new Star Wars movie and still have a chance of getting a seat 😀
Hi Wil,
You should go down and see those people. You had some fun at their expense and it’s only fair to let them have a bit of fun too.
I’m sure that just by showing up, they will forgive you. You will allow them to save face and enjoy the humor that you point out should be shared by all involved.
HAHAHA!!! That is so wrong that it is beautiful. You are absolutely right though, despite the fact that they have a ‘right’ to protest, they could be spending their time protesting something that matters. I can’t believe they got so uppity over your t-shirts I think they are awesome!
Oh my. I just took a look at the other posts, pictures, and links at blogging.la. Oh my. I’m a SW fan from way back. I was six when the original came out in ’77, and it became a part of me the minute that door opened and Darth Vader appeared. A hulking, menacing, frightening figure without a face in jet black. In stark contrast to the pure, white, pristine environment of the rebel ship (except for all those dead bodies on the floor…not too pristine and pure, but you know what I’m saying). I still get goose bumps when I see it. But…oh my. That’s just…..it’s just…..DANG!
PS – I apologize if this post shows up a bunch of times. I’m having some computer problems.
*cackles*
I can’t decide if I’m more amused by the whole situation (made more amusing by your telling of the tale), or jealous of people who have the TIME to camp in line for two months (even at the right theater).
“Get a life,” does seem extremely apropos.
Wil, thanks for the spam link and the LA links. I need to get rid of this spam (I mean the corned beef!) Visit moi sometime. love fellow film people!
I think they will laugh at this – give them a few years before it will happen.
They really do need a life. I don’t bother going to movies until they have been out for a couple of weeks – most I just wait until the DVD’s out – but that is more because of my kids
While cliquishness amongst nerds isn’t new [Star Trek Nerds vs. Star Wars Nerds, LARP vs. SCA (I don’t know how this one got started)] this is just bizarre. It’s so bizarre that (runs over to bookshelf, grabs old copy of WWF RPG), I’m inspired.
Mmmm… stable feud. What to call the stables?
nWo (nerd World order) vs. Dork Lords of the Sith). Maybe…
Wil, Wil. How can be so insenstive? These amazing nerds are taking time out from thier busy lives to make a statement. Instead of ridicule you should praising them for finally coming out of thier grandmas basement, stopping thier playing of Dungeons and Dragons, and halting work on thier Star Wars Opening Outfits, to wait in a long line way too early at the wrong theatre. It just breaks my heart to think because of this horrible mix-up there might be one less Obi Wan this year. Isnt Chewy going to be in this one? For god sakes its Chewy!! I hope you see the error of your ways.
You are no friend to nerds!!
Great Post Will. This is my first time here and I must blow a little smoke in a specific area and say that it is cool that you let average cats like me leave comments. Pretty cool.
I thought the story about the Star Wars geks standing in line was a joke. When I realized it was true it made me think that it was a dark day for Star Wars enthusiasts everywhere.lol Great post.
I would like to say that if these “nerds” were lining up for days…or even hours, to see Wil speak, or maybe pick up a copy of his book, or maybe go see a movie he was in, he’d be singing a different tune.
I’m not saying he’s jealous….
I’m just saying I don’t think he should be so quick to judge…
Looks like the SWNerds managed to buy up all of the tickets for the midnight showings at the right theatre. So now I’ll be going to a more convenient showing later in the day at the Dome. Oh well. This will be easier to get my “regular” friends to go with me at a decent hour, at least.
Hope to see you there!
heh…. heh heh… ha… HAHAHAHA….. This post actually brightened up my day.. I needed the humor. I want to see the movie too, but I think I’ll wait until a sunday, about mid-day when there arent’ many people in the theatre. I can’t stand packed theatres……
Actually…. I think… I just really can’t stand people. Most of em anyways.
Bahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha…
This whole thing is very funny. I love those shirts. _I_ want one. 😛
Wow… I have no words for this… No. Words. I mean, seriously, what can I say to this? LOL I wish the biggest problem in MY life was whether or not to go to another theatre. *sigh* Nerds. :p
I hope that Late Night sends Triumph The Insult Comic Dog out to the line again this year. And this line would be even better.
Man…thats the BEST thing Ive read in a long time. I needed that. Im a Star Wars geek myself and love it just as much as the next guy (the line nerds to be exact) but DAMN!
I would have moved. I wouldnt be waiting at a theater that wasnt gonna show the movie. Thats just nonsense to me. They need to chill out. Seriously.
I appreciated the joke. I laughed and seen how silly I would have looked and moved on.
For the record, the shirts ROCK and I would have bought one.
“The Line” ???
That appellation, along with ‘linesters’ and their reaction to your humor (which I found screamingly funny) is emblematic of the degree of social dysfunction present.
Triumph the Dog nailed these folks.
Wil,
Thanks for a great start to my working week. Commiserations to the fans involved, but it’s still pretty funny anyway.
Whatever happened to just waiting on line to SEE THE DAMN MOVIE?
Ahem. Excuse me. I’m just going to go sit in front of a McDonald’s until they make me a Whopper.
-Hilary
Excellent post! It’s a little microcosm of human society down there at Graumans. I’m going to keep an eye on blogging.la for a while I think.
BTW Will – ref your profile on blogging.la – I didn’t realise you were a HitchHikers fan! Share and Enjoy. Liam.
Great post. Funny stuff.
Will,
Please tell these ubernerds they need to start kissing women other than their sisters and assorted family members. Nerdity is good , anti social dysfunctional personal relationships aren’t . When I pulled my nose out of a book and put it, as well as my whole face, between womens legs my life changed forever. Folks its always better to have a woman holding yer pee pee than yerself so come on, get a woman and start showing her why God made u a man !!!
BTW I saw the same comedy bit by Triumph the insult comic dog at the Phantom Menace premier, funny as all hell. Heil Das Ubernerds !!!
Wow! Real live California protestors. The pack mentality is awe-inspiring.
Thanks so much for the story 😉 (There’s $5.00 in it if I can get a picture…).
It would be somewhat generous to characterize Ms. Stover’s entry as a “paraphrasing” of what I actually said.
There is no one so-called “alpha nerd,” and if there were, I’d never be it.
If you want to come down on Saturday, Wil, feel free. If not, that’s fine. I’ve basically moved on, and this will be the last post here, on my blog, or at the forums at LUN about this matter, at least from me.
Once again, my problem is that you were one of the only people I was pretty sure wouldn’t take the shot, and you took it. Congratulations on being exactly as funny (thankfully nowhere near as crude) as your average porn star from Playboy TV. I spent a good chunk of energy doing the standard “Wil is so much more than a kid who used to be on Star Trek — stop dissing Trek, by the way — and you should read his book, it’s great” thing for this group. I think I won’t bother anymore though.