the show must go on

ByWil

I spent much of yesterday writing for Dungeon and The Onion, and the rest of it playing some SNGs on Poker Stars (I cashed four of five times: third place three times and second once for a total gain of about 2 bucks. Go me.)
Anyway, when I woke up, I felt like I was just going to stare at the wall all day, and I’m glad I had responsibilities I couldn’t blow off, and something else to do that would keep my focus off my grief the rest of the time.
Late last night, though, I transferred some photos of Sketch from my digital camera into my iMac . . . I’d been teetering on the edge of hysterical grief all day long and that shoved me right off the ledge. I collapsed on my couch and cried until my chest hurt and my cheeks stung. I really, really miss him.
(And a huge thank you to everyone who has sent e-mails, and comments offering support and understanding. You understand what this loss means to me. To everyone else who thinks it’s a good time to be cruel and heartless: a huge go fuck yourself.)
Anyway, tonight I’ve got my performance of Dancing Barefoot at ACME. Just like the writing yesterday, it’s going to be tough to get up on my feet and focus, but I’m glad it’s there. As we say in showbusiness: The Show Must Go On.
Here are the details, reprinted from a couple of weeks ago:

In an effort to be more like my hero David Sedaris, I’m doing a live performance of Dancing Barefoot, which will be recorded and turned into an audiobook!
Details:

WHAT: Dancing Barefoot, live on stage!
WHERE: Acme Comedy Theatre (where else? 😉
135 N. La Brea
Hollywood, CA 90036
(323) 525-0202
WHEN: Tonight — Wednesday, April 27th at 8 pm.
TICKETS: $12

I will have a very limited number of Dancing Barefoot books for sale, and if you already own a copy that you’d like to get signed, please bring it out. I’m happy to do that.
I just love Dancing Barefoot. When I read from it, I get to revisit the great memories I wrote about, but I also get to remember how fun and exciting it was to write, publish, and release it. In contrast to the frustration and disappointment I experienced with Just A Geek, I have nothing but fond memories of the Monolith Press run of Dancing Barefoot.
This is going to rock! \m/

If you’re in LA (or near LA, or have a lot of blog readers in LA) would you help me out and mention this to your readers? I think it’s going to be a good show, and I’d like as many people as possible to know about it.
Update: My friend and fellow ACME Main Company Performer, Shane Nickerson, recorded a hilarious Video Blog about tonight’s performance. It’s the first real laugh I’ve had all week. Thanks, Shane. 🙂

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100 Comments

  2. I hope your show goes well, and I’m sorry that I’m on the east coast and won’t be able to see it. I know how said life becomes when you lose a cat. Thankfully, the pain subsides as time goes on. Best of luck tonight!

  3. “When President Kennedy died, we stopped, we mourned, we moved on” from the movie Testament, 1983.
    You’re right. Life has to move on. We can’t stay stuck in a moment that you can’t get out of, as U2 writes.
    Words cannot describe how profoundly sorry I am about the loss of your second cat. I am right there with you, brother. I know the pain of losing a cat. I lost mine after 20 entire years of constant companionship.
    Life will get better. You will get to the end of this tunnel. And the sun will shine again.
    Peace.

  4. I know how hard it is to go on stage at times like this. Remember that there are tons of people here supporting you. Take care.

  5. Break a leg tonight, Wil. If I can get the word out to my L.A. area friends in time to get any of them to the show, I will. I’ll be there in spirit. And congrats on finishing in the money in your tourneys. 🙂

  6. If I were anywhere near LA, I’d go and clap and hoot like a madwoman. Being in NY instead, I’m gonna sit at home with my cat, Molly, and appreciate how good it feels to be reminded of how wonderful she is. Enjoy it all, Wil. Even the crying.

  7. Hey Wil,
    I think you’re really brave to go out onstage and give of yourself when there is such a big part of you grieving. Instinctively, we want to stay in a cocoon when sadness and loss overwhelm us, but you’re venturing out, and I know the audience is going to appreciate that from you.
    And as far as people being cruel or heartless, tell us who they are, we’ll beat them up for you (what is a posse for, anyway?). Hang in there.

  8. Have fun tonight! I wish I could be there, but the commute from Austin would take a little too long. 🙂 I can’t wait to get the audiobook when it comes out. In regards to the @#$%$@s who were mean about Sketch, I agree with Allie. Saddle up, posse, we’ve got some butts to kick!

  9. Good Luck tonight. Wish I could go, but I’m in NJ. Sorry about Sketch. I know how you feel. I lost two of my horses within a week. It will get better – trust me. Just try remember all the good times. I’m going to sign up for the posse Allie and Amy. Screw those heartless pr—s who don’t understand what it’s like to loose a friend like that! Don’t let them get to you. Just read all the postive and supportive emails and posts and know that a lot of us out here care about you and your entire family. 🙂

  10. Wil, I hope your grief is very brief. Pets are like members of our family. They love us unconditionally which is more than most humans. I think the reason you get all of these animals is because God knows that you are a very good person and would go far and above to look out for their well-being. To those that make rude comments, feel bad for them. To not love an animal must be rough. They have deeper issues that we will never understand. Good luck on the show tonight and again to you, your wife and sons my sympathies.

  11. Loosing one is hard enough, but two in a row is really rough. *big hug*
    It might be too soon to think about this, but when you are ready for different cats (not replacement cats, because no one can replace your little guys), kittens are bet in pairs. They play with eachother and therefore there is less destruction. Adults are best one at a time, the stress of an unfamiliar cat along with a new location is pretty high on an adult cat, especially if they were a rescued cat.

  12. Good God, how much can one person stand? Wil, Anne, boys, so so so sorry. How on earth are you coping? Gawd, you all have some constitutions. Aimee

  13. I’ll be plugging it all day on the Egg. I hit LA in a few days. Is Hollywood ready for me? We’ll catch an ACME show when I get in to town.
    Rawk.
    –AJ @ Egg Radio

  14. from Paris, France.
    longtime reader this is the first time i comment. i feel very sorry for your loss.
    i wish i lived in LA for the show. i’m trying to get copies of your books through amazon.com. my best wishes. good luck!
    ps: i’m sure this is the most cliched thing you’ve heard, but “Stand by me” was the reason why i studied films in college. and shhh, don’t tell my husband but you’re the reason i named my son Wil. Gordon just didn’t fit.

  15. Wish I could be there tonight! If you ever make it up to the bay area again, maybe you could put on a similar show up here somewhere?
    As far as the meanies go, I think the Posse needs to take care of them! They just have no clue, do they? Idiots.
    Break a leg tonight, and take care.
    Tim in Nor-cal

  16. Gosh Wil (and family), awfully sorry to read about the loss of two of your hairier family members, it’s never easy but eventually you’ll be able to think of them with a smile on your face rather than tears. Till then know that all your fans (posse as everyone puts it) are right there with you feeling your pain in our own way.
    Hugs and best wishes to you and your family….
    Ps What I wouldn’t give to see one of your performances, one day I may just get to the US, till then I will have to make do with your site. Have a good one.

  17. Hey baby,
    I have been swamped with work and travel and so didn’t notice your msg about Sketch until today. Sorry to know that it happened to you — and I hope you know that he’ll be with you always, and will help you when you least expect it.
    It must have been very tough for Anne, so hold her a lot and remind her that she did good by the little cat boy.
    Keep lookin’ up Wil, Anne, Nolan and Ryan! He’s up there now too.

  18. good luck. and best wishes to you and yours. ::::hugs on the cat:::
    i know there are a lot of LJ people also sending best wishes in the comments section there. you’ve got a whole bunch of people hoping the best for you.
    we’re some of them!

  19. Hey Wil,
    I’m glad you told those so and sos where to go. If you can’t share your love with other beings than go fly a kite! You have no heart and you shouldn’t have kids either in my opinion. If you only love yourself then you’re not sharing a gift which is as precious as life itself! Selfish, callious people are in the world and there’s not much we can do about it but ignore their ignorance and sad little attitudes.
    I’m so sorry once again for your loss and I totally know how you feel. I can draw on my experiences when I act. I can cry at the drop of a hat all I have to do is think about those pets I’ve lost over the years and how much I miss them. The pain is so much to bear at times. I am there for you.
    OXOXOX
    Rosemary

  20. I’m so sorry about Sketch. Some particularly vicious cosmic law seems to decree that if you lose one cat, you’ll lose a second – I’ve seen it any number of times, most recently in our own family. You have every right to grieve, and I hope that your work will give you an outlet.
    And a big PS for the it’s-only-a-cat brigade: bollocks!

  21. My sincere condolences for your loss. It’s a brave thing to have a pet…you know that you’re going to outlive your pet, which means that you are letting yourself in for a truckload of grief in the future. In return, you get all the years of affection and happy memories from the time you get your pet up until the time it goes away, but no matter what you might tell yourself, you can never be ready to have a great big gaping hole ripped in yourself like that.
    My best wishes for your recovery, and for the successful performance of your show. Break a leg!

  22. WW,
    Add me to the list of long-time cat owners who feel your pain and dread the day when it becomes ours. After reading the news, I went home and spent an extra minute greeting my two cats…they were, as always at that time of day, watching their favorite video (the fish tank…it fascinates ’em for hours).
    Aloha

  23. Although this is one of those times where I feel cursed to be on the east coast – where events such as this never seem to happen – I wish you the best of luck with your show tonight!

  24. Hey Wil,
    It’s so hard to know what to say, especially after it’s all been said already. At times like these (which thankfully haven’t happened to me very often) I always try to remember that moving forward doesn’t mean forgetting or leaving behind. I try to accept that there will always be a little piece of me missing and start my life again from there.
    Best wishes to you and your family.

  25. Wil,
    my heart is with you, your family and Sketch. The good thing is that the kitties are keeping each other company and watching out for you. Good luck channeling all the mojo from them and us tonight!
    I’ll be ordering the audiobook as soon as it’s available. My husband’s just grateful that I hesitated at spending a few hundred dollars to fly cross-country just to go see you do the taping. I told him it’s that much more money for more of your books/audiobooks/etc. He agreed a little too quickly, so I guess he knew I was more than half-serious about going.

  26. Sometimes, there’s nothing better than to let it all out. It does get better, but for now (as if you needed anyone’s permission) be as sad as you need.
    You’re going to rock tonight, Wil. You are Der Commisar, and you’re in town, baby! You are SO in town…

  27. This is the true test – the ability to keep going on being an artist even when “art” is the farthest thing from your mind. If I lived in LA I would come support you and bring you cookies, but since I don’t, I’ll just send you lots of mojo!
    On a completely different but related note, who DARES contradict the well-wishes of the Wheaton Posse? We’ll rend them in the gobberwarts with our blurglecruncheons, see if we don’t!

  28. You have my condolences. I’m still not over losing my baby…over a year ago. It’s hard. I know. Keep busy, but leave time to just be and to remember. They never really go away, anyway.

  30. This is one of those times I’d been brave enough to move out to LA on my own. What a thrill it would be to see you performing your book on stage!
    Come around to Wizard World in Chicago sometime so we can see you out here! Don’t be stingy with your personal appearances – share them with the rest of the country!

  31. Wil,
    I am so sorry about Sketch. I know how much he meant to you, as I do read your syndicated feed over at Live Journal. (BTW, The comments need to be disabled on that. I am sick and bloody tired of the “Wil doesn’t read this!” post from some schmuck).
    I am sure in time, you’ll find another kitty to love just as much as you loved Sketch. And I think he knew that you loved him too, so no worries.
    Hell, I still have my kitty’s blanket from when we took him to the vet to be put down (He had suffered a major stroke), and haven’t used it since, even though I have two fuzzy, nut-less wonders.
    I’ll give them extra cuddles from you.
    ~Kaylin

  32. Dear Wil, I have to say that I enjoy your writing very much. You describe things is a very real way and I can feel it. I am sorry about The Bear and Sketch. I’ve had lost pets in the past and can understand your grief. The Bear and Sketch are with you in your heart and will want you to kick butt at ACME. You can do it! and you will be fabulous at it! 🙂

  33. we miss our friends so much when they leave us. We miss our animal friends in a special way. They wern’t people but then again, maybe that’s why we love them so much–they’ve never let us down, we have no conflicted feelings, no grudges, etc. All we had was unconditional love. We’re thinking of you.

  34. Indeed it must go on, as must life. Yours is better for having loved and been loved by a couple o’ hairy little guys. At some point the intense pain becomes more reflection and melancholy…just takes a while. You inspired me not long ago to pay tribute to a couple of my hairy friends. You can find it on my blog in the entry titled “Not so much a rant…”, should you have a spare second (yeah,yeah…all your free time, right?)

  35. Hey Wil, I didn’t have a chance to comment on your last entry about Sketch, but I wanted you to know that I’m real sorry to hear the news. Having three kitties myself, I just don’t know what I’d do if I lost any of them let alone 2 within such a short period of time. Best wishes on making it through this difficult time.

  36. I agree with everyone above, Wil. Don’t let the heartless p**cks get to you. Surround yourself with our positive feelings and thoughts for you and your family. Live your life, mourn as much as you need to, and know that you have lots of folks who care about you reading your blog and sending positive mojo your way. 🙂
    P.S. what’s your pokerstars name?

  37. So sorry about, well, all the loss you’ve been experiencing in your family lately. You’re right, the show, and life, must go on. (Wish we could be there, but Seattle and LA are just too far apart for a weeknight.)
    I’ll add another “fuck you” to the stack for anyone who would take such a time to make some kind of attack. That’s the last thing you need now.
    I hope that this does not sound too crass, but in loss there is a huge well of natural emotion, and you *are* recording tonight. That’s the great trick of life, if you ask me, learning to take it all and hold it in a way that serves us. The pain, fresh in your heart, can, and probably will whether you try or not, lend a profound depth to your performance, and that is okay.
    Lemons and lemonade, and all that.
    Sincere sweet wishes to all of you, most especially Anne on this one.

  38. My heartfelt condolences on the loss of now your second cat. We reciently lost one of our own household’s feline buddies, a little tiger named Two-tone [for it’s unique two-toned meew, not its coloring…], which I had come to feel was my own. It would come to my door each morning at 3 am when he heard me awaken, and I would quietly let him in to sit for awhile on my lap, then at my feet while I checked my e-mail, and your blog site. So, there is a really close connection between your own loss and mine, and I shed a few tears just now for both our losses.
    Know this, Wil: not only “all dogs go to heaven,” so do our cats. I hope both of our lost feline friends are romping right now in those fields of catnip Up There!
    Good luck on your show tonight. I do live in the LA area, in Chino, but will be unable to attend due to lack of funds, but my spirit will be there the audience, cheering you on.
    Sincerely,
    the California “fan” who liked Wesley!

  39. Count me in on the ass kicking posse! Who the hell do people think they are? You don’t have to justify your feelings for another living being to ANYONE. You grieve as long as you need to.. screw them. Take good care of you & the family. Hugs to all of you.
    Kate

  40. I’m sorry about Sketch. I didn’t get to say goodbye to the last little guy I lost, either, and it does suck.
    I’m also sorry for hating on Wesley, it was really just jealousy anyway.

  41. Shane’s videoblog thing is hilarious. Just what you need, I expect.
    The show, indeed, must go on. Go out there and knock’em dead. Be sure to ask the audience who reads the web site; do it after the performance, because the applause will deafen you.
    As usual, it’s not possible for me to come to the performance, being from Illinois. One day, I’ll attend one.
    Break a leg!

  42. First, I’m sorry for your loss of Sketch. 🙁
    Second, you really need to do an East Cost book reading tour. I’d come to one of your readings!

  43. A Vallhalla-esque toast to Sketch! Much quaffing of ale to Sketch! I picture him riding off of the back of a Valkyrie’s steed, calmly washing his face while Brunhilde carries him up to the Nap Spot in the Sky.
    Our hearts go out to you and yours, Wil. All kidding aside, our cats will give us back-door entry to cat heaven when we’re turned away from any other places. If we’re good, we’ll get to be Belly-Rub Specialists for eternity.

  44. Thanks, everyone. Especially Shane.
    brian: I begged, pleaded, and did just about everything I could to convince the people at O’Reilly that a book tour would be a good idea, especially to the North East, and places like Chicago and Kansas City.
    Unfortunately, as part of the Not Supporting Just A Geek At All And Relying On Wil To Do All The Work package, my requests (like my warnings about over-marketing to Star Trek fans) fell on deaf ears.
    When I self-publish my future books, I’ll be able to hit a couple of the cities I’d hoped to visit with Just A Geek.

  45. Wil,
    I know nothing in the world can erase your pain and I feel your loss at the deepest level, as I nearly lost my own fuzzy monster last month. I just cried and cried watching her get sicker and sicker. The thought of knowing she wouldn’t survive was unbearable, I felt like I was dying too. Hang in there kiddo. Your two cat angels are still with you, merely in another dimension of life.
    (stepping onto the soap box)
    As for the assholes who have no compassion for your loss, I pitty them. They will never know what it is to love another species. Chances are they don’t love themselves or any other humans, and it’s safe to assume no animals love them either. So they can go fuck themselves… RAH RAH!
    It’s hard for me to understand why some people dislike and disrespect animals to their core. I’m not one of those “animal rights” nuts, just an ordinary citizen who does think of the welfare and happiness of non-humans, sometimes before my own welfare and happiness. I love my non-human friends.
    Sometimes HUMANS CAN JUST SUCK! Animals were here on earth long before us. Just because they don’t speak human, doesn’t mean they don’t speak. We just need to take the time to listen.
    (stepping down off the soap box)
    Happy thoughts Wil… my sodo mojo is with you.
    Kisses & Hugs,
    🙂 Kel

  46. Aww, I’m so sorry about your kitty. When my mom’s 16 year old cat died recently, we just cried and cried.
    I know it sounds cheesy, but I had photo magnets made with her picture, from one of those online photo sites. It’s nice to have a cute picture of her looking back at me whenever I get up to have a diet coke!
    I know it sucks not, but it will get better in a few days.
    RIP Sketch 🙁

  47. In response to:
    To everyone else who thinks it’s a good time to be cruel and heartless: a huge go fuck yourself
    **outraged gasp!!!
    If you need some help kicking someones ass, do not hesitate to ask. I live in TN so it would only take me………. a few days to drive out there….. 😉
    -Tara
    P.S. I’ll bring the evil chihuahuas to help too.

  49. Wil,
    You have my permission to use both rememberance banners whenever and wherever you want. Thanks for emailing me back both times and that you liked them both. They are yours to do whatever you want with. It gets better. It’s good that you are grieving.
    With love and lot’s of hugs,
    Morgan and Charlie_The_Cat

  50. Dearest Wil and family, I am so sorry for your loss and my prayers are with you all.
    I sure wish I could join you tonight to hear your reading… ever think of coming to Folsom Ca? Would love to see you!
    Brightest Blessings
    Wilde Z

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