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50,000 Monkeys at 50,000 Typewriters Can't Be Wrong

the trifecta

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On Saturday night, I started to get the aches that usually signal the begining of the flu: my neck, lower back, upper arms and backs of my hands. By Sunday morning, I could hardly get out of bed, which was sort of a problem, because I was supposed to be in a wedding.
So I took it easy all morning, took a mega-dose of cold medicine right before the ceremony started, and did a nice job in an incredibly beautiful ceremony.
I spent most of the reception in a chair, which meant I was a pretty lousy date for my stunningly beautiful wife, but as usual she never wanted for a dance partner.
Sunday night, I woke up nearly suffocating on the phlegmy shit in my throat, in so much pain I couldn’t swallow. I think I slept for about 52 minutes and when I woke up I couldn’t even talk. Good times, lots of really good times. Monday morning I started running a fever, averaging about 101.5. So I gave in, admitted I was sick, and saw my doctor this morning. Holy mother of shit. I hit the trifecta:

  1. A severe sinus infection
  2. excra-something tonsillitis
  3. and the mother of them all: Mono.

So that sort of explains why I have felt so tired for the last two weeks, and why nothing I do seems to make this infection get any better.
My doctor has ordered me to stay in bed for at least the next week, and he said that it will take anywhere from ten days to two months to completely get over the infections, so I’m probably not going to be able to finish the ACME run, and since I can’t fly, I don’t get to go speak at the Red Hat conference on June 1.
Because this is all viral, all I can do is take stuff to help me feel not quite so bad, and because it’s mono, I have to rest for about three hours to get fifteen good minutes of anything done.
I probably won’t be updating my blog very much for the next seven or ten days. If you’re waiting for your Just A Geek from the fundraiser, I’m about half-way through. I’m doing my very best to get them all signed and shipped, but I hope everyone understands that I’m at about 30% right now. Okay, time to go sleep again.

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24 May, 2005 Wil

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all apologies → ← a final thought before the weekend

147 thoughts on “the trifecta”

  1. netnomad says:
    24 May, 2005 at 10:05 pm

    I feel your pain. Three years ago my “trfecta” was Hepatitus-A, mono and jaundice that they thought was gallstones but they never proved it. Oh was THAT ever a joy.
    All is (more or less) good now though. And sooner than you want to admit it, you will be too.
    Hang in there buddy.

  2. FABIAN says:
    24 May, 2005 at 10:09 pm

    Wil,
    I am sorry to see that you still have not got rid of the yuck. I’m glad that the wedding went well. Get some sleep and get better.
    FG

  3. More Left Than your Left Nut. says:
    24 May, 2005 at 10:27 pm

    Get better. Usual advice – chicken soup – especially if you have jewish grandmother around to make it for you.

  4. badboybubby says:
    24 May, 2005 at 11:08 pm

    I had a sinus infection last year it floored my for three days I could barely make it to the bathroom. I don’t envy you at all mate. take the Doc’s advice and rest up …… take it easy

  5. badboybubby says:
    24 May, 2005 at 11:09 pm

    I had a sinus infection last year it floored me for three days I could barely make it to the bathroom. I don’t envy you at all mate. take the Doc’s advice and rest up …… take it easy

  6. Ginger Snap Cookie says:
    24 May, 2005 at 11:21 pm

    Ooooh, that sucks. I’m not feeling well, but I’m not even close to feeling that crappy.
    Hope you feel better soon!

  7. sarahalyse says:
    24 May, 2005 at 11:24 pm

    Dude, I had mono for only a week, it cleared out after a sat in bed watching movies for seven straight days.
    So chin up, Wil.
    Then again, my sister had it for almost six months…

  8. ArcticFox says:
    24 May, 2005 at 11:31 pm

    Feel better..as you can see most of the people here had it in college because that’s when you stress yourself out! All it means is that you are a very hard working person and your body is saying “SLOW DOWN!” I ahd it in college as well..so sick I had to have an IV because I couldn’t swallow..you could feel ym liver eww gross! I so feel your pain..get well soon

  9. SorenT says:
    25 May, 2005 at 12:09 am

    Sorry to hear about your Woes of Bad Health. get well soon.

  10. liliafan says:
    25 May, 2005 at 12:31 am

    Sorry to hear about the Mono Wil, I had it a couple of years ago and ended up missing 3 months of college, which eventually caused me to have to repeat a whole year. Mono is about the suckiest virus to have it lasts so damn long and you don’t feel so ill you can’t do anything and when you do something it drains you so much you end up feeling even worse for the rest of the day. Take you Dr’s advice get lots of rest and relaxation, if you feel up to doing something slightly strenuous don’t you will only feel ten times worse after.
    Best wishes
    Ben

  11. Frank Koehntopp says:
    25 May, 2005 at 1:53 am

    Aww… sorry to hear that. Been through two anginas (tonsillitis) this year already, too. Will have my tonsils removed later this year…
    Get well soon!

  12. DustyTymes says:
    25 May, 2005 at 2:00 am

    Great Scot!!! Mono?!? What have you and Darwin been doing? I told you that you two shouldn’t have shared that banana!!!
    You better be good to yourself, otherwise I would advise Anne to pin your sorry @$$ to the mattress and force feed you juices. Also get a little sun while it lasts. (You’ve been looking a little pasty lately…j/k). Remember people love you, despite your occasional “Foot in Mouth” problems. (Did I say that in my OUT LOUD voice?)
    I will send a bottle of Vitameatavegamin as soon as I can (“… and it’s TASTY Too!!”)
    Good Health To You! – Dusty
    [My name has been changed to preserve my lack of innocence]
    P.S. Get Darwin to a Monkistufficologist ASAP!

  13. DustyTymes says:
    25 May, 2005 at 2:09 am

    Oh BTW…I forgot to mention. (RE: The Tonsils) I find that the REAL JUICE popsicles tastes best. My favorite was the one with real grape juice (and not grape flavored.)
    Bon App

  14. Errodiel says:
    25 May, 2005 at 2:53 am

    Fingers crossed that you feel better in 10 days, rather than 2 months, Wil. Sending lots of good mojo your way,
    Erro xx

  15. jtoc72 says:
    25 May, 2005 at 3:19 am

    Wil, you’ve got to quit kissing strangers at Cons, man! Especially if Jerry Doyle is there as a speaker (who knows where his lips have been apart from on Rush Limbaugh’s butt?).
    Seriously – I hope you get better soon, and have the strength to keep your blog updated in the meantime.

  16. Nyarl says:
    25 May, 2005 at 3:50 am

    Holy Crap, Wil.
    You have MONO.
    Looks like you wore youself down leaving your ugly bag of mostly water exposed to viral attack.
    And last thing you want is for your MONO to get twice as bad and turn into – STEREO!
    Just rest and the rest will take care of the rest.

  17. netean says:
    25 May, 2005 at 3:57 am

    What the f**k IS Mono? Anyone outside the US know how this translates… I’ve heard of this loads of times on US TV and Films, but no idea what it is. Must be an American’s disease, like obesity 🙂 LOL
    ?

  18. Veggie_gurl says:
    25 May, 2005 at 3:59 am

    OMG Wil !!! That sucks !!! You’ve been pushnig your body so hard…. It just kinda gave up on you! But you seem well enough to sit at the computer for a few mins, so at least we know you’re not on your deathbed or anything. lol 😉 (teasing)
    Take care of yourself! 🙂

  19. Claire says:
    25 May, 2005 at 4:24 am

    Ouch, I had glandular fever (which is what we call mono in the UK) back when I was 19. I know it knocks some people for six, but after spending a week on my parent’s couch sleeping through daytime TV (fell asleep during the littlest hobo, woke up during quincy – I spent a lot of my waking time very confused) I was more or less ready to join the land of the living. Take it easy mate, drink lots of fluid – I found those del monte tins of fruit in fruit juice nice and easy to eat when my throat wasn’t up to much and my tummy was too tired to eat!
    Get well soon!

  20. Errodiel says:
    25 May, 2005 at 4:37 am

    Netean – mono (full name mononucleosis, or something like that) is a US name for glandular fever, which is caused by the Epstein-Barr virus.
    It’s beem going around my university lately (Newcastle, UK), so it’s definitely not just an American thing!
    Erro xx

  21. Kaz says:
    25 May, 2005 at 5:18 am

    I got mono [glandular fever] first in 1985 and again in 2003. I had no idea you could get it twice. The first bout was rather extreme (I was barely conscious for over a month) and kicked off chronic fatigue, which is, I understand, not the norm. You’ll probably feel crappy for quite a while, but I’m sure you’ll be fine. Just have the doc check for temporary spleen enlargement, as that can happen, and it can be a problem if you’re physically active. All the best.

  22. Kaz says:
    25 May, 2005 at 5:26 am

    Oh, karenls –
    I found that sleep therapy has helped enormously with my chronic fatigue. 20 years of The Amazing Collapsible Immune System appears to have been offset by a few months of behavioural therapy, which has meant that I sleep properly every night and actually wake up feeling human. The doc says that she doesn’t know if I still have CFS or not, but that my immune system has been so boosted by the regular deep sleep that I am functioning like a healthy person. 5 months without illness. Check out the National Sleep Foundation [www.sleepfoundation.org/] – it might work for you.

  23. Kalimar says:
    25 May, 2005 at 5:36 am

    Rest up, Wil. Lots of chicken soup, oj, and sleep. Take rest and know that everyone will be hear waiting once you’re back up to speed.

  24. Joe says:
    25 May, 2005 at 5:59 am

    I’m just getting over a sinus infection myself, so while I was spared mono and tonsilitus, I can definitely identify with feeling like your head is full of cement.
    I don’t know if it is available in the U.S., but I’ve heard good things about a ginseng-based cold medication called ColdFX. Might be worth a try.
    Otherwise, rest up and take it easy. Maybe you can proove your doctor wrong about the recovery time. 🙂

  25. maycomb says:
    25 May, 2005 at 6:06 am

    Oh Wil, I’m so sorry that you’re sick. It sounds like your best bet is just follow Dr’s orders and listen to your body. Don’t try to bounce back too soon. Just rest until you don’t need to anymore, however long that takes.
    We atheists, though not praying, are certainly pulling for you and hoping that medical science gets you back to where you should be as soon as possible!

  26. carthies says:
    25 May, 2005 at 6:22 am

    i sure do hope you feel better soon. im sending
    you some feel-good-mojo.

  27. sonjaag says:
    25 May, 2005 at 6:28 am

    Dang! And here I was feeling sorry for myself because I woke up with a sore throat this morning. That royally sucks! So sorry about all the stuff you’re going to miss out on, too. But you are your number one priority right now. Follow the doctor’s orders. Good health mojo coming your way.

  28. Tim says:
    25 May, 2005 at 6:38 am

    Well damn.. I had conjunctivitis for the win, bummer really considering the odds of hitting that trifecta.
    Seriously though.. hope you feel better soon Wil.

  29. squeekybuddha says:
    25 May, 2005 at 6:51 am

    Holy Shit! I’m very sorry to hear that you have Mono. I had that when I was in 8th grade and it kept me out of the last two months of school and in bed for at least 5 wks, 2 of which I can’t remember as I was rarely awake. Oh, I also lost like 30lbs and quite a bit of muscle tone. But I was a very sickly child and I’m SURE you are in much better physical shape and will not have the same ill effects. Best wishes for a speedy recovery!

  30. mitt says:
    25 May, 2005 at 7:00 am

    Hey look! Someone else over seventeen has mono! I’m twenty seven and was suffering for a month before going to the doctor at the start of May and getting diagnosed.
    me: Hey! Wil Wheaton has mono, too!
    husband: Geez, honey. How many damn people have you contaminated?
    And with that I say I’m over the “kissing disease” jokes.
    As my physician told me, “Sleep when you are tired.” It’s taken me about six weeks to get from near-death-like to making it through the day without an hour nap.
    Feel better soon.

  31. Nadia says:
    25 May, 2005 at 7:01 am

    Hope you feel great soon, Wil!
    Take care!

  32. netean says:
    25 May, 2005 at 7:01 am

    thanks everyone for the clarity. It’s all so clear now 🙂
    Sucks a big fat one. I had Glandular Fever/Mono when I was 12. Get the echinacea out!
    My mother gave me guiness (Slightly watered down, but sadly not watered down enough!!!!!) and fresh coffee.
    Worked for me. Although I am a cafeine junkie, alcoholic hypnochondriac now 🙂

  33. denaballerina says:
    25 May, 2005 at 7:04 am

    oysh!
    if i recall correctly, i had that trifecta once myself. and i didn’t rest enough and i got slight liver infection from it. yucky. rest rest rest, water water water. feel better soon. *heart*

  34. ChipTheDip says:
    25 May, 2005 at 7:12 am

    There’s a hat trick nobody cheers for…
    I have Epstien-Barr Mono, it’s the best mono in the World! It never goes away, it just lies dormant, then if you get yourself sick or really run down, BAM! GOTCHA BITCH! It goes active…and subsequently puts you on your ass for a good 2 weeks.
    There is a bright side though, when I get sick, I become the worlds largest candy-ass, and my wife feels bad for me in my ill state and waits on me hand and foot, it’s really sweet. I was sick this past weekend and she went to the store and bought me Chef Boyardee Ravioli (my favy) and Airplane/Airplane II on DVD.
    Get well,
    –ChipTheDip

  35. Orchid75 says:
    25 May, 2005 at 7:19 am

    Wil, you do realize that this is the perfect opportunity to have someone dig out an original Nintendo and all the games that go with it and play until you (a) can’t feel your thumbs or (b) fall back to sleep. Well, that’s how I survived over a month of nasty viral infection.
    Seriously – rest and drink lots of water, juice, and chicken soup. Don’t worry about us – we’ll be here when you get well enough to come back to us. Just take care of yourself and hold the couch down. I’m sending you all the get-well-soon mojo I can muster.

  36. Anna says:
    25 May, 2005 at 7:28 am

    Take it nice and slow, and don’t do anything until you are fully recovered, or it will take you even longer to get well. We can handle not getting our Wil fix for a few weeks. 😉

  37. mariazmess says:
    25 May, 2005 at 7:33 am

    duuuuuuuuuude!
    as i was reading i thought, “oo! that sounds like strep throat!” and then you said mono. that sucks. have, um, fun?
    ***just don’t give it to anyone in your house!!!!***

  38. Maria says:
    25 May, 2005 at 7:36 am

    Hi Wil. Long time reader, first time poster. Just one more thought about the mono (I went through a bout of it myself). Since it’s so difficult to eat, I had a couple of protein shakes every day — made with vegetarian protein powder, banana, and ice. Simple, but it kept me from starving while I was recovering AND got some much needed protein into my bod.
    I wish you a swift and strong recovery.

  39. sue says:
    25 May, 2005 at 7:59 am

    Awwww…Wil… so sorry. Take care and get lots of rest. We’ll be here when you get back.

  40. Katco says:
    25 May, 2005 at 8:09 am

    I’ve had that particular trifecta myself, I was in third grade and was duly picked on when I returned to school after 6 weeks of being out with “the kissing disease” I remember the steroid shot and that John Lennon was killed right before I returned to school. I was knocked on my ass again last year with it – this time 2 solid months of feeling like shit…Take care of yourself, sleep and then sleep some more, I hope you feel better soon.

  41. naiah christine earhart says:
    25 May, 2005 at 8:16 am

    Gentle, restful healing hoped for you.
    The timing’s really too bad, as I’m going to be in LA next week for 10 days (6/3-13). I was hoping to pull a Hooter’s waitress reprise (Boogaloo, of course) and beg you to sign my books (or maybe my iBook :P) after the show at ACME. Ah well, c’est la vie…
    I’m just bummed; you’re the one sick and miserable. You just gotta ride it out. Hang in there, and take good care of yourself.

  42. AmyO says:
    25 May, 2005 at 8:24 am

    Wil,
    So sorry about “teh trifecta”. Mono totally sucks, mostly because, as you have already explained, it knocks you out of your life for so long.
    I will be waiting patiently for my copy of JAG. No worries, man. Just take care of yourself and stock the house with hand sanitizer and hand soap for all the bathrooms. Don’t want the rest of the gang joining you, now do you?
    Mucho Mojo, dude.
    -AmyO

  43. kinlochbervie says:
    25 May, 2005 at 8:27 am

    I would like to point out that Mono is known as “the kissing disease” in playgrounds the world over…so I hope you’re ‘stunningly beautiful wife’ can resist the ‘phlegmy’ temptation.

  44. Sharfa says:
    25 May, 2005 at 8:34 am

    poor baby!
    get well soon!

  45. Jay V says:
    25 May, 2005 at 8:43 am

    Oh snap, that sucks dude. However, unlike all the other well-wishers that flocked to this post like sheep to a stream, I do not wish that you get well soon. I wish that you fall into a deep, long slumber for a month and a half and the family thinks you’ve slipped into a coma and then six weeks later when you finally wake up they’ll call it a miracle and praise the heavens that you’re alive until you tell them, “I had the STRANGEST dream.”
    No, not really. I’m just kidding whole-time. Get well soon.

  46. Deb says:
    25 May, 2005 at 8:52 am

    Your body caught this because it’s wanting you to slow down and take care of yourself more. Bodies have a way of doing a smackdown on us when we don’t heed the little warnings. You have a lot of advice already tossed your way, plus some humor and gentle fun. You know to stay positive. I’ll add the idea of Odwalla drinks for some quick nutrition. Get some good rest–speedy recovery to you!

  47. KLoebrich says:
    25 May, 2005 at 9:02 am

    Mono is nasty stuff! Get LOTS of rest & don’t try to do too much. It’s good that you’ve got meds, because, left uncaught/untreated, mono can develop into lots worse stuff. Get well vibes are certainly winging your way from many places around the globe!

  48. Taleri says:
    25 May, 2005 at 9:42 am

    I’m sorry this is hitting you all at once. Hopefully you’ll feel better soon.
    My experience with mono is extremely different from that of the other posters. I managed to get mono from my sister just after graduating high school… and right before I was supposed to leave on a three week trip to Europe. My doctor said that I could still go, as long as I kept away from dairy and citrus. Supposedly, its the way your body processes these two that really makes you tired, and having an excess could rupture something (I forget what). At any rate, I had enough energy during the trip, lost a few pounds, and was just fine once I was back home. I still think mono was the best disease I’ve ever had. 🙂

  49. Garnet says:
    25 May, 2005 at 9:56 am

    Here’s wishing you some wonderful Green Chili Stew! Here in New Mexico they say that Green Chili can cure anything! But here’s hoping & praying that you will feel better!

  50. Val says:
    25 May, 2005 at 10:01 am

    Hi Wil, Sorry about the mono. I had it 7 years ago. It was the sickest I’ve ever been. It took the doctor a long time to figure out what was wrong with me. I was considered too old (27) for mono. It wasn’t until my liver quit functioning temporarily, and he did a blood test. My urine was dark and my eyes were yellow. I had the worst body aches and headache ever – like someone was trying to turn me inside-out through my forehead! I couldn’t eat or sleep. I just cried.
    I bet you’re back on your feet soon, but pay attention to that tired, dragging feeling and allow yourself to rest when you need it. They say it never really leaves you.

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