driver 8

As an actor and writer, husband and father, I have two often-conflicting monkeys on my back: Monkey number one is Creative Monkey. He occasionally digs his claws into my brains, and refuses to let go until something wonderful comes out. I love him. Monkey number two is Pragmatic Monkey. He regularly wraps his prehensile tail around my neck and only eases his grip when I’m doing the things I need to do to support my family. I don’t necessarily love him, but I’m glad he’s here. From time to time, I can satiate both monkeys, like writing Games of Our Lives, working on CSI, or touring with Earnest Borg9. More often than not, though, I can only satisfy one monkey at a time, and when push comes to shove, Pragmatic Monkey always wins; with a family to support, I just don’t have the luxury of turning my back on him. For the last few years, I’ve been luckily enough to to strike a Balance that makes both Monkeys happy . . . but for most of this year, Pragmatic Monkey has been squeezing the everlivingfuck out of me, and in an effort to make him happy, I’ve ended up taking on far too many responsibilities, and given away way far too much of myself to other people. I’ve rarely seen Creative Monkey, let alone felt his wonderful claws in my brains, and that’s got to change. I miss him.
I believe that everything happens for a reason, and I believe that I didn’t come down with a crippling case of mono that forced me to bring my life to a complete halt just because The Universe hit a two-outer on the River to take me down. So over the last couple of weeks, I’ve taken a very hard look at my life, and looked for The Lesson. After a lot of soul-searching, and long talks with the two most important women in my life (my wife and my mother) I’ve come to the following conclusion: I’m tired. Really, really tired. I guess it’s appropriate that I got mono, because my body physically manifested what I’ve felt emotionally for a long time.
Call it what you want: over-extended, spread too thin, burned-out . . . the bottom line is, in an effort to put lots of irons in the fire, help some people out, and increase my opportunities to retire in style at the age of 25, I’ve given too much of myself to other people, and there hasn’t been enough left over for me and the people I love. The scary thing is, if I hadn’t had to cancel the Red Hat Summit appearance, I may not have realized it until it was too late. When I had to cancel the Red Hat Summit, I was shocked, that, rather than expressing compassion and understanding, I was called “unprofessional,” and a lot of people got very upset with me, because my health prevented me from speaking at their precious conference, and it made them “look bad.” I felt like I wasn’t even a person anymore. I felt like I was an object, a commodity, a number. For months, something had been bothering me, and I couldn’t put my finger on it. It was like seeing something out of the corner of my eye that vanished whenever I tried to look directly at it, but it suddenly came into focus: I have felt, for a very long time, like people wanted a piece of me, and I’d willingly given it up. I was filled with empty spaces. I had to take a step back, and redraw my boundaries. To quote my favorite TV show of all time: “I am not a number, I am a person.”
There are so many things I want to do, and I haven’t had time to do them. I want to plant a garden. I want to walk my dog every morning. I want to write fiction. I want to finish the two books I’m working on, so I can get into the third. I want to play more poker. I want to take my wife out on dates. Mostly, though, I don’t want to miss out on what little time I have left with my stepkids before they fly right out of the nest in a couple of years. I was working my ass off to provide enough financial security to do all those things, but I had hardly anything to show for it. I was undervaluing myself and my work, and at the end of each day, I was emotionally exhausted and I couldn’t even think about enjoying time with my family. All the while, these people who had gotten a small piece of me — some of them business associates, many of them random Internet readers — kept demanding more and more and more.
When I was so sick about ten days ago, I had a fever-induced epiphany: I needed to make several changes in my life. I needed to redefine some boundaries, and re-organize my priorities.
So let’s get to it. The first thing I have to do is refocus my creative energy, which brings the following changes:

  1. I have written my last column for Dungeon. When I started, I was under the impression that I could write whatever I wanted, as long as it was related to gaming. So I wrote about games I love, like Illuminati and Car Wars. I wrote about playing Magic with Nolan, convention gaming, and playing True Dungeon at SoCal GenCon last year. I really enjoyed writing the columns, but the feedback I got was largely negative (it’s really time to just get the fuck over Star Trek, nerds), so Erik Mona, my editor at Dungeon, asked me to write columns that were focused purely on D&D. I tried my best, but my life was just too full to put in the time that running or participating in a campaign requires. It was very hard to write a column about D&D when I couldn’t play at least once a week, so I told Erik last week that I felt that I couldn’t provide the quality and consistency that he and Dungeon readers deserve, and he graciously accepted my resignation. I loved working for Erik, who is a fantastic editor, and I will continue to read both Dungeon and Dragon, which I feel have improved tremendously under his leadership. I’m sad that I can’t be part of it any longer.
  2. I’ve resigned from igrep. I like the people who created it very much, and I completely believe in their technology — if you’re a developer, and you’re not using igrep, you’re wasting a lot of time — but it’s clear to me that I can’t provide the services that they need from a spokesman, and it’s best for everyone if I invest my time and energy somewhere else.
  3. I am not doing any more conventions this year. I don’t have anything new to offer in terms of creative content right now, and I’m not going to go out and rehash the same old shit. It’s boring for me, and the audience deserves something better. So I’m taking the rest of the year off to work on new material.

Hopefully, these changes will allow me to reclaim a lot of time and energy that I can spend with my family, tending that garden, and writing.
I also need to make some fairly significant changes to my blog. I have to keep perspective and focus: I write this blog because it’s fun and enjoyable, and ultimately I have to write it for me, and I have to write in a way that keeps me comfortable. There’s this guy named Paul Phillips, who the poker pros call “Dot Com,” because he made a megatillion quatloos during the dotcom boom. He retired in style, and became a seriously good poker player. He also writes one of the greatest blogs (actually a live journal) that I have ever read, and I don’t say that with any hyperbole. He writes about poker, other players, technology, geeky things, and his baby girl with wonderful, honest, prose. But he’s got his boundaries, which he makes very clear. His Live Journal helped me come to the conclusion that I could redefine my boundaries and still have a blog worth reading and writing. For example, his FAQ is unambiguous and makes it clear that he’s not interested in any bullshit. It doesn’t mean he’s a dick, it just means that he knows what his boundaries are and that he’ll defend them. I respect that more than I can possibly put into words, and I intend to follow his example. (Though I probably wouldn’t have folded that Queen-high flush to TJ Cloutier at the Bike, when only two cards in the deck beat me ;). I’ve also read and thought about another blogger I respect, Tony Pierce. Tony recently wrote a great post about what happens when bloggers experience blogger burnout. At one time or another, I have been guilty of every single entry on his list, right up until today. Starting right now, I will change that. I don’t think everyone is going to be happy with these changes, but I think that will say more about the individual than it does about me. In fact, if you see me as a fellow blogger, writer, stepparent, privacy advocate, spouse, pet owner, poker player, [whatever] aficionado, geek, or human being, I’m pretty sure you’re going to understand all of these things. As a matter of fact, if these changes upset or offend you, you should probably not be reading WWdN in the first place, and I hope you’ll leave.

  1. I hate Reality TV, and I feel like my blog is dangerously close to crossing the line from ” this interesting thing happened to me” to “come with me while I take a shit in the woods.” I need to tell more stories, and bear less soul. You know what I’ve learned about The Internets? It’s full of freaks, and if a high-profile person bears too much soul, they really come out of the woodwork and latch on. It’s a little creepy. So, I need to reclaim a lot of myself for myself and my friends and family. If that means people stop reading WWdN, I’m really okay with that. In fact, I hope it has a bit of a Darwin effect.
  2. When I get the redesign launched, there will be minimal advertising. I’m doing this because I believe I’ve found a tasteful and non-intrusive way to help support my family. I will never allow WWdN to become a billboard, and I will never allow my writing to be influenced by, or secondary to advertising or sponsorship. I do plan to enter a few affiliate programs, and if I ever link to something that could go through one of those programs, I’ll do it. Again, I’m sure this won’t sit well with everyone. Deal.
  3. As my blog has grown out of my control in the last year, and taken on a life of its own, I have self-censored several times. Mostly, it’s when I want to rage about what a colossal fucking liar George W. Bush is, what a disgrace he is to my country, and how the mainstream corporate media have completely failed to hold him and his administration accountable for countless lies. I’m a passionate person, and I’m passionate about politics. I’m going to write about it, and I’m not going to pull any punches. It won’t be my primary focus, and I will never be as great a political blog as The Moderate Voice, Josh Marshall or Atrios, but I’ve turned away from political posts for too long. If the world were a bar, America would currently be the angry drunk waving around a loaded gun. Yeah, the other people in the bar may be afraid of him, but they sure as hell don’t respect him. And as soon as he drops that gun, he’s going to get his ass handed to him. I’d rather my country be respected than feared, and I’m going to do whatever I can, however small, to make that happen.
  4. I will move most of my Los Angeles-specific content to blogging.la, including news about local readings, ACME performances, and the like. I estimate that there are less than one hundred local readers, so it makes more sense to put local stuff on a local site.
  5. Because I make my living by writing, I’m going to focus most of my time and energy on completing the books I’ve got in production, even if that means I write fewer blogs (though I have noticed that it’s almost axiomatic that when a blogger says, “I’m going to blog less” that they actually blog more). However, I’m not going to keep material off my blog because I’m planning on including it in a future book. I’ve already written a successful book, Dancing Barefoot, that was entirely composed of previously-published material, and Just A Geek would have been even more successful if O’Reilly hadn’t mis-marketed it so badly, against my wishes and advice. I’m not worried about losing book sales because some, most, or even all of the material is available on my blog. I believe 100% in the Long Tail, and I owe much of my success to it.

Still here? Not foaming at the mouth in anger and resentment? Cool. I’m happy, and I’d like to close by sharing a few very cool things that I’m adding to my life:

  • For the month of June, I am guest-editing the Technology section of the SuicideGirls newswire. (Newswire is Safe For Work, the rest of the site is not.) I will be putting up about three new technology stories every day this month.
  • I’m also guest-blogging for the poker blog pPlayer.com this month. I haven’t posted anything at pPlayer, yet, but I plan on running some book reviews, as well as some interviews with well-known pros, poker bloggers, and authors. Both of these gigs allow the two Monkeys on my back to happily intersect: I get to write about things I love, and I get to support my family a little bit by doing it.
  • I’m putting the finishing touches on a podcast. I’m not going to go into any details, because several things are up in the air, but I think it’s going to be pretty damn cool.

If you’ve gotten this far, I probably don’t need to say this, but here it goes anyway: I love writing my blog, and I’m grateful beyond words that so many people have continued to read it through the feasts and famines over the past few years. By making these changes, and announcing them so bluntly, I don’t intend to disrespect or take for granted any of the people who have come with me on the journey from Has-been to Hope-to-be. My need to pull back a little bit and keep a bit more of my life to myself also isn’t intended to disrespect or insult any of the thousands of people who have commented or e-mailed their appreciation of my willingness to be open and honest. In fact, I will continue to be open and honest because that’s the only way I know how to live an honorable and respectable life. (Ironically, it was that openness and honesty that earned me the “unprofessional” charge. Nice.) I just plan to be a little more selective in the things I choose to write about. Like I said, if you’ve gotten this far, I’m sure you understand.
I’d like to close with a little blast from the past . . . a thought for the day:

A small leak will sink a great ship
-Anonymous

Thanks for reading. 🙂

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309 thoughts on “driver 8”

  1. Apologies if this has already been said, I don’t feel like reading through almost a hundred posts. If you don’t take care of yourself the way you need to take care of yourself, you’ll end up not being any good to anybody. It’s a fucking annoying “Dr. Phil-ism”, I know, but it remains true just the same.
    Those people who give you grief from their lack of proper perspective are probably ultimately a good thing. If you can tell them they need to deal whenever they pop up, that keeps in good shape your ability to maintain your new boundaries. It’s like how getting nasty colds every now and then helps keep your immune system in shape for dealing with more serious threats to your health.
    I’m glad you will be less self-censoring in political posts. Liberals and progressives need to speak out now more than ever. In fact, my first inkling that a something seriously fucked up was underway in the national body politic was when your blog was invaded by nazi redneck trolls back in early 2003 when you spoke out against the Iraq clusterfuck that is now worse than ever.
    You haven’t gotten your garden started yet? If you lived in the northern Midwest, it would be almost too late to start one by now. Around here, you need to get started in April or May (May if you live very near one of the Great Lakes because it stays cold for so much longer), the first week of June at the latest.

  3. I’ll just refer this comment to the post “at June 7, 2005 09:12 PM”
    I stand corrected 😀
    Have a good one.

  4. Wil:
    Boy! This sounds really great! It’s so easy to lose yourself to everyone else in this town. In this country, in fact. You do need to do what is best for you, your family and your life. I’m behind you 100%!
    Wow! You must be getting well at lighting speed! I would have thought that you were drained after just 25% of this entry! I’m glad that things are getting better. REMEMBER THE DOCTOR’S WARNING ABOUT YOUR SPLEEN!!!!!
    🙂
    Scott

  5. Dontcha love how the universe still will kick ya in the head every so often?
    Most of the time, the universe is right, though.
    Glad you’re getting your priorities in line. 🙂

  6. I’m really sorry to hear you’re giving up the Dungeon gig, Wil. I’m surprised that you got negative feedback, as I’ve never heard anything but praise for the column. I’m a very critical person, and I’ve enjoyed every Wil Save.
    (For what it’s worth, I’ve never been a Star Trek fan, so I never had the chance to develop and transfer any Wesley Hate. My knowledge of you and your work is basically “Stand By Me,” in which you were great, and your writing, which, as I said, I’ve enjoyed.)
    I’m pleased to hear you’re going to turn some of your creativity toward political commentary; I completely agree with everything you posted in the above entry, and while (perhaps because) I’m far too lazy to blog, I love to see the non-neocon viewpoint expressed articulately and passionately, and I believe you’re up to the task.
    Finally, I’m also into poker (and obviously gaming). I’ve been playing semi-professionally at low- to mid-limits for 10 years … since well before the poker explosion. Ironically, I was beginning to think the games were getting too tough to make them worthwhile, but the influx of dead money has me back up in the 6+ BB/hour range. I hope your own results are just as good.

  7. First I would like to apologize for hogging megamounts of bandwidth from your site during the last week. I came upon your site by accident and the first thing I read was,,,

  8. The more I read of what you’ve written, the more I like you. Or rather, what you choose to reveal.
    I have that same tendency of soul-baring that I’ve had to pull back from, and I feel better for having done so. We regulars might be sad to see less of you, but man, do I respect that decision.

  9. Hi, Wil–
    It’s been a while since I commented, but this blog was worth the small added step of signing up for TypeKey in order to congratulate you on your decisions.
    A bit over a year ago, I was so frustrated over the state of my job, and my deteriorating relationship with my department head, that I actually took three days off work to sit at home and cry about it. On the first of those days, I called said department head to find out what was going on, and in the course of that conversation, I realized several things.
    The job itself was never going to change. Oh, the technology would, but the nuts-&-bolts of the job wouldn’t. And my dissatisfaction? Well, I was in the midst of something cyclical; every time I went through the cycle, I went further down (i.e., was more depressed) than the time before, stayed at the bottom of the cycle longer, and never returned to the previous “high”–and it seemed likely that in one more cycle, maybe two, I’d be in heavy therapy and probably on Prozac or something similar. And I really didn’t like that idea.
    Three choices occured to me: I could continue on my current path, being the employee that employers love to hate (one who doesn’t do any more than the bare minimum but never screws up badly enough to get canned); I could change myself to like the job again; or I could quit.
    So I did. And although I still haven’t figured out what I really want to do when I grow up, I’ve never looked back. I admire the fact that you have evaluated your life–never an easy thing at the best of times–and decided to change.
    Stick with your decisions. Those of us who enjoy your work will remain, the rest can look for someone more tractable for their entertainment. If I get a vote re: what you choose to do with your time, I too would love to see what kind of fiction you might create, but I’m pretty much gonna be here regardless!
    My best to you, Anne & the family, including the furpeople. Take care, and be well.
    Syd

  10. Good for you.
    Family and happiness are way more important than what a bunch of people “think” you should do.
    Take care.

  12. I only discovered your blog a few months ago. My first time I read your blog I found myself hugging my cat and crying. Then I realized, “Damn, this is what makes the internet worth it.” Since then I have read every day, even when I don’t understand what the heck you’re talking about (honestly, I’m more of a nerd groupie/wanna be nerd than actually nerd, and I don’t know enough about poker). I’ve told everyone I know to read your blog as it is one of the few examples of someone our age actually being, well…so fucking great. Reading what you have written about your family (human or not), or feelings about acting and writing, or just your random thoughts for that day gives me hope that there are still good people out there. I’ll admit that an old crush I had so many years ago when your pictures were torn out of magazines and posted on my bedroom walls came back. You are an amazing, beautiful, funny, smart, and I love reading whatever you feel like writing about.
    That said, I say do what makes your heart sing Wil. Although I will miss hearing about the tender moments in your life (the entry about understanding a missed moment with your stepson brought me to tears and reminded me to take my head out of my ass with my own kids), it’s way more important that you are able to create those moments in your life in the first place. When you die, yes, this blog will be mentioned in every newspaper article about you, but it is your family that will share stories about you forever. So, thank you for everything you have shared with us so far, and I know that I’ll keeping reading and keep buying your books. As far as the more political blogs go, I say: BRING IT ON!! That guy is pure evil. I never thought that I would go grow up to be ashamed of the country that I live in. I love this country, but I’m scared shitless about where we’re heading.

  13. Bravo,
    First I just started visiting WWdN and reading your blog, I think I had stumbled upon it a few years ago but skipped over it on my way to somewhere. So forgive me if I don’t sound like a typical commentator to you writings. It all began because of a ditzy “Hooters” Waitress? Whatever.
    RE:driver 8 post
    Love the monkey imagery, more creative than the stereotype Guardian Angel/Devil on the shoulder. Also glad you too hate Reality TV. Actually I did enjoy Spike TVs “The Joe Schmo Show” (both seasons) since it poked fun at the reality TV shows. I think I am one of only a handful of people that can’t get into that crap, who the hell cares about who won the Million on “Survivor” or Who the “Bachelor” is going to divorce in 6 months. I also really don’t care Which Whitney Houston Wanna-be Simon thinks sucks or if Paula Abdul had an affair with that Loser or not. Last comment on Reality TV shows, why do people eat that crap and crawly things on Fear FActor? UGH!
    In your new-life make over. The important thing to remember is your family should come first. Of course whatever your spirtial/religious beliefs are they would say that family comes second. Too many people put themselves or their jobs first then their family and look what happens, next thing they know they are looking for a new job, new home, hiring lawyers oh it’s a mess.
    Looking forward to the NO-ADDs redesign. Adds are ruining the internet and keep people from reading the real content of websites.
    Wondering if Mr. Wheaton will ever find his mind? I Hope so, mindless people are a bore.

  14. “I hate Reality TV…I need to tell more stories, and bear less soul. You know what I’ve learned about The Internets? It’s full of freaks, and if a high-profile person bears too much soul, they really come out of the woodwork and latch on. It’s a little creepy. So, I need to reclaim a lot of myself for myself and my friends and family….”
    Interesting that I should read this today, when I was just discussing this very thing with an acquaintance this morning. Though by our very nature humans are morbidly fascinated with the actions of others, America is a nation of voyeurs; “reality” (or “train-wreck” as Hubby and I call it) TV caters to these people. So many people don’t have lives of their own that they have to immerse themselves in other people’s. And “reality” TV couldn’t be further from reality anyway. *gags* And I thought soap operas were bad….
    I turned off the idiot-box nearly three years ago and never looked back. I don’t regret the decision. Television sucks all the creativity from my soul, and I *hate* being told what to think, and that’s all TV seems to do anymore. But I digress….
    Urf…how can I say this without sounding like one of the above-mentioned freaks…?
    When you bear your soul, Wil, it makes you human. Yes, you may be a “high-profile person”, but you’re still a person, and you express your humanity so eloquently that people just can’t help but want to share your pain, your sorrow, your happiness and your joy. Take a look at nearly all the comments above, and you’ll see what I mean.
    Someone I love dearly once told me that the only people who truly matter are the ones who know who you really are, and love you anyway. I’ve got news for you…we, your loyal posse, know who you really are…. Whether you pull back from your “soul-bearing” or not, we still know The Real Wil, so it changes nothing.
    A writer bears their soul, Wil. It’s why we write. Those aren’t just words on a page for us…those words *are* us, whether we intend it or not.
    Quote for you: “The pen is mightier than the sword.” – Edward Bulwer-Lytton
    Granted, Bulwer-Lytton wasn’t the best of writers, having also coined the dread phrase “It was a dark and stormy night…”, but you get the idea.
    Write what you want. If you want to share stories, share stories, but we don’t mind a little soul-bearing now and then. And yes, there are “freaks” out there…*points to herself and grins proudly*…but most of us are harmless. And how could anyone not offer to help you when you’re hurting? You are so very, awesomely human, Wil…and it’s what makes you an awesome writer. You’re the kind of human that everyone ought to be, if they weren’t so busy watching Jerry Springer.
    There are some parts of us that we need to keep for ourselves and our loved ones, but as writers we are the ones putting on the peep-show for the voyeurs. I could say something about acting being in the same class (Hubby is an actor, so I can rip on the Freudian connotations between acting and voyeurism all I want!) but I think I’ve rambled on long enough.
    I admit I haven’t been reading your blog as often as I would like, but I do amble by on occasion when I’m taking a break from my own writing and have a more than a minute to actually sit and enjoy what you have to say, instead of skimming it quickly and going “Oh, that’s nice.”
    Life happens to everyone, and it looks as though it’s happened by the metric shitton for you lately. Hang in there, and do what you have to. I’ll put in a word to The Boss about your health. I’ve got connections.
    One of the Freaks out on the ‘Nets Herself,
    Aylaleia – Goddess of Justice and Vengeance

  16. Couldn’t help but add….
    “I’ll take Penis Mightiers for $500, Alex….”
    I did watch TV once upon a time, and SNL’s “Celebrity Jeopardy” was one of my faves…especially when they spoofed Sean Connery….
    Alex: “That’s THE PEN IS MIGHTIER, Mr. Connery!”
    Sean: “I don’t care what you call it, Trebek! What matters is, does it work?”
    Ayla

  17. I’m a local, Wil. Can’t be just one of a 100, though. I’m special, but not that special, lol. There’s gotta be more than that within driving distance.
    It’s a free country, do whatcha want as long as yer not hurting anyone, yourself, or breaking a law. Joke ’em if they can’t take a f***. [What? I can’t say ‘frog’???]
    Take care of yourself and your loved ones. I’ll still be reading, regardless of the changes. I like your writing.

  18. Wil,
    I’m happy for you that you have been able to pinpoint areas in your life that you are able to cut back on, change, rearrage, and enrich. I believe that in itself is a great accomplishment, so many people stumble through their days wanting to know what they can do to regain control.
    I hope that the changes you are making in your life WILL allow you to spend more time with your family and your writing. I know that sometimes, the more time you have, the more time you need. Nature abhors a vacuum and all that stuff.
    I think it is probably a good thing that you are choosing to pull back on the more personal ‘soul baring’ posts – although it makes you feel more like a friend to me – even though you wouldn’t know me if you tripped over me in the street. But then, as you say, all the freaks come out of the woodwork, and only you and yours know what torments these maniacs have put you through.
    Anyway, like everyone else, I want to say that what ever your decisions, I support them – and I guess its good to have some prior warning. 🙂

  19. Aylaleia: that is the second funniest skit in the last 15 years of SNL! LOVE IT! [1st is Schweddy Balls with Alec Baldwin.]
    ————————-
    Mr. Bissell, I don’t like to assume things [make an ass outta myself this way, lol], but perhaps you’ve read Wil’s blog during this past year where it’s gotten away from what he started out doing? I’ve only read for about 2 yrs. And there’s no seniority/ranking system here, so length of time means nothing. But FYI, Wil’s always been very political. As he said, he’s been self-censoring as of late. I don’t agree with Wil on several things, but it’s all good. This is America, after all.
    ———————
    Just like parenting a child [or ones self], if you don’t like what’s on the TV/screen/radio/WWdN/etc… don’t watch/read it. Very simple. [Too simple for those that ragged on you for cancelling that appearance, apparently. Yeesh!]

  20. Let me just congratulate you on coming to a very tough realization. I’m a coder, video editor, CG artist and musician, and I do all those things because I love them, not because of the money.
    I find that when you work your ass off and get very good at something, there’s an endless parade of people who expect you to work for free…well…because you “love it and don’t do it for the money”.
    Unfortunately I’ve allowed my passions to become my fast track to bitchhood.
    It’s funny that when I charge serious money for my services, the arrangement always goes well. But when I *GIVE* my services away, somehow I always come off the asshole.
    For instance, last year I donoated $32,000 of my professional time to a “friend”, building a networking layer, logic layer and a few game implementations for a massively multiplayer game framework that would work with PCs, consoles and cell phones at the same time. I built a first revision, had some great breakthroughs, and delivered him a sweet-ass demo of a racing game and blackjack game that worked with a Direct3D client, a Java client, and a Palm cell phone client. All he had to do was demo for investors and raise money. When I told him I was quickly running out of money and needed to do PAID work, he revoked all my shares and smeared my name around town as an unreliable deserter…STILL BAFFLED AT THAT ONE.
    It really is my fault though, so screw ’em all. I’m not bending over anymore, and there’s something very gratifying about knowing that it happens to other people who work their asses off to become good at what they do.
    Thanks for posting this…

  21. I think it is wonderful that you are going to put your family and yourself first. I have enjoyed your blog and am grateful that you have graced us with your wonderful talent but, I totally understand and support your decision. Good for you. I look forward to more books by you and wish you all the success in the world.
    Also, I don’t always agree with you politically, but I do always respect your opinions. I hope to see more of them “uncensored”. I hope you recover from your illness swiftly. Thanks again.

  22. I think it is wonderful that you are going to put your family and yourself first. I have enjoyed your blog and am grateful that you have graced us with your wonderful talent but, I totally understand and support your decision. Good for you. I look forward to more books by you and wish you all the success in the world.
    Also, I don’t always agree with you politically, but I do always respect your opinions. I hope to see more of them “uncensored”. I hope you recover from your illness swiftly. Thanks again.

  23. Well, we’re 120 comments in, and I’m going to go ahead and be redundantly redundant. Fuck the whiners. I’ve been in a situation where it’s either your health or you life, i.e. stop what you’re doing and take care of your health or keep going and drop dead in a week. Anyone who calls you unprofessional or complains in ANY way abot you taking YOUR LIFE more seriously than THEIR ENTERTAINMENT is a complete and total fuckwad. I made the very same decisions this winter when my health was dangeroulsly low and I found myself doing stuff thta just made me worse to try to keep the money coming in. I realized some clients are just not worth the toll they extract from me, regardless of the pay. Sometimes you have to fire your boss/client.
    And you made the right decision. I come here because I find you to be a cool guy with some interesting things to say when you feel like sharing them, not because I demand a daily performance. If you have to blog less to increase the quality of your life, do it. If you feel you’re not adding anything to conventions, and feel drained by them, drop them. If people bitch and moan about your column, then you just have the wrong audience, that’s all, so take it where it’s APPRECIATED.
    Not too long ago, I had a potential customer call me up, and ask various legit questions, and I did my best to answer them. Then I got a hum-dinger: “How do I know you’re not a scam?” That stopped me dead in my tracks. I replied, “Frankly, ma’am, you don’t.” She replied, “Can I talk to other customers of yours?” With my new attitude of ‘me first, not last’, I said, “No, you can’t. I have a number of clients who are very happy with me because I provide them with the services they need without pretense or bloated bills, I’m honest, and I don’t bug them or annoy them. I’m not about to let them be bothered on my behalf just to gain one more. You wouldn’t like it if I let potential customers call you every day to grill you, and neither do my current customers. If you feel you want the best service in the area for the best prices, call me back. But I’m not going to risk what I’ve earned so far to calm your nerves. That’s something you’ll have to get on your own. Thanks for calling,” and hung up. I never heard from her again. But Friday two of my customers contacted me nearly at the same time, both wanting my services, and both needs haev led to them wanting more than they originally did, which is good for them and me. I am glad I turned her away, because I don’t have any unhappy customers, and I don’t have a potential timebomb of a nutcase waiting to go off and damage my name and hurt my customers.
    You have the same thing. Several good opportunities you like, and that can also support you, without added stresses of trying to please everybody, which no one can do. usually when bloggers have epiphanies, they’re lame. Yours was a true life-realization moment. You’re a better, healthier, happier person for it, and so far, hundreds of commenters are better prople for you having shared it. Thanks.

  26. Three cheers for self awareness…ummmmm, and three more for one of the greatest TV shows of all time…
    …I will not be pushed, filed, stamped, indexed, briefed, debriefed or numbered. My life is my own…
    That’s about 70% true in my case…the U.S. Air Force dictates quite a bit of what I do with my time 😉

  28. *hug* *slaps back of your head* About freakin’ time, Wheaton! 😉
    Rock on! *metal* & get your Life on! *big cheezy grin*
    As for the haters: isn’t it nice how they reveal themselves in your time of need? Makes clean-up easier. *gives ’em the boot* Besides, didn’t you figure out the dark side of the net from the monkeybox? tsk. You must’ve forgotten! 😛 Anyway, as I’m sure others have said: the creative monkey & pragmatic monkey are really one & the same; letting creative monkey “go wild” periodically helps pragmatic monkey do his duties. You’re a writer, remember? 😉 Enjoy!
    p.s. you need to take that “kind of” out of your blog heading. You *are* a writer!

  30. After quitting my stressful high-tech job because it had seeped into my every waking moment, I definitely understand the need for a clean slate and a reset on what it is you’re spending time on. After a couple months off, I’m back in the same field now, but with major boundaries, the ability to say no to assignments, and the ability to not check my email in evenings and on weekends. Is this something we all have to learn in our early 30’s? 🙂
    The only thing I have to say is, stop appologizing for it! You write like you’re upset about how we’re going to be disappointed. So what? Any good person should be happy that you’ll be able to have a better life and write more good stuff for us to read. Any other person should go take a flying leap and find somebody else to obsess over.
    The only thing I would have been sad about is if you stopped blogging altogether. But even that would have been completely selfish because your stuff is just fun to read, and if you weren’t getting anything out of it, I’d say you should stop that, too.
    Good for you!

  31. Wil, I’m glad you’re feeling better, and I don’t have any problem with the decisions you’re making (and it wouldn’t matter a whit if I did). Best of luck reorganizing.
    And I’m very, very impressed with the way you casually used “bears” and “shit in the woods” in the same paragraph like that. Very slick. Almost looked accidental. 😉

  32. Anyone that could possibly be offended by anything you’ve said here seriously needs to FOAD, or at least get a freaking life. Do what you need to do, for those you love that love you. Anyone that doesn’t get that is just a prop.

  35. As I read this entry I can totally see why the changes you are making NEED to be made, Wil. I look forward to the stories, as a fellow writer I depend on reading real works from professionals so that I can learn more. I can also see what you mean about the blog turning into a personal account of your daily life, but to be honest, sometimes we write those things because we need to purge that info for a reason. Embrase it when you feel the need to be personal, and keep it personal when needed. We all love a little “personal” from you sometimes, just ignore the freaks that emerge. 🙂
    As far as your family, mainly your stepsons, you are totally right to fight for more time with them. They will be flying out of the nest soon enough, and you do not want to miss a thing right now. Be happy in what you do, and many kudos for realizing how to make yourself, and your family, happier. You are obviously a devoted Husband and Father. 🙂 I wish you much peace happiness.

  36. just in case you’re really incredibly bored or in case you’re hoping this is another in a set of 10 to erase one of those negative emails —
    about damn time, dude.
    wil, man, i love your blog. i loved just a geek. you know what? i love your work as aqualad, as gordie and i loved your work as wesley too.
    but you know what? that doesn’t really matter all that much. i’m one monkey among many – and for your life, you’re the monkey that matters.
    dude, every one of the things you wrote in this post was spot on. this is your blog and you should be doing what you want with it.
    sure, i’ve been getting a massive dose of wheaton every day by reading the archives and i’m gonna be sad that now that i’m almost caught up, the current-time postings are probably going to be coming slower. but so what? you don’t write this blog expressly for my happiness any more than i write my blog expressly for anyone else’s happiness.
    dude, you rawk. please take care of yourself, and, as someone else said when you announced the trifecta, good god, man, don’t pull a jim henson.
    enjoy ryan. enjoy nolan. enjoy anne. enjoy ferris. enjoy your frickin’ life, man, and screw anyone who tells you otherwise.
    think about this: you posted this last night and by 7 a.m. central time there were well over 100 posts encouraging you and congratulating you. that’s a lot of good monkey mojo. that’s a lot of affirmation that you’re on the right track. and you know your monkeys might just be tempted to remind you to stick to your guns, man. 🙂
    meanwhile — i was wondering where the political posts were, man. bring ’em on. i ABSOLUTELY love what you say about if life were a bar, the U.S. would be a drunk waving a loaded gun. (but don’t forget that most of lation america and canada get pissy when the U.S. tries to ‘claim’ all of america . . . somewhere, one of my former students is probably reading this comment and snickering loudly).
    \M/
    rawk on
    peace,
    ender

  37. Personally, I’ve missed your political musings.
    btw, have you considered contacting The Huffington Post to see if you can be a contributing columnist?
    I think you’d do great there!

  38. oh fer cryin’ out loud – lation america??? when did laos become part of the americas?
    *sigh* i meant latin america. grrrr. argh.
    this is what i get for ‘correcting’ anyone, especially wil.

  40. Hi Wil. Long-time reader, first-time caller…
    There’s not a lot I can add to the comments already posted other than to say be strong. Never lose sight of the destination.
    Add another vote for more political rantiness, please.
    Be well.
    MJE

  41. I could just say “ditto,” but I’m never so brief.
    Anyway, it’s your blog, your time, your life. You do what you need to do to keep yourself and your family happy and healthy, and we’ll be happy for you and for whatever you decide to share with us.
    Glad you’re feeling better.

  42. Wil,
    I get up and walk my dog EVERY morning and the best part of my day is the time I spend with my husband and my daughter. I think its great that you want to reclaim a piece of your life as your own. If people don’t get that, screw ’em. You deserve your privacy and time just like the rest of us!
    Sandra

  43. Wil:
    Boy! This sounds really great! It’s so easy to lose yourself to everyone else in this town. In this country, in fact. You do need to do what is best for you, your family and your life. I’m behind you 100%!
    Wow! You must be getting well at lighting speed! I would have thought that you were drained after just 25% of this entry! I’m glad that things are getting better. REMEMBER THE DOCTOR’S WARNING ABOUT YOUR SPLEEN!!!!!
    🙂
    Scott

  44. Wil:
    Boy! This sounds really great! It’s so easy to lose yourself to everyone else in this town. In this country, in fact. You do need to do what is best for you, your family and your life. I’m behind you 100%!
    Wow! You must be getting well at lighting speed! I would have thought that you were drained after just 25% of this entry! I’m glad that things are getting better. REMEMBER THE DOCTOR’S WARNING ABOUT YOUR SPLEEN!!!!!
    🙂
    Scott

  45. Wil:
    Boy! This sounds really great! It’s so easy to lose yourself to everyone else in this town. In this country, in fact. You do need to do what is best for you, your family and your life. I’m behind you 100%!
    Wow! You must be getting well at lighting speed! I would have thought that you were drained after just 25% of this entry! I’m glad that things are getting better. REMEMBER THE DOCTOR’S WARNING ABOUT YOUR SPLEEN!!!!!
    🙂
    Scott

  46. Yay for the return of Political Wil! And don’t mind the Trolls, if you were here to impress everyone you’d be a ClearChannel affiliate. Looking forward to whatever, and whenever you post – and the future writings that will come from it. 🙂

  47. Way to go, Will! I’m glad to hear that you’ve recovered from your illness. It certainly sounds like you’ve been putting the time that you were out of commission to good use by getting your priorities in order.
    I always enjoy reading your blog, and can’t wait to see what you’ve got coming up. Make sure that you continue to keep both monkeys (sex and cash) happy.

  48. I just wanted to say thank you for the honesty. I think you are very wise Wil, to do what you need to do. Life is too short to not be true to yourself. Not that you need any validation from me…a complete stranger, but good on ya!

  50. More power to you — and it sounds like that’s exactly what you’ll be getting. Thanks for giving us a taste of what’s to come.
    Feel good, man.
    “Happiness is equilibrium. Shift your weight. Equilibrium is pragmatic. You have to get everything into proportion. You compensate, rebalance yourself so that you maintain your angle to the world. When the world shifts, you shift.” –Tom Stoppard
    (Also from Stoppard, perhaps relevant — “It is a defect of God’s humor that he directs our hearts everywhere but to those who have a right to them.”)

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