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50,000 Monkeys at 50,000 Typewriters Can't Be Wrong

les amoureux

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I’m still in Vegas, probably until Tuesday or Wednesday. Even though I’m out of the Main Event, I’m playing in a different tournament on Sunday, and at least one more WSOP event on Monday. I went downtown tonight for a late dinner at Four Queens with several of my friends from PokerStars (I’m without wife and kids in Vegas, if I didn’t make that clear before).
As I often do, I told my cabbie that if he got me there quickly, I’d make it worth his while . . . and seven terrifying minutes later, he dropped me off at Freemont Street. I had about 15 minutes before we were set to meet, so I went into Binion’s to walk through the poker room, and maybe soak up some history. I paused at the wall of champions, and kept my mouth shut when two frat guys came up behind me, and one declared that he could “beat the shit out of” every player on that wall, because he was so good online. “Yeah, you do that,” I thought. I wondered if I’ll see them at the pool tomorrow.
I walked around the satellite area, toyed with the idea of signing up for the 2am tournament, came to my senses, and turned around to go to dinner. On my way out of the casino, I saw a man and a woman in a lounge. A half-empty bottle of wine sat on the table between them. A common scene in any hotel, except . . . he was an Elvis impersonator, dressed in the jumpsuit. She was a bleached-blonde in a spaghetti string top that was having a hard time containing her rather large breasts. Her hair was teased up almost a full twelve inches above her head. They smoked cigarettes while they drank their wine. They were both in their late fifties, and she was in a motorized wheelchair. I am not making this up.
I made a pistol with the thumb and forefinger on my right hand, and shot them a wink as I passed. They smiled and raised their glasses.
It could have been my imagination, but I’m pretty sure I heard the man say, “Thank you. Thankyouverymuch” as I walked out of the casino, and into the sweltering July night.
Only in Vegas, baby. Only in Vegas.

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9 July, 2005 Wil

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careful with that stack, eugene → ← it means nothing, it means everything

16 thoughts on “les amoureux”

  1. Kristen says:
    9 July, 2005 at 2:00 am

    As I often do, I told my cabbie that if he got me there quickly, I’d make it worth his while . . . and seven terrifying minutes later, he dropped me off at Freemont Street.
    Do you really do this? Does anyone really do this? I’m such a crappy newyorker, cause when the cabbie gets reckless I ask him to slow down please, I ask him to be careful please. I haven’t taken a gypsy cab ever, really, cause I know they don’t have medallions. What kind of weird 1942 ethos am I perpetuating (clinging to, really)?!
    I made a pistol with the thumb and forefinger on my right hand, and shot them a wink as I passed.
    Oh you so did not. Tell me you so didn’t. Oh please, Wil, tell me you didn’t give someone the Gotcha look. Cause right now I can’t stop giggling in my pre-Soviet-disintegration boots and buying strudel.
    Good god, go to bed, boy.

  2. UrbanChaos says:
    9 July, 2005 at 3:28 am

    Wil,
    If anything else, you have the mojo… the cards werent hot, at least while in the WSOP, but I certainly wish you all the game needed for the tourney you play…..
    That old couple… HE HE HE…. Rich baby, rich, and I totally am so thinking, this guy has balls…. its all about the mojo…..
    The couple of punks behind you… oh, how If I were you, they would have been on the floor, the arrogant fucks…. but you the better man, and cooly just laughed it off. AWESOME!!!
    I wish you all you hope for.
    ~Peace

  3. Mynna says:
    9 July, 2005 at 4:30 am

    /chuckle
    Thats pretty damn amusing.
    I’ve never considered myself a vegas girl, but it sounds like you’re having a blast 🙂
    Sorry to hear ’bout the main event, they’re loss, eh :). Much luck to you sunday & monday and any random games in between.

  4. Merrick ap'Milandra says:
    9 July, 2005 at 4:50 am

    Either you’re getting better or these last few incidents are more intense.
    It’s been a long time since I’ve read anything that made me physically shake with anticipation.

  5. Quincey says:
    9 July, 2005 at 5:52 am

    That is pretty darm funny, Wil. Those are the kinds of things that make me grow as a person when I travel. Gotta love it!

  6. Ana Marylee says:
    9 July, 2005 at 8:40 am

    If you’ve got time to spare, go sit in the front row of Speed @ The Sahara. Just don’t close your eyes. It’s so worth the wait.

  7. Gonzo Granzeau says:
    9 July, 2005 at 8:46 am

    Thank you Wil. The scene you’ve described with Elvis? Now I really want to go to Vegas. Cause you’re right, only in Vegas.
    You have my mojo until further notice. Those were some pretty bad beats.

  8. VeronicaKnight says:
    9 July, 2005 at 10:15 am

    Ah. Frat boys. How very…unappealing. Was I just the odd girl out, or was I joined in my dislike for fratboys? It’s been seven years since my college experience but then AND now, Pittsburg State University has the dubious reputation of being one of the top drinking college’s in Kansas only around here, the fratboys tend to slip mind-numbing drugs into the drinks they pass out to girls. Rape charges were flying around Pittsburg like mosquito’s. Cleaned out one entire frat for it. Only one’s left were the president and the vice president. Yeah, like they had no knowledge it was going on. Let’s all say it together…”MY ASS”.
    The couple must have looked so cute! (i just happen to be listening to a little less conversation) I’ve seen Vegas at 35 thousand feet, but not upclose.

  9. Kai says:
    9 July, 2005 at 10:43 am

    I don’t gamble, and most of your poker posts go way over my head, but I would kill to go to Vegas just to see people like that.
    I made a pistol with the thumb and forefinger on my right hand, and shot them a wink as I passed.
    Corny, but what else can you do in a situation like that?

  10. porkerella says:
    9 July, 2005 at 11:12 am

    That’s so bad-ass.
    I made a pistol with the thumb and forefinger on my right hand, and shot them a wink as I passed.
    Funny as hell. I’ll bet you made their night.

  11. fred says:
    9 July, 2005 at 11:23 am

    Elvis, Elvis, Elvis.
    Why no love for The Amazing Colossal Man? A 50’s icon who made a brief but memorable trip to Vegas, but now is totally ignored.
    The costume cost for an Amazing Colossal Man impersonator? Nothing. Just dumpster dive for some canvas for a loin cloth and you are good to go.
    And yet one never hears “Guess who I saw in Vegas? The Amazing Colossal Man himself. He was eating plate after plate of Chili Fries. Swear to God. Wish I had my camera.”

  12. FirebrandThriller says:
    9 July, 2005 at 2:54 pm

    HEY WIL!
    I saw you playing this time around. I live up in the Summerlin area so I am near by. I used to be in San Francisco, but the culinary industry is big here (oh yeah) so I moved here, unfortunatly I have had some bad circumstances come up recently, and I have been out of work. A previous roommate stole my car, and about $200 cash, and when he was caught, I pressed charges, and he was thrown in jail for grand theft. When I got my car back, his friends (who were neighbors aparently) retaliated, took bats to my car, broke into my apartment and even though I gave much of them a good beating, some with nice deep cuts (Thank you 4 years of Aikido!), there were 8 of them and only 1 of me. I am lucky to be alive. I think they heard the police arrive because someone called after hearing them destorying my car. So they bailed before they could do anything more.
    So as of today it has been just over a month since I had previously been in the hospital under induced coma for 2 out of the 3 weeks I was there with a minor subdermal hematoma, 4 broken ribs, a cracked jaw, and a partridge in a pear tree. (I still have my humor I guess)
    Well anyways, 6 weeks later, here I am and the bones have nearly healed, the brusing is about all gone, and I am in minor pain, but have HUGE doctor bills and no longer have a job (they can fire you here aparently even if you are out for medical reasons). That means I have to sell my now beat up car (insurance wouldn’t cover all the damage because it was considered vandalizim, and aparently thats not covered with this policy, but they will cover the claim I made for damage when the thief wrecked it in a tree and was found drunk out of his mind, so basically I get punished for being honest. Jerks), my projector and screen for TV and movies (sold), and my baby, my PC. 🙁
    I was at the hotel applying for a position when I remembered you were here in town playing, so I went to see if I could find you, and sure enough there you were. I suppose you were listening to your ipod at the time. Not sure. But I didn’t want to interrupt your concentration. Later after I applied at the HR office, I saw you in action for a bit. You have an interresting poker face.
    Anyways, I thought I might come here and comment a little and maybe post a link to my computer for sale at e-bay that I am using to pay for medical costs. It is at http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=5215739338&rd=1&sspagename=STRK%3AMESE%3AIT&rd=1
    I understand if this isn’t good and inapropriate. But I am a real person, not a spam bot. I just wanted to let everyone know who might be interrested about this. It is a gaming rig, built for power and overclockability. It currently has windows XP on it, but I usually have dual boot linux. This time around though, I had a new HDD, and just put windows on there.
    Just go and see the e-bay posting if you happen to be at all interrested.
    Anyways, the vicodin dreams a callin’

  13. exoticagypsygurl says:
    9 July, 2005 at 6:23 pm

    Well, did you make it worth his while for the cabbie? Was it “really” worth his while? Or worth YOUR while?
    XXOO
    a cabbie’s daughter

  14. nicole says:
    9 July, 2005 at 6:46 pm

    You know what they say, what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas….

  15. Robert C Seifert says:
    9 July, 2005 at 8:32 pm

    Ouch! I feel your pain. The only difference that I always lose my ass in vegas. Terrible luck. Better luck next time!
    RCS

  16. GirlNerfHerder says:
    9 July, 2005 at 11:48 pm

    People watching. Las Vegas.
    It doesn’t get much better because eventually you will see everything, everything!
    First visit was in ’88, I think. Wedding of my Aunt’s daughter…
    The bride was nervous, the groom dressed in his Naval best, sister of bride slips a lude into bride’s glass of nerve-calming wine which, within 15 minutes, turns bride into a wobbly-legged giggler nearly lighting the groom and pastor on fire (candle ceremony) and between the many, many luded-up “I love yous” the bride gets a little frisky and grabs her groom’s right butt cheek and hangs on to it for what seemed an eternity.
    The guests were polite, nobody laughed…though many were crying and clearly in pain (controlling laughter is painful.)
    I knew then Las Vegas was going to be an interesting place and I hadn’t even seen the sparkly lights.
    Enjoy the remainder of your stay and thanks for the pre-bedtime laughter.
    LM

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