In a field of 6,000 entrants, the best player in the world might generously be a 1,000-1 dog to win. After 40 years against those odds, that player would have a mere 4 percent chance of having won the tournament once, and it would take 700 years before the best player would have a 50 percent chance to have won.
— Paul Phillips, in Slate.
I just got busted from the 1500 NLHE event at the WSOP today. I know that we want guys to play K-4o when we’ve got pocket jacks, especially when the flop misses him and gives us a straight draw . . . but we really don’t want him to river a king to suck out on us, and leave us so short-stacked that we push on the button with AQ and get called by AK in the Big Blind. (As a side note, I can’t fucking believe that I’ve lost to K-4o twice in two tournaments, when I got my money in when I was ahead.)
So I’m back at my hotel, looking down onto the pool area where I’ve spent so much of the last few days. Even from the 24th floor, I can see the be-thonged beauties floating in the pool, inches away from children splashing in waterfalls. Cocktail waitresses walk around, doing a job that is probably much harder and less fun than their customers think. The longer I look down there, the more I’m tempted to put on a Think Geek T-shirt and head down for a beer . . . but simply tilting my head up a few degrees puts the Rio squarely in my field of vision, and I can’t help but feel like a complete loser.
I’m ready to go home.
seventy-two hours earlier
Pauly and I found Otis and told him the bad news.
“Did you play smart?” Otis said.
“I think so,” I said. The numbness of busting out began to wear off, and I started to feel sick to my stomach.
“That’s all you can do, man,” he said.
“I know.”
“But knowing that doesn’t make it feel any better, right?” Pauly said.
I shrugged my shoulders. I didn’t want to be a baby — I did my best, and I wasn’t going to cry about it. But, I felt sick to my stomach because I felt like I let PokerStars down. They put me into the tournament, and I couldn’t even make it past the third level.
The three of us talked for a minute, until my cell phone rang. I saw Anne on the caller ID.
“That’s my wife, you guys. I’m going to talk to her and get out of here.”
“Okay, are you going to stick around?” Pauly said.
I picked up my phone. “Hold on,” I said, and turned back to Pauly and Otis. “I don’t think so. If I stay, I’ll call you guys and maybe we can have a beer . . . or you can have a beer and I’ll have a hundred.”
I shook their hands, and made my way through the tables.
“Hi,” I said.
“So what happened?” She said.
I told her. We didn’t talk about it, but just making it past the bubble would have been a big deal for us. Money is still very short in our life right now, and I’m thinking about giving up poker for a while until I can figure out if I truly am getting unlucky, or if I’m just a mediocre player who catches enough good cards to overestimate his abilities . . . in other words: A Fish.
” . . . and I’m coming home tonight,” I said. I’d made it out of the tournament area, and walked back into an alcove where other busted players talked on their phones. One guy looked like he was choking back tears. Maybe that guy was me.
Anne sounded surprised. “Why? Don’t you want to stay and watch? You’ve talked about this for months.”
“No,” I said. “I feel like such a total fucking loser, I just want to get home.”
“Okay,” she said. “If that’s what you want to do.”
My cellphone beeped. It was Dan Goldman from PokerStars.
“Honey, I have to go, it’s Dan on the other line.”
“Okay, puss,” she said. “I love you huge.”
She really does, and she knows that for the next several days — possibly weeks — she’s going to have to deal with me replaying every hand, every round of betting, every decision I made during the tournament. I wasn’t a serious poker player when we got married, so she didn’t sign up for this . . . but she endures it very well. Come to think of it, she endures a whole lot of things to be married to me.
“Okay. I love you too. I’ll do my best to not talk endlessly about this for the next month.” We both know that my best effort in this endeavor will yield success approximately equal to my success in surviving past Level Three.
The phone beeped again. I clicked over, before it could go to voice mail.
“Hi Dan,” I said.
“Brad [that’s Otis’ real name] told me what happened,” he said. “I just wanted to see how you were doing.”
I told him.
“That’s understandable,” he said, “but don’t sweat it so much. There will be lots of other tournaments.”
I know that this is true, but I can’t find a way to let the comfort which should lie in this fact penetrate the thick blanket of gloom I’ve wrapped around myself.
“In fact,” Dan continued, “If you’d like, we’ll buy you into the 7pm tournament at The Palms tonight, and we’ll put you into the 1500 No Limit event on Monday back at the World Series.”
“Seriously?” I said.
“Yeah,” he said. “Let’s get you right back on the horse.”
I looked at my watch: It was just about 5:30pm. The blanket fell from my shoulders.
“Okay,” I said. “I would love to do that. Let me just call my wife and tell her that I’m staying.”
“Great.” He said. “We’ll see you over there in about an hour.”
I hung up and called Anne. “You’ll have a great time,” she said, “and I just know that you’ll be able to redeem yourself.”
“I’ll call you later and let you know how I’m doing,” I said. “Thanks for putting up with me.”
“Shut up.” She said. “I love you.”
“I love you too. Watch for cars . . .”
” . . . and don’t get into any fights,” she said.
“Bye.”
“Bye.”
I hung up my phone, and left the alcove. As I walked away, I man in a Bluff Magazine T-shirt passed me. His hands trembled as he pulled his phone from his pocket. He picked up my blanket, wrapped it tightly around himself, and dialed.
to be continued . . .
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Hooray! First poster!
It certainly sounds like you just had some bad luck, but played well.
Tournament poker can be painful.
Don’t let it get you down, Wil. Maybe all you really need is some Monkeh Mojo. Sending it right now 🙂
I am loving the entries….okay, your playing thus far hasn’t been in your favor, but it sure is bringing out the writer in you. Monkey Mojo coming your way…
Don’t beat yourself up. I know it’s easier said than done. Sometimes the cards turn up for you and something the poker gods tell you to bend over and take it like a man. Just give’em the finger and enjoy the experience and chalk up any disapoinments up to “learning exp”. Or fodder for the book you write in 20 years explaining why you’ve become an elvis impersonator 😉
G’luck and have fun 🙂
I could really go for a guinness right now, i need a roveing waitress, or better yet a waiter…
/edit
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this button doesn’t work
they need an edit button for people like me.
That is fanfriggintastic, Wil! I feel like saying good luck but at this point, it’s Monday night so you’ve already at least started at least one of them. But what the hell, GOOD LUCK!!
And above all just have fun. Look around at where you are and the unbelievable opportunity that you have, even if you bust out early. Have a great time!
That is fanfriggintastic, Wil! I feel like saying good luck but at this point, it’s Monday night so you’ve already at least started at least one of them. But what the hell, GOOD LUCK!!
And above all just have fun. Look around at where you are and the unbelievable opportunity that you have, even if you bust out early. Have a great time!
Awesome Wil! Best of luck mate. I’ll send my mojo to Darwin and he can channel it to you. Hope you catch better cards this time.
I know it’s cliche, but my friend always gives me Kenny Roger’s advice before every game.
Ya Gotta know when to hold ’em, know when to fold ’em, know when to walk away, know when to run.
Kick some ass, Wil.
Wil,
Way to get back on the horse! Good luck and all that. Even if you bust on your first hand, we know your discription of it will be great reading.
Lee
Will, man the blanket analogy is fantastic! Abolutely fantastic closing imagery!
And even though your wife *is* a saint for putting up with you, you don’t even realize that she has flaws and that says a lot about you…;-)
Wil, [Warning – Long Post]
Tough luck but, and I mean this with the best of intensions, you didn’t get screwed and you should try not to take it so hard. After all, even if you didn’t get sucked out on on these hands, you had only a small chance of cashing at either tourney. Not because you are a fish, but because there is just too much luck and so many other players. Take, for example your JJ vs. K4o. Sure, you are a heavy favorite, but what does that really mean? Assuming all the money got in pre-flop, you had 2.6:1 odds. EV+ of course – but also likely to send you home? Yup, that too. Let’s face it, if I offered any of the pros the prop that they’d only have to go all in covered 4 times in the tournement and each time it’d be JJ vs. K4o, they’d all take it. But 3 of the 4 would lose. It’s not really that bad a beat (depending on the table situation…alright, the guy might have been an idiot, but he might have just been reading you, incorrectly, for a pushoutable hand).
My point is that not cashing in tournaments, happens to the best players in the world far more often than cashing. Beating yourself up for getting knocked out when you didn’t do anything overtly stupid is just as foolish as going home and burning Super/System because Doyle obviously doesn’t know what he’s talking about – after all, he didn’t make it to Day 2 either. Furthermore, mulling over your hands for the next few months is going to make you a worse poker player, not better. You’ll over-generalize from the limited hands you played at the WSOP (because it IS the WSOP) and that’ll most likely lead you to make bad plays down the road. Instead you need to play some SNG’s and tourneys, re-read some books, and make sure Anne doesn’t regret letting you play poker by seeing you sulk about it. Obviously there’s nothing wrong with being pissed today, but you’ve got to get past it quickly. Or not, But in that case you may want to stop playing poker. Not because you are a fish, but because the negative emotions from the inevitable losing will probably outway the financial gains when you do make a bit of money.
From everything I’ve read on your board, and the PokerStars guys trust in you, I’m sure you are an above average player, even among the WSOP 5600+. Probably near 2000th from the top I’d guess. That’s great, and PokerStars (who are spreading the risk out among many players) are making a good investment. But if you are going to keep playing tourneys, you better get used to losing, and seriously consider whether it is worth it – is what the Writer is gaining in experience, and Wil gaining in Fun, worth the pain? I suspect you can make it so, but only by really working at emotionally distancing yourself from losses…and it will take work. I’m not sure if I’m there yet.
I’ve been playing Hold ‘Em since 96, and I’m pretty good. I’ve only played in a few live NLHE tourneys, but I won one with ~90 players. I mainly play LLHE, but also did some NLHE during 2002-2004. Then I quit. The money I had been making wasn’t much – a couple K a year. It wasn’t going to change my life, so I started getting more and more ambitious, playing higher limits and more tourneys. And I started having short sessions where I would lose $500+. Now, I also had sessions where I’d make $500+, but they didn’t balance. When I won I was *pleased*, when I lost I was *ANGRY*. My wife immediately noticed…she was *not-pleased*. It stopped being worth it, even though I was still +EV when it came to dollars I was -EV when it came to happiness. So I’m taking a break for a year and we’ll see if I can find a happy balance when I start up again.
Just something to think about. I’m not trying to give you a slap upside the head or anything, but I figure the majority of your commenters are going to be (with the best intentions) enabling your self-pity, and I thought you should hear a different point of view. Dude, you got to play in the WSOP for free, Jesus knows your name, hot women are hitting on you, and you are Writing some great stuff about all of it; it is a time for rejoycing – get on with it.
Best wishes, Lou
I think Pokerstars is getting their money’s worth.
Enjoying all the stories.
First of all, nerds are INCREDIBLY sexy.
Believe it.
I’ve always liked nerds, but it looks like that is catching on. And when it really catches on, expect to become a sex symbol. Not that you aren’t one alraedy.
Second of all, I think Lou above has some good advice. Gotta get used to losing in the now if you want to get ready to win in the future. Shit happens. Relax and gear up for your next round.
Third of all, however you do in poker, you’re a blog writer champion.
Much love and mojo.
The only way you could be a loser if you didn’t step up to the plate at all.
There’s no shame in losing… there’s only shame in not even trying.
I have to confess I do not know anything about poker. Having said that……Good luck tonight. I’m really enjoying reading your blog. I love when you talk about your wife. You are very fortunate to have someone who is so loving and supportive. You seem to have a great marriage.
Sending you some mojo,
Jenn
Amazing writing Wil. I’m telling ya…movies are made on less golden prose than what you’re churning out this past week. Hell, even a novel or an eternally geeky graphic novel would be awesome.
Wil, Wil, Wil. Sweet, you’re too hard on yourself. Seriously. You hear that alot, I know. When I hear something alot, I start to believe it. Don’t beat yourself up over something so many others go through with you.
Wil, first of all, I really enjoyed tonight’s post. Your wife must be an amazing woman to be so easily supportive. I wish you all the luck in Vegas, and believe that whatever is meant to happen will happen. Things DO work out the way they’re supposed to. I just hope it’s supposed to be in your favor. Play a good game.
Bro, we all hit bad luck. In the poker world, all a player can do is ride his waves and get ahead where he can. Even an absolute pro loses a few.
You’re not dealing with an absolute skill-equals-winning sport. You can play a game perfect to the very end and get smacked down by a Vegas tourist on a lucky streak.
Stay strong, get your jabs in where you can, and remember that for every valley you’re in, there is another peak just waiting for you to climb it.
James came home on Saturday, after playing poker at a few places, the Wynn, the Sands, the Aladdin, Harrah’s. He was up a few hundred for the trip on poker, but let the slots suck up most of it. (I have trouble resisting all the bells and lights, too).
He spent most of his time at the Lifestyle show, but he did have a chance to peek in at the WSOP. He told me it looked like “a warehouse full of poker players”, and that the chip rattle with that many players in one place was astoundingly loud. . .
I look forward to reading about the rest of your trip.
Wil, before you decide to quit, reread that quote you used as the epigraph to this post. From the looks of it, “name” players were busting out left, right, and center on Day 1; you can hold your head up alongside any of ’em.
Just go over to the mirror, look at it, and say, in your best Governator impersonation, “I’ll be back.” Because you will, I’m sure of it.
I don’t want to fuck up the drama . . . but this story is far from over. I’m not thinking about quitting, and I’m not staring into an abyss, at all.
Lou is right on, and his words actually echo some conversations I’ve already had with myself.
So. To sum up: I’m okay. I appreciate the concerns, but try to just hold on and enjoy the ride. We’re still in the first act.
🙂
Cool!!!!!
Break a leg, Wil!
*Gasp*
Otis’ real name is Brad? Isn’t that like telling me Superman’s real name is Clark!?!?
😉
Glad to hear you’re getting back on the horse. You have an amazing opportunity there to have a great time and learn a lot about your poker game at the same time. I’m glad you’re taking advantage of it. You’ll turn that corner soon and come to realize you’re not a fish. Good luck!
Pokerstars wouldn’t have invested their time and money in you unless they thought you were GOOD. And you are GOOD.
They know you won’t cash in every tourny you play in, nor do they expect you to. Poker doesn’t work that way.
They know you will learn more and improve as time goes on. And you know that as well.
I think poker is 50% strategy and 50% luck.
Personally luck is something I don’t have. Every time I go to Vegas or my local casino, I usually lose, doesn’t matter what I play.
Some people are born lucky, some aren’t. I know I’m not.
For luck you might need to find: box of horse shoes, a rabbits foot, throw salt over your shoulder, find a couple thousand lucky pennies, roll in a field of four leaf clovers…..
…maybe shoot Darwin. Get a Mr. Hanky doll instead. If you can’t find one, you can borrow mine.
“Mr. Hanky, the Christmas Poo, He loves me and I love you”….
(I’ve lost it).
🙂 Kelly
You know, it sounds like a blast. The highs, the lows, the whole bit. Looking forward to living vicariously through the next installment… 🙂
Dear Wil,
Went to 3 Hallmark stores and, regretfully, not one of them had a “Sorry you got ass-raped at the World Series of Poker” card.
However.
Consider the second half of that sentiment: THE WORLD SERIES OF POKER! Sure it’s depressing to get beat, but if you gotta get beat SOMEWHERE . . .
Besides, there’s always next year.
A wise person once told me “When life hands you lemons, grab the tequila”.
Shitty deal that you had a stroke of bad luck dude. But you’re the hottest poker player out there in our books……..
(Besides, that was a PRACTICE run for next year, right?????? lol) 😉
Hey Wil,
I am going to keep on sending Mojo your way! Glad to hear you aren’t giving up. We monkeys do love the drama. Besides, you made a better showing than most. Now for the cliches…A-Hem.. Keep your chin up and remember there is always next time. Don’t dwell on things too much.
No matter what your Monkey Posse is behind you.
Make sure to give Anne a big hug when you see her. It sounds like she has to put up with alot.
“I just got busted from the 1500 NLHE event at the WSOP today. I know that we want guys to play K-4o when we’ve got pocket jacks, especially when the flop misses him and gives us a straight draw . . . but we really don’t want him to river a king to suck out on us, and leave us so short-stacked that we push on the button with AQ and get called by AK in the Big Blind.”
That’s the coolest jargon I’ll always be too lame to understand. :0) All the same, loved Stand By Me and TNG, love your blog, (found it thru bonnie of SW and grrl.com fame), and sorry about your tourney.
Dark Moose out
Cool!!!!!
Break a leg, Wil!
Cool!!!!!
Break a leg, Wil!
Cool!!!!!
Break a leg, Wil!
I know that first paragraph was supposed to make sense, but dammit, it just doesn’t!
This whole series of posts is fabulous, but this one in particular really got to me — especially the part about the blanket of gloom, and how it slid off your shoulders, and how that other guy put it on.
I can’t play poker for shit, and I can’t always recognize good poker play from a distance, but I know good writing when I see it. 🙂
Superman’s first name wasn’t Clark… it was Calel.
(And wasn’t Otis that bumbling fat guy that tormented Lex Luthor in Superman I?) 🙂
Hey Wil,
Congrats on the getting to play in the poker game. I feel bad that I have not commented on here in a while. Like you, I have had more things come up. I told myself today that I was going to post a comment. Talking to myself…going loony I think! It’s great to see you are having fun. If anyone deserves it, you do. You have been through so much, and you need a big break. Have a very safe trip home, and Have a great rest of the time there. The very best to you always!!
Best of luck Wil.
You wouldn’t be a geek if you didn’t overanalyze everything. I love your poker posts – you put us right there with you.
I have to say that your writing just keeps getting better and better and better…
I mostly don’t care about poker in general, to be honest. But because you’re such a great writer, I really can’t wait to find out what happens next! Yay for Anne being so cool and supportive.
Much monkey mojo to ya, kiddo.
I know it sucks pooh, but the writing is great, I can hear the sounds of the casino and smell the chlorine of the pool 24 floors below. Keep it up.
I’m not going to write any stuff about luck or variance or “you’ll get them in the long run” or whatever, because those are things you know.
Right now, I’m sure, you feel emotionally like a “loser.” But you aren’t. And here’s why.
First off, you are a lot better at poker than you think you are. You’ve already impressed a number of people with your very analytical thought process and considered approach to the game. And I’m clearly not alone in thinking this…if PokerStars is staking you to enter these tourneys, they don’t think you suck. They think that you have enough skill to get them exposure, and, consequently, bang for their buck.
Secondly…you aren’t anywhere near the peak of your potential. There’s so much more that you are going to encounter and understand about no-limit, and you are smart enough that you will be able to digest it. You are really just at the beginning of your journey here.
Third…you have access to Paul Phillips. (At least I think this is the case.) I don’t think there’s a person I’d rather be able to talk to about NL hold’em tournaments than Paul. The man is one of the elite few who understand the game inside and out and might be the only man articulate enough to help you understand.
And fourth – you are getting put into tourneys by Pokerstars. This is just insanity EV wise.
You’ll be sitting at a table with some champagne and cash soon enough. It’s inevitable.
Will
Wil,
Just remember “Sometimes you get the cards, sometimes the cards get you.” There have been nights where I was playing dead-on, winning nearly all the pots I got involved in, and there were other nights where I couldn’t win with pocket rockets. I even raked in a few hundred bucks (in a 4-8 limit game, no less) when I had 2-7o in the BB (the flop hit 2-2-7, and 3 players ended up with flushes). All you can do is make the best calls you can with all your available information. Calling JJ when your opponent turned out to have K4o was the right call, even if the Poker Gods decided to turn their back on you.
Keep your chin up and look at all the GOOD things that have happened to you recently. You’ve played in the WSOP and WPT (something I would LOVE to do). Hell, ‘Jesus’ even knows your name. Team PokerStars has faith in your abilities enough to pay for your entry into the tourneys. I *wish* I could play well enough for that. Plus you’ve got a wife who thinks you’re the greatest and two stepkids who really look up to you.
I’m 33 (just turned 33 today, in fact), and I don’t have any of those things… I am fortunate enough that I found a good woman. I might be crazy enough to ask her to marry me someday, but I’ll probably never be able to afford (in terms of time or money) to be able to drop down the $10k to play in the WSOP. You’re my hero, Wil 🙂
I know absolutely nothing about poker which means the technical stuff goes right over my head, but once again, I was fully engaged in and intrigued by your writing. Sorry the mojo wasn’t with you this time. But from your last comment, it sounds like you’re in a good place with it. Better luck next time.
I enjoy reading your adventures. i admit, i don’t get half of what you’re talking about when it comes to poker competition… but it’s fun to read, regardless.
Talk about a “bounceback;” it’s impressive how quickly you can shrug off that blanket. Ok, so you busted out again in the end, but, yeah, that’s how you learn. You are relatively new on this scene, and it doesn’t mean you don’t belong here or any nonsense like that. So, keep trying, keep learning, pay your dues, and kick ass in time, if that’s your path.
The stories are great, by the way. Even your simplest narratives carry volumes in subtext. Waiting for the next one…
Forgive me for saying this, but your idea of a bad day is what most of America would consider a good day.
You aren’t out a dime of your own money, and you’re at a nice motel with pretty girls in thongs and waitresses with beer.
There is a time for reflection and learning. That time is “later.”
Be. Here. Now.
You’re letting what should be one of the happier experiences of your life slip right through your fingers.
Be. Here. Now.
“I don’t want to fuck up the drama . . . but this story is far from over. I’m not thinking about quitting, and I’m not staring into an abyss, at all.”
OK, no problemo, Wil, glad to hear that. But now we’re all going to be waiting on eleventerhooks for, as Paul Harvey says, “The rest…of the story.” (Which was probably your intention all along, you sly devil, you! 🙂 )
Good Luck. Gotta say your writing of your poker adventures is great. I don’t know but maybe this is a book or some articles over at PokerStars.
Right now can’t wait for your next post.