do you think you can tell?

The Universe is so weird . . .
I absolutely love the creative experience I have as a writer. I love observing things and recreating them for people who weren’t there. I love it when something very small happens, and I play the “what if . . .” game until I’ve got several hundred words in front of me. I love it when people who have read my books or my blog or Games of our Lives tell me that something I’ve created has touched them in some way (some profound, others merely entertaining, but touched nevertheless.)
When I was in Las Vegas for the World Series of Poker, I was in some weird sort of zone that I don’t entirely know how to explain. I remember that I told a friend of mine, “Yesterday afternoon, The Writer woke up, and I’m just trying to stay out of his way until he says everything he needs to say.” Even though I was mostly writing about poker while I was out there, I still feel that it’s some of the best stuff I’ve written, as far as observing things and recreating them for people who weren’t there go.
But when I got home, The Writer went into hibernation, and it’s been frustrating me. I don’t feel motivated, and when I sit down to write, I’m bored within a few minutes, just about everything I write is forced, and I end up throwing most of it out.
I’ve spent several sleepless nights the last week, thinking about this, tossing and turning, and pacing around the house while I try to figure out what it is that I’m missing. What’s wrong? Why do I feel so . . . listless?
A couple of days ago, it came to me: I miss acting. As much as I love writing, and as much as I hate the bullshit grind of auditioning and all the stupid shit that goes along with it, I miss the joy of performing. Even though I hate the drive down to ACME, and I hate not having free time on Saturday nights, I miss the joy of giving up teh funnay, and I miss being part of that team of great performers. I miss the familiar feeling of eating lunch off the catering truck, having bagels and coffee and breakfast burritos each morning . . . I miss that esprit de corps that I always feel when I’m on the set.
Yeah, as much as I like being a writer . . . I really miss being an actor.
So last night, I sat on my patio, had a cigar, and visualized myself walking onto a set, sides in my hand, kleenex around my collar, make-up on my face, ready to go to work. I saw myself reading scripts and bringing amazing characters to life. When I went to bed, I repeated to myself, “I am a working actor,” until I fell asleep. Whatever. That hippie bullshit is fine, but shit in one hand and visualize in the other, right?
That’s what I thought, too, until this afternoon, when my manager called me with a job offer for a video game. They wanted me to work tomorrow, but I have to go out of town tomorrow morning, so they juggled their schedule and I start recording in two hours. He also had an offer for a movie that shoots next year, and interest from a producer on still another project. Then, about thirty minutes ago, I got a call from an associate of a friend of mine who is a casting director. She offered me a small (one day) role on a movie that works next month!
I did a little dance when I hung up the phone. This just became a very good day.

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108 thoughts on “do you think you can tell?”

  1. I totally understand the “I miss acting” scenario. From ages 11-18 I was a hard core dedicated actor here in Minnesota. And then as I got ready for college I stopped, I wasn’t sure it was what I wanted. And now I’ve graduated and moved back to Minnesota, and I want it back! I missed it. Us actors, we can pretend it’s not what we desire, but as you pointed out, destiny will brin it back to you.

  3. I totally understand the “I miss acting” scenario. From ages 11-18 I was a hard core dedicated actor here in Minnesota. And then as I got ready for college I stopped, I wasn’t sure it was what I wanted. And now I’ve graduated and moved back to Minnesota, and I want it back! I missed it. Us actors, we can pretend it’s not what we desire, but as you pointed out, destiny will bring it back to you.

  4. That’s really sweet! Power of the mind, eh? Hope you get lots more (but not too much because then you’ll be too busy for other things you love). Mucho Mojo for you.

  5. But when I got home, The Writer went into hibernation, and it’s been frustrating me. I don’t feel motivated, and when I sit down to write, I’m bored within a few minutes, just about everything I write is forced, and I end up throwing most of it out.
    Yes, that’s my life in a nutshell. So if misery loves company, how do you like your coffee? Pull up a chair.
    Also into the hippie bullshit so when you started talking about visualizing I thought “NOW you’ve got the right idea, Wheaton.” You willed yourself into work, but like I said I’m into hippie bullshit.
    I’m so happy for you getting all these opportunities. I’ve been reading Just a Geek again and it’s made me think – why don’t you write your own show? You want a show. You have the talent. It’s not unheard of you know.

  7. Wil, I think you’re truly an amazing and talented person. I have so many good memories of you from when I was a little girl. From watching Stand By Me and buying posters of you. I bought “Just A Geek” on ebay two nights ago. I look forward to seeing you on the big screen again some day. Good luck with this video game offer and be sure to let us know how it goes.

  8. Wil, I think you’re truly an amazing and talented person. I have so many good memories of you from when I was a little girl. From watching Stand By Me and buying posters of you. I bought “Just A Geek” on ebay two nights ago. I look forward to seeing you on the big screen again some day. Good luck with this video game offer and be sure to let us know how it goes.

  9. Wil, I think you’re truly an amazing and talented person. I have so many good memories of you from when I was a little girl. From watching Stand By Me and buying posters of you. I bought “Just A Geek” on ebay two nights ago. I look forward to seeing you on the big screen again some day. Good luck with this video game offer and be sure to let us know how it goes.

  11. Oops!!! I didn’t mean to post my message three times. I just registered for a typekey acct and didn’t really know what I was doing. SORRY!!!!

  13. From this hippy (sort of… well, not really, but close enough) beer-lover in Oregon, I send my warmest wishes for your continued success and a silent Yesssssss for the hippy shit has once again made another crap day into gold.
    I tip my Russian Imperial Stout your way and look forward to seeing you on one screen or another.
    Eric in Orygun

  16. I just got to know a new and interesting person, that being Mr. Writer Wheaton. He’s a guy who’s funny, and honest, and cool and stuff.
    But I must admit that I miss that guy that I used to know, Mr. Actor Wheaton. He’s fun to watch and really very talented (despite what some fq professionals /fq might say to the contrary by not giving him parts *snarl*) and also very interesting. It will be nice to get to know him again and I hope that his immediate future is chock-full-a-nuts 🙂
    Good luck, Wil 😀 I hope that you find what you’re looking for and that it makes you happy 🙂

  17. YAY! You sound so happy! I love it when you’re happy Wil. Congrats, I hope you get to do lots more acting soon!

  18. Congrats, Wil!! So, The Writer was taking a break while The Actor made some demands … and after a really good job of self-affirmations and some major mojo, The Actor was rewarded.
    And since most things are rather cyclical, maybe the The Actor’s experiences will provide The Writer with a new book. 😉
    Again, congrats on everything. Mojo to The Man!

  19. You are a charmed creature, for certain. Here’s some hippie bullshit for you: inadvertent manifestation. I’m not ready to sign on with the school of thought that says that thought shapes our reality, but, man, setups like these make me wonder.

  21. It’s about fucking time they come knocking on your door again. I miss seeing you in film and TV, and I don’t think I am alone in that opinion.
    You are a great actor.
    You are a great writer.
    There is no reason that you can’t do both without compromising yourself.
    So go for it.
    🙂 Kelly

  22. Acting again?? That sounds like a capital idea. I for one hope you get into another ACME show so I can come out there to see it. There’s nothing that compares to a live performance for getting that adrenalin-pumping creative energy boost.
    Now that you have linked up with the acting vibe that was waiting for you to put out your antenna and pick up its signal, keep us informed on all of the projects that are undoubtedly coming your way.

  23. Yay, Wil is going to be acting again! You’re a very talented actor, and I hope you can get more work doing it in the future, especially if you want to do more of it. Spaking of you acting, I actually found myself watching Star Trek today, and I thought, aww, little Wil…Hopefully you’ll wear better uniforms and cooler hair in future roles, though.

  24. What you have Found.
    That was a thoughtful post and I read it three times. Writing has helped me so much not that I make much Sense to many but I had an accident a while back Bumped my head took a good hit and still I Think.
    The experiances you have had make you who you are and I see you reaching out to share it. I’ve noticed good cascades everywhere I turn if I look in the right spot and it feels odd to me to have run across your blog when I was letting myself slip and feel sorry for myself.
    I could not just snap my fingers and make things happen but Seeing your site sent me back to when I had the Hots for your Tv Mom LOL sorry! but it let me slip back for a bit to a safer time in my life and thanks.
    I’ve often thought that the public looked at actors as being pampered and working one hour a day cause the show is only that long but there is reality isn’t it?
    I wish you the best of luck and it’s good to have a profession that you enjoy. I love to work and I will continue I just need to adjust to the changes.
    Sorry if I slipped and used real English I hope the Cue ball doesn’t come backwards and smack me in the Forehead.

  26. Wil,
    I just wanted to say 2 things:
    1) I’m glad all those opportunities presented themselves. I guess the adage is true: When it rains, it does indeed pour.
    2) As a music teacher, I feel the same kind of thing you just described. I love teaching and my students, but I miss being a performer. There is something about artists that makes us just crave that good stuff. I love the fluidity of the performance medium-the interaction of performer and audience, and the dynamic nature of music. It’s never the same performance twice, and I, like you, miss the backstage stuff. Just remember one thing-it’s what helps me so much-the Writer in you is an artist, too, and dynamic. Your blog is truly a type of performance, only a very brutally honest one.
    And I, as one of thousands who read it each day, absolutely love it.

  27. Good Luck Wil, seems like you are getting what you wished for in a rapid amount of time. A vid game sounds like a ton of fun!
    hmmm since they are rehashing everything in the movies lately, one can only wish for a Stand By Me 2. hehe! 😉

  28. *grin* I understand your Mr. Writer woes. My design Muse (historic costume) shows up when she darned well feels like it, posesses me brutally til she’s expressed herself, then I’m bereft a while.
    And the Actor/Hippe stuff – similar experience lately. I’m a computer consultant who doesn’t get as much work as she’d normally prefer. Last month I took one contact and was immediately flooded with 20! headhunter calls. If only /they’d/ delay their projects… Ah well, It *does* work – congrats!!!

  29. ‘I repeated to myself, “I am a working actor,” until I fell asleep.’
    Sounds like you may have repeated too many times. Reminds me of the time my math teacher in high school was angry at our class because it was only drizzling snowflakes outside. He told us that it was our half-assed attempt at wishing for a snow day that did it, and to try harder tonight. ‘Lo and behold (what does that mean, anyway?), the next day we had one of the worst blizzards and all got sent home a couple of hours into school.
    Mad props, though, and good luck Boy-O.

  30. I only watch one soap–The Young and the Restless. Don’t laugh. We could see you a lot more were you to join the cast.

  31. Congrats Wil! I don’t know how the “hippie” crap works at times, but it does. Sometimes when you throw your intentions out into the universe with conviction you get paid back in spades.
    Enjoy the day, but build for tommorrow. I for one would not mind seeing you around a lot more. It is time to go old school on those casting guys, haha.

  32. I know I’m just a random net guy, just noise on the line, but your writing about poker actually got me into the game. The way you described the games you’d play, you brought me there, and made me want to see what you were talking about. Just so you know, what you love is effective, and does what you hope it does.

  33. Yay for Wil! I was just thinking today how much I miss seeing your purday face. It’s really awesome. I love your blog. Your such a talented writer but I’ve missed seeing you as an actor. You made my day! Happy belated!

  34. Congrats Wil! Hope ya have a great time on all the jobs and observe lots of new stuff for the Writer to tell us about.

  35. Speaking of Stand By Me, (one of my favs)… as I was watching it a few days ago, I had this daydream type of fantasy that I thought would be so cool.
    If they did an update on the film, and recast the role of Richard Dreyfuss with WIL WHEATON. I mean, no shit. Wouldn’t that be so cool if WIL played the part of OLDER GORDIE reflecting back. To hear older and all grown up WIL talking throughout the film, and to see him in the beginning in the car looking at the newspaper, and then at the end typing on the computer with his kid nagging OLDER GORDIE to take them somewhere.
    I can only daydream of it happening, as they would never go for it, but I think it would be so cool.
    Just a silly daydream I had, but I needed to share it with someone.
    KICK ASS WIL, and HAVE FUN DOING IT WIL!!! MORE PARTS ARE COMING YOUR WAY. I CAN HARDLY WAIT.
    🙂 Kelly

  37. That rocks. There’s nothing like having a passion and having that passion fulfilled. Did the acting thing for 9 years, so I know what it’s like when the good news rolls in.
    And don’t worry about the writing. As they said on Six Feet Under the other night – Everyone has fallow periods. It lets the ground rest for the next growth spurt.
    Rock on!

  38. Hey…38% of those surveyed can’t be wrong. Producers and directors must have seen your ratings! Have fun and don’t be too hard on the few peeps that drive you nutzoid. Many are professional complainers that cause more trouble for you than you can do to yourself (You may know the type). Just keep up the great work, have fun, and put your boxers…err…uhh… I mean your HEART into it! (Oh GREAT! Now I am worried if Nolan is going to pick up your “unique” habits for HIS Birthday)Anyways, A Very Merry UNbirthday To (Almost) All!      -Dusty

  40. Maybe it was the other way around – the universe had some acting gigs lined up and it made sure you were receptive. Funny to think either way.
    You are a wonderful and inspiring writer. Best of luck in the future.

  41. Hey Will. Enjoy your blog, and the book was good too.
    I don’t get one thing though.
    1) You’re an actor.
    2) You’re a writer.
    3) You have lots of contacts / friends etc in ‘the biz’.
    4) You’re crapped out by the way you get treated by ‘the biz’.
    To me, it sounds like you’re in the situation many people are – work for an employer and be told what to do, or say screw it and work for yourself.
    A poster above said it – write your own show.
    Star in it yourself. Get some of your out of work actor buddies to fill in the roles.
    Hell, theres no doubt loads of (probably out of work too) techies around to do the filming – you could even cam-cord it initially.
    Release it yourself, on your site – post it to some bit torrent trackers. I for one will dl and watch.
    ^^^ dont really see a downside – especially if you start with something like your trek comedy sketch or even something totally original
    If cost of entry is an issue, do it audio – podcast it… whatever – you’re a talented guy you’ll figure it out.
    imho creative people have all the cards – thats why the business/beaurocrats try to keep control – they dont have shit without the content!

  42. I don’t know if this will really help you out but check out:
    Through The Wall
    She’s a pretty talented writer and training Triathlete. This post is about doing the things in life that you “burn for”, what your soul craves.
    It meant a lot to me, thought it might to you as well.
    Enjoy

  44. Wil,
    Congrats on your awesome day.
    I think we all have SOMETHING that we do that gives each of us that sense of purpose, that wonderful feeling of self-satisfaction when we’e doing it well, and that peaceful feeling of being in the right place in the universe.
    For me, it’s writing software. I do it for a loving, but it is like playing a game every day. Nothing feels better than when I “nail it” and turn out an elegant solution to a tricky problem.
    But, like everything else, sometimes you have periods where the internal mental machine is recharing. Captain Kirk is calling for more power, and Scotty is still strapping dilithium crystals into the engines with duct tape, chewing gum and some unfolded paper clips.
    Have fun with the opportunties that popped up yesterday. NAIL IT!

  45. Way to go Wil! Break a leg! Here’s to many more acting gigs coming your way. I for one enjoy seeing you act. In fact, Stand by Me is one of my favorite movies of all time. Funny thing, the other day while my husband and I were watching TV his comment on the show we were watching was “You know, they should have gotten Wil Wheaton for this.” Anyway, your posse is behind you. Never under estimate the power of Mad Monkey MOJO!
    Peace,
    Michaela

  46. As someone who was music performance major/theater minor in college, and has a few operas under her belt….
    but is now a programmer..
    I sooooo understand where you’re coming from. I love working with computers. I’m perfectly happy being one of the few, the proud, one of the female geeks.
    But that doesn’t mean I don’t love music any less. Or even that simple act of treading the boards while no one else was around, just to get that feeling, that feeling of owning it.
    I am still a musician, I can still act… I am still a musician, I can still act..
    You don’t have to be a one-trick-pony. Heh, even my horse had many career paths she liked. So do I, and so do you. If you wanna act, then go and act. The one talent feeds the other. 🙂

  50. Awesome Will!!! Proves the saying “never underestimate the power of positive thinking”!!! I’m psyched for you and can’t wait to hear (okay read) about all these fabulous roles.

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