to raise, perchance to fold . . .

What a piece of work is a man! How noble in reason! how infinite in faculty! in form, in moving, how express and admirable! in action how like an angel! in apprehension how like a god! the beauty of the world! the paragon of animals! And yet, to me, what is this quintessence of dust? man delights not me; no, nor woman neither, though, by your smiling, you seem to say so. &mdash Hamlet, II.ii

Dr. Pauly and I sat beneath a cloud of smoke that had drifted from the craps table, over the velvet rope, and into the “smoke free” poker area. We drank scotch and talked about cool poker nicknames.
“I don’t have one,” I said, “really.” I folded a hand I call “Michael Jackson,” which is any Queen with a little kicker.
“They should call you ‘Hamlet,'” Pauly said. He flashed me The Hammer and raised.
“Why?” I said.
“Because your kings always get killed.”
It was folded around to him, and he folded face up.
“HAMMER!” He shouted. The locals were not amused.
We laughed and laughed, clinked our glasses, and laughed some more. Life was good, we were young, in Vegas, and kicking the shit out of the locals in the 4-8 Hold ‘Em game at the Plaza . . .
I just had my unbeaten streak of PokerStars SNGs snapped . . . when I had kings.
It went like this: Kings in middle position, with two limpers. So I raised it up to 5x the BB, and four players stayed to see the flop. I wasn’t very happy about playing my kings in a multi-way pot, until the flop came Q-6-2 rainbow. I figured one of these guys paired his queen, but figured I would have been re-raised pre-flop if any of them held QQ, so I was pretty sure I was in the lead.
An early position player made a very small bet, it was folded to me, and I popped him back about 3x. It was folded to the BB, who immediately went all-in. I figured that he didn’t have a set, and put him on AQ, or QJ. (It was very unlikely that he had KQ since I already had the other two kings, but even if he did, I was still ahead.) He had me covered, so I called for the rest of my chips . . . and I was moderately happy when he turned up QJ. “Hooray for my great read,” I thought. “Now here comes the Jack.”
Sure enough, he caught a jack on the turn.

Gordinio: shows [Qd Js] (two pair, Queens and Jacks)
Wil Wheaton: shows [Kh Ks] (a pair of Kings)
Wil Wheaton said, “doh”
Gordinio collected 2700 from pot
Wil Wheaton said, “nh”

I had a great run there for a little while, including a few times when I was way behind on the flop, and made runner-runner to suck out when I really should have lost. Meh. That’s poker.
So the bad news is that I had to put a little -22 in my log book . . . but I think the nickname is official now, and Hamlet is just about the coolest nickname I think a guy could ask for (since, you know, Jesus is taken, and all.)

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86 thoughts on “to raise, perchance to fold . . .”

  1. shewhobeatsass:
    No, you don’t have to pay anything to sign up with PokerStars. Keep in mind that PokerStars.com is the site that allows you to bet real money, and PokerStars.net is a play money only site. However, either site will allow free play.

  2. Ok folks:
    Wil puts this stuff up ’cause he thinks it’s cool. We read it because we think it’s (and he’s) cool. If you don’t like the poker stories, don’t read them, or just don’t read the site any more. There’s no reason whatsoever to try to tell him what to write; I’m sure there are lots of blogs out there that don’t ever talk about poker if you’d rather read them instead.
    Poker with friends/co-workers went pretty well for me when I played a couple of weeks ago. Early on, I was one of the two underdogs at the table; we had about the same amount of chips. I started with AKoff. I bet hard, only one person called me. Flop came AAx. My opponent went all-in, and I called. He had A8. I won it on the King kicker.
    After that boost, I did pretty well. The hand that fatally wounded my stack was one with the hostess; I had a good hand, but she got a straight on the river. Ah well.
    [Sorry if the poker lingo is off; I’m slowly starting to pick it up.]
    I think an organized WWDN game on one of the on-line sites would be fun.

  3. ‘Hamlet’ is a famous brand of cigars in the UK, certainly a Wil thing.
    Other suggestions would be ‘The Traveller’ or maybe ‘The Gunslinger’ in recognition of, well, you can all guess what.
    First post, archives all read, work suffering!

  6. I can’t imagine walking into someone else’s party and bitching them out because they didn’t have enough Guinness. Give me a break, okay?
    Poker and Guiness … sounds like a winning combination

  7. I agree with Craig, and it has nothing to do with wanting to kiss ass or whatever just because Wil is a celebrity. All the fq famous dude /fq bullshit aside, he’s just a guy with a blog and as ‘Just A Guy With A Blog'(TM) he can write about whatever he damn well pleases. I realize that everyone has a right to their opinion but when the opinion does nothing but a)hurt someone’s feelings or b) makes you look like a prick then chances are it is one you should keep to yourself.
    On a lighter note, I played another tourney last night and came in…are you ready for it?…SECOND!! that’s right, I’m number 2!
    Oh, ok well that didn’t sound good…
    But I was though! 4th tournament and I placed 2nd out of 45. I am so into playing a WWdN tournament if one ever materializes! 😀

  8. Oh look… another poker post. They have support groups for things like this you know.
    Posted by: Nutmegger at August 23, 2005 05:51 PM
    Nutmegger: Sorry to direct this to you, but your comment is the one that broke the camel’s back. I’m getting really tired of people complaining to me about poker posts. I like poker. I like writing. I like putting those things together. If you don’t like it, nobody’s forcing you to read it. I can’t imagine walking into someone else’s party and bitching them out because they didn’t have enough Guinness. Give me a break, okay?
    Posted by: Wil at August 23, 2005 06:12 PM
    I laughed when i read this Wil – I was going to type the same thing.
    It’s just that, well, you wouldn’t want all of us to have to come over and do a poker intervetion now would ya? I KEED!

  9. So Hamlet,
    I’m wondering if/when you’re going to go on Celebrity Poker Showdown. Or maybe you’re not that into being on TV again… who knows? =) I’m watching the lamest episode of Celebrity Poker right now, featuring Omarosa and four people I’ve never seen in my life. A minute ago, Omarosa won with a flush, and she didn’t realize she had won (over trip 8s) until the announcer told her she had won. I think they need someone with your expertise and healthy love of the game to perk it up a bit. Just a thought. Keep having fun with the game!

  10. hermes501: A couple of years ago, TPTB from CPS told me that I “wasn’t a big enough celebrity” to play on their show . . . based on the players they’ve had since then, I don’t think I’ll ever get to play with them. 🙁
    HOWEVER: my friends at WPT told me that if they ever do more Hollwood Homegames, they’ll give me a chance to play, so I can redeem myself after my donkey-tastic episode last season.

  12. Hey CyberChas
    thanks that helped – I think I’ll have play it to get it down
    now just remembering what all the terms mean when I see them – hey, I bookedmark that site so I can look up now.
    Anyone setting up a learners game??

  13. I’m so frightened of real poker and you speaking in tounges doesn’t help Wil.
    I did win $200 on a video poker machine the other day though

  14. I really think that you need to take your luck over to Noble Poker this week. All month they’ve had a promo giving a million dollars to the first person who can win 7 SNG’s in a row. Very fishy over there, and they are giving away a 100% bonus. But I’m sure Pauly’s already pressed this upon you.

  15. Anyone who doesn’t know how to play poker, and who owns a game console (PS2, Xbox, GBA), pick up a copy of World Championship Poker. It’s inexpensive, and will give you a useful introduction to the game, though its AI is doubtful at best. The Xbox version lets you play against other people on Xbox Live. I think the PS2 version lets you play online also, and works with the EyeToy camera.
    I see that the developer is creating a sequel, World Championship Poker 2 featuring Howard Lederer. And another company is bringing out yet another console poker game, STACKED with Daniel Negreanu. And official World Series of Poker and World Poker Tour games are also forthcoming. There’ll be plenty of opportunities for console players to learn about poker without risking a dime.

  16. For everyone who is unfamiliar with poker, but is somewhat interested; a good book for *absolute* newbies is “The Intelligent Guide to Texas Hold’em Poker” by Sam Braids. It teaches the absolute basics, but not much more. Afterwards, some must-reads are Dan Harrington’s “Harrington on Hold’em,” Phil Hellmuth’s “Play Poker Like the Pros,” and Doyle Brunson’s “Super System.” Mike Caro’s “Book of Poker Tells” is indispensable. You all wouldn’t be here if you didn’t like to read, so dig in; Wil’s posts will be that much more meaningful. Most sites have play money options, if you’re not comfortable putting real money on the table. The interfaces differ from site to site, and I personally have found that PokerStars is the smoothest.
    Very much looking forward to the WWdN tourney. It’ll be pretty cool to have a nerd-only tournament, for once. 🙂

  17. Ok.. my first comment ever.. dont be a dork… dont be a dork.. umm.. Narf? Oh and Heh Hamlet sounds like a cool name only problem i have is wasn’t he poisoned in the end

  18. Just discovered this blog a few days ago, Thankfully! I’m a writer and a fan and have already bookmarked this page and wasted lots of time at work. I don’t play poker but I’m enjoying reading about it.

  19. When the site gets redesigned, can I suggest a new section in the FAQ for poker explaining some of the shorthand you use, Wil (I can understand about 80% of it)!
    I suspect Bravo has not contacted you for “Celebrity Poker Showdown” as that show would be the only 30 minute episode in the series, with the losers’ lounge getting full quite quickly.

  20. I think the poker discussions are great fun, and hearing about somebody else’s horrible poker train-wreck always makes me feel a tiny bit better about mine.
    What I love about the game of poker is that it is NOT a totally cerebral game like chess. I play chess, but the fact is, in chess, you HAVE to be either a tiny bit better or a tiny bit worse than your opponent, or it quickly stops being fun. If you are MUCH better or worse it is terribly boring for both parties. In poker, that simply isn’t true — even the dumbest fish will “draw out” (get a really lucky break that statistical odds say shouldn’t happen) on you and take your chips.
    The other thing about poker is that it is a game of more than just math and memory — it is a people game. There are moments in high-stakes poker where you are playing everything BUT your cards — you are playing your chip strength, your opponents chip strength, your position at the table, and your knowledge of the other players personalities and patterns of play, and only looking at your cards so that they THINK you are playing your cards. There is really no other game with so many different facets.
    Plus, as they say about No-limit Texas Hold’em, it’s like hunting, where your prey can suddenly start shooting back.
    Charlie L
    Portland, OR
    [email protected]
    Played last night in a 33 person tournament and came in 3rd. Had a shot at 1st but badly mis-played A-9s. Learned new things to improve my game, though.

  22. Am I the only one who went to the wikipedia site and saw there was a Klingon translation of hamlet? THought it was funny
    By the way as to the debate oabout poker, I admit that I was thrown off by the sudden explosion of nothing but poker talk and actually hadn’t been checking in her as much. But strangly I had a dream that I randomly met Wil and didn’t have anything to say to him cause I hadn’t been keeping up. What I’m trying to say is, what everyone else has been. We can’t decide what he blogs about cause he blogs about what he wants to. Just keep an eye out for the stuff your interested in and ignore the stuff you don’t want to hear about..
    And after all you should have brought your own guiness if that’s what you wanted… or somthing like that.

  23. sorry, i know this is Wil’s site and he can post about whatever the heck he wants. but since it seems to be an actual debate now, i figured i’d sign up and post my two cents…
    i tend to agree with the anti-poker folks. not because i think wil shouldn’t post whatever he wants, just that it’s boring and doesn’t make any sense. i tried following some of those links to understanding poker lingo, but i really have no interest in learning all those terms.
    i guess maybe my point is, even though i’m not an actor or an author or a step-dad, or a D&D player, i could relate to all those things because of the accesible way that Wil wrote about them. wil, you made those things applicable and understandable. poker… not so much.
    really glad you’ve found something you enjoy and are so successful at it. but i’ve found that it’s more difficult to read your site or relate to you since you got really into poker. not that that has to be the point of your site — it is, like i said, yours. just some feedback, is all.

  25. So, Wil…
    If your pocket kings were heads up against Phil Ivey’s AQ, would you BOTH lose?!?
    😀
    Keep the poker talk coming. Your fellow people-in-need-of-support-groups are enjoying it.
    Aloha

  27. Hamlet? I like it.
    I think I coined one on pokerstars.com tonight. I call it the “Van Patten” – it is when a pair of 8’s are enough to win (Eight is Enough) The rest of the room wasn’t as amused as I was.

  28. Huh. I was playing a $20+2 tournament this evening. My dad phoned while I was holding cowboys, and they didn’t hold up against A-K offsuit. Had I been paying attention, I might not have lost the hand, but I might have anyway. Maybe I can take Lannister as my nickname….
    I was close to the money, too, and my stake was over median. Piss me off.
    And for my two cents, I’d be happy to see the blog go “nothing but poker”.

  29. I’m sooo tired of reading about poker. It makes me sad. I used to read here everyday. Now I click on your link and think to myself – Why? It’s just going to be a bunch of stuff I don’t understand or care to spend the time on. I love your writing, Wil. I just don’t care for so much emphasis on this game. I keep coming back to check, but less frequently.

  30. Personally, as someone who also plays poker, I really enjoy the poker posts. However that doesn’t seem to be that relevant here as a lot of folk appear to be missing the point.
    Wil has a blog, in which he writes about his life right? Poker, at the moment (and probably in the future with his link up with Pokerstars), is a big part of his life so he is bound to write about it here. The man was playing in the World Series of Poker in Vegas last month! Would you have prefered not to hear about it?!
    I’m sure Wil will continue to blog about all the areas that all the poker-blog-naysayers prefer to read about, but give the guy a break and let him write about things that are playing a big part in his life at the moment. Isn’t that why we all starting reading his site in the first place?
    Just my 2c.
    Cheers,
    D.

  32. Doctorlegg: You wrote, “Would you have prefered not to hear about it?!”
    The answer is yes, they would prefer not to hear about things that don’t interest them. The people who go to the trouble of commenting on Wil’s site to say that the topics which interest him are not suitable for him to discuss display breathtaking arrogance … alas, of a type I’ve grown very used to seeing online.
    Folks, no one is saying you have to like all of Wil’s posts, but it’s rude to come to his site and tell him that his deep interests are boring. There are thousands of blogs out there which don’t ever mention poker; perhaps you’d be happier reading one of those.

  34. Hey, Wil – just watched your book reading of “Just a Geek”. Nice work. I gotta tell you though; the part where Frakes tells Dorn “Bill Shatner just shit all over Teen Idol over there…” That’s funny as hell. You’re lucky to have had the chance to work with that group; I could not imagine life without humor. It would be amazingly dull. And insulting, considering the things we say to our friends and loved ones solely in jest. Damn, that would suck; my marriage would be over. Thanks for posting that so we could watch it. You are the i-ching.

  35. Wil~
    Haha, am I a total dork for remembering the site’s birthday? *blushes*
    I can’t believe I’ve been reading your blog for almost 4 years….
    Sure, I know nothing of POker, but I’ve watched it on TV when you’re on, and TRY to understand what you’re talking about… =D
    No matter what, your blog still entertains (and even educates) me, and is the only one I faithfully read.
    Here’s to many more years of WilWheaton.net!
    Jeannette
    PS I think I have some poker chips around here somewhere that you can have to decorate your cake! ;D

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