It’s just a dream he keeps having
And it doesn’t seem to mean anything
It’s just a dream he keeps having
— Wilco, Summerteeth.
A former WWdN reader wrote me earlier today, and told me that he’s not going to read my blog any more. He was very kind about it, but he said that he’d just lost interest, and missed the stories I used to tell.
He voiced some of the things I’ve actually been feeling myself when I look at WWdN recently, and it made me feel sad. So I wrote him back, and told him that I honestly understand how he feels. I’ve recently been culling all sorts of material out of my blog for the new books, and the last few months are fairly boring, especially when compared to the older stuff.
Part of it is that I don’t have the time or creative energy to tell stories like I used to, and part of it is that I’ve really got my hands full with the pod people. A BIG part of it is that I just don’t feel comfortable living my life as an open book anymore. The Internets are positively filled with total fucking wackos, and I’ve got a family to think about, you know?
Part of it is that the aspects of my life that I’m willing to share just aren’t that interesting right now. My voice agent since I’m 7 unceremoniously dropped me over the phone, via my manager, without so much as a phonecall to me. (That’s Hollywood for you.) So I have no agent right now. I’m considering literary representation, but that’s a slow process with a steep learning curve for me. My manager is waiting for me to put together a new voice reel, and a new theatrical reel, so I can get new representation, (which we know will be pretty easy) but quite honestly, I don’t know how excited I am about the prospect of starting up the soul-crushing audition process again.
Until I figure out what I’m going to do about acting (beyond the couple of jobs I mentioned awhile back), the writing, and I get a handle on the parenting, I’m positively loving playing poker for PokerStars. I’ve finally found some people to work with who I genuinely like, and who take great care of me. I’ve never been happier, as far as business relationships go, and since that’s what I’m mostly doing right now . . . well, that’s what I’m going to write about. I moved most of the poker content to CardSquad mostly because I can earn a little bit from Weblogs, Inc. when I post there, but also so people who don’t want to read the poker stuff here don’t have to. But since that’s mostly what I’m doing, well, you do the math.
Anyway, at the end of the day, I have to figure out why I’m keeping a blog. It’s certainly not because it’s going to help my currently-non-existent acting career, and it’s not because I need or want to maintain any sort of “fan base.” Those are the reasons typical celebrities keep their publicist-penned blogs.
It’s not because I’m getting rich off of this, either. I mean, look, I could fill this place up with ads, and probably earn enough cash each month to make blogging on WWdN a full-time job . . . but I don’t want my site to become a billboard where the content is secondary to the advertising. When I finally have time to redesign the whole site, I think I can go back to accepting a very limited number of BlogAds, but that’s a little way off, and it’s not a guarantee, anyway.
If anyone wants to know why I started this blog, read Just A Geek (you know, that Star Trek book you’ve heard about, but can’t find in any bookstores because Star Trek books don’t sell?) It’s pretty well-covered in there (and much funnier when you hear me talk about it in Teh Audiobook. Sure, there are publicity aspects to it: It’s also a good way to let people know when I’ve got a show coming up, or a personal appearance, or a new book, or whatever.
But now? I think that I keep this blog because it’s a risk-free creative outlet with no deadlines. I can write about whatever is on my mind. Sometimes, that’s great, but other times . . . well, it’s not so great. Such is the nature of our lives, right?
So I don’t know what the future is. I don’t know what, or how often I’ll be writing here in the near future. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to return to the Golden Days of WIL WHEATON dot NET, when I felt a real tight sense of community, and I had the time and energy to heavily interact with everyone who showed up to read my lame blog. I agree that a lot of what made WWdN great has fallen away in the last eight months or so, but my life has also changed a lot in the last eight months or so. And since WWdN is a reflection of me, well, what you see is what you get.
Well, this has turned into some random late-night ramblings, that’s for sure. Hooray for the goddamn insomnia. I doubt this would ever make it past an editor . . . but isn’t that the point?
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Dude, the poker stories brought me here, but I stayed for everything else. Just keep up what you got going on now. It’s good stuff, really.
Sad.
It just struck me as sad.
I think the pure volume of the response to this blog entry says it all. People are reading your blog. But, blog for yourself. it’s a meditation, and it’s a creative outlet. You can try things on, and it doesn’t matter as much — but when you get it right, it rocks.
Personally, I am one of those who miss ‘the old days of WWdN’, and while I respect your decision to make it all a little less personal — it’s exactly that personal touch that brought me to your blog in the first place. I like to hear what’s making you tick, and you still let it out every once in a while. I guess ‘Pod People’ will do that to you.
I do have to say that I’m completely bored and lost with the poker stuff, and instead of threatening you with ‘oh, I’m gonna leave’, I just choose to skip those posts. It’s what you’re into right now, and it brings you joy, and you’re not alone in your interest for the game. I am wholeheartedly for your enjoyment of it, and keep on rockin’, especially when it means earning money for those who suffered the wrath of Katrina and the poor planning of this administration. Just, if you can, try to break it up a bit for those of us who have no idea what the hell you’re talking about. How’s that D&D game going? 🙂
So, yeah. times change, moods change, styles change. Keep with it, however. The blog has been good to you, and will continue to be good to you. You’re a permanent fixture on my copy of NetNewsWire, even if I hit space through half your posts now :).
Hey Wil…
Don’t you just love late summer and fall? I have found (well since becoming an ‘adult’) that this is the time of year where I start to reflect and prepare myself for new chapters.
I am going through a similar process myself with wanting to ‘update’ my life and move forward. I’m feeling horribly stagnant and that is just not me.
There’s just something about this time of year… I wish I could put a finger on it. All I know is this is the most profound change I’ve gone through in a while.
***As a side note- I want this huge change in my life, but sometimes wonder why it’s not happening fast enough for me, when will I move forward, basically WHEN WILL I GET OUT OF THIS CRAZY TOWN I LIVE IN, blah, blah…
About a year ago I taped a quote from you blog onto my computer…When I start to get anxious I repeat it to myself…
“If you are specific about your goals, and put yourself in a place where your good luck can do you some good, the universe will absolutely conspire to make your dreams come true.”
Your Mom told you that, and I have made it a mantra of my own. I will also share it with my son one day when he’s facing his own decisions.
You have done a terrific service to yourself (I’m sure) with you blog and to us readers.
I know you’re not quitting… Just know this… Your blog is enjoyable and your work is appreciated. (How corporate did that sound?)