I played in event number eight of the World Championship of Online Poker yesterday. It was a rough outing for me, thanks to a couple of suckouts early on that put me on the short-stack for pretty much the entire time I played.
I live blogged it at CardSquad, and wanted to share the final update with non-poker-reading WWdN readers:
3:45 PM – Ryan is doing his homework on the iMac across the room from me. I just took a look at all the players who are still in, and it looks like I outlasted everyone on Team PokerStars.
“Hey, I outlasted everyone on Team PokerStars,” I told him.
“See? You are a winner!” He said.
“Unless you’re thinking in terms of the actually-having-something-to-show-for-it kind of way,” I joked.
“Wil! When I played baseball, you always told me that no matter if I won or lost, I should always do my best and feel good about at least playing,” He said. “So why can’t you do that?”
“Holy shit. He was paying attention when I told him that stuff, and it made it into his sixteen year-old brains. I think I’m going to cry right now.”
“You’re right,” I said. “Thank you for reminding me. I do feel like a winner.”
But I didn’t tell him why.
As a parent, all I want to do in my life is help my stepkids make good decisions, and hopefully develop into kind, compassionate, caring adults. A big part of that is teaching them to care less about the results of something, so they can enjoy the experience of doing it. This is entirely at odds with the parenting they receive when they are not in my care. It feels so good to know that my influence, which so often feels invisible, shone through a little bit yesterday afternoon. Poker is fun and all, but I could have won the whole thing yesterday, and it wouldn’t have come close to how I felt when Ryan spoke those words to me — words I wouldn’t have heard if I hadn’t “lost.”
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This reminds me of the attitude I try and have when playing Halo 2. Since I suck so badly compared to virtually everyone else that plays the game, I count any game where I don’t finish in last place as a “success.” And, even then, my “success” ratio is only around 50%. (You can check this for yourself if you want.) But I don’t let it stop me; I just go try again…keep doing my best and having fun, no matter what happens. And that puts me light-years ahead, I’d like to think, of the kiddies that brag about being a level 35 or whatever.
Don’t it feel good when a plan comes together?
Kids are the best. That is a terrific philosophy you are passing on..one I hope too as well. My daughter is only 2 1/2 so I have a long time to go (and hopefuly not mess up) with teaching her values.
I wonder – do their other parental units read your blog? I guess it could make for some interesting lessons for them/him/her.
Hello Wil, this is my first attempt at commenting on a blog entry of yours, although I’ve been reading them with great interest for some time now. The main reason that I’ve been attracted to your site is the friendship that you’ve shown my son recently. I just wanted to say that I admire your view of what’s important in life. Your priorities are very similar to what my priorities were/are while raising Chris and his sister. Keep up the good work, both at home and with your writing.
Life is good.
Thank you so much for sharing this, Wil. I know you’ve been hesitant to share too much personal stuff lately, but stories like this are what keep me coming back. And I teach, so I know how rare and precious those glimmers are–those moments when you find out that something you’ve said has actually sunk in. Awesome.
That’s definitely one of those rare “feel good” moments I had once in awhile when I was still teaching high school. You’re giving them sound advice, Wil *applauds* Good for you, and even better for them! 🙂
I got a similar feeling from my 5-year-old son a few weeks ago. He has a tendency to give up when things get challenging, such as certain parts of a video game or when words in books become hard for him to read. In fact, I’ve been pretty worried about his attention span in general. The other day, he saw me getting frustrated with a video game. He said, “Daddy, if at first you don’t succeed, try, try again.” It felt nice to hear that come back to me from his lips.
The title of this blog entry says it all. The important thing is that you know which ones are the things that matter. We all just need a little reminder now and then, and don’t it feel good when we get it?
That is so cool. Isn’t it awesome when our kids are ‘proud’ of us? I don’t have any of my own but I’m in a similar situation to you. My husband has 2 sons (Alex 12, Ryan 11) from a previous relationship and this last weekend was our weekend with them. Yesterday afternoon, I was watching you play while I played a tournament of my own. It was getting down to the wire (the ‘wire’ being 4:30pm cst when they have to call their mother to make sure she’s home when they get dropped off) and there were still 3 of us at the table. I told them they might have to use my cell phone because I was still in it. So with my husband and my two step-sons looking over my shoulder, I proceeded to win the tournament I was in. They were so happy for me, that when they called their mother to say they were on their way, one of the first things out of Ryan’s mouth was “Kathy just won a poker tournament online.” Didn’t even say hello first. (their mother and I do *not* get along). That was really cool.
Kids pick up the most surprising things. You think you’ve lost all influence when they get replaced by the pod people, but seeing that something of the normal, loving child you had before they appeared break through the surly surface is the greatest gift.
Oh and BTW – I just about spit my Diet Coke across the room last night. My kid’s were watching TV and one of them told me to look up (I was reading a book) and there you were – animated you anyway on the show they were watching. Was it Family Guy? Or the one after it? They both had Patrick Stewart on them so I was having a hard time making a distinction between the two. Anyway, they saw Star Trek cartoon and knew I wouldn’t want to miss it.
I got a “geez, mom, calm down it’s just a tv show,” but it was worth the laugh.
Thank you, Wil. As a stepparent of 2 teenage girls (yikes!), that was probably the best description of what a stepmom like me ist trying to accomplish.
That’s awesome. I definitely would have cried. It’s funny how the most amazing moments with kids come from the small things. Just from one short comment on your reaction to a game, you get the realisation that he listens and understands and cares about your advice. I can last through months of frustration on a moment like that.
Wil, I’ve seen a lot of comments from parents and stepparents who have really identified with the stories you’ve told. I’m a stepchild, so let me give you the other side of the story.
My mom and my stepdad have been together for almost 15 years. I’m 26 years old right now and I can tell you for a fact that my stepdad has had a phenomenal impact on the kind of person I am today. And it’s because he took an interest in who I was and what I was interested in and took the time to teach me things.
Funny, that seems to be a lot of the things you’ve written about doing with your stepkids, too.
Awww… You should never worry about your kids being kind and compassionate. They’re awesome, and I know they’ll do well in life!
Even those taken by the Body Snatchers (tm?) realize when something’s important, Wil.
Don’t worry about the kids–they’ll grow up perfectly not-quite-normal and be able to focus on the REALLY important things in life.
Awesome. I couldn’t agree more. It’s the journey, non necessarily the destination. Yet we are a country all about “getting results” even if they are half-assed quick fixes that dig a deeper hole… But I digress. You’re doing a fine job. And it was good to see you on Family Guy the other night.
I do not know yours and your stepson’s situation or his with his dad but my ‘dad’ is my stepdad and he came into my life when I was 14. He has been there for me ever since. He even walked me down the aisle. I guess what I am saying keep up the good work!
First time commentator, but I’ve been lurking for a few weeks.
Kids are wonderful. At times, I think we learn more lessons from them than they do us.