It’s been quite some time since we checked in on the blog battle that pits Awesome Good Guys Shane and Wil against Evil Bet Losing Queen of Anti-Awesome and Jesus’ Favorite, Annie.
If you’re new to this epic saga, which will one day replace the Lord of the Rings with its pure epic awesomeness, the short version goes something like this:
INT. RESTAURANT – LATE NIGHT
Shane, Wil, and Annie have finished their sketch comedy show, and are enjoying some drinks to celebrate how awesome they are. Shane and Wil drink manly beers. Annie drinks some lame girly shit. Shane and Wil have an erudite discussion about the complexities of online poker, and the challenges and rewards inherent in blogging.Shane: And that is why, Wil, I feel blogging is both challenging and rewarding.
Wil: That was quite an erudite observation, Shane.
Annie: YOU GUYS ARE TOTALLY GAY AND LAME AND YOU SUCK AND YOU SMELL AND BLOGS ARE STUPID!!
Shane and Wil share a look. They’ve heard it all before.
Shane: Annie, please, don’t make a scene.
Wil: Yes, we bloggers are a refined bunch, and carry ourselves thusly.
Wil straightens his back, and preens.
Wil: Yes, blogging is quite lovely, and it fills me with joy to bring enlightenment and diversion to such a great many people.
Shane: I’m ever so pleased that we are bloggers, old chum.
Wil: As am I, my good friend. As am I.
Annie: OH MY GOD YOU GUYS ARE SO TOTALLY RETARDED! YOU GUYS ARE ALL ‘HEY! LOOK AT US WITH OUR BLOGS!’ BLOG RHYMES WITH LOG WHICH RHYMES WITH HOMOLOVERGAYFACE!
Shane: Annie, my dear, I’m sure you’d be a splendid blogger, if you’d just give it a go.
Wil: Indeed.
Annie: NO WAY! NO WAY AM I GETTING ON YOUR NERD BUS AND RIDING IT ALL THE WAY TO GEEK TOWN WITH A STOP AT THE STAR TREK CONVENTION AND THE COMIC BOOK SHOP! I HAVE MODERN DANCE EXERCISES TO DO, YOU NERDHOLES!
Wil: Annie, I propose a contest of wits and skill. If I win, you keep a blog for seven short days. If you win, I’ll tell you that great secret you’ve wanted to know for so long.
Annie: You mean . . . you’ll tell me your middle name?
Annie clutches her hands to her chest, and swoons. Wil and Shane look at one another, surprised that Annie has stopped screaming, and didn’t imply that they were lovers.
Shane: Brilliant idea, man!
Wil: Yes, I learned it whilst blogging.
Annie: I accept! What’s your contest?
Wil: RoShamBo.
Annie: OH MY GOD I AM TOTALLY THE MASTER OF ROSHAMBO! I AM GOING TO KICK YOUR NERD ASS ALL THE WAY BACK TO THE DEATH STAR!
Wil (quietly to Shane): She’s throwing scissors.
Shane (quietly to Wil): Indeed. She’s as transparent as an rss-scraped splog.
Wil looks at Annie: Are you ready, my most worthy adversary?
Annie: OH YES I AM! I NEVER LOST ANYTHING TO NERDS LIKE YOU!
Wil: Then this will be the most delicious of contests. Ready now.
Wil puts his fist into his open palm. Annie does the same.
Wil: One! Two! Three!
In slow motion, the camera tracks a close up of Annie’s fist as it drops from her shoulder out of frame.
MATCH CUT: Wil’s hand does the same.
MATCH CUT: ECU on Annie’s face.
MATCH CUT: ECU on Wil’s face.
CUT TO: ECU of Wil’s hand. He shows Rock.
CUT TO: ECU of Annie’s hand. She shows Scissors.
ECU of Annie’s face, as it twists from triumph, to shock, to rage, to desperation.
BACK TO SCENE.
Wil: Good try, Annie. I must have gotten lucky when I chose rock against your scissors. Oh well, that’s the way, isn’t it? I’m looking forward to reading your blog.
Annie: Oh god no! I can’t do it! I don’t know how to blog! I’m scared of blogs! I’m scared of nerds and computers and things I don’t understand! All I want to do is modern interpretive dance, and maybe some mummenschanz! Please don’t make me do it! I can’t be like you!
Annie is reduce to a pathetic, quivering mass on the restaurant’s table.
Shane: Oh, dear. Dear. Dear. Dear. This will never do.
Shane takes a camera from his pocket, and snaps a picture of Annie’s shameful display.
Shane: Annie, I’m afraid that if you welch on the bet, I’ll be forced to post this snap of your shameful display on my world-famous blog at www.nickerblog.com, where I look ever so rugged and manly on the masthead.
Wil: Or perhaps I’ll be forced to post it at my award-winning blog at wilwheaton.net, where I can’t blog right now because I’m having too much fun posting at my equally-popular blog wilwheaton.typepad.com.
Annie pulls herself together.
Annie: How did you do that?
Shane: Do what?
Annie: How did you make a link when you talk?
Shane: Oh, it’s quite elementary when you’re a blogger, Annie.
Wil: Yes, quite.
Shane: Quite!
Wil: Quite.
Annie: Okay, okay, okay. You win. I’ll keep my blog. It will be at jesusfavorite.typead.com.
Wil: Don’t you mean jesusfavorite.typepad.com?
Shane: Now, my good man, you needn’t mock the poor girl when she’s down. Give her time to learn.
Wil: You’re right. My apologies, Annie.
Annie: Apologies?
Wil: Apologies.
The camera slowly pulls back from the table, through the window, and into the street. The rest of the storefronts are dark, and only the restaurant casts light onto the sidewalk. A car drives past in the foreground, and we
FADE TO BLACK.
Well, that’s the way I remember it, anyway. Annie has a slightly different recollection of that fateful night, but the details aren’t that important. What is important, is that Annie has kept her blog, even if she doesn’t update it nearly as regularly as she should, and filled it with hilarious visions from her twisted imagination:
While Shane and Wil are busy watching ‘nerdia’ for the 18th million
time today, and planning their poker poopy party in Vegas…Jesus’
favorite is busy plotting her next move.Never fear nerdy Mc Nerd-O-Sins, I’m not scared of your lame threats.
wil writes:
"We’re coming for you, Annie. We have a +3 cape of kicking your ass,
and a scroll of Hawesome. You’d better make your save vs. nerds, or
you’re totally going to lose a level."Ohhhhh……you have ‘+3 capes?’ Is one of them Harry’s invisibility
cloak? Please no. Do you have McGonagles underwear in there too? I’m
sooooo scared. ‘A scroll of Hawesome?’ I have a scroll of ‘REAL ENGLISH
WORDS.’ And oh, what does it say?COMPUTING….
…boo bitty blah blah bicko bicko jabba the hut in your butt deep
pitty peep peep i do podcasts blackey blacky blacky full house double
down i’m in vegas i love wil look at the hookers my name is shane i’m
on hiatus clackity mc nugget pants…
Oh Annie. Oh dear, sweet, lovely, talented, tap-dancing Annie. I tried to warn you. Never bring a knife to a gun fight.
Elbow.
And.
Send.
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wow 🙂 first comment 🙂 nice blog 😛
This was the *last* place where I would have expected the word “Mummenschanz”! Is that word used often in the US? Being German, I’m always intrigued to see where and what German words are being used outside German-speaking countries. Like “Gesundheit”. Or “Angst”. And “Über”.
And would *please* somebody explain to me the meaning of that “Elbow and send” inside-joke? That would be hawesome! 😉
Best.
Ending.
Ever.
You guys are horrible. That was hilarious. I loved Shane’s most recent blog. Anyway, Wil, I am curious to know about the “Elbow and send” thing, too, but hey. I’m having way too much fun reading your blog. My neighbors are gonna start thinking I’m talking to myself. My husband’s gone, the windows are open, and I’m laughing out loud when they know there’s no one here. Now I have to go update my own blog.
Shauna
Even us Ami’s are confused about “Elbow and send,” hdort.
As a US citizen who has spent some time in Germany, I was on the other side seeing many English words “eingedeutsched”
My favorite was for a prepaid mobile phone card literally labeld “Die free and easy Karte”
And yes, I speak fluent German, so the seperation points could be a little confusing for someone learning the language at the time.
freaking AWESOME…
too funny…have you, shane, or annie seen this yet? “we love the chronic what? cles of narnia!” if not, enjoy…
http://www.youtube.com/watch.php?v=zLElfJ9YCh0
OMG, Wil, I totally lose it when I read these posts about you, Shane, and Annie. The only way it could be any funnier would be to be sitting at a Christmas dinner table with the 3 of you, going at it. I’m still laughing my ass off!
So I drop in to wish Wil and Co. a Happy New Year, after winning yet another game of Chez Geek from my fellow ChimaeraCon planners (beginner’s luck), and find myself following a link to a gun fight.
Guys, I hate to tell you this, but Annie S. gets 10 cool points for being a Middle Eastern dancer, as I’m a sometimes ME drummer and wannabe dancer.
Annie, Opa! *ululates and applauds*
Umm, don’t you mean ‘Hawesome’?
You are brilliant.
Mucho kudos to you guys for enlisting the services of the fabulous AJ — literally spilled wine on myself laughing at his contribution to the war. Annie’s a clever one, though…you may have to bring out some more big guns…
I have been following this bet/saga/ in a never ending loop all night. Freaking hilarious stuff. Tell her not to be dissing the Chronicles man. Aslan is on the move.
Wil…
Time for another Book from you…
*The Daily Life of Wil Wheaton*, The How’s and Why’s of My World….
hehehe… Your a great writer, keep this stuff coming and while your at it, Why to I have to keep signing in to Post when I tell it to “Remember me for 2-weeks?”..
Am I that forgetable???…
Cheers,
Keith
The war just continues to get funnier and funnier. I just saw the video on Shane’s site and almost woke the GF up laughing! You and Shane…Annie obviously wants you two (she even said so in the video), what is she going to do if you and Shane go all “Blogback Mountain” on her? Be kind to Annie, she’s obviously trying, and bringing her sister’s blog into it was a decent attempt to rearm after the whole “knife to a gunfight” thing. One other thing: I, too, want to know what the whole “elbow and send” thing is. C’mon, hook us up. Or maybe explain it in the next Radio Free Burrito episode. Happy New Year!
Wil, I almost killed myself watching the gun fight. It was one of the last things I did before leaving the office and kept trying to stifle what I’m sure were boisterous cackles. I told Shane, I think I got internal injuries. Brilliantly evil!
Happy New Year!
That was freaking brilliant. However, it frightens me to think what Annie is planning for a counter-attack. You guys better watch your backs!
Fantastic, Wil. I’ve been trying to work out which of my friends to recommend this to first, but none of them have quite all the life experiences necessary to appreciate all the references.
Think Annie beat you on the telling of the event, but your bit after the script won the prize.
Ahahahiloveit!
Very funny, but what’s with the “elbow and send”?
I was wondering when youd catch up to Annie and Nick. Was beginning to worry.
I still cant dl the flash thingy on Nicks blog 🙁
If you google “elbow and send” and scroll past the fifty million sites that are linked to Wil, Shane or Annie, you will see that “elbow and send” is either a wrestling or karate move. Pretty much elbow the person and send them down to the ground.
…From the sound of it, “Mummenschanz” could be Yiddish, that would explain its occurence…
DrMcCoy
(also German and also intrigued about mutual words and phrases)
Does no one here know what “mummenschanz” was or am I just that freaking old? I guess it they were around in the 70’s maybe and it was kinda a mime troupe thing but with props. I don’t think that really explains it well but I remember seeing it on Mike Douglas. Oh crap, I am old!
Yeah it was a mime troupe. They had notepads on the “faces” and would tear off for a different face. Definitely a 70’s thing. They were on Mike Douglas and on The Muppet Show.
We’re just that old. Anytime you see someone with rolls of toilet paper on their head or wearing a mask of moldable clay, you can thank Mummenschanz. Unlike Shields and Yarnell, they were the mimes you didn’t instinctively want to beat up.
Ziggy! Fancy meeting you here!
(For the rest of you, Ziggy and I met through the “Stargate” fandom.)
Gilder