From time to time, I really enjoy a nice grilled cheese sandwich. Melt a bit of sharp cheddar (Tillamook extra sharp is my favorite, if I can find it here in LA — there’s some embargo which usually prevents anything better than plain old sharp from making it to our stores) and dip it in a spot of French’s plain old yellow mustard before each bite, and I am a happy, happy guy. (I just wrote "man," then erased it. Then I wrote "dude" and erased that and tried "man" again. Then, I wrote "Dennis," which made me laugh really hard. Then I settled on "guy."
So. I’m trying my very best not to get some sort of unhappy cold thing which currently involves a whole lot of coughing and this weird heaviness in my chest. It started after the 5K yesterday, and by last night it required the use of some Advil. Today, I’ve mostly felt like shit, but this afternoon, my body said, "Hey! You there! Old Woman!"
Nah, I’m just kidding. I really want to go into a whole Holy Grail quote-fest, but this entry is already far too silly.
My body said, "Hey, guy, dude, dennis, man, dude, manguy, guymanndude, guy, I want a grilled cheese."
"Whatever you say, Mr. BIllboard," I said.[1]
I grabbed two pieces of the best bread ever, which is called Sheepherder’s Bread (it comes from Trader Joe’s.) Then I grabbed two slices of Tillamook sharp cheddar and shook my fist Northward at whoever is preventing the extra sharp goodness from making its way to my door. I decided that since I’d be burping cheese the rest of the night (gross!) I may as well burp ham and cheese, so I grabbed some ham out of the meat drawer and put it on the bread and closed the whole thing up. Then, I did something really white trash: instead of butter, I sprayed some cooking spray on the pan . . . and on the bread, too.
I know. Gross. Deal.
So I turned on the burner, and began turning this mass of meat, bread, cheese, and cooking spray into the glory which is a grilled ham and cheese.
Until, uh, I forgot to turn the heat down after a second, and the bread charred a little bit.
No worries, I thought, I’ll just flip it over, turn the heat down, and when it’s time to eat this bitch, I’ll do it after-school-1982-style: scraped with a knife into the sink. Yeeeeaaargghh!
I flipped it, turned down the heat, and walked to the dining room hutch to get a plate. When I came back into the kitchen, there was far too much smoke coming off the skillet to be good.
I learned an important lesson: spraying with cooking spray may be easier than slathering with butter, but it burns at a much lower temperature than butter does, which results in an after-school-1979-style grilled ham and cheeese: scraped with a knife into the sink, with most of the cheese still cold and unmelted except at the edges. And the ham is lukewarm too.
Not even the mustard could save it, and I’m burping ham and cheese for nothing.
[1] After the abomination that was last night’s sad attempt to do a tired old parody of My Fair Lady, I hereby announce that The Simpsons has leaped the shark, and harpooned it from orbit. AAaayyy.
Here is a place to order Tillamook cheese online:
http://www.countrycupboardgifts.com/tillamookcheese.htm
The baby loaf has vintage white extra sharp – it’s the best!
Shy of that… there are plenty of Northwesterners who could probably help you out.
Cooking spray? COOKING SPRAY?! Such blasphemy! a good grilled cheese sandwich needs about half an inch of butter on both pieces of breath. And then a bit of garlic salt sprinkled on both sides too. Mmm, mmm!
Wil,
Just when I woke up on and felt kinda crappy, I read your blog and smiled. How can that be? How can a simple but excellent story about grilled cheese make me smile. I don’t know how you do it but I don’t start my day at work until I have checked your blog. Thank you for that. You make my day!
By the way, I’m a firm believer that cheese is the nectar of the gods!
If you want to mix things up a little, try grilled cheese with chopped up dill-pickels inside.
Trust me here.
Wow; you people and your fancy. 99cent white bread, american cheese, and fried bologna. And a beer. Yum.
Tillamook is awesome! Have you ever had the Aged Chedder or the Smoked Chedder?
The smoked is my favorite for grilled cheese. Dip it in some tomato soup. YUM.
sounds like a good sandwich. Also! I picked up your book (Just A Geek) and am looking foreward very much to reading it! (It was a St. Valentine’s Day gift from my girlfriend that showed up late in the mail)
Eugggghhhhhh! hahaha, cheese and ham is icky! 🙂
EAT CROSSIANTS, they are the best.
Oh, come on now! The ONLY way to gourmet a grilled cheese is to burn the hell out of both sides and scrape with a butter knife into the sink. Any After-School-Special-Latch-Key vet of the 70s worth his salt will tell you that. Sheesh. It’s perfection.
Brand of cheese is of no consequence whatsoever.
Who would ever think that a blog about a sandwich would be so damn entertaining!! But ya know, food brings people together…. it is companionable and inspires warm, fuzzy memories – so it’s all good. Of course it has nothing to do with the phenomenal talent of the writer who is so DAMN FUNNY!!! I could actually picture you standing at the sink, scraping the burned bread….
I hope you feel better real soon, Wil. Thanks for such a great post…. (plus I got a whole bunch of new recipe variations to try with an old favorite… thanks again.)
You’re utterly insane, Wil. *hugs* Yay! Loved the Monty python-ness, loved the Simpson’s reference, LOVED!!! the cooking spray and cheese tirades. That’s why you’re my Geek King! Hilarious blog, really made my day all happy and gleeful-like. I no longer feel like a cat being beat against a wall by an old crone. (aaaaaand also stopping the Holy Grail love fest)
I think it’s awesome that so many people have opinions on grilled cheese sandwiches. I personally think the way to go is Velveeta or American on white bread – ham is good but optional. Ketchup is a necessity. And, Wil, I too hope the coughing/sickness passes quickly.
This, dear boy, is why I do not cook grilled cheese. I would, in all likelyhood, kill someone/somthing in the process.
Plus, my mum makes the BEST sandwiches. ever.
Like a few of the comments before mine, I’d like to offer my services as your cheese pimp 🙂
Mustard? Strange. Very strange.
Nothing but H.P.Sauce in this manor, Squire.
H.P.Sauce
The H.P. stands for “House of Parliament” (it’s English).
Wil:
Honestly, a grilled cheese sandwhich is very easy to screw up. I have found that cooking sprays are good for only one thing…eggs. Go with buttering the outside of the sandwhich in addition to the pan, low heat and tinfoil coverage. 2 minutes on medium heat, and patience,will solve the problem. Love the site…keep up the good work!
The glory of the grilled wasn’t just on your brain, my good man. I was moved to discuss my grilled cheese sandwich (my g.c.s.!) the day before:
http://chris-walsh.livejournal.com/83145.html
I was using two kinds of Tillamook myself. (And by the way, when I replied to my friend’s comment, I was picturing the pie-eating contest in “Stand By Me,” heh heh…)
A query off topic:
Can anyone tell me where the phrase “leaped the shark” (I’ve also read, “jumped the shark”) comes from? And what exactly does it mean?
I figured here was the safest place to display my ignornace. 🙂
Comfort food is a simple mozzarella grilled cheese sammich with a bowl of tomato soup. But now I’m ready to expand my horizons and move into the unknown territory of grilled cheese sandwiches made with something other than mozzarella. Yum!
To Magdala – please don’t feel ignorant… or at least don’t feel alone. There are several references on this site that are over my head – but I attribute it to my age and lack of coolness…. or nerdness. Anyway…. if I’m not mistaken, leaping or jumping the shark is derived from the episode of Happy Days when Fonzie was water skiing and jumped a shark. It was a desperate attempt by the show to elevate their ratings and resurect the once popular sitcom. The effort failed and Happy Days continued to go downhill. Now when a show is running out of material and produces something really lame, they have reduced themselved to “jumping the shark”. At least thats what I’ve heard it means….. maybe there is another reference that I don’t know.
Its good to know I’m not alone in being a cheese populist. I ‘m currnetly shredding cheese to make burritos, but for the life of me I don’t know what kind of cheese it is. Of course I don’t think cheese has brands in Japan.
As for jumping the shark I don’t know where it came from but it definitely means something that has worn itself and is no longer cool. I’ve never heard leap the shark. The place where I first saw it used was ESPN’s the sports guy.
Thank you for helping me waste a little more time I didn’t have 😉
Anyway, if you’re shopping the Trader Joe’s on Lake, I would highly, highly recommend making a 2 block journey northward and getting your bread at Wheatberry. It may not have that thickness that is so critical of the grilled cheese sandwich bread varieties, however.
I’ve had good luck shopping for cheese at the LA farmer’s market, but it is a bit far unless you’re in the area and want to stock up.
Keep up the monkeyshining…
I have loved just a plain old grill cheese sandwich for years! There is no comfort food any better than that. Everybody has their own version.
Not sure about the mustard, Wil!
Hey Wil,
Solidarity, brother.
You may not know this, but just 13 days ago, us sammie-loving food bloggers from around the globe celebrated our first annual Cheese Sandwich Day with a http://kalynskitchen.blogspot.com/2006/02/cheese-sandwich-chronicles-3cheese.html“ rel=”nofollow”>multitude of posts, all rejoicing in the glory of the mighty cheese sandwich. We embraced this not just as an excuse for an old-fashioned and gooey lunch, but as a movement; bringing together three grand traditions: cheese, blogging, and the slapping of something squishy between two slices of bread. (And yes, ham variations were allowed, as were sandwiches of the open-faced variety.)
And now here you are, with your own brilliant contribution to this joyous occasion! The cheese blogging citizens of http://www.belly-timber.com/mt/archives/2006/02/_damn_time_mach.html“ rel=”nofollow”>Gastroblogia salute you!
I have loved just a plain old grill cheese sandwich for years! There is no comfort food any better than that. Everybody has their own version.
Not sure about the mustard, Wil!
I have loved just a plain old grill cheese sandwich for years! There is no comfort food any better than that. Everybody has their own version.
Not sure about the mustard, Wil!
I have loved just a plain old grill cheese sandwich for years! There is no comfort food any better than that. Everybody has their own version.
Not sure about the mustard, Wil!
Gotta love the Tillamook cheese! If you and Ann need an Oregon care package, drop a line. We’ll hook you up!
Great, thanks Wil. I got home last night and my whole being was saying “grilled cheese, grilled cheese”. All I had in the house was muenster cheese and Wonder bread. And for 51 years, I’ve been cooking on an electric stove and now I have gas… which I’m so not used to. So, yes, it was kinda burned on one side. It was ok, but I think I need to go to Norm’s for a three cheese grilled cheese.
And I’m not sure about the mustard.
Wil, if you were a Sim, you’d have burned the house down by now. 😉
To alicein1derland–Thanks for the etymology for “jumping the shark.” Ironically, I remember seeing the _Happy Days_ episode that gave us the phrase; now I’ll always have a clear visual when I hear that phrase. 🙂
My husband is from the UK and goes on and ON about grilled cheese with HP sauce (or worchestire). I haven’t had the nerve (or the avialable points on my diet) to try it, but your post brought back fond memories of my dad’s cooking…if mom wasn’t around to cook dinner, he did. And if it wasn’t Campbells soup laced with cut-up hot dogs, Green Slime (hamburger, cream of mushroom soup, and green-beans served open-faced on toast), it was grilled cheese…and it was the one thing my brother and I always hoped for. I still can’t eat hot-dogs to this day other than maybe once a year. Thanks for the laughs! Now I’m off to watch Holy Grail. Thanks for that too. 😀
Close… Fonzi actually “jumped the shark”… a shark fountain, if memory serves, on his motorbike.
It refers to when a good T.V. show turns the corner to become “aired beyond its useful lifetime”.
Take a look at http://jumptheshark.com
Cheese freezes really well, btw. I wrap mine in another layer of plastic and freeze several blocks at a time since I have a hungry five year old who seems to eat more and more every week!
If you haven’t seen it, I believe Alton Brown’s Scene 8 of the show “For Whom the Cheese Melts” has a delectable way to make Grilled Cheese!
http://www.goodeatsfanpage.com/Season2/Cheese/CheeseTranscript.htm
Wil, kiddo, ALL the best grilled cheese fixin’s come from Trader Joe’s. 😉 Try McCadam’s extra sharp cheddar with a light schmear of TJ’s dijon mustard on one slice of bread. I like a little tomato myself, but not everyone does…
Dude…I mean Hey guy. Okay, fine…Dennis, cooking spray???? That is bad ass. What’s wrong the butter??? I am really craving one of those now (sans spray).
Look at what we have here: the motherlode of Tillamook Extra Sharp at the Vons on Virgil and Sunset! Go get some!
Say Cheese!
http://www.flickr.com/photos/wildbell/107400725