WIL WHEATON dot NET

50,000 Monkeys at 50,000 Typewriters Can't Be Wrong

ouch. ouch. ouch. ouch.

  • WWdN in Exile

Remember that one time in Encounter At Farpoint when Counselor Troi wailed out, "Pain! Pain!"

Remember when Mr. Spock was all, "Pain! Pain!" which was totally not Vulcan-like?

Remember when [Lost spoiler redacted]?

Remember that time your company had a Christmas party, and instead of a band, they got an Agony Booth?

Yeah, that’s me right now. Yesterday, I was smashing some trash down in the trashcan beneath the sink, and I learned that a dogfood can lid on its side is an incredibly efective cutting tool, especially against the top of my thumb, just across the knuckle.

If you ever want to see what the inside of your thumb looks like, or you want to bleed twenty-three gallons of blood all over your house on your way from the kitchen to the bathroom (because, having seen the inside of your thumb, you’re kind of in shock and don’t stop to think, "Hey, there’s a sink right here, dummy, don’t go all the way across the house to the bathroom!") or you’d just like to watch your normal typing rate drop by 90%, this is a great way to do that.

Oh, and as an added bonus? You get to wake up about every 90 minutes all night long, because your thumb is throbbing, itching, or both. And if you play your cards right, you’ll get to have a tetanus shot, too.

Yeah. Goodtimes. Good. Times.

Hopefully, I’ll be back to normal by Thursday, but until then, probably not so much new spiffy stuff here or elsewhere, because typing is a real bitch right now.

Afterthought: a bunch of people have asked why I didn’t have the deadly lid and the can in the recycling, where it belongs. That’s a good question; unfortunately, the answer is: I just didn’t walk the lid out there, and the can was being used to hold bacon grease (gross.) If it makes a difference, I’ve had PTSD every time I’ve gone anywhere near the sink in the last 24 hours. And I’m on my way to the hospital to get a tetanus shot tonight, instead of waiting for my regular doctor tomorrow afternoon.

11 PM – Aaaaannnnd I’m back. I went to urgent care at 8, because "that would be faster than the ER," logic which apparently comes from the run-across-the-house-while-bleeding portion of the brains.

Okay, it actually was a lot faster than the ER, and I had no business being in the ER with my gaping and life-threatening little wussy cut anyway . . . but let’s be honest with each other: didn’t "that would be faster than the ER," logic which apparently comes from
the run-across-the-house-while-bleeding portion of the brains
make you giggle a little bit? I’m glad, because nothing makes a joke funnier than pointing it out, and going on and on about it.

The attending was impressed with my butterfly sutures and my splinting, didn’t laugh at my totally awesome pirate bandage, and gave me a tetanus booster before sending me on my way with no need for making-Wil-faint stitches. I was going to ask for a "be nice to be cuz I’ve been shot" sticker, with the teddy bear and the hearts and bows, but I figured that being able to take a rusty nail without fear until I’m forty-three years-old was good enough.

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10 April, 2006 Wil

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79 thoughts on “ouch. ouch. ouch. ouch.”

  1. moth says:
    10 April, 2006 at 6:51 pm

    I had a similar experience when I was about 12 and decided that it would be a good idea to “sharpen” a piece of glass by breaking it against a table a number of times. Needless to say, this activity ended with quite a lot of pain, after I cut the knuckle of my index finger pretty goddamn deep. That was a good call by young Sam right there…

  2. cocacola says:
    10 April, 2006 at 6:54 pm

    Wil:
    oooooohhhh…that’s terrible!
    That brought back similar a badddd memory for me. When I was a teen we had just finished the syrup in the syrup tin and my Dad said “you should wash that tin we can use it for something else!” Ha! Little did I know that the underside of the tin’s rim also made a good cutting tool. Got my knuckle on my right pointy finger good it did, blood yup. on the floor yup. Fortunately my Sis new something about pressure points….yes, it does pay to mind one’s fingers….
    heal up soon!

  3. kinlochbervie says:
    10 April, 2006 at 6:57 pm

    I just threw up a little in my mouth.
    9 yrs old and I did the same thing with a cat food tin…to feed a cat named Felix…yes, I was mamed by Felix the cat

  4. LadyBug says:
    10 April, 2006 at 7:02 pm

    Awww, poor baby! Hope your thumb gets better soon.

  5. Visible Wear says:
    10 April, 2006 at 7:03 pm

    I’ve also done the same thing more than once on soup and chilli can lids. That jagged edge does a nice job of giving you a wicked laceration. And the throbbing, oh god the throbbing…

  6. WasteOfAces says:
    10 April, 2006 at 7:04 pm

    http://www.krupsusa.com/krups/All+Products/Can+Openers/Products/404-70/404-70.htm

  7. KarenE says:
    10 April, 2006 at 7:07 pm

    Owie! Heal well.

  8. Liz says:
    10 April, 2006 at 7:11 pm

    just in case you were looking for more proof that you are a good writer: my thumbs hurt while reading this entry. Good job!

  9. Cherikooka Munga says:
    10 April, 2006 at 7:19 pm

    Holy Shnike! That’s gonna leave a mark! -Tommy Boy

  10. David Arroyo says:
    10 April, 2006 at 7:20 pm

    See my question is was the inside of your thumb wires and metal revealing your mechanical skeleton as to possibly risk your exposure to the human fools that dont know your true mission of serving the motherblog?!

  11. Keith L. Dick says:
    10 April, 2006 at 7:26 pm

    Well your Lucky in one way Wil…
    Atleast you can use more than Six-Fingers to type… I never learned how to properly and I barely ever use my thumbs… hehehe
    Cheers…

  12. Tony Miller says:
    10 April, 2006 at 7:26 pm

    Ouch!!!!!!
    Sorry Wil. Hope you have a quick recovery.

  13. morgan says:
    10 April, 2006 at 7:30 pm

    Ouch I bet that smarts. LOL. Teach you to mess with a dog food lid right? Just kidding. Hope it gets better soon.

  14. ChaosInOrder says:
    10 April, 2006 at 7:41 pm

    Moral of the story, young man… take the damn garbage out when it’s full!
    Get well soon. You’ve been writing some great stuff lately.

  15. Samurai Avon Lady says:
    10 April, 2006 at 7:48 pm

    eeeeEEEEEEEeeeeee!!!!
    Yeah, I did something somewhat similar a few years back. Suffice it to say, the words “stale baguette”, “serrated knife”, and “fileted index finger” pretty much sum it up.
    Oh, yeah, and having to treat not only myself, but my neighbor, who nearly passed out when he saw it. (;

  16. Kirimaku says:
    10 April, 2006 at 7:50 pm

    Please please please watch out of signs of infection. (esp. red radiating lines) Infections move so fast (even within hours). Both Frank Oz and Chris Reeve died from preventable infections. Todays infections that antibiotics no longer fight can mirate to weaker areas of your body.
    Did you know that Patrick Swayze was within hours of losing his leg to amputation due to such an infection?
    Its not about scaring you any more then putting batteries in your smoke detector means that you are terrified that your house is going to burn down. You are just acknowledging a reasonable potential reality and preparing to cope if it occurrs, quickly and efficiently.
    I do this for a living, so PLEASE just move quickly if you see it. Please dont try to “tough guy – macho” it out. I can see you not bringing it to Anne’s attention or brushing off her monotoring of it. These are dangerous times health wise. Thank you for considering this!

  17. sjistarr says:
    10 April, 2006 at 7:59 pm

    I usually put the can and sharp top in the recycling, thus avoiding this scenario. But now I’m not sure I should be putting the tops in there…
    Feels better and use plenty of Neosporin!

  18. Grondzilla says:
    10 April, 2006 at 8:07 pm

    Hey Wil…that hurts. Also, I feel your pain. About 4 or 5 years ago I was out in the garage sorting through stuff that was lying around. I grabbed a stack of sheet metal that needed to be some place else and kinda tossed it where I wanted it to be. Trouble was the edge of the stack of sheet metal also happened to be razor sharp. I wondered if people would be able to figure out why I wasn’t home later that afternoon based on the trail of blood leading to the house and smeared on the doorknob. I have fond memories of my gauze swathed finger and the fact that I spent the entire drive to the hospital emergency room giving the world the glorified finger (elevate!). The scar on the middle finger of my left hand reminds me of it every day (not to mention the incomplete ‘feeling’ in a part of that finger due to nerve damage). Danger is fun!
    Also…on a disapproving internet side note. What the hell are metal cans and lids doing in your trash? Is your heathen-city so godless as to no have recycling programs? Bad Wil! Bad! Stay on the Paper!

  19. tony mcdowell says:
    10 April, 2006 at 8:11 pm

    OUCH! sorry to hear it wil. i did something like that when I was eight years old. mom sent me out to clean out our car. i threw a bottle into the garbage bag I was toting and somehow didnt hear it shatter (inside the bag on hard pavement). when I exited the car, I stepped right on a shard of the glass and put a three inch slice in the bottom of my eight year-old foot. it was NOT fun and I bled a lot too.
    hope you feel better soon!

  20. blooflame says:
    10 April, 2006 at 8:18 pm

    #1 dog can lid rule: after putting the dog food in the bowl(s), put the lid INside the can, and if desired, crush the top of the can together. Just putting it in there greatly reduces the chances of an accident like you had. Crushing the top together prevents escape.
    Not being snarky – I do feel sympathy/empathy (I get those confused sometimes) – but we all learn from our mistakes, but it’s even better when we learn from others’ mistakes, so I took this opportunity to post this rule we use at our house.

  21. Digital Goddess says:
    10 April, 2006 at 8:32 pm

    oh eep Wil. You need a Guinness. Or 6.

  22. starshine_diva says:
    10 April, 2006 at 8:34 pm

    Awwwwwww poor you! Happens to the best of us!!!
    Although seeing the inside of your thumb must have been pretty cool. But you’ll probably only think that when it’s all patched up and not hurting anymore.
    Stupid itching. Don’t let it control you! No matter what you do, don’t take out the stitches. Or it’ll seriously scar. lol BAD!
    Unless you wanna be the token “scar on thumb” actor for random action movies. With one line.
    LOL
    //ramble

  23. pipa says:
    10 April, 2006 at 8:51 pm

    I feel your pain. Here are my photos of what I like to call “What not to do with a steak knife”.
    http://thebrokenjoystick.com/pictures/knife-thumb
    I was using a sharp knife to try an dseparate two frozen hamburger patties.
    We went to Emergency Care and he wanted to stitch it (I hate needles) but convinced him to use surgical glue (that’s why it’s shiny). Throbbed like a mofo too. My thumb is still tingly/numb after almost 3 years.
    brian

  24. Amplix says:
    10 April, 2006 at 8:55 pm

    OUCH!!
    It’s really amazing how much you use all of your fingers, thing is you dont realize it until something like that happens 🙁
    Hopefully you will recover soon enough
    -Dan

  25. kblue says:
    10 April, 2006 at 9:20 pm

    That sounds really bad. Reminds me of when my cousin broke his toe doing a martial arts kick barefoot – you could see the bone on that one. The reference to Locke last week seems perfectly appropriate too. I hope it gets better soon (and without infection).

  26. FABIAN says:
    10 April, 2006 at 9:40 pm

    WIL,
    I hope your pain ends soon. Cutting trash sucks!
    FG

  27. Meeker says:
    10 April, 2006 at 9:53 pm

    Omg Kirimaku, you can’t just say things like Frank Oz died, especially when he hasn’t. I’m still all flushed and twitchy. Jim Henson is dead, but it was from pneumonia. Thank you for the small heart attack. EEK

  28. jbay says:
    10 April, 2006 at 9:59 pm

    ouch, dude.
    Drink Lagavulin until the pain subsides.

  29. Aja says:
    10 April, 2006 at 10:09 pm

    Did you get stitches? I don’t know too much about deep cuts, so if that is a stupid question, I apologize! Anyway, I hope your thumb heals quickly! :-)Take Care!

  30. slackferno says:
    10 April, 2006 at 10:12 pm

    a) Get well soon! You need that thumb or else your hand turkeys will look all weird.
    b)I’m allergic to tetanus shots (no, really. allergic.) so good luck with that and keep an eye on it.
    c) Frank Oz will be somewhat dismayed to learn that he has passed away as he had stuff to do next week.

  31. katy says:
    10 April, 2006 at 10:17 pm

    Ouch! I feel your pain. Last fall I ripped a fingernail off while trying to re-stack bricks around my compost pile, and promtly passed out (first time in my whole life) from “The Pain! The Pain!” (It just finished growing back, 6 months later).
    Or, I could tell you about the time I used the pad of my thumb to catch a food processor blade that was falling off a shelf towards my head, cut it so deeply that I now know what the inside of my thumb looks like, nearly passed out while my hubby was trying to stop the bleeding in the bathroom sink, and then set my hair on fire from a lit candle on the back of the toilet tank. Yeah, that was quite a day. 🙂
    I should have gotten stitches, and you probably should too from the description. 🙂

  32. June says:
    10 April, 2006 at 10:32 pm

    Oh Lord, I don’t know why my dad decided to let his barely into elementary school daughter (me) borrow his sharp knife, but the huge bandage and amount of pain I was in was definitely a good way to teach me to be careful with knives (and always cut AWAY from your hand). At least it was way before our family had a computer. Otherwise I would have been even more traumatized.

  33. EdwoodCA says:
    10 April, 2006 at 10:33 pm

    blooflame is spot-on. I always put the lid inside the empty can and squeeze it reasonably shut.
    Dunno how they do it in Pasadena… but about 15 mins. south of Wil, in Monterey Park, we’ve got city wide recyling done at the dump. [As well as H.B./F.V./C.M./Westminster in O.C.] So, no separate containers, sorting, forgetfulness, etc. Costs more to setup, but it creates some messy jobs for the sorters, and most importantly, nets the city 100% recycling participation from all it’s curbeside service.

  34. duchess325 says:
    10 April, 2006 at 11:10 pm

    Holy shit! Forgive me for sounding like a stupid teenybopper, but I was so in love with you when I was 10 years old. ST:TNG is one of my all-time favorite shows. I can’t believe I stumbled upon you on the net. That said–I did the exact same thing to my little finger four days ago. I thought I was going to bleed all over the place before my husband could bandage it. Hope your thumb is feeling better!

  35. Simple as Jen says:
    10 April, 2006 at 11:32 pm

    This reminds me of the time I was peeling potatos and, for some insane reason, I had my index finger resting at the top of it and when I peeled…some skin went with it. The worse part of it all, if you can believe, was that the skin didn’t really come off and it wasn’t bad enough for stitches so it was just…flapping there. So disgusting.
    Hope you get better soon. May I suggest some sort of pain killer for the throbbing. Scotch perhaps?

  36. Elizabeth says:
    10 April, 2006 at 11:35 pm

    Yikes! I’ll just say that I’ve got some good scars from random stupid stuff myself, so I do indeed feel your pain. Hope it gets better soon, and you don’t suffer any long-lasting effects.
    And hey, make Anne run to 7-11 or something and get you a teddy bear and flowers. 😉

  37. Chevalier Bayard says:
    10 April, 2006 at 11:35 pm

    Best recovery wishes from Paris, France, where I’ve just finished “Just A Geek” and enjoyed it a lot.
    You know have one more fan 😉
    Heal well Wil.

  38. Chevalier Bayard says:
    10 April, 2006 at 11:36 pm

    LOL ! One more fan who should awake more before posting. Of course you should have read “You now have one more fan”.
    Sorry for my outrrrrageous accent 😀

  39. Danyiel says:
    11 April, 2006 at 12:38 am

    Here’s a little trick that my Mom taught me to ensure that I’d NEVER get my fingers or hands sliced by a dreaded can lid:
    After you open whatever happens to be in that can, empty the contents and then place the lid back inside the can and then crush the can.
    That trick has saved me from cutting myself when I’m compacting the contents of my trash can/recylcling bin for my entire life.
    Learn it, live it, and for Pete’s sakes, DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT ever place a can lid in your trash can or recycling bin without using my Mom’s helpful little trick ever again!
    That being said, just make sure you keep your wound clean so you don’t get an infection. Writers tend to need all of their digits intact, after all.

  40. clara says:
    11 April, 2006 at 12:46 am

    Ouch! Take care of that cut! Don’t forget the Neosporin when you change your bandage. (Helped my mom heal when she had an odd cut under her baby toe that required two stitches.) Typing may be a bitch, but giving the “thumbs up” is ever more emphasized now. 😀 Sending healing mojo your way!

  41. Thoughtful75 says:
    11 April, 2006 at 1:50 am

    Stone tha crows, you poor thing!!!!
    Speedy recovery, Wil – ya poor sod!
    Least you didn’t get stitches 🙂 Remember, chicks dig scars… apparently 😀

  42. lpprdlvr says:
    11 April, 2006 at 3:02 am

    Oh ouch! The good news is, if you’re like me, by tomorrow you’ll have forgotten all about the pain in your thumb because of the effects from the tetanus shot. Fever, achy joints, the works. Lots of fun.

  43. Butch says:
    11 April, 2006 at 3:42 am

    Good job!
    *gives thumbs up*
    *then realizes how insensitive that would be*

  44. Pogodragon says:
    11 April, 2006 at 3:50 am

    Ick, nasty. And tetanus shots, even nastier in my experience.
    Heal well!

  45. Marc says:
    11 April, 2006 at 4:49 am

    I feel for you man. When I was seven I my cat jumped up onto my arms as I was opening a can of cat food and I cut two of my fingers down to the bone. I can still admire the scars the stitches left right now.

  46. Thing says:
    11 April, 2006 at 4:51 am

    Oh why couldn’t it have been like that time in TNG:Hollow Pursuits where Troi said “I am the Goddess of Empathy! Cast off your inhibitions, and embrace love, truth, joy!”
    Anyways, I had a nasty vision that your where smashing the garbage with your foot and had plunged the lid deep, until I finished reading the sentance.
    Take care.

  47. psycoma says:
    11 April, 2006 at 4:57 am

    Yah…been there. It hurts like a bitch huh?
    A couple of years ago, my mom and I were moving and I was cleaning out one of the drawers in her computer desk. She used it to throw her loose change into so I was scooping out handfuls and putting them into some sort of something resembling a container.
    I felt a sting. I looked down and the first thing I noticed was the bright red spurt that shot across the drawer, landing on many pennies along the way. Someone of brilliant intellect had stuck a razor blade in the drawer, and of course being the drawer was full of shiny metal objects anyway, I didn’t see it. Sliced the side of my right index finger right down the side along the nail.
    Needless to say, moving day got put off for a bit, we went to urgent care and they couldn’t stitch it because of how close it was to the nail so they just sort of smooshed the lose part back to the rest of my finger and wrapped it to 3 times its normal size.
    Not for nothin’, but you think it’s hard typing with a wounded thumb, try doing it with a 3 sizes too big index finger. I got really good at just sort of holding it up in the air and doing all the index finger typing with my middle finger. It got mighty strong 😛
    I’m trying to remember what I did to help with the throbbing that comes because of the circulation but it’s been about 8 years so I can’t. But I have a lovely scar and of course the memories. I hope it feels better soon 🙂

  48. dansroka says:
    11 April, 2006 at 5:31 am

    OK, time for a new nickname:
    Wil “Nine Fingers” Wheaton
    or
    Wil “Butteryfly Sutures” Wheaton
    or
    Wil “Dogfood” Wheaton
    or
    Wil “Pain Pain” Wheaton
    or
    Wil “Blood on the Keyboard” Wheaton
    or…?

  49. Tina says:
    11 April, 2006 at 6:19 am

    When I was about 12, some friends and I thought it would be fun to walk down a piece of upright corrugated metal that used to be a roof. It had a 2×4 nailed in the middle of it, perfect for holding on the top of the metal and walking down the board. Unfortunately, it had just finished raining and the board was a bit slippery. I nearly lost the pinky finger of my left hand.

  50. justme says:
    11 April, 2006 at 6:20 am

    Oh, mighty King of the Geeks … don’t look at this as a setback, look at it as an opportunity! An opportunity to buy more geeky technology! It’s time to test out some voice activated software, new mics and stuff like that!
    *laughs*
    Feel better soon.

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