conversations with junkmail

Junkmail: I was looking for a method to improve my size.
Me: What?
Junkmail: By size, I mean overall length and width of my penis.
Me: Oh, well thanks for clearing that up. Good luck with that.

(Junkmail text from actual spam. Unfortunately, no actual spammers were harmed in the creation of this post.)

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12 thoughts on “conversations with junkmail”

  1. hahaha I love it when I get offers to make my penis larger. Of course being female they would have to figure out some way of actually giving me a penis in the first place. Then again, I do get a lot of messages offering hook ups. Most of those are from young college girls that are just so hot to get together with a 35 yr old mom. hehehe

  2. Oh man…. that is hilarious…
    Can you give me the contact info??? I just may need that one day …. with all the spam out there about it, you’d swear we have a small-dick epidemic out there.

  4. I have like two favorite all time spam emails. I love it that I went to college for 4.5 years and I get emails stating I can get a genuine college degree in under two weeks… What the fuck was I thinking lol…
    My second favorite..has to be the the emails I get about the revolutionary war going on int he congo and how they are looking for foreign investors to smuggle money out of the country.. all they need is my bank account information and they can get the process started.
    Here is a new shirt that I think should be created.
    Spam Email
    “Don’t be a dick by sending it to other people”

  5. Yeah, I got one once telling me I would be able to play baseball with body parts after taking their enhancement.
    First of all, I too am a female. Second, wouldn’t that hurt like a mofo? I got hit with a pitch in the arm once and that hurt enough, let alone swinging whatever at an incoming ball. Why would any guy be attracted by that advertisement, seriously?

  7. when I look through my spam folder on gmail, I am absolutely touched by the number of people who are concerned about the length of my penis.
    and i don’t mean bad touched.

  8. Junkmail: I was looking for a method to improve my size.
    Me: What?
    Junkmail: By size, I mean reduce myself to nothing so I wont keep bothering you with stuff you don’t want to read and are sick of deleting.
    Me: Oh Junk, I can’t have you completely disappear what would I waste my first 5 minutes checking E-mails on? You know without you I might actually see the important stuff!

  9. Huh, so I don’t need to increase my size? I thought word had gotten around that I was the only woman without one….
    Now I can spend all those millions of dollars I am getting from the estate of a man in Nigeria, the recently executed chief of Nigerian police’s wife, and that “high political official” from some unnamed Middle Eastern province for something OTHER than my penis enhancements!

  10. That’s funny! Someone with an inadequate-sized penis must have a lot of time on their hands to send unsuspecting people an e-mail like that…like we can do anything about it…

  11. Most of the spam I’ve gotten lately is either ways to increase penis size or helping the ladies (or gentlemen, if you’re so inclined) not gag on a too-large penis. Where’s the happy medium, people?
    My favorite subject line? “Get a bigger flute”

  12. >>>”Yeah, I got one once telling me I would be able to play baseball with body parts after taking their enhancement…Why would any guy be attracted by that advertisement, seriously?”
    First response to Amber J:
    It would seem as though you have stumbled upon the secret under Cock and Ball League. Back in 2003, with all the increase your member spam, Americans started to buy tons of the stuff, due in part to SouthPark’s episode referencing “large American penis”. No there are so many “large American penises” that there is nothing left to do but for a pseudo-baseball league and use our “rock hard ironwood” to smack the ball around
    Second response:
    Try and top this spam subject line “Horny Fisherman click here”. Really!? You think that your target spam audience is horny fisherman and/or the audience might be curious to check out what horny fisherman might like. Sadly, the email was deleted and the link left unclicked. We believe it was safer that way, mainly because no one wants to know what can be done with buckets of chum 🙁

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