and now for something completely different

There was a time when I called myself an actor/writer. Then I realized that, saying it aloud, I was calling myself an actor, slash writer. While I suppose this would be immensely appealing to some people, it’s not how I wish to be remembered by history, so I made an effort to call myself a writer/actor, often correcting myself if I said it the other way, and explaining to an often-confused friend or cow orker why I did not aspire to the lofty title of "slash writer."

Over the last few years, though, the explanations have grown few and far between, as I’ve increasingly dropped the "actor" and I think of myself as a writer.

A part of me will always be an actor, I think, because even when I write, I see things the way I’d shoot them, and hear dialog the way I’d speak it if I were on a set. I love my roles voice acting, especially on Legion, and I love performing sketch and improv at Acme, but I’m a writer. It’s how I support my family, it’s how I satisfy myself creatively, and it’s what I want to be when I grow up.

Still, about once a month or so, my manager calls me with an audition for a television or film role. When this happens, I prepare the scenes, make myself look pretty, curse traffic the entire way to the casting office and back, and do my very best to simply enjoy myself and have fun while I’m there. I never book the jobs, but the reasons that used to drive me crazy when I was a full-time actor ("too young, too old, too tall, not edgy enough, not related to someone enough, etc., etc., etc.") don’t even bother me, now. The way I see it, if I did the best I could with the acting, which is the only thing I have control over, I can be happy with the entire experience.

About two weeks ago, I got a call on a Wednesday for an audition on Thursday. The audition scenes were very straightforward, and the character was someone I could step into pretty easily: a comic book creator who is a huge douche.

I prepared the scenes, made myself look pretty, cursed traffic the entire way there, and then sat at the studio’s gate for 25 minutes while I waited to get onto the lot. The actor/writ er, writer/actor or "actor" me would have been so worked up by the time he got through that line, he would have given a shitty audition and gone home angry.

This time, though, I relaxed, listened to the best playlist I’ve ever made on my iPod, and spent the twenty minutes rehearsing my lines. By the time I got to the guard gate, I’d heard Codemonkey, Lazy Eye, Eaton Rifles, This Year’s Girl, and I was entirely off book. I parked my car, made my way to the audition waiting area, and sat down, confident and relaxed.

I signed in, and looked around a room that was filled with actors who were dying to get their respective roles. This is a prime time network show, and one of the guest roles pays at least $6500 for the week — that’s almost enough to qualify for the "good" SAG health insurance for a full year, and the exposure this show would get any of us will be worth even more, as it could easily lead to an actor’s big break.

After a few minutes, my name was called with several others by a casting assistant, and we moved from one waiting room to a long hallway, where we lined up on chairs and waited to get "on deck."

While I sat there, I became aware of how much this audition meant to just about everyone there. They all wanted it in that life or death way I once did. Don’t get me wrong, I wanted the role because of all the reasons I listed, but if I didn’t get it, it wasn’t going to be the worst thing in the world. I have this new book out that I’m promoting, you know?

The desperation came off some of these other actors in waves that I’ve only seen in a bar at last call, and I wanted to tell them all to relax, have fun, just do the best with the acting they can do and leave it all in the room when they walk out . . . but then I remembered that if anyone had tried to give me that advice five years ago, I wouldn’t have been able to hear it over the sound of my own desperate heartbeat.

I sat in the hallway for about five minutes, while other actors reading for other roles went in ahead of me. When there was one guy left before I was up, I glanced over my sides. Yep, they were the same ones I memorized while I waited at the gate, so I folded them up and waited.

When it was my turn, I went into the same damn room I’ve been going into since I was eight years-old: a bunch of intimidating executives sat on the other side of an equally intimidating conference room table, waiting to see if I was going to fuck up their script, or if I was the guy to bring this character to life.

I’ve known the casting director for a thousand years, and he’s one of my favorite guys in the industry. He always puts me at ease, and works hard to create an environment where actors can do their very best work.

One of my audition scenes was in an interrogation room. Rather than sit in one place and just read lines at me, Mark (the casting director) really put the screws to me, while he paced back and forth behind the entire row of executives between us. This was such an awesome thing to do for two reasons: it brought the scene to life, and it gave every executive in the room the chance to really see all of my face and the character I was creating while Mark walked behind them. Why more casting directors don’t do this sort of thing I will never understand, and why Mark isn’t making a billion dollars a year as the director of talent for a network or studio is equally incomprehensible.

I did two scenes, and I rocked them both. It was fun, I was relaxed, I wore this character like he was a skin suit and I was Buffalo Bill (for the record, yes, I would fuck me. That’s probably too much information, sorry.) I thanked them for their time, and walked out of there thinking, "Yeah, that was super fun and totally awesome. I nailed it . . . I can’t wait to find out why I didn’t book the job."

The weekend passed, and the following Monday I was informed that I’ll never learn why I didn’t book the job, because I booked the job!

Starting tomorrow, I’m playing the part of Miles Sklar, comic book creator and world-class douche, on Numb3rs.

. . . yeah, I know. Weird, isn’t it? For the rest of this week, I’m a working actor. Don’t tell anyone, but I’ll be thinking of myself as a writer the entire time, and not just because it serves the character.

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240 thoughts on “and now for something completely different”

  2. I just had to explain to my co-workers why I yelled “YESSSSSSS!!!!!!”, at my computer after reading your post. I tried to explain how excited I was for you, and they just looked at me as though my hair was sticking up like Cameron Diaz in “Something About Mary”…..
    But I digress…… congrats, man!!! That’s so great – and it’s wonderful for the show. Just look at all the new viewers they are going to have. Amazing.

  4. Wow, you had me breathless with anticipation that whole time, and then I screamed “Awesome!” and scared my husband. Love that show, will be looking forward to it.

  5. Congratulations Mr. Wheaton!
    I don’t follow much TV (not even sure Numb3rs airs over here…) but I’ll be sure to download these episodes! 😀

  8. I LOVE NUMBERS (or however you type it with the number 3 for the E).
    Very fun, mysterious, and quirky. I still like to think of Rob Morrow as the doctor on Northern Exposure. Ah the good old days.

  10. Hi Wil (CC, formerly spacewriter) here:
    Double-dang good news on the audition and subsequent role!
    My acting coach likes to do what your casting guy did — mix it up with the actors on auditions. It’s so much more fun that way, even scary, but still fun.
    Can’t wait to see you on the show!

  12. Congratulations on landing the job!
    BTW, I think of the male actors on Numb3rs as total hotties (at different ages, sure, but pretty much every guy on there is hot in his own way. Must be the brains.). You’re instantly hottie-fied by being male on that show, even if the character is a scum bucket.

  14. When I was reading this entry, I was crossing my fingers that a) it was Numb3rs (well, once you said comic book guy getting interrogated), and b) you would book it (as always).
    So relieved to get to the end and see that both came true!
    Can’t wait to see it.

  15. Congratulations Wil! Your stories about acting sometimes makes me want to get back into it. Not that I did any Stand By Me size stuff or anything (local theater FTW) but to hear that a hella cool geek can still get a part makes me happy.
    Good for you man!

  16. Congratulations! Even if acting isn’t your main focus any more, it’s always nice to know you’re wanted. I’ll definitely be looking for you (Numb3rs being one of my husband’s favorites).

  20. Congrats Wil! Glad you’re back in front of the camera(s). You can deny it all you want and try to say you don’t really miss it all that much, but you love acting and we can tell.
    So enjoy it 🙂 We’re all happy for you.

  21. Congratulations! And the ultimate irony of that story? It was a truly excellent read, proving all at once that you are a wonderful writer while writing about your new role as an actor!

  22. That is so awesome Wil. I never miss an episode of Numb3rs (We all use math…every day!) and I’m looking forward to seeing you on it.

  24. This has got a nice narrative to it. I’ve been reading this blog all year. The actor thing has been a fading theme of music you’ve held out hope for, but have been suffering for without respite. All the upbeat words about doing it for yourself were all true, but tedious to read. It was too ‘the sun will come out tomorrow’. It’s thrilling to see you bag it. Let’s hope it leads to a string of high profile work. Engage!

  25. I’m doing my happy dance now!!
    Oh my goodness! I’m so excited. That’s awesome! Numb3rs is one of my favorite shows, and my favorite blogger/writer/actor is going to guest star?! How freakin awesome is that??
    Now would be a good time to agree with those who have already said that Charlie and Don are awesomer, though. You rock, but they’re kinda gonna kick you’re backside a little bit. They’re just awesome like that.
    But at least you’re now the new Mr Hottness. All the guys on that show are wicked cute, so vibes would instant make you just as yummy, even if you already weren’t.
    By the way, I totally agree with the previous comment that you have to kiss David Krumholtz for us. I’d request a smack on the ass, too, but that might be pushing our luck.
    Congradulations, Wil!!! Can’t wait to see your episode!
    Shauna

  27. Wil,
    Congrats from everyone in my lil’ circle of friends that get the WWDN summary through me. Please let us know when the episode will air. I will tune in!!
    -gil

  28. Holy smokes!! There are way too many comments to read on this one, so I’m sure I’m copying someone else’s here, but…
    SQUEEE!!!!! Congratulation!!! I <3 Numb3rs! Let us know when we will have the honour, thrill and pleasure of seeing you there…
    xo
    P.S. Congrats on mastering the art of relaxing at a moment when it would be very easy to let your nerves could get the better of you – I’ve only managed to do it a couple of times out of dozens of important moments (not auditioning!!).

  31. Me: “Wil got an acting job! And the post about it is awesome.”
    Husband: “You’re on first-name terms? Cyber-stalker!”
    Me: “Nah…but there’s something really approachable about him that makes me really happy for him. As opposed to, say, Keanu; don’t care if he works.”
    Congrats, Wil!

  32. Congratulations and thanks for the scoop. I’m a fan of Numb3rs, Star Trek, and Taxi. “Alex” and “Rev. Jim” together again, how cool.
    And you at a comic convention? Is it easier or harder to act something you do in real life?

  33. hahaha…man that is awesome news wil….totally made me day reading this post…well done young man…well done indeed…
    One of the things i truly love about the comments here is that when you have good news like this, there are literally hundreds of posts to give you congrats…that says a lot wil…there really are a lot of people out there that care about you…and you have earned it… 🙂

  36. It’s hysterical seeing my neighbor Scott’s collection in your Flickr photos. Glad you both are having a good time this week!

  37. Wil, all I have to say is – RAWK! \m/
    Numb3rs is one of my favourite shows, although I haven’t had a chance to watch it much this season. Can’t wait to see your episode!!

  38. News most felicitious (translation: RAWK!!!).
    Hmm. The second CBS show you’ve done. Next I hope you get to do a scene on “NCIS” with Pauley Perrette… 😉 Geek love!
    And I’ll keep on the lookout for when “Kyle + Rosemary” gets played.
    P.S. Here’s what a dork I am: when I heard you got the “Family Guy” gig I wondered “Will it turn out that Wil is Quagmire’s love child?”

  39. Congratulations, this is awesome!
    I just signed up to say that, cuz numb3rs is my favorite show on TV. It’ll be great to see you on another show I like!
    After STTNG & CSI of course. I guess this will be the first one that cannot be converted into an acronym! 😀
    As someone else above me said:
    \m/ rawk!

  40. Great job on the show – Watching it right now and happened to be online at the laptop. You did a great job as a writer like you wrote something before.

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