and now for something completely different

There was a time when I called myself an actor/writer. Then I realized that, saying it aloud, I was calling myself an actor, slash writer. While I suppose this would be immensely appealing to some people, it’s not how I wish to be remembered by history, so I made an effort to call myself a writer/actor, often correcting myself if I said it the other way, and explaining to an often-confused friend or cow orker why I did not aspire to the lofty title of "slash writer."

Over the last few years, though, the explanations have grown few and far between, as I’ve increasingly dropped the "actor" and I think of myself as a writer.

A part of me will always be an actor, I think, because even when I write, I see things the way I’d shoot them, and hear dialog the way I’d speak it if I were on a set. I love my roles voice acting, especially on Legion, and I love performing sketch and improv at Acme, but I’m a writer. It’s how I support my family, it’s how I satisfy myself creatively, and it’s what I want to be when I grow up.

Still, about once a month or so, my manager calls me with an audition for a television or film role. When this happens, I prepare the scenes, make myself look pretty, curse traffic the entire way to the casting office and back, and do my very best to simply enjoy myself and have fun while I’m there. I never book the jobs, but the reasons that used to drive me crazy when I was a full-time actor ("too young, too old, too tall, not edgy enough, not related to someone enough, etc., etc., etc.") don’t even bother me, now. The way I see it, if I did the best I could with the acting, which is the only thing I have control over, I can be happy with the entire experience.

About two weeks ago, I got a call on a Wednesday for an audition on Thursday. The audition scenes were very straightforward, and the character was someone I could step into pretty easily: a comic book creator who is a huge douche.

I prepared the scenes, made myself look pretty, cursed traffic the entire way there, and then sat at the studio’s gate for 25 minutes while I waited to get onto the lot. The actor/writ er, writer/actor or "actor" me would have been so worked up by the time he got through that line, he would have given a shitty audition and gone home angry.

This time, though, I relaxed, listened to the best playlist I’ve ever made on my iPod, and spent the twenty minutes rehearsing my lines. By the time I got to the guard gate, I’d heard Codemonkey, Lazy Eye, Eaton Rifles, This Year’s Girl, and I was entirely off book. I parked my car, made my way to the audition waiting area, and sat down, confident and relaxed.

I signed in, and looked around a room that was filled with actors who were dying to get their respective roles. This is a prime time network show, and one of the guest roles pays at least $6500 for the week — that’s almost enough to qualify for the "good" SAG health insurance for a full year, and the exposure this show would get any of us will be worth even more, as it could easily lead to an actor’s big break.

After a few minutes, my name was called with several others by a casting assistant, and we moved from one waiting room to a long hallway, where we lined up on chairs and waited to get "on deck."

While I sat there, I became aware of how much this audition meant to just about everyone there. They all wanted it in that life or death way I once did. Don’t get me wrong, I wanted the role because of all the reasons I listed, but if I didn’t get it, it wasn’t going to be the worst thing in the world. I have this new book out that I’m promoting, you know?

The desperation came off some of these other actors in waves that I’ve only seen in a bar at last call, and I wanted to tell them all to relax, have fun, just do the best with the acting they can do and leave it all in the room when they walk out . . . but then I remembered that if anyone had tried to give me that advice five years ago, I wouldn’t have been able to hear it over the sound of my own desperate heartbeat.

I sat in the hallway for about five minutes, while other actors reading for other roles went in ahead of me. When there was one guy left before I was up, I glanced over my sides. Yep, they were the same ones I memorized while I waited at the gate, so I folded them up and waited.

When it was my turn, I went into the same damn room I’ve been going into since I was eight years-old: a bunch of intimidating executives sat on the other side of an equally intimidating conference room table, waiting to see if I was going to fuck up their script, or if I was the guy to bring this character to life.

I’ve known the casting director for a thousand years, and he’s one of my favorite guys in the industry. He always puts me at ease, and works hard to create an environment where actors can do their very best work.

One of my audition scenes was in an interrogation room. Rather than sit in one place and just read lines at me, Mark (the casting director) really put the screws to me, while he paced back and forth behind the entire row of executives between us. This was such an awesome thing to do for two reasons: it brought the scene to life, and it gave every executive in the room the chance to really see all of my face and the character I was creating while Mark walked behind them. Why more casting directors don’t do this sort of thing I will never understand, and why Mark isn’t making a billion dollars a year as the director of talent for a network or studio is equally incomprehensible.

I did two scenes, and I rocked them both. It was fun, I was relaxed, I wore this character like he was a skin suit and I was Buffalo Bill (for the record, yes, I would fuck me. That’s probably too much information, sorry.) I thanked them for their time, and walked out of there thinking, "Yeah, that was super fun and totally awesome. I nailed it . . . I can’t wait to find out why I didn’t book the job."

The weekend passed, and the following Monday I was informed that I’ll never learn why I didn’t book the job, because I booked the job!

Starting tomorrow, I’m playing the part of Miles Sklar, comic book creator and world-class douche, on Numb3rs.

. . . yeah, I know. Weird, isn’t it? For the rest of this week, I’m a working actor. Don’t tell anyone, but I’ll be thinking of myself as a writer the entire time, and not just because it serves the character.

Discover more from WIL WHEATON dot NET

Subscribe to get the latest posts sent to your email.

240 thoughts on “and now for something completely different”

  2. hey– don’t drop the actor.. look at my username.. even if you write most of the time, your tenure as an actor inspired the fucking hell out of me.. it helped me grow up, at least I think it will. check your e-mail, you’ll definitely know who this is from haha

  3. tenure as a *child actor.. from the looks of it, there’s more inspiring to be done…, good job and best of luck in this new chapter

  6. Wil, great news!! And…a really good show! So I’m not quite sure – it this a guest appearance only? I KNOW you will make them sit up and take notice!!!

  11. It’s a shame that more actors can’t have the same relaxed attitude that you did at the audition. That attitude doesn’t make one a better actor, in and of itself, but it makes for a better audition, which makes for more jobs booked.
    So, keep up with your first love of writing, so your auditions will be better, and you’ll get the occasional acting jobs as a bonus. Win-win, if you ask me.

  12. Congrats! Sounds like the perfect role for you. That show has SOOO much potential. I just wish they would embrace us nerds just a tad more.

  13. YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY!!!
    I was reading through this whole post cheering you on and getting more and more excited for you… and then got to the end, and it was Numb3rs, and now I’m excited for me, because I love that show, and I cannot WAIT to see you on it! 😀

  16. Terrific news, Wil! Like Chrissy (hey, love the name), I was really enjoying the post and ultimately thrilled to see that it was Numb3rs. (Seriously, a show that glorifies math geeks? Where the hell was this when I was a teenager?)
    Very psyched. Keep us posted!

  18. Hooray!!!! I’m so excited for you, Wil!!! I’ve been waiting for details ever since your tweets. I guess part of me still hopes a part of you is still more actor than writer. Probably because I hope that you will someday get the acclaim you deserve.

  23. Holy shit, that’s awesome! Whoo!
    I watched the first episode, but it didn’t pull me in. That’s certainly one episode that I’ll watch. I assume you’ll let us know when it airs; that’ll be in a month or so, maybe?
    Good job, Wheaton. Couldn’t have happened to a actor-slash-writer!

  26. Right on! Congratulations! I’ve never seen an episode of Numb3rs, but I’ve heard good things so this would be a good time to start.

  31. Dude, thats awesome! I usually have to go slightly out of my way to catch your work, but I watch Numb3rs every week!

  32. Hey Congrats on the part, (a show I loved and lost track of…oops, but will start watching again now!), and more, on a great post. I was reading away, enjoying the writing and the insights and then you broadsided me with happy news.
    And now you’re a degree of separation closer to Firefly (well, Serenity, anyway).
    Oh, and you’re Cosmic Boy! I wondered…My four year old son has just started watching the Legion and loves it. He writes his own stories for it too (although I have to do the typing).

  36. Shit yes. This is one of the best shows on television the past three years. Congratulations, and I can’t wait for your character to hit the arc.

  37. Wow. That is just fantastic!
    You need to add a second slash and third category to your profession: Entrepreneur. You are running a publishing business and encountering the same sorts of frustrations that every entrepreneur faces. You may consider contacting the local Chamber of Commmerce to connect with other local business owners. They may be able to give you advice that will help you get unstuck with paypal. Just don’t fall for any small business “board of directors” like TAB.
    I heard there are new fires north of LA. Hope you and your family stay safe.

  38. Congrats on the part, Numb3rs is a great show and it sounds like you’ll have fun. It’s also cool to see how your perspective has changed over the past several years. Rock on.

  39. I’ve been reading your blog for…wow is it four of five years now? And back at the beginning I was always really excited for you when you were up for a part, and pretty pissed for you when you didn’t get it (and pretty jubilant when you were on CSI). But now that you’re really really a writer and I saw that you got this one, I just smiled and went “no kiddin? Good for him!” Which speaks to your ability to write in that you’ve taken me and other readers along with you emotionally this whole time. I’m very happy for you, but not relieved like I was when you got CSI or Teen Titans.
    Oh yeah, plus? 6500 is like, a whole year’s tuition (minus housing) at a UC, two at a CSU. At least it was eight years ago. God, I’m old.

  40. Congratulations! I’ve been on the fence about watching Numb3rs (love math, hate crime shows), but it is now officially added the the Tivo! You must be the BIG February sweeps guest star. I’m a huge fan of yours! My goal at work has been to try to get my library to purchase a copy of your new book.

  41. *happy dance*
    Another Numb3rs fan here. Very pleased that I dont have to sit through an unfamiliar plot and characters just to see you(okay, so I wasnt THAT unfamiliar with CSI, but I dont watch it on a regular basis).
    Now you just have to snag a spot on NCIS and Chuck youll have my shows covered! =D

  42. wow. typepad doesnt like me today. After I hit post it kept insisting that I register, then still wouldnt let me.
    We argued for awhile. I won.

  43. I’m nowhere near the BIG February sweeps guest star on this episode. That honor goes to Christopher Lloyd.
    I know! I know! Cool!
    The reality of my life as an occasional on camera actor these days is that I’ll never be the BIG anything. I’m an average, working-class actor who was lucky enough to land a guest role on a major prime time network series.

  45. Congratulations, Wil! I would say, were I a Buddhist, that you have stepped closer on the journey to Nirvana…but since I’m not, I’ll just say that I think you may have found an audition secret that gets you more gigs. I think this happened when you got the CSI gig also. And of course, you’re still a writer first, but the extra money from acting should come in handy, right?

  47. ZOMG Wil! Congrats! Please keep us up to date on when the show airs.
    BTW, friends of Wil please help, did I miss the Family Guy ep or has it not yet aired?
    *goes back to bed to watch the conclusion of Stand By Me for the very first time*

  50. Wil Wheaton rocks

    Congratulations to Wil Wheaton, a true embodied Protean whose flexibility in moving from poker semipro to writer to actor and back again has influenced my academic work considerably, and who actually remembered me the last time I saw him in…

Comments are closed.

Related Posts

Recent Posts