and now for something completely different

There was a time when I called myself an actor/writer. Then I realized that, saying it aloud, I was calling myself an actor, slash writer. While I suppose this would be immensely appealing to some people, it’s not how I wish to be remembered by history, so I made an effort to call myself a writer/actor, often correcting myself if I said it the other way, and explaining to an often-confused friend or cow orker why I did not aspire to the lofty title of "slash writer."

Over the last few years, though, the explanations have grown few and far between, as I’ve increasingly dropped the "actor" and I think of myself as a writer.

A part of me will always be an actor, I think, because even when I write, I see things the way I’d shoot them, and hear dialog the way I’d speak it if I were on a set. I love my roles voice acting, especially on Legion, and I love performing sketch and improv at Acme, but I’m a writer. It’s how I support my family, it’s how I satisfy myself creatively, and it’s what I want to be when I grow up.

Still, about once a month or so, my manager calls me with an audition for a television or film role. When this happens, I prepare the scenes, make myself look pretty, curse traffic the entire way to the casting office and back, and do my very best to simply enjoy myself and have fun while I’m there. I never book the jobs, but the reasons that used to drive me crazy when I was a full-time actor ("too young, too old, too tall, not edgy enough, not related to someone enough, etc., etc., etc.") don’t even bother me, now. The way I see it, if I did the best I could with the acting, which is the only thing I have control over, I can be happy with the entire experience.

About two weeks ago, I got a call on a Wednesday for an audition on Thursday. The audition scenes were very straightforward, and the character was someone I could step into pretty easily: a comic book creator who is a huge douche.

I prepared the scenes, made myself look pretty, cursed traffic the entire way there, and then sat at the studio’s gate for 25 minutes while I waited to get onto the lot. The actor/writ er, writer/actor or "actor" me would have been so worked up by the time he got through that line, he would have given a shitty audition and gone home angry.

This time, though, I relaxed, listened to the best playlist I’ve ever made on my iPod, and spent the twenty minutes rehearsing my lines. By the time I got to the guard gate, I’d heard Codemonkey, Lazy Eye, Eaton Rifles, This Year’s Girl, and I was entirely off book. I parked my car, made my way to the audition waiting area, and sat down, confident and relaxed.

I signed in, and looked around a room that was filled with actors who were dying to get their respective roles. This is a prime time network show, and one of the guest roles pays at least $6500 for the week — that’s almost enough to qualify for the "good" SAG health insurance for a full year, and the exposure this show would get any of us will be worth even more, as it could easily lead to an actor’s big break.

After a few minutes, my name was called with several others by a casting assistant, and we moved from one waiting room to a long hallway, where we lined up on chairs and waited to get "on deck."

While I sat there, I became aware of how much this audition meant to just about everyone there. They all wanted it in that life or death way I once did. Don’t get me wrong, I wanted the role because of all the reasons I listed, but if I didn’t get it, it wasn’t going to be the worst thing in the world. I have this new book out that I’m promoting, you know?

The desperation came off some of these other actors in waves that I’ve only seen in a bar at last call, and I wanted to tell them all to relax, have fun, just do the best with the acting they can do and leave it all in the room when they walk out . . . but then I remembered that if anyone had tried to give me that advice five years ago, I wouldn’t have been able to hear it over the sound of my own desperate heartbeat.

I sat in the hallway for about five minutes, while other actors reading for other roles went in ahead of me. When there was one guy left before I was up, I glanced over my sides. Yep, they were the same ones I memorized while I waited at the gate, so I folded them up and waited.

When it was my turn, I went into the same damn room I’ve been going into since I was eight years-old: a bunch of intimidating executives sat on the other side of an equally intimidating conference room table, waiting to see if I was going to fuck up their script, or if I was the guy to bring this character to life.

I’ve known the casting director for a thousand years, and he’s one of my favorite guys in the industry. He always puts me at ease, and works hard to create an environment where actors can do their very best work.

One of my audition scenes was in an interrogation room. Rather than sit in one place and just read lines at me, Mark (the casting director) really put the screws to me, while he paced back and forth behind the entire row of executives between us. This was such an awesome thing to do for two reasons: it brought the scene to life, and it gave every executive in the room the chance to really see all of my face and the character I was creating while Mark walked behind them. Why more casting directors don’t do this sort of thing I will never understand, and why Mark isn’t making a billion dollars a year as the director of talent for a network or studio is equally incomprehensible.

I did two scenes, and I rocked them both. It was fun, I was relaxed, I wore this character like he was a skin suit and I was Buffalo Bill (for the record, yes, I would fuck me. That’s probably too much information, sorry.) I thanked them for their time, and walked out of there thinking, "Yeah, that was super fun and totally awesome. I nailed it . . . I can’t wait to find out why I didn’t book the job."

The weekend passed, and the following Monday I was informed that I’ll never learn why I didn’t book the job, because I booked the job!

Starting tomorrow, I’m playing the part of Miles Sklar, comic book creator and world-class douche, on Numb3rs.

. . . yeah, I know. Weird, isn’t it? For the rest of this week, I’m a working actor. Don’t tell anyone, but I’ll be thinking of myself as a writer the entire time, and not just because it serves the character.

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240 thoughts on “and now for something completely different”

  3. Man, that’s great Wil.
    Seconding angelkirie’s request: You probably intend to anyway, but would you do us all the favor when the time comes of posting that it’s going to be on (and the Family Guy episode too).
    I’m suffering TV show overload, and so don’t watch Numb3rs regularly, but I don’t want to miss your episode.
    Thanks.

  4. OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD!
    My favorite writer/actor on my favorite freaking show!
    Way to go, Wil! I can hardly sit still to write this hugely nurdish post! Come on, man, you’re writing laid back, but I bet you’re way jazzed!

  5. WOOT! Is this just turning into the Year of Wheaton, or what? PAX, new book, Family Guy, and now Numb3rs… you’re on a roll, man!
    Congratulations, both on the job (of course) and your most excellent attitude toward the whole process. I can definitely see waiting in a line like that making anyone feel a little ‘stabby’, but it’s good when you can relax and just take control of what you can – namely, yourself.
    Again, I say – WOOT! (Oh, and I totally grok your aversion to being a “slash writer”. Gross. 🙂

  6. Congrats dude!
    I am glad you got this rather than that “Sarah Connor” role, cause I saw the first episode and it’s a steaming pile!

  7. Congratulations! I actually read that you would be on Numb3rs in Michael Ausiello’s column at tvguide.com this morning, and immediately came over here in hopes of getting your take on it. I love the show, and it will be great to see you on it!

  9. Congratulations, Wil! That’s great news, and the $6500 isn’t so bad either.
    Will you character appear throughout the whole episode, or do you know yet?
    I Netflixed the DVD of CSI that included your appearance as Walter, just to see your performance. My wife didn’t realize it was you until I told her, even though she knows what you normally look like.

  12. Congrats, buddy! Now I’ll actually have a reason to watch the show! Keep us informed as to when it’s airing, okay?

  13. I will be watching closely so I can catch when you are on the show. I don’t watch the show, but I will be watching when you are on of course. Getting a chance to see you on tv is a big treat for us fans.
    So congratulations on getting the role! I can’t wait to see you on there. I’m glad they went with you for the job. I miss you on the tv and on the big screen. I have been a fan since 1986.

  16. I’ll echo the many “congrats” that have been sent your way, Wil. Sadly, I’ve probably only watched Numb3rs once, and I don’t know why I never got into it before. Anyway, I definitely will keep my eyes out for your episode. Do you have any idea when it will air? (Sorry if you’ve already posted an airing date; I wasn’t patient enough to read all of the 100+ or so posts ahead of mine.) It’s doubly awesome that you get to play a comic book creator. I like how the networks are finally catering to the many geeks in the world more often!

  17. Woot! Congrats. And on a show I actually watch. God bless DVR or all of my Friday Night Guilty pleasures would never be seen by me and that would be sad.

  18. That is BEYOND AWESOME! Congrats! I’ve never seen Numb3rs but I will most certainly set my DVR to record it and watch for you! That’s SO COOL!

  19. hey! congrats on the gig!
    and it’s a nice geeky show for a nice geeky writer/actor.
    (secretly, i want to see walter show up on csi again, tho)

  22. Congrats, Wil! I’m off to find out where and when I can watch Numb3rs.
    And, Mr. Writer, you built the suspense nicely throughout the story. Well done!

  28. Hi Wil,
    http://www.chrismoore.com is a very helpful site when you feel like you’re the only one who can’t wrap his brain around the fiction fog.
    I’ve been reading your blog now for close to four years. This is my first comment. Hope you like Chris Moore.

  30. I’ve read so many of your “this is the part where they picked the other guy because he’s edgy” posts I was waiting for it.
    Glad I didn’t get it. Looking forward to seeing your work. Just finished the latest book. Keep it up.
    rabbitatsignrabbitcavedotcom

  32. Congratulations, Wil. I’m looking forward to seeing the episode almost as much as I’m looking forward to the new book. Numb3rs is a great show, and the TiVo makes sure I never miss it.
    A bit of geeky Numb3rs coverage from NPR’s Science Friday can be downloaded from their podcast page here . Anybody hunting that down may also be interested in the segment on American girls and math further down the page–the guests include Danica McKellar, who’s become an excellent math evangelist.
    (If anyone’s actually looking at this more than a couple weeks for now, look for the Numb3rs segment in the October 2007 archive and the other in September 2007.)

  33. OMG THAT IS SO AWESOME! I got all gleeful and clapped when I read that you booked it. I never watched that show and never planned to. Until now. In honor of you, Wil Wheaton (who I respect and admire and am just as much (if not more) a fan-geek for your writing than as for your acting), I shall watch it… Just tell us which episode.

  35. Congratulations from another huge Numb3rs fan. Looking forward to your episode.
    Glad to hear that not stressing about the job worked in your favor. It’s like the person that gives up on finding love who meets the love of their life the next day.

  36. That is A-W-E-S-O-M-E!!! Congrats!! Numb3rs is actually one of the few shows I watch these days (mostly because my husband likes it). And the guys on that show are hawt. 🙂 I hate that annoying “3” they put in the title, though – my husband and I call it “Num-three-ers” sometimes, hehe.

  42. gratz, Wil!!!! That’s awesome news!!!
    Your story totally reminded me of the story you have about the ST:TNG auditions and how you were all chilled out playing computer games while Marina Sirtis was a nervous wreck. Sounds like you’ve come full circle!!!

  45. Not needing the job…and getting it. Letting go of the need for validation…and getting it. Getting older may suck in some ways (I know from whence I speak!), but wisdom and “centeredness” have their rewards. Congratulations on having the right frame of mind, which led to success!
    Having said that – great fit on a great show, which celebrates geeks, math and science, and I think does a solid job portraying real male relationships. Fascinating inside stuff on the audition process – looking forward to the show!

  47. And by the way, Eeyore Librarian, November is also a sweeps month, so Wil is, in fact, a “Big Sweeps Guest Star(tm).”
    ‘Cause he’s cool like that!
    Woot!

  48. Good news! Don’t have tv, but would love to see a clip. Maybe it’s avail on iTunes? Or can you post a clip after it airs?

  49. Woo hoo! Numb3rs rocks, they always have fantastic guest actors on it too – it’s great that you’ve joined that list :). Make sure to kiss David Krumholtz for all us girls out here, won’t you? 🙂

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