and now for something completely different

There was a time when I called myself an actor/writer. Then I realized that, saying it aloud, I was calling myself an actor, slash writer. While I suppose this would be immensely appealing to some people, it’s not how I wish to be remembered by history, so I made an effort to call myself a writer/actor, often correcting myself if I said it the other way, and explaining to an often-confused friend or cow orker why I did not aspire to the lofty title of "slash writer."

Over the last few years, though, the explanations have grown few and far between, as I’ve increasingly dropped the "actor" and I think of myself as a writer.

A part of me will always be an actor, I think, because even when I write, I see things the way I’d shoot them, and hear dialog the way I’d speak it if I were on a set. I love my roles voice acting, especially on Legion, and I love performing sketch and improv at Acme, but I’m a writer. It’s how I support my family, it’s how I satisfy myself creatively, and it’s what I want to be when I grow up.

Still, about once a month or so, my manager calls me with an audition for a television or film role. When this happens, I prepare the scenes, make myself look pretty, curse traffic the entire way to the casting office and back, and do my very best to simply enjoy myself and have fun while I’m there. I never book the jobs, but the reasons that used to drive me crazy when I was a full-time actor ("too young, too old, too tall, not edgy enough, not related to someone enough, etc., etc., etc.") don’t even bother me, now. The way I see it, if I did the best I could with the acting, which is the only thing I have control over, I can be happy with the entire experience.

About two weeks ago, I got a call on a Wednesday for an audition on Thursday. The audition scenes were very straightforward, and the character was someone I could step into pretty easily: a comic book creator who is a huge douche.

I prepared the scenes, made myself look pretty, cursed traffic the entire way there, and then sat at the studio’s gate for 25 minutes while I waited to get onto the lot. The actor/writ er, writer/actor or "actor" me would have been so worked up by the time he got through that line, he would have given a shitty audition and gone home angry.

This time, though, I relaxed, listened to the best playlist I’ve ever made on my iPod, and spent the twenty minutes rehearsing my lines. By the time I got to the guard gate, I’d heard Codemonkey, Lazy Eye, Eaton Rifles, This Year’s Girl, and I was entirely off book. I parked my car, made my way to the audition waiting area, and sat down, confident and relaxed.

I signed in, and looked around a room that was filled with actors who were dying to get their respective roles. This is a prime time network show, and one of the guest roles pays at least $6500 for the week — that’s almost enough to qualify for the "good" SAG health insurance for a full year, and the exposure this show would get any of us will be worth even more, as it could easily lead to an actor’s big break.

After a few minutes, my name was called with several others by a casting assistant, and we moved from one waiting room to a long hallway, where we lined up on chairs and waited to get "on deck."

While I sat there, I became aware of how much this audition meant to just about everyone there. They all wanted it in that life or death way I once did. Don’t get me wrong, I wanted the role because of all the reasons I listed, but if I didn’t get it, it wasn’t going to be the worst thing in the world. I have this new book out that I’m promoting, you know?

The desperation came off some of these other actors in waves that I’ve only seen in a bar at last call, and I wanted to tell them all to relax, have fun, just do the best with the acting they can do and leave it all in the room when they walk out . . . but then I remembered that if anyone had tried to give me that advice five years ago, I wouldn’t have been able to hear it over the sound of my own desperate heartbeat.

I sat in the hallway for about five minutes, while other actors reading for other roles went in ahead of me. When there was one guy left before I was up, I glanced over my sides. Yep, they were the same ones I memorized while I waited at the gate, so I folded them up and waited.

When it was my turn, I went into the same damn room I’ve been going into since I was eight years-old: a bunch of intimidating executives sat on the other side of an equally intimidating conference room table, waiting to see if I was going to fuck up their script, or if I was the guy to bring this character to life.

I’ve known the casting director for a thousand years, and he’s one of my favorite guys in the industry. He always puts me at ease, and works hard to create an environment where actors can do their very best work.

One of my audition scenes was in an interrogation room. Rather than sit in one place and just read lines at me, Mark (the casting director) really put the screws to me, while he paced back and forth behind the entire row of executives between us. This was such an awesome thing to do for two reasons: it brought the scene to life, and it gave every executive in the room the chance to really see all of my face and the character I was creating while Mark walked behind them. Why more casting directors don’t do this sort of thing I will never understand, and why Mark isn’t making a billion dollars a year as the director of talent for a network or studio is equally incomprehensible.

I did two scenes, and I rocked them both. It was fun, I was relaxed, I wore this character like he was a skin suit and I was Buffalo Bill (for the record, yes, I would fuck me. That’s probably too much information, sorry.) I thanked them for their time, and walked out of there thinking, "Yeah, that was super fun and totally awesome. I nailed it . . . I can’t wait to find out why I didn’t book the job."

The weekend passed, and the following Monday I was informed that I’ll never learn why I didn’t book the job, because I booked the job!

Starting tomorrow, I’m playing the part of Miles Sklar, comic book creator and world-class douche, on Numb3rs.

. . . yeah, I know. Weird, isn’t it? For the rest of this week, I’m a working actor. Don’t tell anyone, but I’ll be thinking of myself as a writer the entire time, and not just because it serves the character.

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240 thoughts on “and now for something completely different”

  1. I haven’t seen Numb3rs, but I know how this booking makes you feel. I don’t comment much these days, but I feel it is important to tell you something: You’re a good man and you deserve this, Wil.

  3. AWESOME!!!!!
    This is great news! It’ll keep the actor in you well-fed for a bit… Hopefully, it won’t be too long before the next opportunity pops up and you can keep being a writer/actor.

  7. Congrats on the gig, Wil. I’m going up for the part of a Roman dude in a short film in a couple of weeks. I know I’ll be thinking of your “just relax and have fun with it” advice. Whether or not it ends up being followable, well, that’s up to my adrenal gland.
    Again, congrats, and have a good show!
    Marcus.
    PS: What’s a “cow orker”? Sounds naughty.

  11. Never watched the show – but I guess I’ll have to! Congrats! (As an aside, I hadn’t watched CSI: until you were on an ep, and I haven’t been able to stop watching!)

  12. Hey, that’s great! Numb3ers is a pretty wicked show…I watch it all the time. I’ll be sure to tune in and see you on there! And I saw the episode of CSI with you in it…nice! I was watching the credits role at the beginning, and your name was one of the first to come up (after the main characters, of course).
    Good luck with your writing, and with PayPal (for the record, I hate PayPal too, and will never use it again).

  13. Awesome! And double damage awesomeness for it being on a cool show, too!
    With the world of having toddlers and babies being what it is, we’ll probably have to wait until we can netflix it, but that’s so cool! I’m exited to see you in something again!
    Weirdly coincidental event of the yesterday:
    As I say, my wife and I pretty much only watch stuff we can netflix, because we don’t want to expose our children to the evils of television yet. We save that for when they’re in bed. We’re in a phase of re-watching old TV shows (recapturing our youth?) these days, and last night we were watching some Northern Exposure. Janine Turner is probably best remembered for her role as Maggie O’Connell in that show. In college, I remember perceiving her as a total hottie. Re-watching it now, something has been striking me as odd about her, in a “she looks like somebody way,” so I’ve been racking my brain trying to figure out who that could be. Last night, I got it. There was a scene where she turned in a particular way, and the angle and lighting on her face was just so and portrayed the lie of her cheekbones and jaw in a memory jogging way. I blurted out “A-ha! She looks like Wil Wheaton!” And it’s true. Once you make the connection, you two could be cousins or something.
    But while I certainly thought of her as a hottie back in my college days, for the record Wil, no I wouldn’t fuck you. Sorry.

  14. the character was someone I could step into pretty easily: a comic book creator who is a huge douche.
    Well, I can see how one of those types would come naturally to you. Now if you can only figure out how to act like a comic book creator.

  16. Congrats! And on a show I just love (it’s one of my “thou shalt not miss” shows). Very exciting. Interrogation room scene, huh? I love the interrogation room on Numb3rs, although with all the glass it must be pain to shoot. Always looks cool though.

  17. That’s SHINY!!
    Here’s to finally finding your comfort zone. *raises a cup of coffee, since I can’t have beer at work*

  19. That’s fantastic! Oh, bravo. Glad that your relaxation technique paid off. I’ve never watched Numb3rs (probably to my detriment), but I’ll be sure not to miss your appearance!

  21. Congrats on the gig. Numb3rs is one of my favorite shows and they’ve gotten back to a higher quality this season. I look forward to watching your episode. Next I need to see you on Heroes or The Unit, oh and Chuck, but wait, if you make it on Las Vegas, that would pretty much cover it all for me. And remember, it is all about me.

  22. I was totally not expecting that awesome ending. You are such a good suspense writer:) I jumped up and told my nearest co-worker, who replied, “Kari, you’re funny” (translate: you are a huge nerd, but I don’t think nerds are cool so I’m just gonna say you’re funny). I love Numb3rs!! I have a poster up from the show in my cubicle (of course, I work at CBS so that really doesn’t count). I haven’t watched the show in a while, so this will give me a reason to start watching it again. I <3 David Krumholtz. Geeks rule!! Now I’m going to call my sister so she can freak out, too.
    Congrats!!

  23. Hey Wil,
    Congratulations! I know you’ll hit it out of the park (unlike the Dodgers – sorry, I couldn’t resist). I have never watched Numb3rs, which is inexplicable considering I was a Math major. Now I have a reason to watch.
    By the way, nice bit of writing. I read your post in the hope that there would be a payoff but you kept me guessing right up to the end. Good job. You know, you could be a writer one day!

  25. FAN-FLIPPIN-TASTIC!!!!!!!!!!
    I’m another die-hard Numb3rs viewer, and I’m eagerly awaiting November 23 (thanks, caitlen315!). Much squeeing has ensued.

  29. Wil, you said, (in a comment reply)”The reality of my life as an occasional on camera actor these days is that I’ll never be the BIG anything. I’m an average, working-class actor who was lucky enough to land a guest role on a major prime time network series.”
    Regardless of how you feel, you will always be a part of TV history. You were lucky enough to be a regular character on a very big show. How can you NOT be big? You big man! Now take a bow and stop acting so damned humble. Sincerely,
    Chuck Field (full time writer (HAH!) frequent lizard, and occasional book reviewer)

  30. Gratz!
    First reaction-So they wrote Ghastly into numb3rs?
    ROFL!
    sorry, it was the first thing that popped into my mind.. sleezy comic creator will forever = ghastly in my mind.
    nothing but <3 for ya though ghastly you know that!

  32. awesomiferous! That’s really the best of both worlds, isn’t it, if you can get gigs like this from time to time. Most excellent.

  33. OMFG! That is one of my most favorite shows in the world and you are one of my most favorite actors, so it is totally fitting! Too bad it couldn’t be a multiple episode role, but I’ll take what I can get. Have fun and enjoy every second of life!

  35. WOO-HOO!!!!!!!!!!! ::happy squeal of delight:: I absolutely adore Numb3rs. It’s a smartly written show with great action and great characters. Reading this just totally made my day. Massive congrats, Wil!

  36. Wow, I was checking your blog periodically yesterday to see if you were going to write anything more about the fires out your way. And I go to bed and you drop this wonderful news. Congratulations! And a comic book creator! So sweet! I’ll be passing the word around.
    Numb3rs is a cool show. Geeks rule!
    Yesterday, my favorite show, Stargate Atlantis, got renewed for another season. So it’s a banner day for me.
    Again, congratulations! **does Snoopy dance**

  37. Wil,
    I remember you were wondering about the HD-DVD add-on for the Xbox 360 recently. Well check this out… get it at Buy.com and they include Heroes Season 1 on HD-DVD with your order (i.e. no rebate thing, it just comes along with it). So you get the drive, Heroes, King Kong, and the standard 5 free rebate offer that has been on forever for $179. If I didn’t already have the drive and Heroes season 1, I’d be all over this.
    http://www.buy.com/prod/xbox-360-hd-dvd-player/q/loc/108/203249984.html?adid=17070&dcaid=17070

  41. Sweet! Congratulations! I like that show and Krumholtz is one of my few celebrity crushes.
    Of course you nailed it. You were comfortable and didn’t care.

  42. nice! I’ve never watched the show, but it sounds interesting, and if it’s got “the guy who was Wesley” and “the guy who was Mr. Universe” then I think I just have to give it a watch…

  44. OMG THAT IS AWESOME! congratulations! i love ‘numbers’ – a physicist and an fbi agent? and they’re brothers?? using math to solve crimes?!? i’m so there. i can’t wait to see you on the show!

  46. Wheaton, you sly bastard…well done!
    May this be the first of many new roles to come down the pike for you.
    How did Ryan and Nolan respond?
    Wait, I can guess…

  47. Okay, the “actor, slash writer” thing makes me laugh. Thank you for that. 🙂
    And mazal tov on landing the part; that’s fabulous. I always enjoy reading these vignettes about your auditions (you’re offering me a window into a world I would never otherwise see), and this one was even more fun to read because the ending is so happymaking. Enjoy the role!

  48. Congrats! I am sooooo very happy. Numb3rs is a show I currently watch and I am so anxious to see the one you are in. It would be awesome to have you on that show all the time. Thanks so much for letting us know that we get to see you in your actor action soon. Just because you are in it as I guest, I will tape the show and not delete it, so I can watch it more than once. So cool! In my opinion, the fact that you were relaxed, and at ease during your audition, gave you the ability to show your best work. Way to go Wil! Maybe you could have your current books as props in your scenes too. In my thoughts, I could picture you reading your hard cover book as the camera begins to focus on your character, or maybe use it as a clue of some kind, or just on a table near you. Yes, I am one that does pay attention to details and I will watch for them. Sometimes, I will even go back on a taped item and double check things when I an unsure or want a longer time to focus on something that stands out. Granted the writer, director and whoever else details the script probably already have the props they want to use, but it would be soooooo cool to see your personal stuff involved too. Perhaps I have high hopes that they would accept using them as props. Will this be a show that has two parts and we get to watch you two weeks in a row? Hopefully in the locations where you will be filming you will not have to worry about smoke in the air.

  50. I’ll go back to watching that show for at least one episode now … and more if they can hook me back in in 48 minutes. (I lost it when they moved it to the wasteland that is Friday nights).
    Your story, and the ultimate success of it, is going down as part of the proof of one of my favorite “life” axioms.
    “You never find what you’re looking for, until you stop obsessing about the search”.
    Be it companionship, love life, or now a working gig as a guest actor on a major network show, the zen secret to life is to stop stressing so you can be yourself. People who are relaxed are soooo much more attractive to other people.
    —
    But beyond “slash writer” funneh in this post, who ever made the “inner douche” comment made me laugh out loud.
    Excellent end to my day.

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