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50,000 Monkeys at 50,000 Typewriters Can't Be Wrong

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WIL WHEATON dot NET
WIL WHEATON dot NET

50,000 Monkeys at 50,000 Typewriters Can't Be Wrong

gaming monkey

Posted on 11 October, 2007 By Wil

While Anne and I drove down the freeway today, Just Like Heaven came on the radio.

"This was my first CD," I said.

"I know," she said. "You tell me that every time we hear a song from it."

"And one day, you’ll hear it, and I won’t be here for some reason or another, and you’ll wish I was here to tell you."

While we both pondered the macabre nature of that particular thought, I realized that not only was this album forever linked to my first CD player, but it also gave me hypernostalgic memories of gaming with my group of friends in high school.

"I don’t know what it is," I said, "but lately, I’ve wanted to get together with geeks and do a weekend of serious nonstop gaming."

She glanced over at me. "Oh?"

"Yeah. But this is more than the usual ‘I want to play Car Wars’ thing. This is a serious –" I searched for the exact word to describe the overwhelming longing, approaching psychophysical need to play, and settled on, "Jones. Like an addict, you know?"

I wiggled around in my seat, and faced her, "It’s like there’s — hey, aren’t we taking the 110?"

"Whoops." She said, as she quickly changed lanes.

"It’s like there’s a monkey on my back. A gaming monkey, and he’s rattling dice in my ear."

"Like he’s shaking them in a Yahtzee cup?" She said.

"Gamers don’t use Yahtzee cups," I said, as patiently as I could. "It’s more like he’s holding a bag of dice in his hand." I held my hand up, and felt the invisible bag in my palm. "And he’s rattling the dice around."

"Is it your bag of dice?" she said.

"Yeah! It’s totally my bag of dice!" I paused for a moment, and added, "but he’s not opening it. Because if he opens it, and touches my dice, I will fucking kill that monkey."

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  1. thespian says:
    12 October, 2007 at 12:10 am

    TOUCH NOT THE MONKEY.

  2. Snowball says:
    12 October, 2007 at 12:13 am

    It’s that damn Evil Monkey thats been traveling from closets to closets, except now he’s migrated to backs!
    The Evil Monkey must be stopped!

  3. SorenT says:
    12 October, 2007 at 12:50 am

    Give in to the monkey, Wil. Game…. GAME…. Your dice miss you. And you don’t want your dice to miss, do you?
    Besides, you can’t beat the monkey (uhm, what?). Give in to the monkey

  4. Clay says:
    12 October, 2007 at 1:06 am

    Wil, that just made me laugh almost loud enough to wake up the housemates.
    Thank you.
    Clay

  5. Kidda says:
    12 October, 2007 at 1:22 am

    Its better than the work monkey being on your back! Game on 🙂

  6. David Gallo says:
    12 October, 2007 at 1:38 am

    I have also been feeling the gaming bug bite hard – I’ve been going up to Game Empire about once a month and picking up various board & card games.
    What about trying to do a game at Game Empire? I’d be willing to drive up from the OC to play.

  7. demonseedgfx says:
    12 October, 2007 at 2:23 am

    haha its that 35 year old thing my friend. I to (35 oct 15th 2007) feel the urge to don the table with crystal dice and white lead soldiers of the dungeons. I yearn to gather forth my pals of years past and once more march upon the evil that lurks in the tower. But my girl, well she would kick my ass if the books rose from the cask the dwell in at the moment. But one day, oh yes ,one day they shall return for the profits have told me.

  8. MikeN says:
    12 October, 2007 at 2:52 am

    We got a nice new kitchen table earlier this week and dammit but that sucker is gonna feel the rattle of dice across it in the near future. Even if I do have to cave into my wife’s demand that I “put a sheet over it” for gaming.

  9. rmd says:
    12 October, 2007 at 3:24 am

    IS THAT MONKEY FONDLING YOUR PENDULOUS DICE SACK?
    damn you for making me think disturbing thoughts like that at this hour of the morning. *shakes fist towards the west coast*
    also, i may have to hunt up my well-worn chivas regal bag full of dice this morning and touch it. just a little bit.

  10. Mr. Wright says:
    12 October, 2007 at 4:47 am

    http://www.geekson.com Wil.
    They’re geeks, they live in your area, they are “Hollywood professionals” like yourself…also they have a podcast where we could all hear about your gaming exploits.

  11. Belial says:
    12 October, 2007 at 5:18 am

    Don’t touch my dice!
    Isn’t it odd how gamers are so superstitious about our dice? I mean, I used to sort them and line them all up in a particular order before every session.

  12. Mr. Lizard says:
    12 October, 2007 at 5:32 am

    It’s also a 48 year old’s thing. A while back, a group of friends allowed me to join their play-test group. It was a blast, even when the game wasn’t working the way it should have. I really miss those nights staying up until 3 or 4 in the morning trying to come up with better suggestions for a Role Play game rule or the text on a Collectible Card Game card. And, you’re absolutely right… There’s nothing so great as the sensation one gets when gently squeezing one’s dice though a cheap suede draw-string bag!

  13. Scath says:
    12 October, 2007 at 5:57 am

    Just wanted to say, that last line cracked me the hell up. =)

  14. starshine_diva says:
    12 October, 2007 at 6:45 am

    *points in angry rage*
    I’ll have a LAN party with you… Care to fly me to California?

  15. Jessika says:
    12 October, 2007 at 6:52 am

    Hubby and I have been wanting to game lately, but it’s hard coordinating when you have a 1.5 year old. Also, we can’t convince the gaming group our friend DMs sometimes to stop chasing elves (we’re not wanting D&D…blasphemy I know…) and come game some All Flesh or CoC. They keep saying they want to game those, but it’s been like trying to herd cats.

  16. Banzai says:
    12 October, 2007 at 7:03 am

    The Monkey will win in the end. But you must control him.
    Until then you can game vicariously. Here are some of our game logs.
    Hollow Earth Expedition (ongoing) Exile Games
    Firefly (over?)(homegrown but ultimately a variant of Dogs of the Vineyard by Lumpley Games)
    Ravenloft (completed) the classic, now released by WotC
    And a beloved playtest which lead to a game called “Midnight” by Fantasy Flight Games (thumps his weapon against the ground twice)
    plus a few others we’ve played over the years.

  17. Scott's Case Files says:
    12 October, 2007 at 7:15 am

    The Gaming Monkey

    I just checked out the latest post from one of the bloggers on my must-read list – Wil Wheaton. My favorite posts of his these days are the dialogs (with anyone). They’re great, witty, and they really have a voice

  18. Daniel Sroka says:
    12 October, 2007 at 7:16 am

    I know what you mean by jonesing. I haven’t had a good gaming session in years, YEARS I tell you! Wouldn’t even know where to find like-minded people if I could find the time.

  19. fairnhite451 says:
    12 October, 2007 at 7:49 am

    My old D&D group (plus a few new folks we’ve brought over from the dark side of table top sports games) gets together twice a year.
    It started with a planned weekend retreat in the fall, has grown to include a summer weekend at my place, and word has it we’re adding a spring one to the rotation next year in a 3rd city where some of us live.
    Yes, as your kids get older, and your relationships grow that “bedrock solid” quality to them … gaming makes a comeback.
    Me very happy.

  20. YMM says:
    12 October, 2007 at 7:50 am

    I’ve been an avid reader for some time, but this is the first time I’ve posted, simply because you’ve touched a potent topic for me.
    I’ve been without my home PC for a couple of months, desperately trying to get it up and running and get back on with my games. Jonesing isn’t the word, I’m dieing a slow death because I’ve had to turn back to TV for a modicum of entertainment.
    If you get a chance to get in that gaming session, do it. And just think of the many of us who can’t but are dieing to.

  21. VT says:
    12 October, 2007 at 8:14 am

    You should totally have a gaming weekend, dude.
    I’ve been trying to find an open group to game with in LA/OC without much luck. Playing with people I don’t know in the past has been a big hassle; overcoming the ‘OMG a woman who games!’ hurdle isn’t too much fun.
    In the meantime, I’ve started playing board games with Geektitude (http://geek.meetup.com/1/) and the OC board gamers (http://boardgames.meetup.com/40/).
    You know what I’ve really been jonesing for? A good solid day of playing cooperative Diablo II.

  22. Squirrelgnome says:
    12 October, 2007 at 8:20 am

    I haven’t laughed so hard at one of your posts in a long time. I can relate so much it hurts. I wish I could go back and tell my high school self to truly appreciate all the time gaming with my best friends. The unfortunate thing is that I don’t know where half of them are today.
    Did anyone else try to cook the opposite end of the 20 on a die 20 so it lands on an automatic hit more often?

  23. Alan says:
    12 October, 2007 at 8:21 am

    I’ve been wanting to have a marathon co-op session of the original Gauntlet on the 360 arcade. If you are game then you know how to get in touch with me.

  24. kristinalead says:
    12 October, 2007 at 8:24 am

    Boy, you really left that one open for those of us with dirty minds as well as gaming minds – I will restrain myself from expressing all of my bad thoughts…

  25. solace says:
    12 October, 2007 at 9:56 am

    It must be that time of year. I’m not into D&D but those cards are shuffling awfully loud in that Carcassonne box downstairs. I’m totally calling my friends after work to get together this weekend! Thanks for kick starting the fall board game “season” with your post.

  26. Brad says:
    12 October, 2007 at 9:56 am

    This reminds me of the marathon weekends my buddies and would have playing Super Techmo Bowl in middle school. My parents dreaded those nights. I swear we would wake them up every couple of hours with our obnoxious yelling and taunting.
    I also can’t forget those crazy benders of FFIII and FFVII. Ahh, those were the sleepless nights 🙂

  27. Natalie says:
    12 October, 2007 at 10:28 am

    Oh my damns, you crack me the hell up!

  28. Keri says:
    12 October, 2007 at 11:03 am

    My dice suck so bad, a monkey handling them would probably really help.
    Regarding jonesing, yeah, I know what you mean. In the last two weeks my fiance and I have beat Halo 3 on 360, playing Colosseum twice, the new Talisman 5 times (it’s very fun!), and Last night on Earth a couple of times.
    He’s also starting up a new Mutants and Masterminds game next week.

  29. DavidSandey says:
    12 October, 2007 at 11:09 am

    I’ve been getting the same feeling for the last few weeks. I’m in your area, know no gamers and the only game that my wife will play is Boggle, and she only plays that very rarely.
    There are 17 years or so of RPG drought going on here. 🙁

  30. z-man says:
    12 October, 2007 at 11:22 am

    Play with your Monkey Wil.
    Michael Jackson used to have a monkey he played with. Then he stopped and started playing with children. Look where that got him.
    Don’t be playing with the children, play with your monkey!

  31. PJ_Templin says:
    12 October, 2007 at 11:50 am

    Wow – it’s like Wil has a hidden mic in my car or something. You don’t, do you?
    VT: I understand. I’ve been missing Quake II lately. Hubs has been too busy with work. (pouts) A couple who slays together, stays together. ^_^

  32. alikitty619 says:
    12 October, 2007 at 12:32 pm

    Hey, lay off the monkey!!!!

  33. mal says:
    12 October, 2007 at 2:13 pm

    Unrelated to this post, but Happiest Days owners will get it:
    I saw an ’89 Honda Prelude Si today and totally cracked up.

  34. wolfger says:
    13 October, 2007 at 2:28 am

    I’ve got that monkey, too… I have games I’ve bought or been given that I’ve never even had the chance to play (Amber, Hunter:the Whatever-the-heck-it-was, Deadlands, Firefly). Online roleplaying used to suck majorly, but with all the IM and IRC out there, there’s got to be a decent online gaming experience by now?

  35. Kes says:
    13 October, 2007 at 7:30 am

    Wolfger, check out IMC
    (Just a chatter there)

  36. cryssyer says:
    13 October, 2007 at 5:11 pm

    Question – is your dice bag one step better than Patrick Stewarts? 😉
    My dice are in a wooden box that I carved and lined in velvet all by my little lonesome. And they have sat there for 6 years wooing me to release them once more. Alas, being a responsible mother and wife, I have not had time to do so. One day I will find another group to game with. My old D&D group moved to Florida – the whole lot of them – leaving me here to stew alone….

  37. Wayne says:
    13 October, 2007 at 5:37 pm

    Heh. I just re-read the artcile about where you were teaching D&D to one of your sons and saw that he’d touched your dice. Too cool.

  38. duskrider3740 says:
    13 October, 2007 at 7:07 pm

    I know what you mean, Wil. The group my husband gamed with has disintegrated just as he got me interested in playing D&D for the first time. So now, we are stuck in Ohio with all kinds of RPGs and no one to game with! City of Heroes makes up for it a bit, but I still miss paper RPGs!

  39. Lindsay says:
    14 October, 2007 at 8:32 am

    LOL! Wil… you’ve seen this, right? Scroll a lil less than halfway down… It’s you and the sweater! http://forums.fark.com/cgi/fark/comments.pl?IDLink=3119222

  40. Samuel McConnell says:
    14 October, 2007 at 9:43 am

    Wil, in response to your latest twitter, perhaps you should organize some sort of Halo 3 meetup night for WWDN readers to all kill each other.
    Virtually, of course, we don’t want to be pruning your readership. :p

  41. Samuel McConnell says:
    14 October, 2007 at 9:46 am

    By the way, I -think- I just added you on Xbox Live.

  42. Lara Nangle says:
    14 October, 2007 at 1:47 pm

    Ok, I really, really like anything that makes me laugh out loud, and that last line did it for me. Thanks for making me smile.

  43. FirstPersonShow.net Kevin says:
    14 October, 2007 at 2:56 pm

    Dude, that’s a beautiful chunk of writing there. Succinct, and passionate. I like the bit about making sure you don’t miss a turn-off, but still not giving up on describing the analogy-funny and important (yet light-hearted).

  44. SoulTorn says:
    14 October, 2007 at 5:21 pm

    Ah, yes. The gaming monkey.
    Related to the misery monkey(http://www.rhymes-with-witch.com/lwr12292006.shtml)

  45. g-Crusher says:
    14 October, 2007 at 7:50 pm

    http://www.wizards.com/default.asp?x=dnd/4dnd/gameday
    Bonus: Worldwide Gameday 2007’s just around the corner. Free up November 4th and visit a participating gamestore.

  46. MISAURUS says:
    15 October, 2007 at 5:42 am

    Now you’re making me want to sign on to Warcraft which I’ve been trying to avoid for a week now! Tsk tsk!
    *touches your dice*

  47. Ryan Waddell says:
    15 October, 2007 at 10:22 am

    Wil, can you please stop being so awesomely hilarious? When I laugh out loud at work, people look at me funny.
    But I hear ya on the gaming jonesing. I just picked up an Xbox 360 a few weeks ago, and I haven’t had enough time to really get into Halo and Rainbow 6: Vegas like I want. Every spare moment I’m thinking “Should I fire it up for 10 minutes?” – but I know it’ll turn into a 3 hour frag fest and I can’t!

  48. potbag-com says:
    15 October, 2007 at 10:30 am

    because you wrote site your contact the best way to contact you is leaving a comment, i´m doing so now:
    i´d like to ask you if you would play for us at the bahamas ept?

  49. Jean-Paul Lapointe says:
    15 October, 2007 at 1:32 pm

    Wil;
    New game staring Thursday nights – you’re totally invited. AD&D – maybe 2nd, maybe 3rd, we’ll decide by who brings what books. 4d6 and 2 for one trading. (Yes, we’re in Winnipeg. Yes, we get that you might be late…)
    JP

  50. Fricka says:
    15 October, 2007 at 1:52 pm

    Great post! In a slightly strange coincidence, you’ll find something related to this post at your biz card addy (at least if USPS has not failed me as I sent it a few days ago). And yes, count me and my boyfriend in on a gaming session.

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