still funny, still true.

Prompted by a comment on Slashdot, I would like to reprint this old blog post, which still makes me laugh:

Around 1987 or 1988, I saw Larry Niven
at a convention. I was officially there to be the Star Trek guy, but I
didn’t have to go on stage for a few hours, and rather than sit in some
suite with the rest of the Star Trek people who didn’t want to get too
close to the masses, I grabbed my backpack and wandered around the
convention as nerdy fanboy number 42.

I bought a ton of crap in
the dealer’s room (mostly FASA sourcebooks, and some bootleg anime
videos IIRC) and on my way down a hallway toward the gaming room, I saw
this guy who was dressed in a Space Shuttle flight suit (blue) sitting
behind a table that had some books on it.

Holy shit, it was Larry Niven.

I walked up to him and the conversation went something like this:

Me: OMG YOU’RE LARRY NIVEN!

Him: OMG YOU’RE WESLEY ON STAR TREK!

Both: CAN I HAVE YOUR AUTOGRAPH!

Both: YOU WANT MY AUTOGRAPH?!

Both: YES!

Me: I don’t have a pen.

Him: It’s okay, I have several.

He
pulled a pen out of the shoulder pen-holding pocket thing on his blue
Space Shuttle flight suit. I was so out-nerded, it wasn’t even funny. I
tried to counter-attack by producing my own copy of Ringworld
that I had in my backpack, because I carried it with me everywhere in
those days, just in case, you know, I felt like reading it. (I am not
exaggerating at all. I loved — and continue to love — that book that
much. For reals.)

This prompted the question, "Do you ever get bothered that you can’t
just walk around a convention like everyone else? Does it bother you
that people are always trying to talk to you, even when you’re supposed
to be having your ‘own’ time?"

To which I replied, "It depends on how much Sailor Moon porn I’m attempting to buy."

I made myself laugh, and then I realized that there probably really
is Sailor Moon porn, and there are probably people who buy it. Then I
threw up in my mouth a little.

Have you ever had to laugh while there’s vomit in your mouth? It’s
worse than holding a drink in your mouth while you get under control
enough to swallow it.

Wow. I really just bounded over the line on that one, didn’t I? I
mean, normally I can at least see the line behind me, but it’s way
behind the horizon right now.

Okay. Good to know. Moving on.

Have a good weekend, everyone. If you’re local to Los Angeles, come out to The Comic Bug in Manhattan Beach Saturday night at 7 for our Manga signing. I understand there’s going to be a Star Trek trivia contest.

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37 thoughts on “still funny, still true.”

  5. Prior to my Grade 12 first semester Law exam, having not studied a single bit, and having been stone cold drunk the night before made me throw up. I didn’t want to get any on Susan sitting in front of me so I did the brave thing and sucked it back. That was gross, and I’m lucky I had a can of pop with me cause it would have been two hours of bad taste.
    Surprisingly enough, I scored big on that exam. 98% woohoo. I guess my intimate knowledge of the law, i.e. being busted several times as a kid gave me a good idea of what is right and what is wrong when it comes to the law.
    Be good bro,
    Mark.

  6. I just googled “Sailor Moon porn” and it appears to be quite popular. I was afraid to open any of the links at work, but at least I know it’s there if I need it.

  8. Normally I’m thinking yeah, like Wil cares about some old lady but OHMYGOD SAILOR MOON PORN. I have to comment and say that’s the most hilarious thing I’ve heard in freaking ages.
    Which is why I love your blog.

  9. Hey Wil,
    I used your story as a short illustration of a situation that I’m sure happens to Rob all the time, all the more so because he’s not very recognizable.
    It never occured to me that you’d see it. That was pretty cool; your comment made my day. Thanks!

  10. *cackle*
    Hey, Sailor Moon porn beats, oh, say, Pokemon porn. (I’ve seen both, and had to wash my brain with lye afterwards.)
    And at least you can actually communicate with people you admire. I tend to forget I speak English and the best I can muster is not drooling while I babble. These days, I just admire from afar, maybe wave or smile.

  11. OK, so – You sure that was 1987/88? I heard Sailor Moon didn’t get started until the ’90s.
    Wish I could be at the signing tonight, but I’m spending a leisurely night in the midwest. I take solice in knowing that my copy of Happiest Days should be arriving shortly.
    Cheers, Wil!

  12. Hey Wil… ok totally off subject on your blog but I had a question about your new book. I went to the Monolith Press and noticed that it said in early Oct. that autographed copies of the happiest days of our lives would be available. Are they available yet?? Unfortunately I live in hickville indiana and I don’t get out west to much other than business trips. If you could can you post a blog letting us know or you can drop me a quick line at [email protected]
    I know your super busy. Thanks in advance..

  13. My roommate, his buddy and I were having a chat a couple weeks ago and the subject of Sailor Moon porn actually came up. Yes, we’re that kind of people. I think we all lost “the game” several times that night, too.
    Aaaanyway… the comment was made: “Sailor Moon? Meh. Sailor Mars, on the other hand!”

  14. Quoted: OK, so – You sure that was 1987/88? I heard Sailor Moon didn’t get started until the ’90s.
    Ya know that comment made me look it up as unimportant as the factoid is… inner geek, I guess. Original run was from 92-97 in Japan according to Wikipedia.
    Anyway, that fact doesn’t do anything to the quality of this post. Just so LOL all around!
    And no one wants to know how much anime porn there probably is out there. Even I dunno how much there is exactly but I can bet you there’s probably something for every popular series out there… so wrong. 🙁

  15. Quoted: OK, so – You sure that was 1987/88? I heard Sailor Moon didn’t get started until the ’90s.
    D’oh! Someone snaked me, Crimson! Originally there were about 6 post in a row by the same user stating the same factoid: “You sure that it was 1987/98? Sailor Moon didn’t get started until the ’90’s.”
    I was sure it was a glitch, but it was too funny (too me) to pass up. I’m lame that way.

  20. thats not working.. anyway…
    entertainment weekly i guess is doing a where are they now of all the original TNG cast.
    Yer on it. I think its linked from cnn.com main today.

  22. That is SO COOL that you got to meet Larry Niven and he was cool. I probably would have just babbled nonsensically and embarrassed both of us.
    BTW, are you still coming to Huntington Beach? If so, and if you are a fan of so-called “Krautrock” (Kraftwerk,etc.) I’ll have a present for you.

  23. Okay, don’y judge but not only is it Sailor Moon porn, but Sailor Moon/Dragonball Z porn…I watched for the briefest of moments and it was truly disturbing. You will never look at Goku the same.

  27. Wow, the blog is getting more and more like William Fuckin Shatner’s blog.
    Not as interesting as it use to be.
    But then again it is your blog and people will comment on anything you write.
    I miss the political/activism view of things you once had.
    ======================
    Number of Operations Iraq Freedom and Enduring Freedom casualties as confirmed by U.S. Central Command: 4238

  28. Wow. What a great idea: insult me, and then tell me what to do.
    If you don’t like what I take the time to post here, then don’t bother reading any more.
    But insulting me because I’m not spending my time writing whatever you want? That’s pretty fucking rude and presumptuous. You’ve got some fucking nerve, buddy.

  30. Actually I didn’t intend for my comment to come out like it did when it was written. It was not intended to offend but it did so…
    Well I have been reading the blog for years, even when it was on the old tv stars site (I think on Yahoo) way back in the beginning, when you use to give out your ICQ number and stuff like that. Watched you mature over time with your writing and your family.
    ======================
    Number of Operations Iraq Freedom and Enduring Freedom casualties as confirmed by U.S. Central Command: 4239

  32. Hey ‘tip’ good going there… NOT… nice attempt to try and back track … NOT… look I’m sure your really a nice person that meant well, but as apologises go ‘I didn’t intend…’ doesn’t quite cut it.
    You know one good thing came from the comment, it shows that Wil does read all the way to the bottom (in more ways than one in this case).

  33. I never laughed with vomit in my mouth. However, when I was a student, watching children’s TV with my roommates, one friend remarked that the cat on TV was talking.
    I was eating a bowl of Cornflakes at the time, and I promptly collapsed in a spasming heap on the floor, vomit, milk and cornflaskes coming out of my nose.
    The tasteful magenta carpet of our student house was bleached in that spot from that day onwards.

  35. Wil,
    There ain’t no justice! I’ve been trying to meet Larry Niven for 20 years. (Yes, I would love to meet you too, Wil, but Louis W. and Beowulf S. shaped my identity as a child long before even Kirk and Spock.)
    I would have met Larry recently in SF, but he got stuck in that durn LA traffic. His friends tell me he’s very approachable. Next time I’m in LA on a Thursday, I know where to go…
    Anyway, read Vernor Vinge? He’s the only author I’ve been able to find who comes close to Niven’s hard-science space adventure stories. Others?
    Lastly: Someone should turn Ringworld into a movie. If you directed or produced, I’d trust that the heart would be preserved. 🙂

  36. This story makes me laugh every time. And i just read Ringworld a few weeks ago for the first time, so awesome! It really reminded me of a lot of Heinlein’s older stuff.

  37. On a random note… You and a friend of mine both recommended Ringworld within a day of each other and I thought, “Y’know, I haven’t read that book in over a decade, I really should see if I can find it.” So I picked it up and just got around to starting it last night… yeah, it turns out I never read it in the first place. I’m rather enjoying it so far. So thanks for the recommendation!

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