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50,000 Monkeys at 50,000 Typewriters Can't Be Wrong

announcement two of four (collect them all!)

  • WWdN in Exile

Last week, I mentioned one of those “so cool I can’t talk about it” projects. Today, I can go ahead and reveal what it was: I composed that post about an hour before I put on pointy sideburns and a space suit, brought Lieutenant Commander Wesley Crusher back to life as the Assistant Chief Engineer of the USS Titan.

Before I tell you why, I would like to point out that it was particularly gratifying to see that his rank, considering this, from Dancing Barefoot:

“One time, when we were renegotiating our contracts, we were all asking for raises.

“We all felt a salary increase was appropriate, because The Next Generation was a hit. It was making gobs of money for Paramount,” (I like that word – gobs) “and we felt that we should share in that bounty.

“Of course, Paramount felt otherwise, so a long and annoying negotiation process began.

“During that process, the producers’ first counteroffer was that, in lieu of a raise, they would give my character a promotion, to lieutenant.”

I pause, and look around. I wrinkle my brow, and gaze upward.

“What? Were they serious?”

A fan hollers, “Yeah! Lieutenant Crusher! Woo!”

I smile back at him.

“My agent asked me what I wanted to do. I told him to call them back and remind them that Star Trek is just a television show.”

Okay, that was risky to say. It’s pretty much the opposite of just a television show to these people, but I’ve gotten the audience back, and they giggle.

“I imagined this phone call to the bank,” I mime a phone, and hold it to my ear. “Hi . . . Uh, I’m not going to be able to make my house payment this month, but don’t worry! I am a lieutenant now.” I pause, listening to the voice on the other end.

“Where? Oh, on the Starship Enterprise.”

I pause.

“Enterprise D, yeah, the new one. Feel free to drop by Ten Forward for lunch someday. We’ll put it on my officer’s tab!”

It’s for Star Trek: The Tour, which starts in Long Beach on January 17th, where it’s going to live for about a month before it goes on a national tour later this year.

In addition to the encounter thing that I’m in, there are some really cool things for Trekkies on this tour, including full-size recreations of the NCC-1701 and NCC-1701-D bridges (where you can trade some of your gold-pressed latinum for the opportunity to sit in the captain’s chair and pose for a picture) corridors you can walk through, and more costumes and props than you could feed a Targ. Sadly, there is no Ten Forward where we can all have a drink on my officer’s tab, but there is a killer app that I can’t wait to try out: There is this thing where you step into a blue screen environment, and through the magic of teleprompters, multiple camera angles, and creative editing, perform in a mini episode of the original series, where you’ll get to act with Kirk and Spock. I’m hoping that I can improvise some dialog with Kirk about his, uh, luxurious maine of carefully-styled hair.

Two down, two to go! Be sure to drink your Ovaltine!

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8 January, 2008 Wil

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a look inside Star Trek: The Tour → ← this post contains lots of swears

57 thoughts on “announcement two of four (collect them all!)”

  1. starshine_diva says:
    8 January, 2008 at 4:36 pm

    SO SO SO excited!!!! Does this mean you will be coming to Montreal? (with the tour, I mean)

  2. Wil says:
    8 January, 2008 at 4:42 pm

    I’m not traveling with the tour, though I’ve considered talking to book stores about doing some appearances in San Francisco and Seattle when the tour gets there, because they’re close to me and it would probably lend itself to some easy cross promotion.

  3. Annika says:
    8 January, 2008 at 4:43 pm

    That is so fucking awesome.

  4. Chuck says:
    8 January, 2008 at 4:44 pm

    Wow, it’s coming through Houston. I may have to get my geek on and go check it out.

  5. butchhoward says:
    8 January, 2008 at 4:46 pm

    Super cool, Mr. Wheaton. We are still Demanding you in Atlanta. Perhaps this will give you some impetus to pop our way when the time comes.
    And put the links in you tweets, please.

  6. swordman69 says:
    8 January, 2008 at 4:50 pm

    Nice! My buddy called me today at lunch an asked if I wanted to go to the new Star Trek Tour down in Long Beach in a few weeks. I hope you’re there so I can get my HDOOL signed. Do you have a schedule yet?

  7. beelkay says:
    8 January, 2008 at 4:59 pm

    Kickass! It’ll be great to see you as Wesley again. I’ve been wondering for a while, though…what happened to his cosmic time/space traveling powers? Is he just taking a break or something?

  8. The Blot says:
    8 January, 2008 at 5:14 pm

    Wow, congrats! That is so awesome. I can’t wait to checkit out when the tour hits Houston!

  9. Kage says:
    8 January, 2008 at 5:18 pm

    Wait a second … Wesley can’t be a Lieutenant Commander! He’s off gallivanting around the universe with The Traveler! What’s going on here?!?

  10. Craig Steffen says:
    8 January, 2008 at 5:24 pm

    Hey Wil,
    This sounds really cool! Woot! It’ll be fun to see you in a performance like that.
    So…will you know when the tour gets fleshed out more? Their web site “schedule” doesn’t have…well…a schedule. It’s apparently going to be in Long Beach for 2 months, and that’s all. Are they just going to decide when and where to go next based on the response they get in each city? That just seems odd to me; I assumed that the schedules for tours like this are planned years in advance (I assume this is roughly equivalent to the “Star Wars” travelling exhibit that’s currently at the Museum of Science and Industry in Chicago).
    Wil; do you happen to know if there is a more detailed schedule available anywhere?
    Thanks, dude. I hope to be able to see it!
    Craig Steffen

  11. Starr01 says:
    8 January, 2008 at 5:34 pm

    This is really cool news; even though you won’t be traveling with the tour. But it will be coming to my city which is HUGE since cool things usually pass us by!

  12. kristinalead says:
    8 January, 2008 at 5:35 pm

    No fair!! Tells us there’s gonna be a Star Trek: The Tour, and there’s gonna be a national tour, but then kills us with, “I’m not traveling with the tour…” Bastard. You suck, Wheaton.
    So are there going to be videos/DVDs of the stops in which you participate? Where do I sign up to buy some?

  13. CarolP says:
    8 January, 2008 at 6:02 pm

    Holy crap, it’s coming to Vancouver! I’m so there. Now if only they’d say when tickets went on sale for the rest of the tour. hmm.
    Those were two pretty big anouncements, not sure how you can trump those. Will have to stay tuned.

  14. Arachne Jericho says:
    8 January, 2008 at 6:18 pm

    Congratulations, Wil!
    Wesley is avenged!

  15. ChrisW says:
    8 January, 2008 at 6:29 pm

    Wait. Isn’t Wesley still some kind of magical space elf or something? How can he be a Starfleet officer if he’s off being some kind of weird outer-space shaman-type thingy?
    Sorry. I snort-laughed and it fogged my goggles. I need to remember to stop typing when that happens.
    Still more great news! Can’t wait to read the rest!

  16. JennyW says:
    8 January, 2008 at 6:34 pm

    Woah, that is so cool! I’ll definitely be hitting one of the Arizona stops. So awesome!

  17. Wil says:
    8 January, 2008 at 6:37 pm

    Are you near Phoenix, JennyW? If you are, you’ll really like announcement three.

  18. SandieK says:
    8 January, 2008 at 6:47 pm

    THERES A CHARLOTTE LISTING!!!!!
    W00T!!!!!
    Okay so Im a little (really. just a little. Srsly. 🙁 )disappointed that you wont be traveling with it.
    But thats okay. Ive been waiting for years to attend a Trek thing or three.
    2 down. 2 to go. Have fun!

  19. SandieK says:
    8 January, 2008 at 6:49 pm

    heh. Magical Space Elf. I like that. I pondered that whole thing during ST: Nemesis, so this time Im not going to bother with it.

  20. angie k says:
    8 January, 2008 at 6:52 pm

    Dude! That’s so awesome! 🙂 w000000t.
    Hm, my little fan fiction mind is already coming up with a good way Wesley could go from Traveler to Star Fleet officer again… Mmm…. 🙂
    That’s just neat!

  21. mythusmage says:
    8 January, 2008 at 6:59 pm

    Wil, I hope you get your chance to do your improv soon.
    (As I typed the above I got this nasty idea. This wonderfully nasty idea. The current day Bill Shatner standing in for a certain disreputable junk dealer in scenes from “The Trouble With Tribbles”. (Kirk always did strike me as the sort to take up a career as a “tramp steamer” captain once he retired from the service.))

  22. chandrimac says:
    8 January, 2008 at 7:07 pm

    I can’t even express how ridiculously excited I am that Vancouver BC made it on the list. They mentioned at Comic-Con that it would but, well, one can never be totally sure with American tours and Canadian cities.
    And then of course there was the highly dignified running-around-and-squealing-with-hereditary-nerdly-glee portion of the evening. 😉
    Any idea when the order for the cities is going to be finalised? Or is it up somewhere I didn’t notice? Ticketmaster.ca doesn’t show any dates for the tour after February of ’08.

  23. Earth2Kim says:
    8 January, 2008 at 8:01 pm

    My inner Trekker did a little Wheeee! just then… hooray the tour is coming to San Fran.
    The last bit reminds me of what they (used to?) have at one of the Orlando theme parks (MGM maybe?), when I was there in 1991 — at age 10 — my parents and I acted with Kirk, Spock, Scotty, Roddenberry (!), and some Klingons. I still have the VHS… it rocks.

  24. butchhoward says:
    8 January, 2008 at 8:12 pm

    Yah! wilw has links in tweets!

  25. ChuckEye says:
    8 January, 2008 at 8:19 pm

    “Ovaltine? A crummy commercial? Son of a bitch!”
    Had to be said. 😉

  26. Steph says:
    8 January, 2008 at 9:47 pm

    This sounds so awesome! It better come to NYC!!

  27. Original_Swordman says:
    8 January, 2008 at 10:04 pm

    St Paul! Great!
    By-the-way, it’s mane, not maine, my main man.
    –Swordman

  28. Patty says:
    8 January, 2008 at 11:33 pm

    *snigger*
    Heh, have you been watching A Christmas Story… again?

  29. Mama Gaea says:
    9 January, 2008 at 12:22 am

    Re: bookstore appearances
    PLEASE SEATTLE PLEASE SEATTLE PLEASE SEATTLE!
    Actually what I should really say, even though I am DEFINITELY making a road trip to seattle to visit the experience…
    PLEASE STOP IN PORTLAND PLEASE STOP IN PORTLAND PLEASE STOP IN PORTLAND!
    I mean, come on Wil. POWELL’S BOOKSTORE. hell-O
    http://www.powells.com
    Then I can hug you and squeeze you and call you George.
    😉

  30. Gamepro says:
    9 January, 2008 at 12:35 am

    If you’re considering Seattle…might as well go up to Vancouver since it’s pretty close. We’ve got book stores up here in the strange, foreign land of Canada…I promise!

  31. ssrat says:
    9 January, 2008 at 1:04 am

    I hope you do make it up to SF at the same time.
    As long as the tour is not one of those completely over the top things where they seem to want to make everyone “participate” then I think I could visit it when it gets here
    It does look interesting and they look like they have a decent amount of stuff that they decided not to auction off

  32. Jessika says:
    9 January, 2008 at 6:28 am

    What is it with people going to Tulsa instead of OKC? First Henry Rollins, now the Trek tour! Come on guys, Tulsa is over rated. Mostly because I can’t do a road trip up there to see anything.
    So if Oklahoma is in your sights for your book tour, PLEASE make it OKC!

  33. Colonel Kevin says:
    9 January, 2008 at 6:37 am

    Anything that furthers the Wesley-magically-goes-back-to-Starfleet-somehow approach introduced in Nemesis, as opposed to adventuring-off-with-an-odd borderline-pedophile-alien view, is fantastic news in my book

  34. jetjaguar15 says:
    9 January, 2008 at 8:29 am

    Is there any truth to the rumor that one of these announcements will be you collaborating with the folks at Rifftrax?

  35. zizban says:
    9 January, 2008 at 8:45 am

    Come to Albany, NY, Wil. We have some great micropubs you’d enjoy. I bet WAMC would love to have you on their monthly book show.

  36. annie says:
    9 January, 2008 at 9:09 am

    Hey Wil, like starshine_diva, I would have LOVED to see you in Montreal for the Star Trek Tour, as the last time you were in Montreal, I didn’t know about it and missed out on meeting you!! Meeting you is truly a dream of mine, as you were in two of my fave movies ever: Stand By Me and Toys Soldiers (and of course you were great in Star Trek)! Please do come back to Montreal or even Toronto sometime soon! Annie

  37. Dave Westbay says:
    9 January, 2008 at 9:23 am

    I’m glad that Wesley has been brought back to the Trek universe in something more than a DVD bonus feature deleted scene. That’s quite a promotion, from Ensign to Lt. Commander; did the Traveler pull some quantum strings or something? Now if only the authors of the Titan novels would put Wesley in them – or have they by now?
    I’m looking forward to the Tour coming to the Dallas area and seeing your part in it.

  38. Celtic Mama says:
    9 January, 2008 at 9:24 am

    Geek heaven! I’m in geek heaven! Lt. Commander Wesley Crusher. Love it! You’ve earned that rank, bud. I hope the tour comes to Philly.

  39. Tara says:
    9 January, 2008 at 10:04 am

    W00t!!! I can’t wait to see you back as Wesley. I hope they announce the tour dates soon. I’m definately going to the DC stop. Too bad you aren’t traveling with the tour.
    Are you still planning a book signing tour, or do these new developments put a hold on that?
    ~~TARA~~

  40. Alicia says:
    9 January, 2008 at 10:31 am

    How very cool! I’m not far from NYC, so hopefully I can make it. The thing is, the site doesn’t give you which cities are on what dates, unless I missed something. Anybody? Thanks… Also, Wil, I know you’re not touring with this, but are you ever going to come this way on a book signing tour? 🙂
    -Alicia
    [email protected]
    http://www.thewagband.com

  41. utopia2064 says:
    9 January, 2008 at 11:02 am

    Why does Portland, OR never get any love? 🙁

  42. DrJubal says:
    9 January, 2008 at 11:24 am

    I’m about to lose some geek cred – but is Wesley Crusher in any of the TITAN novels that have come out? I haven’t stayed up to date with the latest from Captain Riker and his merry band.

  43. horsenbuggy says:
    9 January, 2008 at 12:51 pm

    >>Isn’t Wesley still some kind of magical space elf or something? How can he be a Starfleet officer if he’s off being some kind of weird outer-space shaman-type thingy?<< OK, that cracked me up. But seriously, wasn't it assumed that Wesley would learn "the secrets of the universe" when he left with the Traveller? If so, shouldn't he be more than an Assistant Engineer on a random ship? I'm glad he's back, but by this time he should be, like, running some super-secret engineering lab for Star Fleet. The dude is a genius with years of extra special knowledge. Also, this reminds me of something I did at MGM Orlando (now Disney Studios) back in 1996. They had a couple of standing sets to match scenes from various TV shows. I was in a scene "with" Woody from Cheers (ooh, maybe it was Coach). We were given the lines of the actors that we would replace in the scene. I don't know if they made any tapes, but we didn't buy one. It was fun.

  44. AT says:
    9 January, 2008 at 1:05 pm

    I got excited when I saw Toronto on the tour list, but then saw your reply to starshine_diva. Alas.
    Still, it’s a great announcement and a cool concept.

  45. (The Original) Mary Sue says:
    9 January, 2008 at 1:34 pm

    utopia2064, I’m wondering the same thing. I scanned the list and said, “YAY! Portland!” and then saw it was that OTHER Portland.
    Ah, well, it’s just another time for Portland geeks to do what they do best: CARPOOL!

  46. SalaciousScribe says:
    9 January, 2008 at 3:03 pm

    Just wanted to say congratulations on this and your continued participation in the Trek Manga. Looking forward to those other two announcements. May 2008 be a mighty year for all things Wheaton!

  47. Magic_Al says:
    9 January, 2008 at 6:11 pm

    Maybe Wesley’s powers grew to allow him to live a seemingly normal life and simultaneously experience alternate realities. The adult Wesley in Starfleet may be like video game avatar controlled by the unseen omnipotent being that used to be the real Wesley. If a person suddenly became omnipotent, by definition he would have the power to find out how his normal life would have turned out. Also consider, prior to meeting Wesley, the Traveler himself chose to explore the universe by posing as a lowly assistant to some jerk. Consider too that the omnipotent Q seems to want to hang around Starfleet people a lot. So it all makes sense!

  48. Bill says:
    9 January, 2008 at 6:39 pm

    I’m in L.A. next week on vacation, and I’d already seen the announcement. But I was waiting to see what *you’d* say about it. Now I know I’m going…crowds or not.
    Not only do I trust your opinion on matters ST, but I trust your sense of humor. (smile)

  49. Miss Ali says:
    9 January, 2008 at 8:39 pm

    It’s coming to DFW Texas!! That’s where I live! I am such a ST geek that I was watching TNG when I read this. My head is going to explode.

  50. myronaiii says:
    10 January, 2008 at 7:32 am

    Holy Shit! It’s coming to Indianapolis. This alone may revitalize my Star Trek enthusiasm that seems to have, quite sadly, regressed over the years.

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