WIL WHEATON dot NET

50,000 Monkeys at 50,000 Typewriters Can't Be Wrong

i don’t want to go on the cart

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I feel happy! I feel happy!

In all seriousness, I’m recovering at exactly the right pace, according to people who keep score on this sort of thing.

Warning: this is about to get gross.

I’m off all the meds, except for some stupid steroid for swelling that makes me really fucking irritable and regular Tylenol for this very minor headache that I guess is also pretty normal, once you’ve had a bunch of stuff the size of a Weighted Companion Cube yanked out of your head, and a "major septoplasty". Oh! and the most awesome thing? The stuff that looks like chicken liver that comes out of my nose about four times a day.

My doctor says I have some kind of post-surgical hypertension, which is why I can’t do a damn thing other than sit here and watch movies for another three or four days, so I’m starting to get <i>really</i> bored and antsy. And irritable. Goddamn am I irritable. So don’t fuck with me, or I’ll shoot chicken liver at you from my nose gun.

Oh! You know what I learned a whole bunch about on TV yesterday? Trains during wartime and secret underground Cold War tunnels. Exactly WTF I’m going to do with this knowledge, I don’t know, so I’m looking forward to removing it from my brain with Guinness once I allowed to drink alcohol again . . . in three goddamn miserable weeks, because alcohol makes me bleed, which remains bad.

Did I mention that I’m bored and irritable? Because boy, howdy.

However, I can smell things again. I can taste things again. I can sleep through the night without snoring, and I don’t regret having this surgery for a single moment. Sincerely, I don’t. And my doctor is some kind of superhero, who I think came from space and the future to carve a 4x5cm chunk of polyp-covered Horta from just one of my sinus cavities. There’s more, but I think I’ve been gross enough for one day.

Thank you, everyone, for all your get well wishes, here and at Fark. That was really, really, cool. I totally broke the "just sit here and continue to do a bunch of fucking nothing" rule during breakfast this morning so I could check up on e-mails and stuff.

I better go back to the couch. My couch groove is starting to lose its shape. Have a nice weekend, everyone.

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15 February, 2008 Wil

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in a room without a window in the corner → ← is there anyone home?

89 thoughts on “i don’t want to go on the cart”

  1. Scott T says:
    16 February, 2008 at 4:40 pm

    Nice to see that your progressing, Wil.
    CHICKEN LIVER??? You’ve ruined me, Wil!

  2. Mr. Steve says:
    16 February, 2008 at 5:07 pm

    Will – I had the same/similar surgery 19 years ago.
    I had both lower inferior turbinades removed which – like yours’ – were chronically infected. I also required a septoplasty. The whole procedure is a called a ‘submucous resection’.
    I woke up afterwards feeling like someone had taken a 2×4 to my face. I went home and slept most of a day…and woke up shrieking in pain…two Darvocet later, and I was asleep again.
    After about 4 days, I went to my doctor’s office to have the packing removed.
    He numbed me up and yanked the gauze out. I bled a little but not much.
    I breathed freely from my nose for the first time since my parents moved us to Florida…it was like a religious experience!
    Something’s always in ‘bloom’ in Central Florida, and my nose couldn’t hack it; I became chronically addicted to the OTC vasodilators by the time I’d been there 15 years.
    The next day, in the shower, I felt a little ‘tickle’ in my nose and throat, forcing a sneeze.
    Here’s where it gets really gross.
    I sneezed, and then it felt like I had a dried bugger in my nose. I reached in with a finger to clear my nose and pulled…and pulled…and pulled some more!
    Turns out, it was a wad of gauze rolled into the shape of a tube – about 2 inches long – all full of my semi-clotted blood!
    I freaked out and called the doctor! He said it was normal, and that it would have come out eventually…he just didn’t expect it to come out so soon.
    Just in case, here’s a hint; if you feel the need to sneeze, have a handkerchief at the ready if you’re anyplace other than the privacy of your shower.

  3. wittyenough says:
    16 February, 2008 at 6:39 pm

    You’re adorable, and you make me smile a lot. I guess this is why you have been on my link bar since August of 2001. Happy recovery.

  4. Miss Ali says:
    16 February, 2008 at 7:03 pm

    “I’ve got to go ’round to the Robinsons’, they’ve lost nine today.”
    Sorry to hear about your nasal spaghetti. I’m like you, I can’t stand being sick and sitting around for days on end. I hope you feel better. We miss your bloggins.
    -Ali

  5. Eddie says:
    16 February, 2008 at 8:03 pm

    Hey Will.. I understand exactly what you are going through. A year ago I had a similar surgery. But I had a deviated septum that was blocking about 95% of my right nasal passage. I’ve broke my nose about three separate times. All were sports injuries and it finally took it’s toll. I’d have to say the worst was definitely the packing. I doubled up on pain meds the day they came out and wow. I have never felt anything like that before when they got yanked out one by one. I’d rank it past getting kicked in the balls lol. Anyway hang in there..take it easy and smell the roses when you get a chance 🙂
    Oh and PS… if you get a chance during your tv/couch meditation 🙂 You should get on the 360 and download this xbox live arcade game called cloning clyde. You will get a kick out of it.

  6. Lisa says:
    16 February, 2008 at 9:14 pm

    Take your, time, hope you feel better soon.
    If you get bored, why don’t you try sketching? It shouldn’t raise the BP too much.

  7. DustPuppyOI says:
    16 February, 2008 at 9:39 pm

    Dear Wil,
    I hope you are feeling better.
    Something off topic here but there was an exhibit at one of the New York Public Library of the Performing Arts that made me think of you. Some words of wisdom from Paul Rudnick from a blurb on the photo exhibit of American playwrights:
    You just write, and if you fail, you bury this turkey and move on. I’ve known almost no deeper satisfaction than burning 300 pages of typing, knowing no other human being will have to suffer through this thing. One of my particular nightmares is that I write some horrible play, some ungodly piece of crap, and I get killed in a car crash and people will find this manuscript and imagine I thought it was good. What if they have some horrible misguided sense of pity and say, “We should stage Paul’s final testament.” That audience will be sitting there going, “Thank God he’s dead. I bet he was a suicide.”
    Well, the end wasn’t that cheery but at least it’s a rather interesting perspective, eh?

  8. Molly says:
    16 February, 2008 at 10:47 pm

    Well you could do what my boyfriend Wayne and I do, which is roleplay as Star Trek characters on myspace. LOL! That has a way of passing A LOT of time! Or you could just check them out when you are really bored and let us know what you think. 😀
    Here are my two main profiles on myspace:
    http://www.myspace.com/jeremy_aster
    http://www.myspace.com/melota_house_of_rem_ka
    Wayne’s main character you can find on myspace is here:
    http://www.myspace.com/wayne_zachary
    Oh and here is a link to the USS Titan NCC-80102 profile I made:
    http://www.myspace.com/uss_titan_ncc_80102
    Enjoy! 😀

  9. Wayne Zachary says:
    16 February, 2008 at 10:52 pm

    See that Titan page ? Molly made that in a night! She is the most awesome girlfriend! Squee!!!!

  10. Wayne Zachary says:
    16 February, 2008 at 10:54 pm

    oh , p.s.
    Drops hat, pixies go to work!

  11. Wendy May says:
    16 February, 2008 at 11:00 pm

    Yeah for feeling better! I had some crazy rotor rooter surgery on my throat/sniuses/tonsils, adnenoids/uvula all gone. It SUCKED. When you feel better you feel totally grateful… can’t wait to you’re up to 11!

  12. Miss Debater says:
    17 February, 2008 at 9:12 am

    Whoa. My imagination is working overtime trying to figure out what a chicken liver nasal firearm looks like. I’m simultaneously fascinated and mortified. Thanks for that engrossing idea!

  13. Smallfolk says:
    17 February, 2008 at 9:23 am

    I had that exact same surgery about 9 years ago, and STILL look back at the recovery as some of the most miserable in my LIFE! And yet – the surgery made such a difference in my world, I wouldn’t trade it for anything!
    Hope you’re well!

  14. Freeman says:
    17 February, 2008 at 7:09 pm

    Dr. Crusher could have cured you by waving that little thingamajig over your sinuses. You would be out of sickbay and in Ten Forward sipping a synthaGuinness before Picard could say ‘engage’.

  15. Eileen says:
    18 February, 2008 at 3:53 am

    Thanks for checking in, Wil, and thanks for the rather, um, graphic images.
    Now get back in that groove and stay well!

  16. JSc says:
    18 February, 2008 at 6:31 am

    Sounds like everything is going well, Wil–congrats!
    Apologies on being so slow to check in. Life’s been insanely busy of late.

  17. kbfan710 says:
    18 February, 2008 at 8:29 am

    So very glad to hear that you are feeling better. Also, continue to try and keep the bleeding to a minimum…even if it means a brief moratorium on Guinness.
    Continue to improve and add some more random, useless knowledge to your repertoire.

  18. Merrick ap'Milandra says:
    18 February, 2008 at 8:38 am

    No wonder i keep this in my phone’s RSS feeds.
    This post just made a completely shitty (we’re talking Cat5 noose) monday entirely bearable.
    You’re a rockstar Wil. Thanks for the laughs.

  19. Russe1l says:
    18 February, 2008 at 9:23 am

    “chunk of polyp-covered Horta from just one of my sinus cavities”
    Excellent visual imagery there, Wil.
    “No pick I”
    “No sneeze I”
    I, too, suffer from nasal problems. Feels more like a Crystalline Entity up there today.

  20. Ian Coomber says:
    18 February, 2008 at 11:23 am

    Just read your latest twitter post. I believe it was Marcel Proust who once said . .
    “Happiness is beneficial for the body, but it is grief that develops the powers of the mind.”
    . . if it helps at all.

  21. Celtic Mama says:
    18 February, 2008 at 12:13 pm

    Now I’m going to hear “Bring out your dead!” in my head the rest of the day! Glad to hear your getting better Wil. But don’t watch any Python until you’re better. 🙂

  22. heathm says:
    18 February, 2008 at 1:04 pm

    Wil,
    I had the surgery twice, once in 1991, and again last May, which was much bigger. My recovery was slower, and technically I’m STILL recovering. It wasn’t fun. I was supposed to be back to work within 4 days, but I was out for a week.
    But I have to say, I can breathe better and my allergies and asthma are good, too. It was painful (headaches, etc.), but worth it!
    heath

  23. Heather says:
    18 February, 2008 at 1:08 pm

    Just thought I would throw in my well wishes for you as well. Didn’t know you were having surgery. What a fan I am huh?
    Anyho…hope your all up to snuff soon! hehe
    Love,
    Heather

  24. shibuii says:
    19 February, 2008 at 5:16 am

    I’m having a septoplasty myself on the 25th of this month – thanks for introducing me to the chicken liver out of the nose!
    I hope my recover goes as well as yours is.

  25. Bog says:
    19 February, 2008 at 6:29 am

    What is it with hitting one’s mid-thirties and having to have chunks of one’s nasing system removed? Who designed that? Eh? Eh? I wanna refund!

  26. Anne says:
    19 February, 2008 at 9:29 am

    Ahahahaha
    You make me laugh.

  27. Antryg7 says:
    19 February, 2008 at 11:12 am

    You are a kick in the ass. Great description of your nasal pilgrimage towards more restful sleep. May the Kleenex (and painkillers) be with you.

  28. angie k says:
    19 February, 2008 at 11:45 am

    No Guinness for three weeks?! Noooo! Say it isn’t so! Well, do you mind if I have one for you, then?
    I think your assignment should be to write something involving trains and secret tunnels.
    I hope you feel better soon and that you don’t catch too much cabin fever!
    Cheers!

  29. brotherlode says:
    19 February, 2008 at 1:10 pm

    Hoping you mend immediately–until then: drink plenty of water, eat healthy meals, get some gentle exercise and sleep a lot! Happy thoughts going your way, buddy!

  30. VT says:
    19 February, 2008 at 2:50 pm

    Sorry you’re losing your mind. As much fun as laying on the couch for days on end, reading, watching movies, and playing video games sounds… it can get really old, fast. Not to mention extremely hard on one’s back.
    Hang in there.

  31. Pazy says:
    19 February, 2008 at 7:26 pm

    Everytime the doctor tells me I need to rest up and not do any strenuous and just sleep for days I just ignore them. I get well maybe slightly less fast but I get stuff done in the meantime.

  32. Pazy says:
    19 February, 2008 at 7:29 pm

    Side Note: Those pointless documentarys are amazing, I dont know how many times Ive pulled seeminly useless facts from nowhere to fill in gaps in conversation. Its like social pollyfilla.

  33. DustPuppyOI says:
    19 February, 2008 at 10:48 pm

    Dear Wil,
    What do you mean nothing? You’re doing research! I’ll have you know that according to Sir Antony Sher‘s account of preparing to play the role of Richard III (his book Year of the King), he said that “if you have long enough you can research any part without moving from your living-room”. It’s not nothing, it research!

  34. SonWorshipper says:
    20 February, 2008 at 1:41 am

    Hope all goes well and you are back at it in no time. Even if you don’t feel like it, do treat those you love well, and may they return the favor in abundance. May a Guinness be just around the corner as well.
    Also, forgive me in this, but thanks to DustPuppyOI I am now picturing you as “Cyrano de Bergerac”. This is why I never get even close to not sober.
    /Geraint Wyn Davies as Cyrano, on the other hand, DO WANT.

  35. Jenanne says:
    20 February, 2008 at 7:18 am

    An off-topic plea for one of your healthier weeks: Kindle-ize your books! Please!

  36. camias designs says:
    20 February, 2008 at 10:35 am

    Wil,
    I watched Modern Marvels with you, as I am way laid by the plague. My sympathies…although I secretly harbor a slight obsession with The History Channel. Feel better soon! Went to the Star Trek Tour and watched Capt. Wesley in action. 🙂

  37. Samurai Avon Lady says:
    21 February, 2008 at 5:46 pm

    My mom had that surgery, several years back, and had the post-surgical hypertension. It’s really good that you’re following the doc’s advice to *stay put and not get worked up*… because you’ll be saving yourself quite a few YEARS of said hypertension…

  38. housecat4ever says:
    25 February, 2008 at 5:00 pm

    I have your next book title: “Horta Hears a Choo-Choo.”

  39. Outsider says:
    26 February, 2008 at 9:30 am

    You may find these amusing while you’re recovering. It’s a set of Wesley Crusher Successories on Flikr. This is my favorite one:
    http://www.flickr.com/photos/smwance/2207482538/in/set-72157603758610844/

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