i don’t want to go on the cart

I feel happy! I feel happy!

In all seriousness, I’m recovering at exactly the right pace, according to people who keep score on this sort of thing.

Warning: this is about to get gross.

I’m off all the meds, except for some stupid steroid for swelling that makes me really fucking irritable and regular Tylenol for this very minor headache that I guess is also pretty normal, once you’ve had a bunch of stuff the size of a Weighted Companion Cube yanked out of your head, and a "major septoplasty". Oh! and the most awesome thing? The stuff that looks like chicken liver that comes out of my nose about four times a day.

My doctor says I have some kind of post-surgical hypertension, which is why I can’t do a damn thing other than sit here and watch movies for another three or four days, so I’m starting to get <i>really</i> bored and antsy. And irritable. Goddamn am I irritable. So don’t fuck with me, or I’ll shoot chicken liver at you from my nose gun.

Oh! You know what I learned a whole bunch about on TV yesterday? Trains during wartime and secret underground Cold War tunnels. Exactly WTF I’m going to do with this knowledge, I don’t know, so I’m looking forward to removing it from my brain with Guinness once I allowed to drink alcohol again . . . in three goddamn miserable weeks, because alcohol makes me bleed, which remains bad.

Did I mention that I’m bored and irritable? Because boy, howdy.

However, I can smell things again. I can taste things again. I can sleep through the night without snoring, and I don’t regret having this surgery for a single moment. Sincerely, I don’t. And my doctor is some kind of superhero, who I think came from space and the future to carve a 4x5cm chunk of polyp-covered Horta from just one of my sinus cavities. There’s more, but I think I’ve been gross enough for one day.

Thank you, everyone, for all your get well wishes, here and at Fark. That was really, really, cool. I totally broke the "just sit here and continue to do a bunch of fucking nothing" rule during breakfast this morning so I could check up on e-mails and stuff.

I better go back to the couch. My couch groove is starting to lose its shape. Have a nice weekend, everyone.

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89 thoughts on “i don’t want to go on the cart”

  8. Ok, that is just freaky. There was a Holy Grail skit (the Anarchosyndicalist Commune, if you must know) playing on my iTunes when I brought up this post.

  9. Funny you should mention this movie Wil I was just introducing my girlfriend to it the other day. I’m sure you’re probably laughing as much or more than I was. Enjoy.
    Obligatory quote:
    “One, two, five!”

  12. One really weird thing that happened after my septoplasty and sinus scraping… I woke up in the middle of the night after all the chicken livers had gone away… and I heard a stranger breathing in my bed!
    It was my own damn nose, but the pitch of my own breathing changed enough to scare the shit out of me when I first heard it.

  13. Speaking of sinus problems, I am just now eating some sweet and sour chicken left over from what I cooked last night, and after a mouthful I felt a lone piece of rice going up my throat instead of down with its buddies. I feel it now, chilling out near my sinus area. It’s not pleasant.
    Anyway, since I heard about the sinus surgery one thing I’ve been wondering about but didn’t want to ask until it was clear you weren’t going to die horribly is if there was ever any talk about your voice being affected as an effect. If I were a professional voice actor person I might consider getting an insurance policy on my heavenly voice before being cut open — like Mary Heart’s legs.
    Or so they say.

  15. There I was thinking a horta was something medical… I’m not as think as you geek I am.
    PS. Madrigorne – I think you’ll find it’s a parsnip… 😉

  17. So I wanted to thank you for making me laugh a lot. Seriously, I just giggled a ton at the chicken liver nose gun, even if it’s completely gross. I truly appreciate every moment I’ve been able to laugh in the past 24 hours, so thank you.
    -an NIU student
    (I hope you feel better, though, because even though it made me laugh — uh, ew. And it sounds painful. <3)

  18. So I wanted to thank you for making me laugh a lot. Seriously, I just giggled a ton at the chicken liver nose gun, even if it’s completely gross. I truly appreciate every moment I’ve been able to laugh in the past 24 hours, so thank you.
    -an NIU student
    (I hope you feel better, though, because even though it made me laugh — uh, ew. And it sounds painful. <3)

  20. Glad you’re doing better!
    However, I’m calling a mild “Bullshit!” on you.
    You’re a writer, Wil. I can’t believe that you’d get 3 hours worth of info about “Secret trains!” and not have it spark a story idea -somewhere- in your head. 😀

  21. Although I shouldnt encourage you to do things you have been told not to do but if your healing up as planned and udating this and twitter isnt effecting you then why should you stop doing something you enjoy.
    Besides sitting on the couch watching tv (as much fun as it is) if your not used to doing it can be more stressful than stuff you usually do.
    Although saying that you should still take it easy we dont want you getting worse because that would be like really bad.
    Rest up and get well soon Wil.

  22. I will never be able to look at a chicken liver again without thinking of you! Thank God I’ve never been a fan of eating them! Take care, get well soon.

  23. You rock, Wil. My husband, a geek, found your blog and sent it to me, a sorta geek, and now we are both hooked. I’ve had the surgery you are talking about – and that same night hosted a boxing party at our house. Musta been the drugs….hope you get better fast!

  24. Wow, well I’m not gonna eat for the next few hours! JK LOL. Sorry to hear your still jacked up . Drops a Dark Side of the Moon hat in to a pool of Chicken Liver blood next to the train tracks .

  26. Whoo! I just read my last post and realized how psycho it sounded. I think I’ll just drop the hat for ya, have fun fighting off the scantily clad Aliens!

  27. As to the trains and underground tunnels: Take that knowledge and use it as a background for a novel! make it in the future if you’re still looking to write sci-fi, but have them used somehow. Even if the novel is in another planet you should be able to use that knowledge somehow. Remember that in a writers’ mind, the correct expression is “garbage in, novel out”. 🙂
    btw, I should send you another pic of my shelf, this time with HDoOL next to dancing barefoot, STILL sandwiched between Marvels, Watchmen and “The Big Fat Kill” ^_^

  28. I’m glad to hear your recovery is coming along well, Wil. I’ve been thinking of you this week.
    Now, get back to that tv! (Ghost in the Shell on Adult Swim is all kinds of awesome.)

  29. Im realizing that based on your writing and interests youre pretty similar to my friends and me in taste’s and creative thoughts =P
    This is entertaining!

  30. Is it ok to chuckle just a little bit over your post? 😉 (Glad you’re feeling better, though.)
    My favorite quote (from a cartoon show) says: “It is not a problem, it is a cleverly disguised opportunity.” So I second the idea that all that useless information soaking into your mind will prove invaluable as novel material some day. Every experience can be turned into something useful!
    *Ducks from nose gun*

  31. I’m right there with you, Wil. A few years back I had some work done on my septum and a turbinate reduction surgery…when the time came to remove the gauze, I felt like Ah-nuld pulling the tracking gizmo out of his nose in “Total Recall.”
    But in times like these, it’s worth noting that you’ve still got your sense of humor going for you, which is always good!
    Feel better soon!

  32. That was a swipe at me in South Pas Wil. You know what two of my Doctorates are in. One can ALWAYS learn something from history. Remember that if one does not learn from history, one is doomed to repeat the mistakes of the past. I am not going to tie that into the pre-surgery Obama postings, but thou gets the drift. However I do appreciate the Jack Smith style. Keep it up. Get well soon so you can push for your boy and nullify my vote with yours. Billie Boy

  33. Glad your sense of humour and descriptive prose are still in order!
    Would have used TrackBack but couldn’t get it to work – negative geek points for me…keep up the good healing.

  35. Aw, even when you’re unwell, you manage an entertaining post, Wil. For me, it was the Vicodin 3x/day that turned me into a miserable raging biotch. But then, mine was a different sort of surgery altogether. Take care until you’re back here again!

  36. Wil, so glad to hear you are coming along nicely in your healing process. I was also happy to see your message, and read it and laughed out loud so hard. You kill me. Of course, I read the “I am happy” and Monty Python discussion and my thoughts tangent off to the “Happy Happy Joy Joy” song. The part about “shooting chicken liver at you from a nose gun” could really be used in some stand up comedy sketch or something. Maybe it needs just the right crowd to do that one, but my cheeks hurt from laughing so hard about that part. Just an idea: Keep a notebook and pen/pencil next to you while you are doing the couch potato 3-hour rounds. You could probably have a multitude of ideas that come off a tangent in your thoughts as you are watching the tv. You could doodle/write and perhaps release your irritable mode by writing down whatever is bugging ya or whatever creative thought comes in. Give it a try. Sometimes ya just never know till ya try. Maintain your “fucos” on that “I Feel Happy” thought. Rest up and take care Wil.

  37. First, I’m so glad you posted something. I was a little concerned after the first post about the surgery and then so long without any word. Second, I read this from an RSS feed to Livejournal so I didn’t get the reference until I clicked over here. So the first thing that came to my head (after reading about your mood on steroids) was Adam Sandler and Jack Nicholson singing “I feel Pretty” (the song is from West Side Story) in the movie Anger Management. Which is just a hilarious scene to me and I can’t be angry whenever I think of it. Anyway, I’m glad you’re feeling better and I hope you can get back to your normal routine soon and better rested.

  38. So happy to hear your recovery is going well, keep it up. A little fyi, that was not gross at all. More details are required to make it icky. What you did manage to say was funny. And thus my uber lame comment comes to an end.

  40. What if your sinus surgery changes the taste of Guiness? Whatever will you do then?
    (Don’t you dare put that finger on your nostril…I move faster than you can blow Mister!)
    Oh, Sunday that damned Scott Baio whiny ass I’m gonna be a daddy show will be on…and little Baio-lina will be born…you don’t want to miss that!

  41. Whaddaya mean “Exactly WTF I’m going to do with this knowledge, I don’t know…”?
    You’re a writer, ya dummy. You’re supposed to file it mentally and use it later.
    Sheesh.
    mmmm… chicken livers…

  42. What would an underground railroad be like in a world where people had superpowers?
    What would sinus surgery be like in a world where surgeons had access to Clairvoyance and Teleportation?

  43. Just remember to put everything in the right perspective. If you do that, you can’t go wrong…unless you do, and then you’re boned.
    Now where’s my copy of Holy Grail?

  45. *lol* You sound like a woman during PMS. You have my sympathies. And I will drink a Guiness for you tonight. 😉
    Cheers, Wil, get better soon!

  46. Hello Mr. Wheaton, i know you dont know me, but i really hope you get well again!
    im a smalltime Trek and Wil Wheaton-Fan and when i heard you had an operation i was kinda worried, that you would be seriously ill…. i am glad you are well enough to feel bored again (as weird as this may sound).
    and if you ever had just a little bit of time… it would be really nice if you could drop me a message.
    with best wishes,
    David from Germany

  47. I’ve been suffering from sinusitis for about two years. The skull-crushing pain you mentioned? I can so relate. Glad to know there’s a solution to it all.
    Good luck with the recovery, and remember that after that, there is all that breathing to look forward to!
    (I go to the sinus clinic on the 27th– I wonder if they’ll recommend surgery? And if they do, will they find a Horta?)

  48. I get how you feel. Big time. I’m recovering from a different kind of surgery. I’m also a writer, one who thought all this free time would rev up the old create muscles. Nah. I’m too busy being grumpy and restless.
    But I’d have to be physically pried from this laptop. Can’t do without the blogs for company at least.
    Hope the hypertension goes away!

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