WIL WHEATON dot NET

50,000 Monkeys at 50,000 Typewriters Can't Be Wrong

the R’lyehan tourist phrasebook

  • WWdN in Exile

Elizabeth Bear’s doing a series of posts where she shares things she overheard
at WisCon. They’re all pretty awesome, but this one is TOTALLY FUCKING
AWESOME:

12.) R’lyehan tourist phrasebook:

Help. I am being devoured by your octopus.

My species does not breathe water.

No thank you. I do not wish a fungus.

I’m sorry, no. I have claustrophobia.

You seem to have a frog in your throat.
You seem to have a frog in your soup.
You seem to have a frog in your pants.

Would you like a lemon drop?

(from Overheard at WisCon)

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27 May, 2008 Wil

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bring on the night . . . and the assholes → ← thank you for your service. thank you for your sacrifice.

11 thoughts on “the R’lyehan tourist phrasebook”

  1. Drev says:
    27 May, 2008 at 12:19 pm

    That is, indeed, totally awesome.
    In related news, I just put a Cthulhu fish on the back of my car last friday!
    Cthulhu ftagn!

  2. Cythusly says:
    27 May, 2008 at 12:36 pm

    Ia! Ia!
    It’s great to know the Dreaming Dead One is getting some love at WisCon!

  3. ChuckEye says:
    27 May, 2008 at 1:09 pm

    Man, gives “My hovercraft is full of eels” a whole new meaning…

  4. Andrew says:
    27 May, 2008 at 1:56 pm

    “You should not eat me. I am high in trans fats.”

  5. Sally J says:
    27 May, 2008 at 2:37 pm

    Any chance you’ll make it up here for WisCon someday? We also know a thing or two about brewing beer…

  6. chesme says:
    27 May, 2008 at 7:14 pm

    *nudge, nudge, wink, wink* Hey hey, if you come to Geek.kon (also in Madison, WI) you can have your own crazy-WI overheard quotes… cause that’s what we’re good for here in Madison… craziness. Well, and geekiness. At least it seems so in my head.

  7. camias designs says:
    28 May, 2008 at 1:47 am

    sigh. Waaaaaay too geek for me.

  8. RainInSpain says:
    28 May, 2008 at 7:34 am

    “No thank you. I do not wish a fungus.” I should print this one on a teeshirt, for next time I’ve had a few too many and some sleaze tries to pick me up!

  9. winslow says:
    28 May, 2008 at 9:46 am

    Hey Wil !
    I sent you an email about my upcoming Autism Fundraiser taking place the 2nd weekend of September at Hollywood Park. It’s the “Celebrity Pinall & Arcade Game show”. We would be honored if you’d grace us with your presence. I know your schedule fills up quick and that you’re very busy but it will feature 100’s of classic video arcade & pinball machines and a head-to-head pinball competition between the celebs & general public… Funds raised will go to TACA – Talk About Curing Autism. We would love to see you there! PM me if you have any questions or concerns.
    Regards,
    Steve Winslow

  10. MikeN says:
    28 May, 2008 at 1:55 pm

    Another entry for the phrasebook:
    “Pardon me – have you seen the yellow sign?”.

  11. aintnosin says:
    2 June, 2008 at 3:55 pm

    “Help. I am being devoured by your octopus.”
    Man, if I had a dollar for every time I heard that…
    I’d still be broke.

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