the pretty white ships that i’ve been dreaming of

I haven’t had a theatrical agent for years, so I don’t have as many auditions or opportunities to work as an actor as I once did. I have a fantastic manager, though, who always gets me into quality auditions, where I have a real shot at booking the job.[1]

My manager and I have an understanding that I’m primarily focused on writing at the moment, so he can put his time and energy into his other clients who are full-time actors, while keeping an eye out for parts like NUMB3RS, where I have a better than average shot to nail the audition.[2] This arrangement has worked out really well for both of us.

Last week, he got me an audition for a wonderful role on [awesome show redacted]. I had less than a day to prepare it but I did my best, and when I got into the room . . . I sucked. Oh, man how I sucked. I think the stink of my reading is still sitting in that building, a week after I left. In fact, if you see hazmat teams in Studio City, now you know why.

Luckily for us, the casting director was willing to give good, honest, useful feedback on my audition. The bottom line? He felt like I was really “acting” when I was in there. My performance wasn’t organic, it wasn’t honest, it wasn’t real. In other words, it wasn’t very good.

When my manager relayed this to me, it was like Billy Zabka swept my leg. Getting caught acting was one of my worst fears realized. Good actors don’t get caught acting, bad actors get caught acting. Ergo . . . well, I’d rather not say it out loud.

For the next couple of days, I spent a lot of time thinking about how that happened, and I had to face an uncomfortable reality: maybe I was so out of practice, and so focused on writing (instead of acting), maybe I just don’t have what it takes to be a successful on-camera actor anymore.

I had a real crisis on my hands, but before I could call my manager and discuss it yesterday, he called me with another audition.

“Okay,” I thought, “I’ll just go on this audition, and after the holiday weekend, I’ll see if we can have lunch, and face this reality together.”

I prepared the audition, keenly aware of all the things I’d done wrong with the [awesome show redacted] audition. I went through all the things I’ve written about acting and auditioning, and listened to a lot of my own advice and experience. I decided that I’d get in, do my thing, and get out.[3] I thought about a number of conversations I’ve recently had with a friend of mine who just booked a similar role on [very very very awesome show redacted], and applied some of his decision making to my own. I kept it simple, and I never thought, “Well, this is it. If this one doesn’t work, I’m hanging up my dance belt.”[4] Instead, I just prepared my take on this character, made some deliberate-but-risky choices, and went to work.

When I was in the room, I didn’t think about the people there, I didn’t think about what was at stake (directly or indirectly) and I just focused on the person I was reading with. I didn’t do anything fancy, just gave them my simple-but-deliberate take on this guy.

I felt better than I felt after I sucked out loud last week. I didn’t know if I nailed it, but I’d made my deliberate-but-risky choices, and I’d committed to them entirely. Whether I got the job or not, at least I had that to take home with me and keep in a box on the shelf for the weekend.

A few hours after I got home, my manager called me.

“Well, I have some feedback,” he said.

“That was fast,” I said.

“Yeah, I guess they wanted you to know right away that you’re hired.”

“Really?!” I said. I always say that, even though I know that my manager is never going to call me up, tell me a got a job, and then say, “Ha! PSYKE!”

“Yes, really.” He said.

So I squeed, and he outlined the deal for me. I get guest-starring billing at the beginning of the show on my own card, I work for eight days, and — best of all — I’ll earn enough to qualify for SAG’s “good” health insurance for at least another year.

I can’t say anything about the role, because I don’t have permission from the producers and the network, but I think I can safely reveal that it’s for Criminal Minds on CBS, and it’s a part that I am going to love bringing to life.

There is a lesson here about not giving up. There’s a lesson here about learning from your mistakes and applying that knowledge, instead of wallowing in self-pity. I’m not pointing that out because I think anyone else needs to hear it; I’m pointing it out because I’m going to forget it sooner or later, and I want to remember it the next time I go searching through my writing for advice from myself.

One more thing: when I had the audition last week, I did my best, even though my best was crap. When I did my audition yesterday, I did my best, and it was much better than what “my best” was just a week ago. Someone once said to me that we should always do our best, and understand and accept that “our best” will vary from time to time. I’m glad I remembered that.

And now, footnotes:

[1] That may not make sense. Let me explain: pretty much every agent I ever had would submit me on as many projects as possible, whether I was really right for the role or not. I guess the logic here is that you get more chances to score when you take more shots, which makes a certain amount of sense, but in practice is pretty frustrating for actors who keep getting sent out for roles that they have no chance of booking. (I realize that, to actors who are struggling for any auditions, this seems like a wonderful problem to have, but it really isn’t.)

[2]Years ago, I took an extensive and comprehensive marketing class, where I learned a whole bunch of stuff about how to market myself as an actor, and how to find breakout roles that are supported by five or six things that define my personality — my essences, in the language of this course. My manager looks for roles that match up with my essences, while a larger team of agents may just look for parts that call for a white male, 30-36.

[3]This is one of the valuable things I learned while writing sketch comedy.

[4]What? You don’t wear a dance belt to every audition?

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75 thoughts on “the pretty white ships that i’ve been dreaming of”

  1. That’s awesome that you were able to just pick up and move on. And Criminal Minds! That’s just great! One of my top 5 shows! Congrats on the role, and getting the “good” health insurance.

  2. You just made me realize why my interview went badly last week. I have been doing the same thing. Focusing on writing so much I forget how it is to work in the real world. Interviews are the same as auditions in that way. Forgetting about what’s at stake and just being myself at an interview would make a huge difference. I will remember that for the next interview…if I ever get one. As usual thanks for the not-really-directed-at-me-advice. Timely as ever.

  3. Congrats on the job! When you are rusty at something, sometimes you have to shake off the rust (see: your crappy audition last week) so you will be ready for the next chance (see: the successful audition this week). Of course, I’m not telling you something that you don’t already know. But remembering that can make the pain of the sucky time sting a little less.
    I look forward to seeing your episode of Criminal Minds, and I’ll be watching for the announcement of the air date.
    Oh: I lost my dance belt some years ago. I should get a new one.

  5. Great post! I always mean to visit your blog after seeing your threads on FARK, and I’m glad I came today.
    Every so often I’m horrified by how bad some of my previous work is, compared to what I perceive as my “best” now. It’s a good reminder that our best efforts can vary and I have to keep working on mine…
    Thanks and congrats.

  6. I enjoy these times in your blog where you are really honest about your creative work. I like your insight about the creative process, and I also like reading about how you try to maintain your creative integrity while dealing with publishers, auditions, etc., etc. Congratulations on your achievement this week! 🙂

  7. I’m glad you’re not hanging up your “dancing shoes” as I love your writing but it’s still fun to see you in your acting jobs. Criminal Minds is one of my favorite shows so I’m excited to see you on it. Congratulations!

  8. Well congratulations. I would say, this particular blog is pretty insightful, coming from your own perspective and experience. The idea that you still experience those things others experience while going through an audition. It should also be ringing some bells for others trying to get their foot in the door, so to speak.
    In a couple of weeks I’ll be auditioning at local theatre here in Michigan. The play is called Barefoot In The Park by Paul Simon. I can really get into the Telephone Man part. Eh..we’ll see. I’m just gonna have fun with it. My perspective is, you only live once (that we know of) and I just want to do whatever I am physically and mentally capable of before they put me out to pasture. Whether it’s writing, doing CG,
    animating, biochem, acting, mathematics, whatever. I always wanted to be Ben Franklin…don’t want to look like him, but wanted to be him. LOL

  9. I am happy and excited for you Wil! You are going to be acting in one of my favorite shows. I will be waiting impatiently for it to air.

  10. Way to go, Wil. I haven’t seen the show since Mantegna (who I love!) joined up, since CBS doesn’t come in on my antenna, but it’s good TV. Matthew Gray Gubler is freaking hilarious in the DVD outtakes and YouTube stuff he did. Get it on that stuff.

  11. Congrats, Wil! Awesomeness for you!
    And please. Don’t post any pictures of you in your dance belt, mkaythanks.
    Clay

  14. Criminal Minds? HELL YEAH! That’s my second-favorite CBS show! I will definitely be looking out for an announcement of air date…and if it comes after I’m graduated and out of the school apartment, I will be harassing my little sister for the television that night.
    If it comes before graduation, well…the Crazy Lady Who Lives Upstairs will just have to deal with the cheering.

  16. Well done, Wil! It helps to be Taoist about anything stressful (i.e. go with the Way of the flow).
    …Must remember own ideas as I search for a job…

  18. Far out. I am SOOO glad I am not an actor. You’ve been doing this ever since you were a kid and you STILL have “moments” where your self belief gets shredded by circumstances.
    Man… imagine what other actors go through who are less talented / less well known that you?
    It’s enough to drive them crazy.
    Or, at least, to relocate to the San Fernando Valley and break into the porn industry.

  21. I am choosing to believe that the article you linked to about the potential for spin-off is a coded message (though it would be a code lacking subtlety, I suppose). I do not expect you will confirm or deny. Either way, the thought makes me happy!
    Congrats on doing your best and getting rewarded for it!

  22. Congrats, Wil! Can’t wait to see the episode! I think I know something about the episode you’ll be on, b/c I work sometimes as an extra and the casting company is looking for a certain type of background.

  23. Congrats, Wil! Can’t wait to see the episode! I think I know something about the episode you’ll be on, b/c I work sometimes as an extra and the casting company is looking for a certain type of background.

  24. Nice Jonathan Coulton reference! You know, for the self-pitying part, and how it’s kinda like the song and all. Still my favorite song about a giant squid.

  25. By the way, for non actor/theater types, a “dance belt” is basically a G-string. From behind it more or looks like you’re nekkid. For instance, in Dogma, when Chris Rock’s character Rufus falls from the sky, he’s wearing one.
    The reason that I know what one is is because of one of the making-of features on the Tron 20th anniversary DVD. Bruce Boxlightner and Jeff Bridges talk about wearing them under the spandex suits in the “computer world”. Bruce points out that “there wasn’t a lot of sitting down on the Tron set”.

  26. Put another way, a dance belt is what I didn’t wear when I took the pictures for the web site that made me famous, and do wear under my costumes now.
    A dance belt is perfectly comfortable when properly sized and worn. I don’t know why Bruce and Jeff had problems with theirs.
    …but Wil, I’m not sure I wanted to know you wear one to every audition…

  27. Hope you have a better experience with that show than my friends did. The show was filming in their building downtown for a couple weeks and the crew trashed the place, urinated on the walls of the bathroom, and were flat out rude to everyone. The owner threatened to toss them if they had one more complaint. He said CSI:NY, 24, and just about every other crew they’ve worked with has been great, but Criminal Minds couldn’t operate on the same level as your average chihuahua. Hate to be a downer. Its been about a year, though, so maybe they got their act together.

  31. “I get guest-starring billing at the beginning of the show on my own card, I work for eight days, and — best of all — I’ll earn enough to qualify for SAG’s “good” health insurance for at least another year.”
    w0000000000000000000000t!
    Congrats, Wil! When do you start? Have a great shoot and be sure to tell us all about it when the veil of secrecy can be lifted. 😉

  32. “Someone once said to me that we should always do our best, and understand and accept that ‘our best’ will vary from time to time.”
    That’s one of the Four Agreements (“Always do your best”) with the caveat that one’s best will vary, depending on time, day, circumstances, atmospheric pressure–you know, *stuff*. Useful book. 🙂

  33. Congrats, Wil! It’s a great show, with pretty good writing, so I think you’ll have a pretty good character to work with. Have fun and I can’t wait to see it.

  34. *SQUEEEEEEEEE*
    First, you’re on CSI.. then on Numb3rs (and you totally ROCKED that role).. and NOW Criminal Minds!!! *squeeee* I can’t wait to see which of my favourite shows you will show up on next!!!!
    Congrats!

  35. Congrats! See – you can still be the thing you were before. 🙂
    …and now that song is stuck in my head. At least it’s an improvement over the one that was stuck there before I read this: Tom Smith’s delightfully obnoxious “Theme from Space Squid”. What is it with giant tentacled things in my head today?

  37. So VERY awesome! A heartfelt congratulations to you! I’m learning to work on that compartmentalizing ‘thing’ you seem to have more experience at (it sounds like something from ‘The Name of Wind’) but, in the meantime, please continue with the expensing of personal experience/advice. But, you know, only ‘cuz I’m asking, not becuase you’d do that anyway!
    Congrats again – can’t wait to see the ep!

  38. Hi Wil… I don’t watch a lot of episodic television … a couple of hours a week at most… but I have enjoyed reading about your life’s journey and your take on “The Business” (TM) during the last several years. I’ll be keeping an eye for the ep so I can see how your chops are holding up. Break a leg!

  39. I just want to say how much I enjoy the honesty you share about your life experiences, and your delightful sense of humour. Congratulations on the successful audition. (I finally got up the courage to leave a comment, although I’ve been reading a long while).

  42. I am hoping Wil that this line “There is a lesson here about not giving up. There’s a lesson here about learning from your mistakes and applying that knowledge, instead of wallowing in self-pity.” came from the article I gave you at the UCLA book fair. I hope so. Congrats and have a great 4th. Bill

  43. Woot! I loved you on Numb3rs, that was a great character on my favourite show. I’m sure you’ll be just as awesome on my second favourite show. And I hope the character is a bit like Miles Sklar, because I think you do slimy very well 😉

  44. First CSI, then NUMB3RS, now Criminal Minds… isn’t that the CBS Nerd Trifecta?
    Unfortunately, acting is completely different from any other profession. Not only do you have different roles fitting each actor differently, but each actor has their own variances in performance, depending on preparation, personality, personal experience, personal life experiences, road rage at the traffic while trying to get to the audition, etc.
    Basically, some roles you go in to read, and you ARE that role. Others, you just can’t figure out. And then some, you have to work at… Of course, even if you have the role down perfect, you may not be right for the role, or you may not fit with the previously-cast actors, or the director might hate you, or your previous movie, etc.
    Anyways, CONGRATS, Wil. Good job. I’m looking forward to the premiere of Criminal Minds, so my wife and I can find out who died- we can’t figure out who’s going to be gone…

  45. Woohoo! I love Criminal Minds! I’m still mad that I missed your episode of NUMB3RS. And sweet for the insurance.

  46. Thank you for the encouraging words! I just went through my umpteenth rejection on a little story I penned…and it hit me pretty hard. Leave to the Great Blog Oracle to guide me to your page for your insight. Cheers!

  47. 1. Congratulations and best wishes for the opportunity to create a memorable character. I’ll be sure to watch.
    2. >>>”Someone once said to me that we should always do our best, and understand and accept that “our best” will vary from time to time. I’m glad I remembered that.”
    That is valuable advice.
    Not only will I try to remember this myself, but also I think it’s a wonderful bit of wisdom to pass along to my students.
    Thank you.
    I read your blog regularly for a daily dose of well-written geeky warm fuzzies and I’ve greatly enjoyed all of your books. I consider myself rather geeky, but even I had to Google a few of your geek culture references that you pack into your marvelously entertaining episode reviews at TV Squad.
    In this respect, your writing is not only enjoyable and affirming, but a learning experience as well.
    I wanted to let you know that you brighten my day. I’m glad that you use your opportunities to pass along little gems like these and I appreciate your contributions.

  48. The really cool part of this is that even though you didn’t nail the first audition, someone there was willing to be honest with you about your performance, and that was only made valuable by your willingness to listen and apply the criticism to the following opportunity–where you got the job.
    That says a lot about you, and it’s all good!

  50. Congrats on landing the part! My wife and I just started watching that show a month or so back, and we’ve bene loving it. Can’t wait to see your part!

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