evil and awesome (but mostly awesome)

Posted on By Wil

Way back in April, John Scalzi wrote on his blog:

Arrangements have been made. Wheels set into motion.

At this point, it is inevitable. Unavoidable.

Implacable would not be too strong a word.

What has begun?

I cannot tell you.

Suffice to say it is evil. And yet awesome, in its way.

And it will be visited upon one of you.

Cryptic, but amusing. I know John well enough to know that he’s a devilish schemer with a wicked sense of humor. What, I wondered, was he up to, and who, I pondered, was the unsuspecting victim?

Months passed, and then – on my birthday, no less – he wrote:

Finally. It is done.

And it will be visited upon one of you.

Soon.

Yes, soon.

You should prepare yourself.

Although nothing can truly prepare you.

Because it is evil. Yet awesome.

And it is coming.

It can be held back no longer.

And when it arrives, you will know.

And you will tremble before it.

BWA HA HA HA HA HAH HA!

I had no idea, in April or in July, that I was the intended recipient victim of John’s evil, yet awesome scheme.

But more on that in a moment, because some context is in order before we get to the punchline.

I had big plans to road trip up to Vegas with two of my friends and visit Star Trek the Experience one last time before they sent it to the land of wind and ghosts. Unfortunately, gravity and physics had other plans, and I’m not doing much of anything until PAX.

If you’ve spent any time reading my blog, or if you’ve read my first two books, you know that The Experience is very special to me, delivering some important perspective when I needed it most:

Until this moment, all I have been able to remember is the pain that came with Star Trek. I’d forgotten the joy.

Star Trek was about sitting next to Brent Spiner, who always made me laugh. It wasn’t about the people who made me cry when they booed me offstage at conventions. It was about the awe I felt listening to Patrick Stewart debate the subtle nuances of The Prime Directive with Gene Roddenberry between scenes. It wasn’t about the writers who couldn’t figure out how to write a believable teenage character. It was about the wonder of walking down those corridors, and pretending that I was on a real spaceship. It was about the pride I felt when I got to wear my first real uniform, go on my first away mission, fire my first phaser, play poker with the other officers in Riker’s quarters.

Oh my god. Star Trek was wonderful, and I’d forgotten. I have wasted ten years trying to escape something that I love, for all the wrong reasons.

I was looking forward to this road trip, because love Star Trek, and I love science fiction, but when I hurt myself, my motivation to play through the pain evaporated. See, I’ve been feeling some Star Trek fatigue recently. There are a lot of factors, including being dooced from the Vegas con and the return of the alt.wesley.die.die.die morons, but the bottom line is: I feel like all the stuff I didn’t like about Trek has started to overwhelm the things I love about it. I haven’t written a TNG review for TV Squad in months, because it hasn’t been as fun to revisit those first season days as it once was.

The thing is . . . maybe I’m taking the whole thing a little too seriously. I mean, honestly, why in the world should I give a shit about some random Internet guy who is obviously stuck in 1990? Sure, it’s upsetting that I was the only series regular to be excluded from the biggest Star Trek convention of the year, but it’s not like I don’t have other things to do with my time, and other conventions to attend.

A tangible reminder to not take this stuff too seriously arrived at my doorstep recently. It was, as promised, evil and awesome:

So. Fucking. Awesome.

(More images at Flickr)

For those of you who are scratching your heads right now, that is, in fact, an authentic black velvet Wesley Crusher painting. It was sent anonymously, and all of my friends (truthfully, it turns out) said they had nothing to do with it (I guess I should have asked John’s co-conspirator, our mutual friend Burns! if he was involved) so I didn’t say anything publicly about it while I attempted to uncover the identity of my mysterious benefactor.

This morning, I sent John an e-mail with some of the awesome comments on yesterday’s post about Zoe’s Tale. In the ensuing conversation, he outed himself as the evil genius behind this particular artistic scheme.

For the last few months, I’ve been focused on the pain that came with Star Trek. I’d forgotten the joy.

Star Trek isn’t about petty grudges or anonymous insults from emotionally stunted people who are stuck in 1990. It is something I did twenty years ago, that inspired a generation of kids to pursue science and engineering. Star Trek is a fantastically entertaining show, even when it’s really, really awful, and I can feel proud of being part of it, without letting it define the beginning and end of my creative life.

Without knowing that I needed a reminder not to take this stuff so seriously, without knowing – in April, when the wheels were set into motion – that around the beginning of August I’d be feeling pretty lousy about getting cut from the show I look forward to attending every year, John did what good friends do: pick you up when you’re down, and provide reality checks when you need them the most.

Star Trek is something that I shouldn’t take as seriously as I’ve taken it lately. I’d given idiots way too much control over how I felt about it, and how I felt about that part of my life where Star Trek and me intersect. I’d lost perspective, and it took a velvet Wesley Crusher to bring it back.

It hangs behind me in my office now, evil and awesome, a reminder to remember the joy, and not take things so damn seriously.

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Comments (153)

  2. What a beautiful picture – almost as awesome as the poker dogs or maybe a black velvet elvis!
    🙂
    Bill T.
    San Jose, CA

  4. re your love of sci fi: have you been to SFM during any of your Seattle visits? it’s sort of modest, but it’s still worth a visit.

  8. That is just… amazing.
    Oh and I saw Shatner a couple of weeks ago at the Sherman Oaks Galleria. When I told one of my friends about it he told me I should have screamed “It’s William Fucking Shatner” because Wil Wheaton says to do it whenever spottings Shatner. I never heard that before.

  12. Interesting. What I find funny, is that someone posted a link to that picture a couple weeks ago to say OMG your a velvet painting. How extremely funny that velvet painting is now in your hand LOL
    @Mad Monk – How could have not sexualized Wesley before? Maybe its cause of my age and stuff, but I had the biggest crush on Wesley and boy was I ever miffed when he had his first one screen kiss and it wasn’t with me *blush*

  14. I couldn’t put my finger on it, but buddy is right, you look like Tiger Woods in that velvet painting.
    That or a little 14 year old female Chinese Gymnast.
    Dude, happy B-day. You don’t look like you’re a day older than 45.
    Sorry to hear about the rib injury. I’ll pretend you did it being abrasive along the boards playing hockey rather than injuring it while doing roller disco moves.
    Keep your head up in the corners,
    Mark.

  15. Step 1: Find painkillers for ribs
    Step 2: Take said painkillers
    Step 3: Sit back and.. well, no, not admire. At least feel less confused about the velvety goodness.
    Or not. 🙂

  16. Wesley was one of my favorite characters on the show and I am so glad that you are regaining your enjoyment of your time on ST: TNG.
    I hope you are feeling better physically as well. Injuries to the ribs are uncomfortable and problematic.

  17. Well, I didn’t dig too deep so I was confused as to why you were upset about not going to some con. I had no idea you were excluded from a star trek convention you usually went to. Bummer.
    But it seems you’ve hit upon the right attitude. Sorta like when I was a teen and no girl would go out with me (well, maybe not quite 😉 That situation is solved and in spades (seems some girl I didn’t like but didn’t hate either decided to spread nasty rumors) and one marriage and two kids later all is better.
    But enough about me. Back then I resolved that these girls just had no wisdom. It worked for me! But you’ve found a better and probably less condescending way of making yourself feel better.
    My own year’s been filled with far too many doctors visits: torn cartilage in my knee and a hernia repair. I literally feel for you.

  18. Though I feel as though I shouldn’t for some reason (maybe because few 20-something females like Star Trek), I can’t help but love TNG. Also, though you didn’t inspiire him to go into science, you did inspire my husband to be a better person during a really difficult time in his life through your role as Wesley.

  20. Thats what i call a true friend. Sorry to hear about the jerks at Creation – ya know what, FUCK EM!You can’t do anything about negative assholes like that so don’t let them make you crazy. Really tho, it was great meeting you at Phoenix Comic – con back in January, and i hope to get that chance again at Phoenix 2009…

  21. I could be totally related to that velvety guy. Who knew?! LOL!
    I like your attitude. Although I secretly “screw them” for not inviting you to the con. What could they be thinking?!
    My husband thinks it’s cool you got to kiss Ashley Judd. LOL!
    Whenever I read about how you remember the good stuff about TNG, I remember how much I freakin’ loved the show. I loved that show very much. Sparked much creativity in me. 🙂

  23. Er, that painting kind of gives me the heebie jeebies. Makes you look like you’re wearing lip gloss or something. (shudder) But yet, I can see how it made for an awesome gift.

  24. *scratches her head and tilts it back and forth*
    Well, other than the hair and the uniform, there isn’t much resemblance. But it certainly the thought that counts though! You have a REALLY good friend in John.
    While I’m sure the majority of us reading your blog are not celebrities, we can certainly see a bit of ourselves in this post, as I’m certain we have all experienced something that parallels your Star Trek years. For example, some of the clothing styles of the 80’s … I’m sure many wince when they remember their hair style and such … but yet laugh and have fun with it. Life goes on.
    You’re only 2 years older than I, and I have always been an Astronomy nut and sci-fi/fantasy fan. So, I totally related to Wesley while watching the series first-run. You have no clue how much I wanted to be in Wesley’s shoes sometimes! *sighs* I never did figure out why people dissed Wesley. Silly people! 🙂
    Thanks for being who you are – don’t ever change!

  25. Wil you have lots of cool friends and fans. Don’t let the a-holes get you down.
    I agree that painting looks like Tiger Woods he he. Take care.

  26. John did exactly what real friends do by lifting your spirits.
    BTW: Some of the best moments in Trek are Wesley moments. Yes, the writers got the character all wrong quite a bit, but, let’s face it, you managed to make some truly crappy dialogue work. The show didn’t work quite as well without you.

  27. Also, do you think that Scalzi can get some Velvel Wesleys into stores? I’ve got some people who could use a framed Wheaton on their walls for Christmas this year.

  29. john is a ghod! i really adore him. and, even though i didn’t really watch TNG (Real Life(tm), ie college) intervened) i thought you did great with what you were given and i would have certainly been crew on a starship that had you at the helm.
    maybe tom smith will do a song about the velvet wesley…

  31. In life there will always be ass-clowns – trick is you are you, you are cool and you know you are cool, to hell with naysayers. Confuscious say those that troll and flame simply mask virginity and tiny man-hood.
    You are a geek mentor and muse. One that we as a group look to for insight. Don’t let the pricks get you down. Keep on keeping on 🙂

  32. That is SO awesome! It sort of has an Elvis hairstyle… it even looks like they could have taken a black velvet Elvis and painted Wesley over it 🙂
    Remember, they weren’t booing you – they were booing Wesley Crusher. You are not Wesley Crusher. It isn’t your fault that the character was written to be a prick. You did the best you could with the material.

  33. Ahh Wil, I don’t see the evil at all!!! That’s just Pure. Awesome. Genius!! =)
    (If it makes you feel any better, I also don’t see the Wesley in it either! And trust me, I KNOW what Wesley looks like!;p)
    Take it easy and be happy.
    *smiles*

  34. I, too, was head-scratching. I mean, orange lips? Who does that any more? But if you tilt your laptop around to different angles, it’s not so freaky-deaky.
    I’m your age, Wil, and I was a gamer back in the day when it wasn’t cool for girls to be hanging out with “those freaks.” Maybe I got away with it because I was chubby, but I didn’t really.
    Reading about you getting boo’d off the stage was like reliving so-called “friends” giving me the stink-eye and then abandoning me at the lunch table because a gamer buddy with a pocket protector came to ask me about my halfling’s equipment roster.
    Very early I learned that I couldn’t help who I was–a fantasy freak with a soft spot for Nicholai Tesla. I couldn’t be ‘normal,’ nor did I want to be. I mean, who the hell wants to be like everyone else–the kind of person no one ever really remembers 20 years later.
    Screw the norms and the a-holes who just don’t get it. Yeah, it’s disappointing to be excluded, but if you can find a way to be above that, that just makes you the better person in the end.
    Me, I always root for the underdog. Wesley was my favorite character. He personified why I was okay with who I was–he wasn’t afraid to be smart.

  35. I can’t believe I registered with typekey just to respond…BUT
    I grew up watching Star Trek the Next Generation and it was your character that made the show more accessible to me as a pre-teen. Sure there were lots of other things to attract a kid to the show, but Wesley Crusher was the ONLY consistant character to make it so I could pretend along with the show. I don’t remember your acting being bad(certainly not the worst on the show) especially considering your age and the genre.
    Also, dude, you look like my boss. Cut that out.

  38. Evil? No, evil would have been to paint Wesley in one of those horrible sweaters from Season One. By the time you got to wear a regular uniform, you were no longer the “kid who saves us every week.” You were the young go-getter on the ship. Next to Riker, Wesley was the only series regular who got to go on dates!

  40. What an awesome friend, seriously. (Even though it does look like Wesley Crusher was at the MAC cosmetic counter ‘cos that lip gloss is poppin’!) The middle aged basement dwellers that still partake of that brand of douchebaggery have nothing else better to do with their time. I mean, what else are they going to do while downloading their weekly terrabyte of porn? 🙂

  41. I never really think of you as Wesley Crusher. I’ve always just remembered you as Gordie Lachance, the awkward little writer kid in Stand By Me. And you delivered one of my favorite lines in cinema:
    Ace (Keifer Sutherland): So, what are you gonna do, shoot us all?
    Gordie (Wil Wheaton): No, Ace. Just you.
    The line itself probably isn’t all that original, but I thought your delivery of it was awesome.

  42. I think some of your ST fatigue probably also came from all the manga exposure too. Although the stories you wrote are not necessarily TNG-related, people are still going to think about that stuff, positive or negative, when they see your name in the credits.
    Nevertheless, all hail to Scalzi for bringing back teh funny!!

  45. I didn’t know you had the lips of Anjelina Jolie.
    I do! I keep them in a box on my bookshelf … just in case.

  49. I gotta say, Wesley inspired me when I was a kid.
    Also, I’m sad to hear that you haven’t enjoyed doing the TNG reviews lately. I asked you at SuperCon what your favorite episode of TNG was, but the reason I asked that question was not that I didn’t know the answer (I’d read your FAQ 😉 ) but that I had blanked and didn’t ask the question I meant to ask. The question I meant to ask was, “I hope the answer is yes, but do you plan on writing reviews of every single episode of TNG, and then publishing them in a book?”

  50. I never understood why people hated Wesley. I’ve known lots of kids who were really smart.
    When I was starting my programming career, I picked up things fast, had lots of free time to learn (meaning no gf), and was constantly answering questions my older colleagues couldn’t. I wasn’t trying to be a jerk, I just had the time to learn the stuff really well and was answering a question or coming up with ideas for solutions (some were bad but some were good). Why should people get upset at me for that? That’s how I saw Wesley. He was smart. His brain was always working. He liked learning things and solving problems. Why should people hate him for that? Again, he wasn’t being a jerk, just doing things he liked to do, just being himself.
    And what did people think Picard and Kirk were like as kids? Picard was at the top of his class, one of the brightest ever. Kirk reprogrammed a simulation so he could win it. I’m sure they were a lot like Wesley.
    I just never got the Wesley haters. Glad you’re able to put it all in perspective, have a great painting and an even greater friend. And remember, some of us never hated Wesley at all. 🙂

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