My friends Ed and Mel gave me The Last Night on Earth when I was at PAX. I had to ship home everything I got there (only two boxes, because I was restrained this year) and it arrived yesterday.
Nolan and I played it after dinner last night, and we both enjoyed it a lot. I think he’d have had more fun if he hadn’t been plagued by disastrous rolls (a statistically improbable run of 1s and 2s) but we both liked it enough to play it again tonight.
However, there were several times during the game that I could feel his frustration so much, it threatened to make the game not fun for both of us. I helped him get through it with an appropriate balance of humor and empathy, but if he’d been just a few years younger, it would have been a disaster for us both and he’d never want to play it again.
So this morning, I thought of a way to help GeekDads and GeekMoms who encounter this with their own kids. It’s a variation on something my friends and I call Rule 17a.
Rule 17a is a house rule we invoke when we’re learning a new game. It basically states that, at any time, a player can say, “You know, I just realized that I did this stupid thing that I wouldn’t have done if I had a little more experience in the game. I’d like a do-over.” If the majority of the players agree (and we always do) then we just back up a little bit, and play on. It reduces the risk of doing something bone-headed that you can’t ever recover from, and it keeps the game fun.
As a parent, particularly when my kids were small, I was always looking for teachable moments, where I could take an experience they’d just had and use it to apply some kind of life lesson about basic values, like being honest or kind, doing the right thing when it wasn’t the easy thing, and being a good sport. Gaming presents tons of opportunities for parents to teach their kids about all of these things, as well some other important values: life isn’t fair, and when things don’t go the way you want them to, it’s not the end of the world. Never sacrifice the journey for the destination. Always do your best. It’s just a game.
But when your child has just rolled his third or fourth critical failure, and is wondering why he’s even playing the game instead of . . . well, instead of doing anything else, all that goes out the window. We want our kids to have fun when they play games, after all, and we all know that nothing ruins a game experience faster than totally horrible dice rolls, especially for kids.
Enter Rule 17b:
Depending on your kid, the game, and some X factor that I leave to you as a parent, you could give your child up to three “roll again” markers, like poker chips or glass beads or whatever, that she can use at any time to re-roll a particularly bad dice roll. They can use it whenever they want to, but once the marker it used, it’s gone for the rest of the game, so your child will have to choose very carefully about when she’s going to use it. This would be especially great with a couple of smaller kids, because the parent isn’t put in the position of awarding do overs and giving the appearance of favoritism (raise your hand if you’ve ever had to untangle that Gordian Knot.)
I wouldn’t suggest this with more traditional board games of the Monopoly variety, but I think it would work well in games like Settlers of Catan, Descent, or Talisman. It gives children a little bit more control than they’d otherwise have, so they’re not at the mercy of the dice as much as they would be without it. They have a little bit of a safety net, even when they get unlucky.
You’d still get those teachable moments about enjoying the journey and being a good sport, and when the markers run out, they’ll still see that life isn’t always fair, but by invoking Rule 17b, your child’s (and your) gaming experience is less susceptible to the fickle whims of chance. Your son or daughter is empowered at a time when they’d feel helpless and frustrated. Everyone has more fun, which is the whole point of gaming in the first place, and you may just add a gamer to the world.
Purists will say that this unbalances games. I’m not entirely sure I agree with that, because if you’re playing with small kids the older kids and adults have inherently unbalanced the game (unless they take it easy on the kids, which I never do, because once the figure out that you’re doing that, it’s a huge insult to them. Kids want to win, but they want to win on their own, especially when they’re playing with a parent.)
I want to hear from my fellow Geek and Gamer parents: what do you think of this idea?
Updated to add: Several people have suggested that all the players, including parents, get Mulligan Markers (or whatever you want to call them) so that everyone is on equal footing. Parents, of course, don’t have to use them, but at least they’re there. I think this is a super idea, and I wish I’d thought of it.
Back in the dark ages when I played D&D, we had an informal (an never actually discussed)policy that in the early stages of a campaign a very useful (one use) object would be found – one that would serve the purpose of rule 17b. The party could then resurrect, teleport, decimate or something that would save the party. The nice thing about implementing rule 17b this way is that it became part of the game, not an outside redo.
I think that is a great idea! My son is WAY too young to play, he’s only 2, but I think this is a great rule to help them learn the game without worrying about being less experienced. Actually, this could be a good thing to use when teaching new people how to play too.
I think it’s a great idea. My husband and I have been planning to start introducing our 8 year old to Dungeons and Dragons and this could definately help keep him interested in the game.
And I’d suggest rule 17c: if siblings are playing and one has used up all his “do-over” chips and the other feels like sharing, sharing is allowed.
Since I don’t have kids, I tried this out with my friends (who are a year younger than me and give me an awesome power kick when I bring a new thing to their lives…like Torchwood…or The Watchmen) as we played board games, since even at college we are just THAT cool.
It was embraced as the greatest idea EVER! I gave my credit to your awesome self.
Which resulted in the inevitable “Who?”
After I picked my head off the table and we finished the game, I sat them down and we watched us some ST:TNG, Stand By Me, and Toy Soldiers. Ending with a quick read-through of some of your best blog posts.
Now they all (barring one of the guys who still carries a Wesley Grudge) think you’re awesome. I think I made the world a slightly geekier place to be and really, isn’t that the goal?
Great idea! We’ve been trying to think of ways to teach “it’s just a game”, but it’s hard when you draw really crappy cards again and again, or all your pieces get sent back to Start.
It irks ME when that happens, and I’m the adult. Ha ha. Maybe there should be more games with an emphasis on the journey, not the end result: winner vs. losers.
I really like 17a&b. I like that the family having fun and that there are a limited number of of tokens so that using them becomes another learning experience. Thank you Wil for sharing these family moments. Your blog has really inspired me to share my inner Geek. (kids don’t melt or go insane when you want to game with them?!? who knew?)
As the mom of a little one, thank you for the lovely tips on gaming! Our son is too young to play games with rules, but I’ll definitely keep the tips in mind as he gets older. Every little bit helps. He is a gamer in the making, though. He already has his own set of dice (at 2 years old, they’re called “die”), which are just our Munchkin dice that we use to keep hip points in check. He also has his own game board, which is just a leftover piece of cardboard with lots of holes from the game pieces punched out of it. He already makes up his own games with his dice and his board, usually involving some form of tipping the dice off the board or kicking them off. Guess we got to get the frustrations out early!
I’m going to implement the 3-token variant of Rule 17b (perhaps it should be called 17c?) for my D&D 4e group, because most of the players are really new to the game.
I have been lurking around here for awhile but I’ve never commented. My 80 gajillionth viewing of Stand By Me this afternoon has inspired me to de-lurk, say a sheepish Hi and leave a comment totally unrelated to this post. Hi…
Wil, love the topic altogther. As a mother I’ve loved the moments, when teaching my kids card games and board games, that they realise they are going to lose…Honestly, life’s relatively easy when you win…it’s those moments when you realise it’s not going to turn out like you’d hoped that show you what kind of person you are.
Both my kids are competitive (16 and 19) and let’s face it they get it from me. One of the harder lessons is to learn to lose gracefully, and, more importantly, to grin and say “let’s play another round”.
On the D&D front, I have “Hero Points” that are earned by taking risks. Each time the character takes a heroic risk in the game (role playing or combat, or whatever) they receive a Hero token. Which can be used later on really crappy dice rolls!
Some game systems actually have a rule like 17b built into them. My personal favorite is Shadowrun (at least the first three editions), which utilizes “Karma” to facilitate re-rolls and avert catastrophic failure/botch/fumble situations. Karma points are limited, but refresh from time to time in play. Additional points are earned over time, as the character get’s more experienced (and ostensibly less vulnerable to the whims of fate).
Another poster mentioned Spirit of the Century, which uses a similar system to grant re-rolls. Ars Magica has a system called Confidence Points to facilitate re-rolls, invoked when the character should reasonably expect success, but the random chance of the dice has cursed them with failure. WEG Star Wars had Force Points.
I’ve used a version of 17a for about 15 years as a GM/DM/Storyguide, calling it “Common Sense”. Many games that use a Merit/Flaw (or similar) system) include Common Sense as an option. In essence, the game master pauses the action to point out that your character knows something about the situation that you, the player, have perhaps overlooked. Like maybe trying to use a two-handed sword to pole vault over a chasm, while wearing field plate, without any such skill, is a Bad Idea (TM). (This was actually attempted in an AD&D game, to the demise of the character in question. The player even rejected the helping hand of 17a. *grin* )
I simply extend the Common Sense “edge” to all character, in any game I’m running. After reading your post, I think I will do the same with “Karma” points. Gaming should be fun, and there is nothing fun about a long string of improbable failures. The only game I’ve ever had my players quit on was one where the collective fumble rate in a single game session was improbably high and utterly ruined their enjoyment. If I had been using 17b, all my hard work to set up the campaign might not have been wasted.
I want Rule 17b to be enabled for life in general…particularly as I am getting ready to sell the mobile home that I thought was a good idea at the time cause “it’s bigger *and* cheaper than an apartment!” I need to go back so someone can explain the concept of “upside down in a loan” and “it could take three years to sell this thing” vs “break your lease, pay your penalty and walk away a free woman” to my younger self.
Earned ‘re-rolls’ doled out at the beginning of adventures have been house rules I’ve dabbled with for decades (hehe I love saying that.)
There are a lot of fair mechanics that make for enjoyable gameplay.
Squeek,
ugh Go…I’ve always wanted to throw down a couple grand and get an amazing Go table and hand crafted stones. Then find some ancient Chinese guy to teach me ala Mr Miagi to be a Go master.
I like your idea of the rules 17a and 17b. With 17a, I actually use a variant with all of the games that I run. Every player gets one complete re-write of their character. They never know what the campaign will be and sometimes they just don’t like the character they have, so I have them re-create without losing xp or equipment and such. I started this as I began to run games they have never played before and sometimes I hadn’t played before, so neither of us would have any idea on what would be useful.
On rule 17b, I tend to actually look for games that have a internal mechanic that does at least something close to a re-roll. The old WEG’s Star Wars had force points that doubled the dice you rolled and in later editions it added character points which gave an extra rolled dice that could be spent after your roll, but before you learned the result. 7th Sea by AEG has drama points which work like the character points I just mentioned as well as if unused they convert to experience. Both, in my opinion, are some of the better game systems out there. Unfortunately, they are like most of the better systems and out of print.
I pulled my entire family kicking and screaming into table-top gaming, and now they’re hooked, even without Rules 17a/b. Adding them will make “game night” unmissable, so thanks for the advice.
Wish I’d thought of it myself, but I’m always afeared of turning into a helicopter.
Oh, one thing I do that was borne out of a bad experience: I add bonus HP to the kids’ PCs.
My boy wanted to join the grown-ups for Eberron and it was his very first gaming event. Of course he chose a weak character, thinking that all those spells would save him. His PC died within minutes, and watching The Boy try not to cry made me mad about that.
Inexperience can hurt, so I started giving extra HP based on how much they’ve played, and if they’ve never played that type of PC before.
My mom’s family has the variation on 17a in which newcomers to a game are encouraged to show their hands and be advised by more seasoned players. No way could I ever count the times my aunt Sue’s said, “Here, honey, put these cards back and play these – here’s why …”
My dad’s family, OTOH, were “go for the throat” players in every setting, family gatherings included. His mom was a canasta demon. Can anyone guess what happened the first time Mom’s family exercised their 17a in front of him? “But that’s cheating!”
My parents have been married for almost 51 years, and it’s really only in the past 15 or so that he could enjoy playing a game with them. For most of my childhood, he’d wander off to read the paper. 🙂