Anne and I took Nolan out to Glendale tonight for this art thing he likes to do. After we dropped him off, Anne said, “Hey, I want to have a dinner date with my husband.”
Bonus, unexpected dinner dates are always awesome, so I didn’t even put up token resistance, and we had an awesome meal together while Nolan did his thing a few blocks away.
When we were finished, Nolan met us in the parking garage, and wanted to drive home. He’s had his permit for about 5 weeks, and though he’s a very competent and careful driver, we were both a little nervous about letting him drive on the freeway at night.
“You’ve never driven on the freeway at night,” Anne said. “Maybe we should just take side streets.”
“But the freeway is much faster, and we have Family Guy on TiVo at home,” Nolan said.
“We’re concerned that you don’t have a lot of nighttime freeway driving experience,” she said, invoking the dreaded Royal We.
He put his hand on my shoulder and quite seriously said, “Wil, how am I going to get that experience if I don’t drive on the freeway at night?”
I looked at Anne. “He has a point,” I said.
I felt like The Old Man, the keys to my car a Red Rider Carbine Action Range Model Air Rifle With A Compass In The Stock And This Thing That Tells Time.
“Okay, just be careful,” Anne said. I can’t be certain, but I think I heard her add, “just don’t shoot your eye out.”
A few minutes later, as we drove down the freeway, I sat quietly and gently nudged Nolan with driving reminders. He’s really quite good, and I didn’t have to point out too many things to him, but on one ramp, one of those spiffy milk carton-looking Scions sped up and cut in front of us without using a turn indicator.
“You’ve got to watch for drivers like that,” I said, “and remember my fundamental rule of driving, which is . . .? “
Nolan scrunched up his face like he was thinking, and said, “Don’t be a dick?”
“That’s my fundamental rule for life,” I said. “My fundamental rule for driving is –“
“Oh, everyone on the road is an idiot, and they’re actively trying to kill you.” He said.
“That’s the one,” I said.
“I got it,” he said.
“But, you know, you can use them both,” I said.
“Okay, Wil,” he said, patiently. “I got it.”
“If you need them,” I added.
“I’m trying to drive here, Wil.” He said.
“Sorry.”
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Oh man, we are getting ready to go through this with our oldest too, its so crazy.. makes you feel… umm… OLD!
Not as old as Jbay, lol but thats a given right?
lol
nothing but love Jbay.
Neph
Dad’s rule: “You can’t go any faster than the car in front of you.”
Also the one about everyone being idiots.
When I was growing up, I learned a variety of four-letter words and all kinds of combinations for them, while riding in the car with my dad. There was also a lot of sons-of-bitches and dammit-to-hell thrown in for good measure. But when he taught me how to drive, he was surprisingly patient and calm. He even taught me how to drive a stick-shift, which I thought was very brave considering how inept I was. I miss him.
You are such a cool dad, Wil. You and your boys don’t just talk at each other – you really communicate. Pure win.
“The Christmas Story” FTW! I love that movie. It’s a tradition in my parents’ house to watch it every Christmas Eve. I’m only commenting on this because my son is still too young to even think about driving. I’m glad I have a while for that. Yikes!
I love these kinds of stories you write. Awesome. And good rules, I’ll have to keep them in mind when I start driving!
@Nolan
“Wil, how am I going to get that experience if I don’t drive on the freeway at night?”
Well said lad, very well said.
@Wil
You’ve got to watch for drivers like that,” I said, “and remember my fundamental rule of driving, which is . . .? ”
Nolan scrunched up his face like he was thinking, and said, “Don’t be a dick?”
“That’s my fundamental rule for life,” I said. “My fundamental rule for driving is –”
“Oh, everyone on the road is an idiot, and they’re actively trying to kill you.” He said.
I really like both of your sayings. I’ve picked up “Don’t be a dick” and have actively used it at work.
thanks man.
bob
“Oh, everyone on the road is an idiot, and they’re actively trying to kill you.”
so you’ve driven in Huntsville, then?
Since it seems appropriate for this thread; my favorite saying to mount on or in the car is:
“Don’t drive faster than your guardian angel can fly.”
Dude! The boys were just babies when I started reading, I get grey hairs just thinking about them driving and going to college, I can only imagine what you guys feel like!
“I got it,” he said.
“But, you know, you can use them both,” I said.
“Okay, Wil,” he said, patiently. “I got it.”
“If you need them,” I added.
“I’m trying to drive here, Wil.” He said.
“Sorry.”
utterly brilliant…