I need to share this heartbreaking, wonderful and insightful post about friendship and fandom at Firefox News:
This is fandom. Aside from the squeeing, aside from the flamewars, ‘shipwars, and FK wars (don’t ask), it’s about forming a community. It’s about making friends with people you’d otherwise never even meet, and becoming as close to them as your family. Closer, in some cases.
[…]
Being fannish is one thing. We’re good at that. We’ve been obsessing about our shows and movies and books for years, most of us long before we ever met a kindred soul who said those magic words, “OMG, you like that too?” But it’s that second moment which lasts. It’s the relationships we build from the most tenuous stuff, and how we keep building them, and shore up the old ones with jokes and stories and shared experiences and comfort even from far away. These are the things that matter, whether they’re held in common with your best friend from high school, or with this wonderful fan who lives two thousand miles away but shares in every way your deep and abiding belief that Captain Picard and Dr. Crusher should be shagging like weasels. (Please choose your own favorite couple to be shagging like weasels.)
[…]
Fandom’s about not being alone anymore. Maybe you started as a fan-inna-box, two hundred miles from the nearest con and farther still to the nearest fan, but you came here to find friends, and to share your squee, and to create things together, and to say, “I was here, and I loved this thing, and these are the people who will remember me.” Maybe they’ll remember you for that fanfic where you had all the characters doing a kickline, and maybe they’ll remember that filk you did to “The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald,” and maybe they’ll recall with a smile the weird in-depth meta you did on the time-travel episode, and maybe they’ll remember the vid you did of the dancing penguins, but mostly, the good friends will remember the other things you did and talked about, your pets and your family and that trip you dreamed of and that crazy prank you pulled on your boss and that time you dyed your hair blue. Even if you never met in the real world, the way the mundanes would say you define a friend, they’ll remember.
This dovetails with some of the reasons I love conventions:
Those of us who will cram thirteen of our friends into a hotel room for a weekend to geek out together have a place to go where not only will we not be laughed at for dressing up but encouraged to do it (except the furries; those weirdos are on their own.) We can invade a hotel for a weekend, pretend it’s like the cereal convention in Sandman, and recover enough hit points to survive our real lives until the next one.
I’ve already got a couple of cons on the schedule for 2009: Phoenix Comicon and Penguicon. I’m sure more will be added, and even though I don’t know what they are, I can tell you with complete honesty that I’m already looking forward to them all.
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Dude, great article. Thanks for the link. I’m just sad that I don’t think I’m going to make it to any cons next year. And I’ve been wanting to go to Penguicon for awhile.
This is exactly why I love conventions. When mr. angie k and I went to PAX last year we kept listing the things that were “bad” about it: There were no free bean bags, ever. There were long, long lines for everything. We never found any good swag. We didn’t actually get to test that many games. We were stupidly antisocial and we didn’t talk to anyone, etc… But you know what we said next? “We totally have to come back next year because THAT WAS SO MUCH FUN!” Conventions and fandom are just a wonderful thing. I wish I made myself more a part of them.
P.S. Come to Texas! Or at least the tri state area. 🙂
Cheers!
Or more simply: “It’s about being an ‘us’ for once / instead of a ‘them'”
I’ve enjoyed a few in my time but I’m finding domestic life with sig other and kids more fun (and frustrating). I’ll admit to being one of the guys on the make at cons but never getting anywhere, especially when they wore (non-furry) tiger-like suits. Very frustrating on more than one level. BotDS Sharyn McCrumb.
So great to read another person experiencing all the wonderful things the internet can be.
It’s all too common to focus on the drama, when there are beautiful and fascinating people out there to discover.
I don’t think fandom has ever been about being alone. As a kid I was surrounded by kids who shared the same interests as me – Power Rangers, Nintendo, Doctor Who, etc.
It’s only now, when I’m a 22 year-old Brit living in Los Angeles, where I feel a little alienated. Weird, eh?
Thanks for the link! And for some reason, the snippets you chose made me want to cry. It is exactly my fandom (Xena/Herc) and how I’ve become friends and stayed friends with these WONDERFUL and CRAZY people. Sure, we came together because of Ares, but we stayed friends because we actually liked all our differences and such.
Thank you again for sharing. 🙂
I went to my first convention last Summer (ShoreLeave and you should see if you can go Wil) and I was so amazed how welcomed I was. I met a few people and ended up hanging out all weekend. And even one that I see often and he has introduced me to other fans. It’s amazing how conventions and the internet bring people together where we don’t have to feel like we don’t belong.
~~TARA~~
Not only is it not about being alone, it’s like having a secret language. When I wear my Serenity hoodie to yoga events, people often tell me they like it – and only some of them recognize the reference. Using “frack” – or, better yet, “frell” in a sentence means something totally different to the geeks than it means to the mundanes. I’ve found some great geek friends that way!
I attended my first convention two years ago, over Thanksgiving weekend, and I can hardly believe how much it’s changed my life. I’ve always been a geek, I just never knew before how much fun that really was. Who knew that geeks throw the best parties? (hip hip, BARFLEET!) Who knew that you could get together and talk conversationally about how life on other planets would develop, just for the intellectual exercise? (Even the morning after a Barfleet party…which adds somethiing to the level of difficulty.)
My first con started out as a fluke, but it sure did end up as a blessing.
P.S. Hope you make it over to the midwest some next year, I’d love to meet you in person. My more experienced con-going (and throwing) friends tell me you’re a great con guest, enjoyable to listen to and work with.
Much as I should be ashamed to admit it, I adore my friends from the hufflepuff crew (yes we role play harry potter. shut up), the ones who ship Snager, the ones who hate RT Davies, think Cheney is Cancer Man, & bitch constantly that star trek died w/Gene Roddenberry [a fun fight to get involved in if you have 5 hours to kill].
I have this whole group of people who not only Get It but have become as close to me as friends I know in real life. I think my livejournal friends from different communities are better emotional support than what is available to me in grad school right now. I’m beyond greatful.
If I get that job in Arizona I just inverviewed for, I will be a few hours away from my friend/partner in geekhood Kenyon & we can go to ComicCon & Star Trek conventions to our hearts content. (A fantastic hidden bonus I didn’t share at my interview). Where I will finally meet some of these awesome people. There is nothing cooler than running into someone you’ve known online for 4 years & having an awesome connection in person.
Fandom can be so funny. I made my first friend in my grad program by making odd Quantum Leap references, a bond that was quickly forged by realizing I could steal Dr Who from him & he could steal QL from me.
You bash the Furries? Really? You have to stand on someone else’s fandom, or are you just trying to be funny? ‘Cause with so many morons out there bashing Furries, it’s not exactly funny to the thousands of us in that fandom.
I’ve played shows in churches, bars, huge beachside clubs, and the frickin’ Grand Ole Opry, and I can tell you the best gigs I’ve ever played were the Furry conventions. Those folks have no pretenses whatsoever, probably because their fandom (unlike Trekkies) does not derive from a wholly-owned product line from some movie studio. They don’t go to their conventions to buy cheap Chinese-made Spock ears and figurines (yes, I’ve been to 3 Star Trek conventions, and Gates McFadden is still hot even without the uniform). Furs make their OWN art, music, costumes, etc.
With such a diverse field of inspiration powering the fandom, the Furries have to be open-minded. That means we have to take the weirdos with the (relatively) normal folk. Some of us are entrepreneurs. Some of us worked on the Disney films you take your kids to. Some of us are professional NFL mascots. Shit, Ron Paulson was Guest of Honor at Anthrocon recently (and I KNOW you know who he is). So was Dan Decarlo, the father of Archie Comics.
I’ll assume you’re joking since you of all people know what it’s like to be ridiculed. But the image of a fandom changes when people with a voice (like you) stop making abusive, cheap jokes and try to support some people with real creativity at work.
Pax,
Matthew
—
http://matthewebel.com
http://matthewebel.net
Wil,
PLEASE come to Dragon*Con in 2009.
Very glad to hear you’ll (hopefully) be making it to Penguicon in ’09. I’ll be there doing the Writing Workshop. Looking forward to finally getting to say hello in person.
“specially when they wore (non-furry) tiger-like suits”
LOL. Non-furry tiger suits. Right. Why do geeks act like furries have the plague? I don’t think I’ll ever understand that. It’s just a different geekdom. I’ll take a furry over a mundane, any day.
Wil – I will second the motion to come to Dragon*Con and will go as far as to include a link to the Guest Application:
http://www.dragoncon.org/dc_guest_app.php
Now…as for the Furry jab… Like Matthew above said, I’ll assume you are being funny…
I found the Furry Fandom through characters I saw in Star Trek (Both the Animated series and the movies). I’m proud to be a Furry. And despite what you may see on CSI or MTV, Furries arn’t the perverts or freaks we are all made out to be! I’ve seen more perversions done by Klingons and Storm Troopers… Gotta love conventions for that…
I’m a friend of Abby’s (and I can totally explain the showering thing, but that’s not the point). This has been such a terrible week, and fandom has helped me get through it; the people who knew Abby too, and the people who just know that she was One Of Us, and that the people who loved her need support.
Thank you for appreciating the article, and linking to it. I’m pretty sure Abby is somewhere laughing delightedly over this.
PenguiCon 6.0 was the first con I’ve ever attended, and I’ve been anxiously awaiting 7.0 since then. I’m married to a non-geek, but she’ll have just as much fun as I did.
I belong to a Stargate group. Ok, a few Stargate groups. One has a virtual welcome mat. It reads:
“We came for SG-1, but stayed for each other.”
We’ve had babies, lost loved ones, sent our boys off to war and thankfully seen them come back, rebuilt after a fire, and even published a fanzine for one of our own in hospital (thanks, Michael Shanks-she liked the FREE signage, too!).
None of that would’ve happened without a simple fandom.
And when a total stranger came up to me at a con in 2007 after overhearing my username in a conversation and told me she loved my fic, I had my moment in the sun. Not much, but it meant a lot to me.
Thanks, fandom.
I’m grateful.
Thanks for getting it, Wil, as one of us, not them.
-wabbit, proud con attendee since 1992 and planning on Dragon*Con 2009
Abby is – was – a dear friend. It means a lot to see people pick up on and understand what fandom was to her, and what it still is to all of us who’ve been grieving this week. Thank you.
(Also, she’s totally preening in the afterlife. She’s got to be.)
I believe the furry comment came from the original article and not Wil directly… not sure if that helps at all.
I wish I had more experience with cons. I’ve been to a total of one, and it gets worse every year, I’m told. I have too much “real” life to get too absorbed in fandom, but the fact that one can connect to people over a common interest, even through the internet, is pretty awesome. I’ve made some of my closest friends through SuicideGirls (a former SG is doing my hair/makeup for my upcoming wedding) – who would have thought that I would meet such amazing people because we all like alternative tattooed women? The same is true for friends I’ve met through a love of science fiction, fantasy, and anime. Hooray internetz.
I need to make something really clear: the furry comment was mine and was meant exactly as delivered.
Furries give me the creeps, and I’ve had some random dude dressed up in a fucking fursuit try to hump my leg enough times to feel pretty comfortable saying that.
You want to dress up like animals and do shit together? Great, have fun. Just leave me alone when you’re doing it. I don’t think it’s cute and I don’t think it’s funny. It’s a violation of my personal space and I don’t like it.
Just as everyone is entitled to their opinions about me and my work and my blog and everything else, I am entitled to hold this opinion and express it.
You AND Spider Robinson> At the SAME CON> AND free BEER!>!> You have made my fiancee and I wish we don’t have to scrimp and save for San Diego Comicon
I LOVE this article…
My partner of three years and I got together for several reasons… one of which was that he found the Klingon Dictionary on my bookshelf…
And incidentally, just because we geeks have received our own share of ridicule over the years doesn’t mean that our tolerance must be limitless…
YAY! I am so glad you are coming back to Phoenix Comicon. There are going to be other fantastic guests too!! I hope you will be doing a reading again, that was the highlight of the con for me.
Erin
Wow. So Wil’s apparently just as prejudiced as everyone else on the internet. I’m sorry I ever subscribed to this bullshit.
YAY for Penguicon!
Wil: Penguicon. MWAAAAHAHAHAAAA. Looking forward to it. 🙂
Oh, I would *so* love to be able to go to a Con next year. Alas, there seem to be none in the Cleveland area, and I’m a poor broke college kid with no travel budget! And it would be really nice to have fellow fans to geek out with, because right now, I am alone. My family just doesn’t get it!
Come back to Emerald City ComiCon, Wil! The one this year was my first ever con and you were a big part of making it a wonderful experience. Also, even including the AmTrak tickets there and back it’s still cheaper for me to go from Portland to Seattle for ComiCon than it would be for me to attend Orycon right here in Portland. I am broke college student! Please go where I can afford to see you! 😉
Thank you soo much for linking this!! I really really really hope I get to come!! Since its 3:03 where I am I am gonna have to talk to my mom tomorrow about it cause I dont live in Arizona, but I am gonna tell her that that could be my Christmas present. I could actually star balling right now cause I wanna go soo bad! Wil Wheaton, you are my most favorite person in the whole wide world. And since I became a “Trekkie” I have been wanting some different friends who like that too so that would be awesome to be able to meet some fellow Geeks. I really hope I will be able to see ya there!
I’m with you on the furries, Wil. That shit creeps me out. And I know a lot of furries. They creep me out when they are NOT in their fursuits.
However (there’s always a however), you people upset that Wil has a position on furries need to relax. If you need validation from Wil, or anyone besides yourself and your buddies, maybe you should do some reevaluating.
Totally why I go to GenCon…and Origins…and Whos Yer Con.
Wil…You have a standing invitation to come to Whos Yer Con in Indianapolis March 13th-15th, 2009. A free convention that supports gaming and the community through a non-for-profit status. not to pimp it out to hard core but http://www.whosyercon.com we look forward to seeing you there!
Since we’re throwing our wishes for your con appearances out there… please come to the East Coast! DC or Baltimore would be best for me personally, but places further up the Northeast corridor would be good too.
In particular, I think you’d find a great home in Shore Leave. Fan-run, friendly as hell, and I’ve *ahem* heard rumors that after-hours poker games can be found.
I’m sure the concom would be most receptive to a feeler from you.
@DeLynn – FWIW, Romulus, Mich. is less than 3 hours from Northeast Ohio. (I’m already planning on making the trip even though I’ve never been to Penguicon – Wil AND Scalzi? Like I’m missing THAT.)
I have to say, you were definitely the highlight of last year’s Phoenix Comicon. We’re really looking forward to seeing you again, and you’d better bring all your books, because we need to complete the Wheaton section of our home library.
:^)
Anyone else find it amusing that the Penguicon is being held in *Romulus*?
I don’t quite see how the whole furry thing qualifies as “fandom.” Creeps me out a little, too, but whatever floats your boat, I guess.
Sad that a great article isn’t getting the respect it deserves from some people because everyone is worried about a comment about ‘furries’. Get over yourselves. Furries are at the bottom rung of the Geek Hierarchy for a reason, and they’re gonna stay there. They’re weird and creepy and immature.
Anyway, back on point, this article is great. I’ve met a lot of people through different fandom communities, and they’re all cool. Once in a while you meet someone weird, but most people are outgoing and talkative and respectful. It’s great.
Also, Wil I missed you at PAX ’08. Please come to East Coast PAX when it starts? Thanks!!
Wil, I went to my first convention in August of this year. It was the Las Vegas Star Trek Convention. At the grand old age of 32, this was not only my first real convention, but my very first trip to America. I had such fantastic time. I met so many lovely cool people from all over the world. This got me hooked. Following your recommendation, I long ago booked my place at The Phoenix Comic con. I’m also looking into getting to Dragoncon in Atlanta.
Looking forward to meeting you in Phoenix next month.
Julian
I was invited to my first con many many years ago. I didn’t consider myself a geek,just a Trek fan. I was fascinated! I was hooked:)
I go to see people I’ve seen for years. I go to talk about what ifs and how could they and wishes they would. I go to meet people who don’t march to the same drummer. I go to watch people and smile. I go because they remember my little dog every year and pet him, and noticed when that little dog changed from a female to a puppy, and expressed sympathy. I go because it is something I share with a few friends.
Last year I bought a piece of art. It was a cancer cell being attacked by a new process… they didn’t expect it to work but it did… cancer experimentation in the making. I met the PhD who had brought it, talked to her and we talked fandoms as well as cancer. I gave the pic to a friend currently battling cancer: for her it was a picture of hope.
I love conventions because you never know what you will discover. I go to small ones now… but I would love to see you at one Wil.. maybe when I get out of grad school.
Yes, strange people go to cones, but so do people who just want to relax, to laugh, to be kids a while and to meet people they never would have met before.
Thanks for sharing that article! Fandom does help me recharge and the cons are like going to the spa (minus the mud baths and adding the panels).
The moment when someone cites a tv show, or film, or book, or pairing that I love is like the rush of Christmas morning presents. A moment of pure “SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!”
Fandom… it’s what keeps us going somedays. I remember the LONG DESERT between Trek series before NextGen. Fandom kept us going!
Thanks for that posting, Wil. And hey… you said shagging like weasels… heh-heh…
CCPetersen
@spacewriter
Oh, and count me in for another request that we get you out here to the East Coast for a Con!
😉
CCPetersen
@spacewriter
Gabba gabba, we accept you, one of us, one of us.
Wil, my boss *is* my next-door neighbor. Squeeing at random times of the night is not such a good idea.
This has me wondering what this Abby called herself. The article mentions “FK Wars”, well, I’ve “fought” (inasmuch as a diehard can) in one and read the aftermath of others, and it is the closest I’ll probably ever get to going to a con. FK was my start to fandom, small enough for everyone to be acquainted with each other, and if this amazing Abby was a part of it too, I’d like to know how. Please DO ask about the FK wars, and direct all questions to me.
“Furries give me the creeps, and I’ve had some random dude dressed up in a fucking fursuit try to hump my leg enough times to feel pretty comfortable saying that.”
We call those fursuiters who hump legs without permission one thing: PERVERTS.
We need to get you to Anthrocon, then, with escorts by the Dorsai Irregulars. I shall propose that if you come, that all fursuiters only salute you unless you give permission. Anyone who tries to hump you give permission for the DI’s to kill them (or you to shoot them).
Ether way, I agree — the guy should of watched for a sign of acceptance. Anything else is assault and should of been taken up with the convention staff.
Sorry, this is off topic. Have you seen this Star Wars vs. Star Trek video?
OT: Here’s an “I’m awesome”-T-shirt by the wonderful Natalie Dee:
http://www.sharingmachine.com/index.php?item=13
Thought you might be interested although you always claim not to be awesome yourself, but you ARE. 😉
I’m sorry, humping is a salute? Perhaps I should rethink reserving judgement on the furry community.
Anyway, I should make an effort to get to a con in ’09. I need some like-minded people to geek out with!
There are several things going on here:
1) Wil has had enough bad experiences with fursuiters to have a distaste of the fandom.
2) A fandom (or group) is as bad as its most negative aspects.
3) In the eyes of everyone who is not a fan, there’s something wrong with every aspect of fandom.
4) Wil has every right to hold personal opinions that may not be the same as our own because he’s a human, not a figurehead.
5) It’s always very disappointing when someone you look up to doesn’t share your beliefs, but as long as they don’t begrudge you the right to have that opinion it’s okay.
I keep thinking about Dave Sim, and how he’s misogynistic and has gone completely off the rails here and there but at the same time, you can’t deny that the earlier volumes of Cerebus were some of the best damn stuff around. Or how Harlan Ellison’s sarcastic apology after grabbing Connie Willis’ breast on stage during a convention doesn’t mean he’s not a great writer; he’s just an ass. Or how William Fucking Shatner is doing the best work of his career in “Boston Legal” and he’s still WILLIAM FUCKING SHATNER.
Outraged furryfen, I leave you with a comic strip from XKCD that can help explain how other fans can get along with you easier better than I can: http://www.xkcd.com/471
I think im gonna be able to go this ComiCon! This will be the 1st one that ive gone to and im super excited.. and that blog entry that you wrote about made me cry because its soo true. In school I was always the “popular” (inquiry- people like to hang out with me, i wasnt real pretty or skinny back then so it wasnt that kinda popular) and now im homeschooled and ive ventured into different things besides MTV and Disney Channel. So, as you guys can probably guess, all my friends think that im weird now. Actually me and one of my friends get in little fights ever once in a while, over me having changed. Im so tired of feeling like and outsider wherever I go. Im like the only person in my family, (besides my uncle and grandma) that likes Star Trek and all the geeky stuff and I always feel like the odd ball. Thats one reason that I am really excited to get to come to this (I hope). I might be able to meet some new friends and can actually be my full-self for once and not be ridiculed for changing, cause the people there wouldnt know who I was before. All im saying is, I want some new friends and I wanna stop feeling like an outsider. And Wil Wheaton (my favorite person in the world) being there is just a humangous bonus! Actually, he’s 2/3 of the reason im coming! No but really, maybe for once I can just hang out and feel “normal”. That would be an awesome feeling… 🙂
Thanks for sharing that one Wil. It rings true for me.
My best friend and I met through the ‘Crowded House’ Fan club, and we’ve been friends for 18 years. We never would’ve met otherwise.